This is my short pitch to reach out to business owners. What ya think?

by zoro
43 replies
I currently seo rank local biz niche websites for the express purpose of renting them out to a local business in a particular city.

I'm want to reach out to them either by email.

I am no copywriter and would appreciate your thoughts on my short sales pitch below, and any suggestions you may have:

PLEASE SEE MY UPDATE ON POST #30

....................

YOUR BUSINESS WEBSITE ON PAGE 1 OF GOOGLE WITHIN 48 HOURS... GUARANTEED !

No Expensive Advertising Required... Just Your Website On Page One.

"What if This Could Help You Generate More Customers & Sales For Your Business...Today?"

Dear Mr Biz Owner,

Hi, my name is Zoro.

My company specializes in ranking local business websites on page one in Google.com. If this is something that interests you, then I can guarantee to have your website on page one within 48 hrs, for selected search keywords as matched to your business and industry.

Yes, it's a bold claim, but its true.

"What if your brand was showcased on the first page of Google, do you think you would find more customers and make more sales?"

This offer is only available to 1 local business in Dallas. If I don't hear from you within next 7 days, this offer will be directed to one of your competitors.

Want to find out more? I can be reached at .......

End...............................

So to be clear again, I'm not a copywriter but I will be pleased with any suggestions you have.

Also, for your information, here is why I can guarantee them first page: I rank my own sites on 1st page, then I overlay the clients site on top of mine. Client site is now on page one of Google until he stops paying me.
#business #owners #pitch #reach #short
  • Profile picture of the author TrickyDick
    Originally Posted by zoro View Post

    I currently seo rank local biz niche websites for the express purpose of renting them out to a local business in a particular city.

    I'm want to reach out to them either by email or snail mail.

    I am no copywriter and would appreciate your thoughts on my short sales pitch below, and any suggestions you may have:

    ....................

    YOUR BUSINESS WEBSITE ON PAGE 1 OF GOOGLE WITHIN 48 HOURS... GUARANTEED !

    No Expensive Advertising Required... Just Your Website On Page One.

    "What if This Could Help You Generate More Customers & Sales For Your Business...Today?"

    Dear Mr Biz Owner,

    Hi, my name is Zoro.

    My company specializes in ranking local business websites on page one in Google.com. If this is something that interests you, then I can guarantee to have your website on page one within 48 hrs, for selected search keywords as matched to your business and industry.

    Yes, it's a bold claim, but its true.

    "What if your brand was showcased on the first page of Google, do you think you would find more customers and make more sales?"

    This offer is only available to 1 local business in Dallas. If I don't hear from you within next 7 days, this offer will be directed to one of your competitors.

    Want to find out more? I can be reach at .......
    My brain is fried after 16 hours of work.....

    Here's what I see at this moment....

    You're too focused on you... and your business.... Flip it around and read it from your prospect's perspective.

    You need to state the problem and your solution..... Simply put, your prospect wants more sales.... You can help by getting more eyeballs on his web site.

    Your prospect could care less if you use fancy SEO or hire a "town crier." They just want more sales.

    You need to simplify it... Pretend you're writing to an 80 year old Grandmother. Remember Steve Krug's famous line, "Don't Make Me Think." As soon as your prospect has to think while reading a "cold email," you've lost him... His natural inclination is going to be to click the Delete icon.
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    What does it matter what YOUR company is focused on?

    Mine (your customer) is focused on mortgages. car insurance, car repairs, etc.. You being focused on something else doesn't help me.

    A few years ago, there was a thread from someone who did what you do. His emails went something like this:

    Hey, I have a website in the mortgage business (insurance, etc.) that's getting people to call me about getting a mortgage. I'm not in the mortgage business. I teach internet marketing and that site is there to teach my students how to rank a website.

    Do you want those leads?

    If they did, they got free leads for a month, then he moved in to ask for money.

    Another guy had an even better approach:

    Hey, I'm in a bind. I get 7 people calling about teeth whitening from a site I own but the dentist I used to send them to retired. I'm in a bind, can you help me, can I send you 7 teeth whitening leads a week?

    Unfortunately, I don't remember either post/thread...
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    • Profile picture of the author TrickyDick
      Originally Posted by DABK View Post

      A few years ago, there was a thread from someone who did what you do. His emails went something like this:

      Hey, I have a website in the mortgage business (insurance, etc.) that's getting people to call me about getting a mortgage. I'm not in the mortgage business. I teach internet marketing and that site is there to teach my students how to rank a website.

      Do you want those leads?

      If they did, they got free leads for a month, then he moved in to ask for money.

      Another guy had an even better approach:

      Hey, I'm in a bind. I get 7 people calling about teeth whitening from a site I own but the dentist I used to send them to retired. I'm in a bind, can you help me, can I send you 7 teeth whitening leads a week?

