Would like to know what you think about this new ad idea

by Raydal
23 replies
This idea came to me this morning and was executed right away with the
help of two of my sons as puppeteers. Would love to know what
Warriors think of its effectiveness.

-Ray Edwards
#idea
  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    If a person grew up with the muppets, it might work.

    As a copywriter, do you believe this flows well and leads the potential client properly?
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by pewpewpewmonkeys View Post

      As a copywriter, do you believe this flows well and leads the potential client properly?
      Thanks for your feedback.
      I would like to hear some more responses before I address any questions.

      -Ray Edwards
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      • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
        Ray, it kept me watching until the end. That's a compliment given that the output of most copywriters (in the form of ads) keeps fresh batteries in the remote that controls the mute and fast forward functions on my DVR.

        You might want to emphasize the variety of projects you can do, like you do in your sig, a little more. I think that a lot of business owners associate copywriters with ads, period.
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        • Profile picture of the author Raydal
          Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

          Ray, it kept me watching until the end. That's a compliment given that the output of most copywriters (in the form of ads) keeps fresh batteries in the remote that controls the mute and fast forward functions on my DVR.
          LOL. Love that last expression. Glad to know your attention was held all
          the way through. That's a plus for sure.

          -Ray Edwards
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  • I don't like the introductory banter. Not relevant to the offer, doesn't really pique much curiosity.

    Other than that it's an interesting idea.
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by Andy The Copywriter View Post

      I don't like the introductory banter. Not relevant to the offer, doesn't really pique much curiosity.

      Other than that it's an interesting idea.
      I question that as well. I was trying to make it an ad about making an ad.
      Like a story within a story, but I guess context would determine how this
      works.

      Thanks,

      -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author Doug
    I like the idea you have for being on retainer, particularly since you are in the freelance side of things. Can't say I like the video, as it is, but I like the idea. Maybe just a simple and straight forward video of yourself, promoting yourself, along with the retainer concept, (?)
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  • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
    I also vote for lopping off the first 31 seconds or so. Maybe add some subtitles for those of us who can't quite hear what's being said. But after that first part, it seemed to work.
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by David Beroff View Post

      I also vote for lopping off the first 31 seconds or so. Maybe add some subtitles for those of us who can't quite hear what's being said. But after that first part, it seemed to work.
      So another vote to cut off the beginning banter. Yes, one of my sons was
      a bit low maybe he was just giving advice to the lead puppet. I can rerun
      to improve the sound.

      Originally Posted by Doug View Post

      Can't say I like the video, as it is, but I like the idea. Maybe just a simple and straight forward video of yourself, promoting yourself, along with the retainer concept, (?)
      Yes, the straight video has been done before but was trying this new approach
      I've never seen anyone else do. It may flop, but trying is how I'll find out.


      -Ray Edwards
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      • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
        Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

        I can rerun to improve the sound.
        The sound is reasonable. I'm just deaf. :-)
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          Ray - I like the idea but not the execution...though I'm sure it was fun to put together.

          Could be "talking to myself" or "talking to my mirror image" or....talking to a son or son/puppet asking questions.

          The concept is good, though.
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          • The status interplay of the two puppets kinda works, even if their theatrics need makin' clearer an' somea the banter prunin' down.

            The high status 'expert' feeds the clowno bobbidy-nose 'cute guy' feeds the audience.

            There is much more here of merit beyond my ability to be easily amused by swingin' danglies, but I figure for this to work, deftness of puppet gotta match precision of script.
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            • Profile picture of the author Raydal
              Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

              There is much more here of merit beyond my ability to be easily amused by swingin' danglies, but I figure for this to work, deftness of puppet gotta match precision of script.
              I will try a rerun tomorrow and see if I can improve on this. At least no one
              so far has said it was a bad idea--just the execution needed improving.
              At least that what I hear.

