First swing at Copy Opinions Please

12 replies
This was my first product 10 videos for CPA blogging. Trying to improve conversion. I may end of getting a site redesign once I get some more money. I was wondering if anyone had some tips for my copy and conversion. I have had some decent sales so far but definitely think there is a ton of room to for improvement. Thanks for you help guys!

http://www.createblogsite.com
#copy #cpa blogging #create blog #create blog site #opinions #swing
  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Shane, that page actually sells? How much and at what conversion rate? I'd better go study it some more and see how you're doing it. I personally don't see how. It screams "fake" and "go away" to me.

    It definitely doesn't follow any standard copywriting procedures. I don't think you need a critique. You need to read some more on copywriting, study some sales letters and re-write it. Or better yet, yes, get an actual design made and hire a copywriter. I really can't comment on anything, because it would cover your entire "sales letter".

    Sorry, buddy. It's back to the drawing board.
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    • Profile picture of the author Shane Hale
      Originally Posted by Kevin Lam View Post

      Shane, that page actually sells? How much and at what conversion rate? I'd better go study it some more and see how you're doing it. I personally don't see how. It screams "fake" and "go away" to me.

      It definitely doesn't follow any standard copywriting procedures. I don't think you need a critique. You need to read some more on copywriting, study some sales letters and re-write it. Or better yet, yes, get an actual design made and hire a copywriter. I really can't comment on anything, because it would cover your entire "sales letter".

      Sorry, buddy. It's back to the drawing board.
      Thanks for the comments yeah it actually has made some sales lol =) I am also building a decent list too. But, I know the copy is awful but I am studying some more to improve it =) Thank you for the honest opinions. It is listed on Paydotcom conversions aren't the best I get like 1 sale out of about 80 clicks.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Shane, if that page is making 1 sale for every 80 clicks, I can only imagine how well it would perform with a complete makeover. Good luck, but do let us know if you need help.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Oh, so it was with a list! Sheesh, I was under the impression that perhaps it was search engines or PPC. If it's from a list, then yeah, you have a higher chance of converting. You've already built the rapport and people may already know you can't write, but they know your product is good and that's about all the need to know. That's the nice thing about a list.

    You should track and see how well your other traffic is performing then (other than from lists).
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  • Profile picture of the author Shane Hale
    Thanks Kevin ! For your advice. You site looks very nice btw! =) Any books you recommend ?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    A "thanks" button usually does the trick for me. And thank you for the comment about my site. I'll drop a button on you for that, lol. Books? Blah, go back to the main copywriting forum. Look at the stickies. There's an entire THREAD dedicated to that. Enjoy.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kyle Tully
    Hi Shane

    You haven't really got a salesletter there... just a few paragraphs of copy

    Go back to basics and follow a simple proven salesletter formula.

    If you don't know any, grab a few of the books in the sticky threads above and start reading. The week or two you invest in your copywriting education will pay for itself hundreds of times over.

    Cheers
    Kyle
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  • Profile picture of the author lenlatimer
    Hi Shane,

    1) The Headline should be first thing on the page. Maybe a smaller subhead that qualifies by announcing who it's for... such as Attention Marketers, Salesmen, etc., would be OK.
    2) Don't like the centered lines under the headline - I suggest left flush.
    3) You repeat "from the desk" a 2nd time.
    4) In the first 3 or 4 paragraphs, to many I's. Prospects care about themselves - you need less about you.
    5. I am SOO - what's with that?
    6. The Down red arrow serves no purpose and makes the reader scroll down - you could lose them that way.
    7. You mention free, but then you show a $67 price - took me a minute to figure out, the signup was free and the add to cart was probably a purchase. If a prospect gets confused, you could lose him. I suggest making the freebie offer in a pop-up if he starts to exit - only if they don't buy. There are some excellent exit pop-ups software out there.
    8. Your guarantee is fuzzy. Go to Google Images and type in Guarantee to find a better looking one.
    9. Lastly I agree with Kevin & Tyle. You need a lot more sales copy. some people like videos - others like to read. Sell them both.


    Good luck.
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    Len Latimer
    Copy-In-A-Box, an amazing Word Add-in Tool that adds Dazzle & Personality to your copy. My WSO

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    • Profile picture of the author Shane Hale
      Originally Posted by lenlatimer View Post

      Hi Shane,

      1) The Headline should be first thing on the page. Maybe a smaller subhead that qualifies by announcing who it's for... such as Attention Marketers, Salesmen, etc., would be OK.
      2) Don't like the centered lines under the headline - I suggest left flush.
      3) You repeat "from the desk" a 2nd time.
      4) In the first 3 or 4 paragraphs, to many I's. Prospects care about themselves - you need less about you.
      5. I am SOO - what's with that?
      6. The Down red arrow serves no purpose and makes the reader scroll down - you could lose them that way.
      7. You mention free, but then you show a $67 price - took me a minute to figure out, the signup was free and the add to cart was probably a purchase. If a prospect gets confused, you could lose him. I suggest making the freebie offer in a pop-up if he starts to exit - only if they don't buy. There are some excellent exit pop-ups software out there.
      8. Your guarantee is fuzzy. Go to Google Images and type in Guarantee to find a better looking one.
      9. Lastly I agree with Kevin & Tyle. You need a lot more sales copy. some people like videos - others like to read. Sell them both.


      Good luck.
      Thanks! For the awesome feedback! Also, I wanted to apologize for this forum I did not read the stickies what I thought was decent copy was not and should of not wasted your time guys. Sorry won't happen again. I have read several stickies in different forums and this is one I didn't sorry =(
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  • Profile picture of the author ScoTech
    In reguards to the question in your headline
    Are You Making Money Online with CPA?

    If your Answer is NO...
    What if the reader's answer is yes, but I want to make more money than I am now?

    It seems like you might be sending people away, the ones who are actually the best candidates for your product, those who make only a little money in CPA. They will be able to better understand your offer and be intrigued by it. Just a thought.
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  • Profile picture of the author dtendrich
    Headline doesn't say what benefit I'm going to get out of learning these secrets, other than knowing something that some people don't.
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    Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

    Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

    Write your life.
    David Tendrich
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