Quick review of my work please

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14
I read a lot and tried to follow the rules to writing good copy. I am hoping to get some opinions about if I did a good job or need to do more reading/practice. Will this page work? Get A Record Deal 100 Record Labels Accepting Demos | 32Hertz.com

Thanks
#copywriting #copywright #quick #review #work
  • emmm

    look at your headline... seems to make no sense to me...

    mind u- im kind hungover this mornin.
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    • [2] replies
    • Yeah, it is an incoherent, mashed-up headline as-is.

      The dash in the product name hyperlinked in green below fixes it.

      OP, your headline down below, "Finally get your music heard by a music producer!" is better.

      Though I'd put a comma after the Finally. And use a subheadline about the 100 labels.

      "100 labels" is a feature.

      "Get your music heard by a real producer" is a benefit. "Finally" says it's overcoming a problem.

      I'd hire an editor to clean up the grammar, but the copy is basically on target with your intended audience.

      One issue I do find is the "No" "No" "No" negative phrasing constantly used. Flip them around to positive phrasing and split test.
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    • Yea, it's not the hangover, it's a legitimately nonsensical headline.

      What if you had 100 different legit record labels at your fingertips who were eager to hear your demo?
      Clever sub-head
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      • [1] reply
  • Thank you very much! I put the dash in the title and I will start working on the other changes now. I appreciate that you guys took the time to check it out.
  • ok I tried to make the - "Finally get your music heard by a music producer" more pronounced. Let me know what you think. Wish I new/realised I was selling a feature sooner and should have -don't sell features is easy rule to remember. I will work on the no,no,nos next.
  • your About page right now about you and your company. It should be about your potential customers.

    How you can help them, and what's in it for them.
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  • You didn't make your benefits exciting, your headlines are bland, and you have no angle. Also, you over-optimized the crap out of it for SEO, which is a huge no-no in copywriting.

    "Get your music heard by someone on the inside!" is a line that doesn't get me excited. However, "Get your songs in front of major record labels and first-class producers" is a line that would.

    See the difference?

    But on top of that, I would have clicked off before I read any of it because of the way the site looks. It's amateur and doesn't instill trust.

    Fix the template, create an angle and learn how to spice up your benefits. You also need to break up the copy and make it more visually appealing. No one wants to read copy that's in paragraph format. You need to scrap the whole page and start over.

    P.S. - Never use the word "literally" in copy.
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  • I have always had a hard time making things visually appealing. I can build anything (anything I ever needed anyway) but making it look good has never turned out good. I wish there was a list of "great sales pages" that I could look at.

    Thanks to everyone for their input. You all got me thinking about lots of different things.
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    • Took a couple moments to brush up on your design. I think it will help keep the readers more focused. [see attached index.txt file]

      I think you should focus more on their pain; the frustration of trying to make it in the music industry. You mention, "Most record labels will not accept demos." To me, knowing very little about the music industry, my response would be : Shit! If they don't accept demos, then how in the hell am I going to get them to listen to my music.

      It's a great pain point. And if you can come in and save me by offering your solution, you'll be a hero (and make sales).

      Hope it helps.
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    Quick review of my work please

    I read a lot and tried to follow the rules to writing good copy. I am hoping to get some opinions about if I did a good job or need to do more reading/practice. Will this page work? Get A Record Deal 100 Record Labels Accepting Demos | 32Hertz.com Thanks