Trash My Copy Version 2

2 replies
Hello Awesome Copywriters,

Thank You in advance - I have made the revisions based on previous feedback. And now have version 2 below, if you can check it that would be incredible.

Can you do a "CUB" on it. benschop86 suggested this on the last revision.

They should point out anything 1) Confusing 2) Unbelievable or 3) Boring

Kindle Lifestyle Formula – sales page sample for critique

Any other thoughts, comments and feedback would be super cool

Thank You again.

Andrew
#copy #trash #version
  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Originally Posted by andrew zirkin View Post

    Hello Awesome Copywriters,

    Thank You in advance - I have made the revisions based on previous feedback. And now have version 2 below, if you can check it that would be incredible.

    Can you do a "CUB" on it. benschop86 suggested this on the last revision.

    They should point out anything 1) Confusing 2) Unbelievable or 3) Boring

    Kindle Lifestyle Formula - sales page sample for critique

    Any other thoughts, comments and feedback would be super cool

    Thank You again.

    Andrew
    Who wrote the copy for your first two links in your sig file, hire this guy again (but not the one in the third link).

    This is YOUR writing? For a partner? An associate?

    You are the expert in this market, selling a 97 dollar course.

    But, anyhow. The copy...

    if targeted to warriors buying 7 dollar WSO's, its fine, test it out.

    Outside of WF, he sold 4771 in one month, what about subsequent months? Sounds like he was a one hit wonder, and although many warriors might agree that is "serious" money, if it is sustained Otherwise,

    It is pretty boring hype.
    There is such a huge gap between this and the copy in your sig files, it just makes me wonder about it.

    gjabiz
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  • Profile picture of the author Jennifer Hutson
    Here's when you know your sales letter is an epic fail:

    You can replace "Kindle Lifestyle Formula" with the name of ANY other product – even in an entirely different niche – and you wouldn't be able to tell a difference between what it was promoting or what audience it was for.

    You have no USP. No excitement. No playing to your audience's deepest fears.

    The entire copy is you, you, you. I did this, I did that. Not "here's what I can help YOU do."

    What's worse, it's saturated in generic, over-used, hyped up marketing buzzword crap that IF it converts anyone, it will be the neanderthals of the internet – and no one wants idiots on their list.

    I noticed in your initial thread that you're re-writing this for a project you're partnered on and it's a "really good product."

    If it's such a great product, why aren't you hiring someone to knock it out of the park for you, when copy clearly isn't your thing?

    If it's such a great product, your audience needs to understand why it's going to change their lives. The direction you're going is not getting that across.
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