I'd like to say thank you to all of you for your help so far, it really does mean alot to me. Becoming a really good copywriter is a goal that I have set myself, whether it takes 6 months or many years I intend to stick with it and keep improving upon every copy (or atleast try to!). Once again thank you for all of your feedback. Please find below my 3rd attempt.
Constructive critique [UPDATED] [THIRD ATTEMPT]
43
I'd like to say thank you to all of you for your help so far, it really does mean alot to me. Becoming a really good copywriter is a goal that I have set myself, whether it takes 6 months or many years I intend to stick with it and keep improving upon every copy (or atleast try to!). Once again thank you for all of your feedback.
Please find below my 3rd attempt.
Target audience: EFL teachers in UK/USA/AUS/NZ/CAN who want to make more money teaching EFL. They already have the experience and qualifications. Yet they are struggling to secure an EFL job in UAE / Currently unaware of the benefits of teaching EFL in UAE.
My name is Alex Johnson, I’ve been an EFL instructor now for 4 years and currently am enjoying the riches of the EFL Gold Rush. I’m not an English language genius nor do I hold any qualifications higher than a bachelor’s degree, yet I’m earning . With the help of my then mentor I figured out how to crack the code and land a position in the EFL Gold Rush capital of Dubai , if you want to change your life and join me, I can teach you how.
A MONUMENTAL LIFESTYLE CHANGE, that’s the best way to describe this past year. But it wasn’t all plain sailing to get to this point. Quite honestly I was extremely close to giving up, but a mentor offered me a helping hand and now I’m here to do the same for you..
Back in the UK I was barely making enough money to pay for my accommodation, food and going out expenses. The mere thought of saving any of it for a rainy day was laughable. I thoroughly enjoyed my teaching position in the local language school, however I had dreams and aspirations to explore the world and make some “serious money” that some of the veteran teachers would often reminisce about in the staff room. When the opportunity arose for an interview in a language school based in Qatar, I jumped at the chance. This was it, my golden ticket out of the UK and into the ‘big leagues’! Off to London I went. Yet I left the interview with no more than a ‘sorry, I don’t think you’ll be suitable for the position’. I was heartbroken, stupidly I had assumed that they wouldn’t think twice about giving me the job. I had the prerequisite qualifications and experience they required, I just assumed that would be enough.
I had already given in notice to work as the advertisement for the position stated that ‘we will require you to be available to leave within a weeks’ notice if selected’. I was left with no job, no apartment and just enough money to tie me over for the month. To add insult to injury, as I got off the train from London and began walking out of the station I realized I had left my wallet on the train, at this realization my heart simultaneously sunk to a depth I had never thought possible. It was raining as so often is the case in England and the 20 minute walk in the pouring rain to my parents’ home, left my clothes soaked and my spirit crushed.
It took almost a week of feeling sorry for little ol’ me to pick myself up. I replayed the moments before the interview, seeing over 50 potential applicants waiting for their names to be called, all looking as nervous as I felt. Watching each candidate leave soon after they went in, no more than 5 minutes after and wondering how that was enough time for the language school to decide whether the person was appropriate or not. I clearly wasn’t what they wanted, but why? I tried to forget about it, but the thought kept nagging at me. I wanted the money, I wanted to travel, I wanted what the guys in the staff room used to talk about. Eventually I picked up the phone and called Paul, my ex-colleague who had worked for 10 years in Dubai back in the 00s. I told him the situation and without a moment’s hesitation he asked me to come round the following morning with a copy of my CV and a bottle of champagne. CV? Ok, but champagne? Why on earth would he want that? I arrived at Paul’s front door the follow morning with a crisp freshly printed version of my CV, which I thought was a sure winner, and the most expensive champagne I could afford.
Paul greeted me with a firm handshake and a warm smile, followed by a rather odd first question “Have you got the champagne?” I nodded and with that response he motioned me to follow him. He led me into his living room and just as we were about to sit down he turned round and held out his palm, I assumed he wanted the champagne, so I took it out of my bag and handed it to him. “We’ll have this later” he said with a confident smile. He then went to put the champagne away and came back soon after. Over the next 5 hours he poured all of his expert knowledge of the Gulf and the industry over there into my mind. He explained to me why I hadn’t got the position and what specifically recruiters who hire EFL teachers in Gulf countries were looking for. Furthermore he explained how to position myself in the best light possible to increase my probability of landing the job that I desired so badly.