      Unfortunately, I don't remember either post/thread...
      The first approach is good.... If it is the truth....

      The second is terrible..... and deceitful. I would never use it.... All you need is someone to say, "I can pay you today. But, first, I want to talk to your former Client as a reference." You are now put on the spot... and lose all credibility.
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      • Profile picture of the author DABK
        From what I remember, it wasn't deceitful but true...

        I suggest it because the thread had a lot of good stuff in it if you do this kind of marketing.

        Originally Posted by TrickyDick View Post

        The first approach is good.... If it is the truth....

        The second is terrible..... and deceitful. I would never use it.... All you need is someone to say, "I can pay you today. But, first, I want to talk to your former Client as a reference." You are now put on the spot... and lose all credibility.
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  • Profile picture of the author dgaunn4114
    Lose the reference to "expensive advertising." You don't want price shopping tire kickers. I like the ending about creating competition, but the heading honestly makes me skeptical, as I know a little (not much) about SEO and find the 48 hours thing a little hard to believe. Maybe they'll rank for their business name, but much else? If you go the guarantee route, I'd make it more flashy, you can test:

    Headline: "$100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!"

    Then a picture of you smiling with a bring it on smirk, and a number to call to listen to a 90 second voicemail with more info (proven to get way more response than just a number.)

    They pay $99/month to keep it there. Actually you could charge more than that, a lot more.
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by dgaunn4114 View Post

      Lose the reference to "expensive advertising." You don't want price shopping tire kickers. I like the ending about creating competition, but the heading honestly makes me skeptical, as I know a little (not much) about SEO and find the 48 hours thing a little hard to believe. Maybe they'll rank for their business name, but much else? If you go the guarantee route, I'd make it more flashy, you can test:

      Headline: "$100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!"

      Then a picture of you smiling with a bring it on smirk, and a number to call to listen to a 90 second voicemail with more info (proven to get way more response than just a number.)

      They pay $99/month to keep it there. Actually you could charge more than that, a lot more.
      Wow!, what awesome feedback, you offer some great suggestions, thanks so much.

      BTW, I really do rank for their niche business keywords (not their business name) and the sites I rank are mine. When I get a client to raise their hand, I then Overlay their website on top of my ranked site. So, if I wanted to, I could easily say "I rank your website in 1 hr", but that sounds even more unbelievable..lol.
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      • Profile picture of the author dgaunn4114
        Originally Posted by zoro View Post

        Wow!, what awesome feedback, you offer some great suggestions, thanks so much.

        BTW, I really do rank for their niche business keywords (not their business name) and the sites I rank are mine. When I get a client to raise their hand, I then Overlay their website on top of my ranked site. So, if I wanted to, I could easily say "I rank your website in 1 hr", but that sounds even more unbelievable..lol.

        That is an awesome idea. I think if it's just a claim with no guarantee, then the believability of 48 hours is good, but if you do the $100 guarantee, and you're sure you can make an hour work, then make that claim.

        I might explain in your voicemail that you are overlaying a website rather than ranking their own site (that's right?), but I think a thing like that would get a decent response.

        Otherwise copy dog's idea of a stats + more educational approach is good. If I were doing this approach then I'd write the postcard like an article, with text, something like "5 reasons you're losing business if you don't rank first on google." Or you may want to experiment with it in more general terms. "67% of your niche looks for providers online." and then explain what you do.

        Anyways, some rough ideas, but the main source of your success will be who you send this to. If you have any data on your best clients (ones you make the most money or you enjoy working with), use it to figure out where you think your best clients will be. Something like you give away a free SEO consultation, and you have this as a coupon any number of vendors where your best kind of customer buys. Or you get a mailing list based on it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Halukcan Buzz
      Originally Posted by dgaunn4114 View Post

      Lose the reference to "expensive advertising." You don't want price shopping tire kickers. I like the ending about creating competition, but the heading honestly makes me skeptical, as I know a little (not much) about SEO and find the 48 hours thing a little hard to believe. Maybe they'll rank for their business name, but much else? If you go the guarantee route, I'd make it more flashy, you can test:

      Headline: "$100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!"

      Then a picture of you smiling with a bring it on smirk, and a number to call to listen to a 90 second voicemail with more info (proven to get way more response than just a number.)

      They pay $99/month to keep it there. Actually you could charge more than that, a lot more.
      This guy knows his shit.
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  • Profile picture of the author Copydog
    Zoro

    You offer an awesome service!

    Here's how you can strengthen your sales pitch:

    Include statistics – what does your client gain/lose
    by being / not being on p. 1?

    The more points you can think of here, the stronger
    your sales pitch will be.

