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On the main forum they said...

by nednewman
7 replies
that my copy needs some work - so here I am, complete with broad shoulders!

I have a site where the home page is my sales page, sort of...
NeverEverDiet.com

And i am waiting on approval of my first ClickBank sales page:
NeverEverDiet.com/cb

I am amazed at the advice being thrown around here and I am greedy enough to ask - Please?

Pretty please???

Thanks!
Ned
#forum #main
  • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
    Here's a list of things that will help you out.
    • Place your testimonials further down the page
    • Introduce yourself and the product before giving testimonials
    • Avoid "linking out" - You want people to stay on your page, not leave it
    • Use a headline that really evokes emotions - talk about the pain and heartache associated with dieting or the extreme happiness they'll have when they step on the scale and see they've lost 30 pounds effortlessly
    • Skip terms like "automagically" use something like "almost like magic" instead
    • For your price, the copy should probably be a bit longer

    Answer these questions with your copy (in this order)
    1. What is the problem?
    2. Why hasn't it been solved?
    3. What is possible?
    4. What is different after your product?
    5. What should the reader do at the end of your letter?

    That's a simple blueprint that's been proven to work very well.

    I wish you all the luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author nednewman
    Thanks guys, I am working on it. Will show you the next version for more comments as soon as I finish it.

    More newbie advice very welcome...

    Ned
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  • Profile picture of the author nednewman
    Can I ask for opinions on these headlines?

    My original product is guided audio meditations for weight control. The thrust is that diets do not work.

    1. Are you embarrassed about your weight?

    2. Are you fed-up with yo-yo dieting?

    3. The shocking secret the diet industry doesn't want you to know...

    4. Being slim is not about what you put in your mouth - it is what is in your head!

    5. Diets make you fat!

    How would you rank them? Any suggestions?

    Thanks
    Ned.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
      Hey Ned,

      I like that you used the word embarrassed. Great emotions word.

      I wouldn't use that for a headline though. Use it for a first sentence. "Are you embarrassed about your weight?, would you like to discover a new way to easily lose weight and finally keep it off?".

      See that, your getting them in the "Yes" mode.

      As for a headline, I realize you say your thrust is that diets don't work. But you still want to show your prospect the benefits of your product. Don't forget the benefits and what they are going to get by purchasing what your offering.

      Best,

      Bill Jeffels
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by nednewman View Post

      Can I ask for opinions on these headlines?

      My original product is guided audio meditations for weight control. The thrust is that diets do not work.

      1. Are you embarrassed about your weight?

      2. Are you fed-up with yo-yo dieting?

      3. The shocking secret the diet industry doesn't want you to know...

      4. Being slim is not about what you put in your mouth - it is what is in your head!

      5. Diets make you fat!

      How would you rank them? Any suggestions?

      Thanks
      Ned.
      Ned,

      Try to avoid the many overused and non-believable hooks that other marketers are using.

      What is it that's unique about your approach? Whatever it is, I'd get that in the headline.

      Looking at your copy, a news headline would be good. Something like ...

      "Newly Discovered Principle of Universal Energy Makes Dieting A Thing Of The Past!"

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author nednewman
    Well I have taken on board the collective wisdom found here and I have spent some days writing a new squeeze/sales page.

    I couldn't resist putting both an opt-in and a sales button on the same page. I am still tweeking but it is now in the wild.

    I would love any comments, please!

    The original page: nevereverdiet.com/index.php

    The new version: nevereverdiet.com/diet/

    Don't hold back...

    Cheers and thanks!
    Ned
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