By the time we had finished, we were both exhausted. “It’s time, you’re as ready as you ever will be” said Paul. We had constructed a new CV tailored for the Gulf EFL market, drilled specific interview skills that would put me head and shoulders above my competitors and many more things that were to be used solely to increase my probability of success. “Your life is going to change, you know that right?” Paul said . I nodded, unsure of exactly how to answer. I had no idea how much it would change.
It had been roughly a month since I had seen Paul when I received a message alerting me about a position that had become available in UAE.I knew this was my time to shine, a veteran in the field had poured all his wisdom into my mind and since I had seen him I continued to practice the interview skill drills and other techniques he had taught me to allow for almost guaranteed success. Ironically the interview was held in the same building as the previous one, yet this time whilst waiting for my name to be called in the waiting room, I looked around and while I saw many of the same faces it was clear that their nervous expression hadn’t changed all that much,however I felt calm, relaxed and focused. My name was called, I walked in with my head held high, a beaming smile on my face and the confidence that I would walk out of the interview with the job. Guess what? My interview lasted 2 minutes, I got the job and would be flying out to UAE the following weekend.
I was unbelievably excited, my dream was coming true! But instead of going straight to my girlfriend or even my parents, I knew exactly who I owed all my success to. I caught the train back, got a taxi to Paul’s house and knocked excitedly at his door, I simply couldn’t hold myself back! He came to the door, opened it slowly and noticed the beaming smile on my face, “Are you ready to pop the champagne now?” Paul said with the proud and loving tone a father gives his son on a momentous occasion.
My time thus far in the UAE has been unforgettable; I’ve seen some of my favorite artists play live such as: David Guetta, Martin Garrix, Michael Buble, Ellie Goulding, Ed Sheeran & Calvin Harris. I’ve been up the Burj Khalifa twice, the tallest building in the world, and I’ve enjoyed the Formula One Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi. Not to forget the countless beach trips, desert safaris, water parks, yacht clubs and other attractions that are always available to you.
• 5 x 60 Minute SKYPE sessions
• 6 Month E-Mail Support
• A BESPOKE CV to give you the best chance!
• ‘Joining the EFL Gold Rush’ E-book
o The direct email addresses of specialist recruitment consultants who are at the top of their field and will set you up with solid opportunities.
o Soft skill drills that are specialized for the Gulf EFL job interviews.
o How to avoid the MISTAKES that 99.9% of expats make when they first arrive in UAE.
o Things you MUST do in your home country to make your life 100000x easier in UAE.
o The REAL DO'S and DON’TS of the UAE (It’s far more liberal than you may assume).
o Where in UAE is the smartest place to work, if you are provided with the choice.
o How to meet over 250,000 other expats who are also making crazy amounts of money in UAE.
o A comprehensive list of all the banks and their benefits, which ones to consider and which to AVOID at all costs.
o And many more bonuses…
Thomas Elderwood
“Being newly married and having a child on the way, I wasn’t sure how I would be able to make ends meet with my full-time wage as an EFL teacher in Spain. I was earning €1,200 ($1350) per month and living in a modern yet small one bedroom apartment. Whilst this was more than adequate when I lived a life of luxury as a bachelor, it simply wasn’t enough as the breadwinner of a growing family.
I researched the internet for opportunities elsewhere, however I wanted to continue teaching EFL as this was a passion of mine. Eventually I found a position available in UAE, but to my dismay the amount of applicants reached well over 100. I applied anyway but wasn’t entirely surprised when I received an automated message via email three days later saying that I hadn’t been successful. I continued to search the internet for positions and whilst there were positions in other countries, no salary came close to matching UAE.
While searching for positions specifically in UAE, I came across an advert for the ‘EFL Gold Rush Mentorship’, once I finished reading Alex’s story I felt an immense sense of relief that someone else had been in a similar position to me and ultimately that making $5000 a month teaching EFL wasn’t just a pipe dream!
I had saved roughly €10,000 ($11,000) over the 3 years I had worked in Spain. I felt confident that spending 10% of my savings on the mentorship program was the most sensible move I could make financially.
