Free Product in Exchange for Sales Letter Critque

Okay, tough love time. Do you have your Big Boy Panties on?

Good.

This needs a complete rewrite.

Clean up the focus: What, exactly, are you seling?

If you're selling "A Cure for Writer's Block" then focus on that in your pitch.

If you're selling "A Quick and Easy Way to Turn One Keyword Into 16 Completely Different Articles" then focus on THAT in your pitch.

Right now, the letter is all over the place. And the "gold" is buried in the dreck.

Here's a few "gold nuggets" I mined for ya (in no particular order):

- how to take a single keyword and turn it into 16 (articles or pages) of unique content

- I really dread writing articles

- cheat sheet

- repeat clients who want monthly content in the same niches

- creative burnout

- Quickly create (hundreds of) mini-site(s) with content that doesn't bore your reader, but will keep them engaged and interested instead!

- Avoid article-writing burnout

- Get and keep writing clients by providing them with fresh, unique, energetic content each month.

- 16 different articles (that you can use as article templates or for your own PLR)

Other notes:

- Name your report. Things with names sell better than things without names.

- Separate your "article writers" from your "DIYs". As in, "If you're an article writer with THIS problem, here's how my Wiz-Bang Article Wonderkinder System will solve your problem".

- Build your value (your cheat sheet, article course, templates), and reveal your price. Two blocks away from me are 3 different pizza shops that sell cheese pizzas for $5.00. So, when you say "the price of a cheese pizza" I'm thinking $5.00. Don't assume your reader is going to make the same cognitive leap as you. And then make them go to the payment page to find out the real price. Disappointment lies thataway.

- Guarantee? At this price point, you should have one. Remove risk. Example: "If you don't find at least 3 new ideas for completely unique ways to use your keywords, I'll return the measly $$ you paid for this time-saving information"

- Trim, trim, trim. This letter is twice as long as it needs to be.

Hope this helps.

Collette,

Thanks very much fro the critique, you just told me a LOT of useful stuff. And the only pants I'm wearing are sweat shorts!

I am selling a way to turn one article into many--the writer's block is secondary. However, I think I might have a different approach for people who are primarily ghostwriters than those who are primarily article marketers.

I'd planned on making different sales pages for ghostwriters vs. internet marketers, and wanted to make this a "one size fits all" page to drive WF traffic. But it sounds like maybe one size fits none?

I'd give anyone their money back if they didn't feel the report was worth it. So I really have no idea why I haven't said that on the sales page.

Do you think I ought to cut out the personal story bit? I've seen this kind of thing on so many sales letters. But perhaps mine just looses people? If nothing else, I can always test.

Also, sounds like I need to brand the product a little better and lay out a little more what people are getting for their money.

Thanks again for the good advice.

Thanks again, Collette. This is really helping me out. I'm going to print the letter out and go over it with a red pen. Among other things.

I take it your going to switch it over to a normal sales copy format with bullets and all....

Start by formatting it then it will be easier to understand what's what, right now it kinda looks like a blob of copy....

Confusing, no real direction, what make this thing different than every other "Article idea"

What's the point of buying it? Is it going to make me money? How? Wheres the proof?

Dude.....Sorry but I would just delete the whole thing. Not to be jerk, but....I just want to see you succeed. And sending a letter out like this to represent your product is like hiring Michael Jackson as a spokesperson for your daycare business. R.I.P Michael

Thanks for taking a look Juke. Those are good questions that need to be answered--and I think I'm going to switch to regular sales letter format sooner rather than later.

Thanks Mark.

Good ideas on the focus. Not sure which audience I'll concentrate on with the blog. I would like to sell to article marketers but I'm a lot more familiar with being a ghostwriter, so that's probably what I'll go with.

I'm also going to create at least three different HTML "proper-looking" sales pages for various targets (article marketers and two different kinds of writers).

Thanks for taking the time to help me out!

You've gotten a ton of useful comments. Time is short so I'll just add a headline suggestion - "How To Instantly Crush Writer's Block and Multiply Your Article Output by 1500% Today... (available for the first time ever)" - still rough but perhaps gives you an idea of what you can do to beef it up.

Another thought, you don't mention if your system saves time. I mean, if you're producing 16 articles, does your system some how save time other than coming up with the ideas?

Hi bf,

You know, that's an excellent selling point. Using these templates has cut way back on my own writing time. I'll integrate that into teh new page.

Also some great advice on my headline. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Brad,

The comments you have already received are great, and coming from more experienced Warriors than I, but I do have a couple of suggestions.

I agree that the personal story bit is overdone, maybe a single personal statement to get the "I can relate" factor in there. Another thing you might want to consider using to replace some of your own personal experiences is to get testimonials (perhaps from the Warriors here that you are sending the free copy to?)

Also, I think that it is absolutely crucial that you put this in a standard sales letter format. The way you have it written makes it look like a very long blog post, and is not very inviting to read, even to me and I am always drawn to information about writing.

Jason Keith is a Warrior here who has some great Sales Letter WP themes, you might check that out. So far I have only downloaded the free sample one, but fully intend to order the whole package, they look awesome!

Hope that helps a little.