              -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
    I just had an idea, which would address both my concern, as well as strengthen your message: Keep the audio and video as is, and write the "proposed" headline, ad copy, etc., on the screen as the puppets are saying them. Then, when the one corrects the other, actually scribble out, (with childish flair), the "wrong" parts, and then show the corrected version.
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    • Originally Posted by David Beroff View Post

      I just had an idea, which would address both my concern, as well as strengthen your message: Keep the audio and video as is, and write the "proposed" headline, ad copy, etc., on the screen as the puppets are saying them. Then, when the one corrects the other, actually scribble out, (with childish flair), the "wrong" parts, and then show the corrected version.
      I see where ur goin' here Davo, but I figure gettin' puppet guys to act the copy guy's script with clarity gonna obviate any need to bring in the subheader guys to clarify the message.

      Thing we wanna hear is what the lead puppet is sayin', an' we accept the 'fool' as a cipher. Any further commentary gonna mebbe dilute the core message.
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  • Profile picture of the author Engineer2Blogger
    Lol! That made me laugh just by looking at them.

    Hey, you never know until you try. Give it a shot! It's something different and there's quite a few positive comments here.

    All the best
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    • Profile picture of the author arrival7
      I like the idea, just keep tinkering with it until you sort of perfect it. People really love entertainment, it is hard not to watch it all the way through. Best of luck with it.
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      • Profile picture of the author Raydal
        Originally Posted by Engineer2Blogger View Post

        Lol! That made me laugh just by looking at them.

        Hey, you never know until you try. Give it a shot! It's something different and there's quite a few positive comments here.

        All the best
        Different is what I was going for. Most people didn't think much of reading a
        video sales letter and whiteboard doodle videos until they saw the results.


        Originally Posted by arrival7 View Post

        I like the idea, just keep tinkering with it until you sort of perfect it. People really love entertainment, it is hard not to watch it all the way through. Best of luck with it.
        Thanks. For sure people want to be entertained in the process and that's why
        I made this ad little light on the "hard sell".

        -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author HCFGrizzly
    I really like the idea and I was entertained. My only suggestions would be that, maybe you should keep it shorter, and have one more voice actor because the voices are too similar (in my opinion, but that doesn`t mean I,m right - I`m no George Lucas ) )
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  • Profile picture of the author splitTest
    I like the "nobody is going to believe what we're saying" line at the beginning. Perks your ears up. Few people are going to stop listening after a line like that.

    My criticisms would be:

    1. The red guy sometimes speaks too fast... There was a sentence in there that I just couldn't make out, in spite of replaying it a couple times...

    2. When you they talk blatantly about "remember scarcity" (as a copy device) while saying there are only two spots left, it makes the whole pitch seem a bit disingenuous. I mean, if you're using scarcity while revealing it as just manipulation, what else in your pitch is mere manipulation vs. real talk? Sure, it's an inside joke for clients who understand copywriting, but with the veil pulled back, why is scarcity there if it isn't real?

    3. You might want to keep your son's hair out of the pic. If you're going to use puppets, do it professionally -- keep the performers hidden...

    You might also want to put a faint (& light-hearted) musical background behind the whole thing. That might also add to the production values...

    ---

    As far as the retainer idea goes, I don't see the benefit for the client. You're untested (by them) presumably -- so why would they go straight to retainer?

    All in all, I gotta say, I don't like the idea. "Attention-getting" stuff like the puppet show is more for when people chance upon your ad (eg. like in a tv commercial or magazine ad).

    When you're instead driving traffic to it(?), it better be something super clever, memorable (& potentially viral), otherwise it adds little to your pitch and can even detract from it.

    We all know the risks of using humor...

    Imagine sending the busy president of a company to that ad -- a dude who knows nothing about you... A humorous puppet pitch could in that circumstance come across as amateurish... without adding enough "liking" or entertainment value to make it worthwhile...

    So there's my two pence...

    If you test that pitch, will you let us know how it did?
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  • Profile picture of the author nsserve
    I felt the beginning of the ad is not that engaging, you may work on it, Else, you are creative!
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