I went ahead and signed up for the program, over the following weeks Alex did his level best to turn me into the all-star potential employee that any Gulf based EFL language school would be more than happy to hire. He was right, within 2 months of starting the mentorship, I had secured a job that would offer me $5000 per month as well as an additional increase of $500 for being married. Alex, you changed my life. Thank you!”
Sarah Miller
“I sort of fell into teaching, my dream as a child was always to be a writer yet I lacked the confidence in myself that I could make a living from such work. My best friend whilst I was at university began teaching part-time at Berlitz and soon after I thought I would give it a try too. I fell in love with teaching almost instantaneously, meeting new people, watching your students develop and obviously a bit of extra money for nights out!
I continued teaching full-time for 3 years after university, however I always thought about the idea of doing my master’s degree in creative writing.
My lack of funds due to relatively low pay £1000($1500) and far from desirable savings plan led me to a grand total of £0.00 at the end of each month. I tried to forget about doing the master’s course, but the thought kept reappearing, firstly between lessons then just before I’d sleep. I decided something had to be done, so I began researching for a new position, yet within the country salaries weren’t all that different to what I was already on.
I began widening my search and stumbled upon an advertisement for a job in Saudi Arabia, now whilst I had heard complete horror stories about the culture, the pay looked phenomenal at $4500 tax free. I decided that it would probably be best not to go for a job in Saudi Arabia, however it did spark interest for me to investigate more about other Gulf countries. My research led me to deciding that UAE would be the best match for me, cosmopolitan, exciting and vibrant. By chance, while looking through EFL job listings in UAE, I stumbled across an advertisement for the ‘EFL Gold Rush Mentorship’.
While it sounded great, I didn’t have a penny to my name! But I truly believed that Alex could help me land a job in UAE, there was only one option for me, a loan from the bank.
As I transferred the money to Alex, I felt my heart drop. However within minutes he had put my mind at ease, not only does he know about landing your ideal EFL job in UAE inside out, he also is a kind and caring character who always looks to put his client first. Needless to say, a few months after the mentorship I found a job working in Abu Dhabi. I’ve now saved up enough in 3 months to pay for my entire master’s course, I can’t wait to fulfil my dream of becoming a writer!”
If you’re still reading, you’re serious about making a change. Make the commitment today. Due to the nature of what I will be teaching you and the limited availability of my time, I will only be providing the specialized training course for a maximum of 20 people.
OLD VERSION PLEASE SEE ABOVE FOR THE NEW VERSION.
OLD VERSION, PLEASE SEE ABOVE FOR THE NEW VERSION.
Please find below my 3rd attempt.
Target audience: EFL teachers in UK/USA/AUS/NZ/CAN who want to make more money teaching EFL. They already have the experience and qualifications. Yet they are struggling to secure an EFL job in UAE / Currently unaware of the benefits of teaching EFL in UAE.
My name is Alex Johnson, I’ve been an EFL instructor now for 4 years and currently am enjoying the riches of the EFL Gold Rush. I’m not an English language genius nor do I hold any qualifications higher than a bachelor’s degree, yet I’m earning . With the help of my then mentor I figured out how to crack the code and land a position in the EFL Gold Rush capital of Dubai , if you want to change your life and join me, I can teach you how.
A MONUMENTAL LIFESTYLE CHANGE, that’s the best way to describe this past year. But it wasn’t all plain sailing to get to this point. Quite honestly I was extremely close to giving up, but a mentor offered me a helping hand and now I’m here to do the same for you..
Back in the UK I was barely making enough money to pay for my accommodation, food and going out expenses. The mere thought of saving any of it for a rainy day was laughable. I thoroughly enjoyed my teaching position in the local language school, however I had dreams and aspirations to explore the world and make some “serious money” that some of the veteran teachers would often reminisce about in the staff room. When the opportunity arose for an interview in a language school based in Qatar, I jumped at the chance. This was it, my golden ticket out of the UK and into the ‘big leagues’! Off to London I went. Yet I left the interview with no more than a ‘sorry, I don’t think you’ll be suitable for the position’. I was heartbroken, stupidly I had assumed that they wouldn’t think twice about giving me the job. I had the prerequisite qualifications and experience they required, I just assumed that would be enough.
