1. You cannot guarantee bliss. Like, at all. There are too many different interpretations of bliss, and don't get me started on legal claims.

2. Is happiness while writing really the biggest problem that writers need solved?

Cutting the fluff is good, but there's got to be substance left when the fluff is gone. Promises of sunshine, rainbows, and bliss do not make a strong sales message.

Pain and lack of creative ideas is the problem writers face.
Knowing what to write that will sell.
Brainstorm Pro is the magic pill that brings sunshine, rainbows, and bliss...

I guaruntee.

Ok. How about 'Guaranteed Increase In Revenue from Writing'

P.S. There's plenty of substance.

Here is your real headline buried in your copy:

"What if This Software Could Actually Help You Write Faster & More Intelligently... Today?"

-Ray Edwards

Thanks Ray...I like that one too but I don't think it packs enough punch. Faster and more intelligently is good...but something related to revenue might be stronger...

Maybe: What if This Software Could Actually Help You Write Faster & More Profitably...Today?

Maybe you're not getting my meaning. LEGALLY SPEAKING, you cannot make a claim that you cannot back up with empirical proof. Otherwise FTC and alphabet soup can potentially come down on you for deceptive advertising. If you want to take that risk, be my guest.

And again, you come to writers to tell us what we want instead of listening to us. And you've still not made it clear to me what your software does that thesaurus.com does not.

I'm not sure why I keep trying with you.

ok. thanks for your patience. please give it a day or two. I'm adding something that will hopefully soon make you understand why I'm basically sure that as a copywriter you will love it. I think I need to do a video. some features are being added as we speak.

As for legal speak. ok. I can take out guarantee. maybe you're right...but I see people guaranteeing money on a lot of site whereas 'bliss' or Guaranteed Writing Bliss could be construed as sort of a cutesey slogan less than a guarantee. but perhaps you're right and I'd prefer not to play with the alphabet soupers.

Guarantee has a specific legal promise. Man, I'm not even going to get into the flat out lecture I got from our legal department as to the difference between "excellent" and "good" sources of vitamins and minerals on food packaging.

Even Men's Wearhouse has moved away from "you're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it" as its old tried-and-true. Don't make promises. Tell them what's possible, but it has to be believable and achievable.

And it has to solve a problem. I promise you "finding happiness" as a writer isn't even anywhere NEAR the top of challenges I face.

No need for critique. The offer sucks. The offer is always more important than copy and your offer flat-out sucks.

thanks Angie. I had that Men's Warehouse ad going through my mind. That was the voice I was hearing. It's tempting to make guarantees, and I would guarantee my product 100% or your money back because I do believe in it and stand behind it... but perhaps seeing as how the legal climate has changed it's better to err on the safe side.

Feel free to tell me some of your top challenges and there's a good chance I will add tools to help with these specific challenges if possible.

and i've had about a dozen 'published' authors tell me they love the software.

Personally, I can respect someone who has a dream and pursues it relentlessly, even in the face of discouragement.

On that front I say good on you.

However, you're gonna need to watch the hubris if you hope to attain a modicum of success.

Because so far I see you asking pros for help, for free, and spending all your time arguing with them about why you're right.

Hint: you can't contact every individual who misinterprets your sales letter and argue your case with them. You're either clear or you're not.

Sounds to me like the market's telling you you're not. But instead of asking for clarification from the market, you're continuing to model on successful past controls without understanding the WHY behind their successes. And you're not really understanding the pain of your market, or if you do you're not articulating it clearly.

We actually enjoy helping people here, especially when those people grow and learn and do well.

But you'll never grow, learn, or do well so long as you think you have no room for improvement and fail to take constructive criticism to heart.

Second hint: Bryan wasn't trolling you. It's not a great offer. If the market does not understand what you're giving them or doesn't have a need for what you offer, then free doesn't matter.

I'll give you an example from my personal life: I replaced all the light bulbs in my house with LEDs. Now a retailer I know wants to have a massive LED blowout sale.

Even if you stuffed all my bags with FREE LEDs, I wouldn't use them. I DON'T HAVE A NEED. It doesn't matter how attractive the offer is. They don't understand that I don't need it. I don't need to stock up either, because these will last for years and by the time I need to replace them, there will probably be better, even more efficient technology.

This note is mostly to the lurkers, because I feel like we've all tried our hardest with you Jesse but you seem to feel like you've got a point to prove.

Oh Look...Jesse's back

Caveat emptor

Wow.

It's one thing to argue that the market ignores typos for the most part (which I don't agree with, given the evidence I've seen) but quite another to insult those who have a more professional attitude and execution than you do. That shows a high degree of defensiveness where you are not listening and not taking in the feedback you have asked for.

That's another example of the same tendency: responding to legitimate feedback by trying to put down the superior credentials of the person providing the feedback.

Please stop asking for advice here if you feel compelled to respond in such a self-sabotaging and unnecessarily combative fashion. It's a waste of time for everyone concerned.

Marcia Yudkin

P.S. Want a model for how to take feedback/criticism? Watch "Chopped" or other competition shows on Food Network. Almost everyone being judged says "Thank you, chef" even when they feel upset or disappointed. And in almost every episode you can see someone learning and improving from the feedback they receive.

I would think that an ad selling software that helps create headlines that "arrest the reader's attention" would itself have a headline that arrests the reader's attention, no?

I realize you're looking for help with this but I hope you can see how the irony hurts the credibility of the offer.

[DELETED]

"This $65 software program helped outsell a $10,000-per-sales-letter copywriter, generating XYZ in extra sales over 53 days

And now, you can steal ALL its ideas for yourself"


That's my first pass at a headline/subhead. Hope it helps!

Writing headlines is a highly nuanced enterprise and best as I see, software doesn't do nuanced very well.

Take this headline for example: "Here's an Extra $50, Grace...I'm making real money now!"

How do you program that nuanced thinking into a piece of software?

I hope it works out for you man but know that a few big name copywriters have tried to code the writing process into software. I don't know any that have made it to 1.0.1. Google and Facebook with all ther billions are still trying to figure this stuff out so good luck.