Wannabe Neophyte Copywriter Seeks Critique

by 9 replies
9



















































#copywriting #copywriter #critique #neophyte #seeks #wannabe
  • I'm not the person to help you with this Geno, as you're about as far from my ultra-conservative style as it's possible to get.

    But I did tell you I'd give you my thoughts:

    Don't work for free.

    You typically want to be asking to talk, not trying to sell them.

    Rather ironically, given that you're going to crank out call-to-action copy, there's no CTA.
    • [ 2 ] Thanks
  • I mentioned the common mistakes most new copywriters make, and you've made them.

    Good news - that means you're completely normal. What you do from here is what will distinguish you as a copywriter, though. You can always use constructive criticism (even when it stings) to find a way to improve.

    I'm not saying my way is the right way - but buried in criticism you usually will find nuggets of ideas that resonate with you. Use them.

    That said...

    I got to this line before I stopped (I skimmed the rest for the purposes of this critique): "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Kapish?"

    1) pretty corny. I get appealing to something pop culture and typically associated with common knowledge, but so far this creative SOB is using someone else's lines to stick out.

    2) You don't get to ME until the second half. Blunt truth: prospects don't really care about you. Everyone out there is looking for someone who can solve or help solve their problems.

    So far you've told me you have zero experience, you've shot yourself down before building yourself up, and you haven't given me any indication that you get what kind of problems I have or have any ideas on how to solve them.

    This whole letter is about me helping you, in a nutshell. I'm busy. Business owners and marketers are busy. Find a way to help the busy people, and you're much more valuable than the hundreds of hungry newbies constantly asking for help.


    EDITED TO ADD:
    Check out the critique checklist at the top, in the stickies. It may help clarify some of what's being mentioned in the replies to your post.
    • [ 5 ] Thanks
    • [2] replies
    • Great feedback, guys. I appreciate the time, wisdom and effort.
      • [ 2 ] Thanks
    • I did the exact same thing...I never made it out of the first paragraph. The last thing you want to do it tell a targeted reader that you're going to sell them something. Nothing past that point will ever get read- it goes straight into the trash.
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • I would stick to being a Neophyte Copywriter over Potential Wannabe Neophyte.

    Cuts to the chase quicker.

    I appreciate your jokes right at the start, but I figure busy potential clients will not.

    You hit them with your name, an a.k.a., a suggested tone of voice, then philosophize to no great effect.

    Then comes a list of qualities wherein you have the audacity to tell the reader how to feel about you, followed by your terms an' conditions for the shot this person is clearly stoopid not to give ya.

    Now, there is no problem with takin' this angle once in a while, but your subversive wit gotta make the reader pee themselves.

    If you are gonna go down this track then I figure you gotta prune this down to half its length an' demonstrate you are a CREATIVE SOB by unleashin' more strikin' quadrupeds than Pit Bulls.

    Done well, an' pitched at people who can handle this kinda stuff, it is an option.

    Mosta the time though, people gonna want you dished up straighter, pitchin' for their exclusive benefit.

    So alla your reasons an' offers gotta be reconfigured so they speak to your prospect an' their needs.

    Sadly, that means a generic catch-all pitch won't work.

    But that does not stop you generatin' a broad template into which you can drop the necessary specifics for each submission.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Genocris,

    Target your marketing.

    Pick a niche.

    Narrow down to solving a specific problem for that niche.

    THEN you can mail them a letter stating that you'll solve this specific problem that they know they have.

    The more you niche, the more you'll earn.

    Generalists have to compete with everybody.

    They can't say in a few words what they do and who they help.

    Figure out your target market.

    Find out what problem(s) they're complaining about that you can solve through copywriting.

    Articulate that to them in your prospecting letter.

    Be confident about your ability to solve the problem. People want to do business with competent people; only psychopaths want to do business with subordinate runaways. Drop this "I'll work for free" nonsense. It's entirely unnecessary.

    And get that CTA in there.
    • [ 2 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • Geno, let's work through this together
      so as to make it work.

      First lets both agree the object is to get an advertiser to phone you...
      can we agree on this?

      Then let's see who is the ideal person on the other end of the phone...

      He invests heavily in advertising. Many different media.
      Why? Because any small change you make for him means lot's of dollars in return, therefore he can justify your fees that a small time advertiser couldn't.
      Simple maths plus you make more money for the same amount of work.

      Next criteria for your ideal client is already using direct response advertising.
      This is so he already is a believer in what you do. So many try to persuade, convince and cajole non believers...it's a recipe for frustration for both parties.

      Now we know a bit about who the ideal client is,
      let's move on to profiling his daily life so we work
      within those constraints.

      Well he's very busy running a multi-million dollar enterprise.

      He gets angry at his time being wasted by pests.

      He will welcome as a guest if you understand his world,
      demonstrate you do, get to the relevant point very quick
      and it's not something he has heard before.

      Tough task you say.

      That's your challenge, he's got a business to run,
      if you have something that you know he will want to hear,
      then give it to him, straight.

      So now you have your outcome you want, you know what you are up against,
      so let's hatch a plan to achieve it...are you with me?

      Good.

      So grabbing his attention is the first job, then keeping it.

      So what will be relevant?

      Will a current ad he's running in the newspaper
      would be a good start.

      He's got money tied up in that sucker.

      He's probably got good or bad feelings about it.

      So, let's cut out a copy of it for visual and emotional impact.

      That's your attention grabber.

      What comes next is crucial to keep his attention.

      So you'd reference it and move into creating curiosity around
      a BIG benefit.

      You hint it, don't fully divulge it so that creates enough tension in the reader
      to get the reader to phone you so his curiosity is satisfied.

      Balancing that is taking into the consideration of risk.

      Another words, is he going to have his time wasted.

      Let's back yourself by removing it.

      Part of the message is creating high status for yourself.

      If Elvis or Obama walked into his office, they'd have his full attention.

      You walking in to see if he has a job for you,
      low status, would rather you didn't come into his life,
      another words, a pest not a welcome guest.

      So a couple of ways of doing it is communicating you are busy
      and in demand. A person of high status is always busy and in demand.

      So let's see an example of what this would look like...



      There you go, the thinking required to get the outcome you are after.

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
      • [ 2 ] Thanks
      • [1] reply
  • Elvis AND Obama - an' we are all sprayin' our current reality with the squirt of unrestrainable diarrheaf********x.
Join the discussion

Next Topics on Trending Feed