I had already given in notice to work as the advertisement for the position stated that ‘we will require you to be available to leave within a weeks’ notice if selected’. I was left with no job, no apartment and just enough money to tie me over for the month. To add insult to injury, as I got off the train from London and began walking out of the station I realized I had left my wallet on the train, at this realization my heart simultaneously sunk to a depth I had never thought possible. It was raining as so often is the case in England and the 20 minute walk in the pouring rain to my parents’ home, left my clothes soaked and my spirit crushed.
It took almost a week of feeling sorry for little ol’ me to pick myself up. I replayed the moments before the interview, seeing over 50 potential applicants waiting for their names to be called, all looking as nervous as I felt. Watching each candidate leave soon after they went in, no more than 5 minutes after and wondering how that was enough time for the language school to decide whether the person was appropriate or not. I clearly wasn’t what they wanted, but why? I tried to forget about it, but the thought kept nagging at me. I wanted the money, I wanted to travel, I wanted what the guys in the staff room used to talk about. Eventually I picked up the phone and called Paul, my ex-colleague who had worked for 10 years in Dubai back in the 00s. I told him the situation and without a moment’s hesitation he asked me to come round the following morning with a copy of my CV and a bottle of champagne. CV? Ok, but champagne? Why on earth would he want that? I arrived at Paul’s front door the follow morning with a crisp freshly printed version of my CV, which I thought was a sure winner, and the most expensive champagne I could afford.
Paul greeted me with a firm handshake and a warm smile, followed by a rather odd first question “Have you got the champagne?” I nodded and with that response he motioned me to follow him. He led me into his living room and just as we were about to sit down he turned round and held out his palm, I assumed he wanted the champagne, so I took it out of my bag and handed it to him. “We’ll have this later” he said with a confident smile. He then went to put the champagne away and came back soon after. Over the next 5 hours he poured all of his expert knowledge of the Gulf and the industry over there into my mind. He explained to me why I hadn’t got the position and what specifically recruiters who hire EFL teachers in Gulf countries were looking for. Furthermore he explained how to position myself in the best light possible to increase my probability of landing the job that I desired so badly.
By the time we had finished, we were both exhausted. “It’s time, you’re as ready as you ever will be” said Paul. We had constructed a new CV tailored for the Gulf EFL market, drilled specific interview skills that would put me head and shoulders above my competitors and many more things that were to be used solely to increase my probability of success. “Your life is going to change, you know that right?” Paul said . I nodded, unsure of exactly how to answer. I had no idea how much it would change.
It had been roughly a month since I had seen Paul when I received a message alerting me about a position that had become available in UAE.I knew this was my time to shine, a veteran in the field had poured all his wisdom into my mind and since I had seen him I continued to practice the interview skill drills and other techniques he had taught me to allow for almost guaranteed success. Ironically the interview was held in the same building as the previous one, yet this time whilst waiting for my name to be called in the waiting room, I looked around and while I saw many of the same faces it was clear that their nervous expression hadn’t changed all that much,however I felt calm, relaxed and focused. My name was called, I walked in with my head held high, a beaming smile on my face and the confidence that I would walk out of the interview with the job. Guess what? My interview lasted 2 minutes, I got the job and would be flying out to UAE the following weekend.
I was unbelievably excited, my dream was coming true! But instead of going straight to my girlfriend or even my parents, I knew exactly who I owed all my success to. I caught the train back, got a taxi to Paul’s house and knocked excitedly at his door, I simply couldn’t hold myself back! He came to the door, opened it slowly and noticed the beaming smile on my face, “Are you ready to pop the champagne now?” Paul said with the proud and loving tone a father gives his son on a momentous occasion.
My time thus far in the UAE has been unforgettable; I’ve seen some of my favorite artists play live such as: David Guetta, Martin Garrix, Michael Buble, Ellie Goulding, Ed Sheeran & Calvin Harris. I’ve been up the Burj Khalifa twice, the tallest building in the world, and I’ve enjoyed the Formula One Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi. Not to forget the countless beach trips, desert safaris, water parks, yacht clubs and other attractions that are always available to you.
• 5 x 60 Minute SKYPE sessions
• 6 Month E-Mail Support
• A BESPOKE CV to give you the best chance!
