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Need critique on my copywriting

by nocloo
5 replies
I'm starting a new business selling Nail polish and wrote some text about us to be used on brochure, web site and others promotional materials. I'm just a newbie and want to learn.
The text is at: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

My idea is to try to be personal, the intended audience is women who use nail polish.

Any help appreciated.
-Anne
#copywriting #critique
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Anne, what problem is this nail polish solving
    that other nail polishes don't?

    Best,
    Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author dmaster555
    Is your market women who want to feel like a kid again through their nail polish?

    It comes across as a nail polish for children in your copy. As I was reading, I thought it was going to move into the mother giving that moment to her child through the nail polish.

    What is your USP that would to support this?

    Is it a line of very bright colors/glitter?

    Is it non toxic, so it children can safely apply it?

    A little more info would help.
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  • Profile picture of the author nocloo
    Our nail polish have some unique colors that none of the others have on the market. Typical nail polish are all the same, our last a bit longer.
    My market is typical women rfom 30-60 with children. The goal of the text is to present ourselves/company to our customers, why we are doing what we do and what we want to achieve with our line of nail polish.

    Thanks for any help,
    -Anne
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    • Profile picture of the author StarkContrast
      Anne,

      Can you paint for us who your ideal customer is?

      30-60 year old women is a very large demographic. It goes from Millenials to Boomers.

      Is your ideal customer married?
      How old are these children she has?
      Is she a grandmother yet?
      Has she passed child-bearing age?
      What are her passions and dislikes?
      Is she working? What's her line of work?
      How much does she and her husband earn (if married)?
      Where do they live - city or rural, East coast, west coast, north, south?

      There are more questions that could be asked, but if you can get into the customer's heads, you're way ahead of the game. It makes writing the copy and defining the pain points much easier.
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  • Profile picture of the author DKCopywriter
    So your USP is eye-catching colors that can draw attention from others then? Makes women feel attractive? Those are pretty good selling points! Emphasize those more.

    I'd scrap that entire first paragraph. It's really not relevant to your product. It's just more words to read.

    This is way too story heavy and doesn't focus on the customer's benefits.
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