What do you think?

First, I want to commend you for putting in some effort.

That's a good first step.

Well...since you're looking for honest feedback....

I can't imagine you getting too many orders from that page as it is.

It looks like you spoke wrote it and it's heavily evident that English is not your first language.

The opening is way too vague, "me" focused and does not have any oomph.

I'd hate to break it to you, but no one cares that the website you're directing folks to leave to go check out does whatever you say it does.

What you're not doing is giving them a reason to keep reading.

Think about it.

You're asking prospects to leave your page to go check out some dumb sh#t they could probably care less about.

That's a no no for 2 reasons.

1. They may not come back

2. You didn't hit them hard enough with anything worthwhile to keep reading the rest.

Obviously, these are merely opinions, and not meant, at all, to discourage, but only to suggest you give it another critical look.

You may want to test this theory out by running some real traffic to the site and seeing what it does.

Best of luck,

Regards

Los

No call-to-action above the fold & the page takes forever to load.

I seem to remember you already asked about this before? Ewen and some others gave you good ideas, but I don't see much evidence that you adopted any of their recommendations.

I think your website is not rather build up carefully, no call to action button, no effects, pics, contents are not actually effective as well for target customers. I dont mean to discourage, but you should revise them again to do website better

Hi Mr. Sparacino

I took a look at your website and took the liberty of rewriting your landing page. I would like to upload a google drive word document link containing the Landing page copy to WarriorForum. I hope that is okay.

Thank you
Faisal Pakkali

A better cover to your product is required. I highly recommend investing in cover action pro, or amazing 1 click covers.

What gives with the two different posters asking us to review the same stuff?

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...ding-page.html