• ‘Joining the EFL Gold Rush’ E-book
o The direct email addresses of specialist recruitment consultants who are at the top of their field and will set you up with solid opportunities.
o Soft skill drills that are specialized for the Gulf EFL job interviews.
o How to avoid the MISTAKES that 99.9% of expats make when they first arrive in UAE.
o Things you MUST do in your home country to make your life 100000x easier in UAE.
o The REAL DO'S and DON’TS of the UAE (It’s far more liberal than you may assume).
o Where in UAE is the smartest place to work, if you are provided with the choice.
o How to meet over 250,000 other expats who are also making crazy amounts of money in UAE.
o A comprehensive list of all the banks and their benefits, which ones to consider and which to AVOID at all costs.
o And many more bonuses…
Thomas Elderwood
“Being newly married and having a child on the way, I wasn’t sure how I would be able to make ends meet with my full-time wage as an EFL teacher in Spain. I was earning €1,200 ($1350) per month and living in a modern yet small one bedroom apartment. Whilst this was more than adequate when I lived a life of luxury as a bachelor, it simply wasn’t enough as the breadwinner of a growing family.
I researched the internet for opportunities elsewhere, however I wanted to continue teaching EFL as this was a passion of mine. Eventually I found a position available in UAE, but to my dismay the amount of applicants reached well over 100. I applied anyway but wasn’t entirely surprised when I received an automated message via email three days later saying that I hadn’t been successful. I continued to search the internet for positions and whilst there were positions in other countries, no salary came close to matching UAE.
While searching for positions specifically in UAE, I came across an advert for the ‘EFL Gold Rush Mentorship’, once I finished reading Alex’s story I felt an immense sense of relief that someone else had been in a similar position to me and ultimately that making $5000 a month teaching EFL wasn’t just a pipe dream!
I had saved roughly €10,000 ($11,000) over the 3 years I had worked in Spain. I felt confident that spending 10% of my savings on the mentorship program was the most sensible move I could make financially.
I went ahead and signed up for the program, over the following weeks Alex did his level best to turn me into the all-star potential employee that any Gulf based EFL language school would be more than happy to hire. He was right, within 2 months of starting the mentorship, I had secured a job that would offer me $5000 per month as well as an additional increase of $500 for being married. Alex, you changed my life. Thank you!”
Sarah Miller
“I sort of fell into teaching, my dream as a child was always to be a writer yet I lacked the confidence in myself that I could make a living from such work. My best friend whilst I was at university began teaching part-time at Berlitz and soon after I thought I would give it a try too. I fell in love with teaching almost instantaneously, meeting new people, watching your students develop and obviously a bit of extra money for nights out!
I continued teaching full-time for 3 years after university, however I always thought about the idea of doing my master’s degree in creative writing.
My lack of funds due to relatively low pay £1000($1500) and far from desirable savings plan led me to a grand total of £0.00 at the end of each month. I tried to forget about doing the master’s course, but the thought kept reappearing, firstly between lessons then just before I’d sleep. I decided something had to be done, so I began researching for a new position, yet within the country salaries weren’t all that different to what I was already on.
I began widening my search and stumbled upon an advertisement for a job in Saudi Arabia, now whilst I had heard complete horror stories about the culture, the pay looked phenomenal at $4500 tax free. I decided that it would probably be best not to go for a job in Saudi Arabia, however it did spark interest for me to investigate more about other Gulf countries. My research led me to deciding that UAE would be the best match for me, cosmopolitan, exciting and vibrant. By chance, while looking through EFL job listings in UAE, I stumbled across an advertisement for the ‘EFL Gold Rush Mentorship’.
While it sounded great, I didn’t have a penny to my name! But I truly believed that Alex could help me land a job in UAE, there was only one option for me, a loan from the bank.
As I transferred the money to Alex, I felt my heart drop. However within minutes he had put my mind at ease, not only does he know about landing your ideal EFL job in UAE inside out, he also is a kind and caring character who always looks to put his client first. Needless to say, a few months after the mentorship I found a job working in Abu Dhabi. I’ve now saved up enough in 3 months to pay for my entire master’s course, I can’t wait to fulfil my dream of becoming a writer!”
If you’re still reading, you’re serious about making a change. Make the commitment today. Due to the nature of what I will be teaching you and the limited availability of my time, I will only be providing the specialized training course for a maximum of 20 people.
OLD VERSION PLEASE SEE ABOVE FOR THE NEW VERSION.
OLD VERSION, PLEASE SEE ABOVE FOR THE NEW VERSION.
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