    You haven't said why a p. 1 Google listing is important.

    And, even more importantly, can you guarantee a
    position 1–3 listing? (From 4 downwards the click
    through rate drops dramatically.)

    All the best
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by Copydog View Post

      Zoro

      You offer an awesome service!

      Here's how you can strengthen your sales pitch:

      Include statistics - what does your client gain/lose
      by being / not being on p. 1?

      The more points you can think of here, the stronger
      your sales pitch will be.

      You haven't said why a p. 1 Google listing is important.

      And, even more importantly, can you guarantee a
      position 1-3 listing? (From 4 downwards the click
      through rate drops dramatically.)

      All the best
      Thanks, you offer some great suggestions. The businesses I target all have their websites on page 2 of Google and beyond.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    I feel like a lot of people who know more than just basics about SEO are replying.

    But are business owners, by and large, as sophisticated in their knowledge?

    This letter seemed no different from the hundreds of bombardments biz owners are inundated with, promising them sales, Google glory, the world.
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      No, they are not. That's why it would be best to sell the number of phone calls from people late in the buying cycle, leads.

      I know more than your average business owner about SEO, and I still only care about about the phone calls my sites get me.

      A few business owners I met were not interested in the leads, they just wanted to see their business name higher than one of their competitors... didn't care if the phone would ever ring from all the SEO.

      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      I feel like a lot of people who know more than just basics about SEO are replying.

      But are business owners, by and large, as sophisticated in their knowledge?

      This letter seemed no different from the hundreds of bombardments biz owners are inundated with, promising them sales, Google glory, the world.
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    • Profile picture of the author dgaunn4114
      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      I feel like a lot of people who know more than just basics about SEO are replying.

      But are business owners, by and large, as sophisticated in their knowledge?

      This letter seemed no different from the hundreds of bombardments biz owners are inundated with, promising them sales, Google glory, the world.
      I think if a lot of people are getting SEO bombardments it means it's a profitable niche. How many people sell make money online ebooks, and how many of them are much different from any other? Yet people still sell them because they make money doing so (and people still buy them because some of them have value).

      That being said, I see your point about sticking out in some way, and the guarantee is one way to do it. I'd bet most SEOers are sending some boring postcard with headline "Ace SEO, for all your SEO needs." very boring, branding type bs with no call to action. But $100 if he's wrong and can't get your website on page 1?! I'd bet no one in his market is doing that.

      Several companies have separated themselves with their guarantee. LL Bean for example has a lifetime replacement guarantee. If the stuff you buy from them ever fails you can exchange it for a new one with almost no questions asked. Pretty ridiculous, and I'd bet that me even mentioning this fact will cause at least one of you to go search their website for stuff (Disclaimer: I have no business relationship or otherwise with LL Bean).

      Selling the phone calls is interesting too, but there are tons of people also trying to sell leads to companies too. To me it really isn't so much what you are doing and whether it itself is rare, but the way you initially frame it. When does time hanging out with someone you are attracted to become a date? When does some thing become an experience? A date and hanging out sound different and therefore are different even though they could accurately describe the same experience (generally to two different people).

      Using framing here you could experiment with making them seek your approval. There are many famous examples of companies making customers qualify to them before purchasing their product. They could be "Partner Websites" and they must apply to see if they qualify.

      If you can get them into the frame that they are the ones looking for your approval it's a great position to be.
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      • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
        Originally Posted by dgaunn4114 View Post

        I think if a lot of people are getting SEO bombardments it means it's a profitable niche. How many people sell make money online ebooks, and how many of them are much different from any other? Yet people still sell them because they make money doing so (and people still buy them because some of them have value).

        That being said, I see your point about sticking out in some way, and the guarantee is one way to do it. I'd bet most SEOers are sending some boring postcard with headline "Ace SEO, for all your SEO needs." very boring, branding type bs with no call to action. But $100 if he's wrong and can't get your website on page 1?! I'd bet no one in his market is doing that.

        Several companies have separated themselves with their guarantee. LL Bean for example has a lifetime replacement guarantee. If the stuff you buy from them ever fails you can exchange it for a new one with almost no questions asked. Pretty ridiculous, and I'd bet that me even mentioning this fact will cause at least one of you to go search their website for stuff (Disclaimer: I have no business relationship or otherwise with LL Bean).

        Selling the phone calls is interesting too, but there are tons of people also trying to sell leads to companies too. To me it really isn't so much what you are doing and whether it itself is rare, but the way you initially frame it. When does time hanging out with someone you are attracted to become a date? When does some thing become an experience? A date and hanging out sound different and therefore are different even though they could accurately describe the same experience (generally to two different people).

        Using framing here you could experiment with making them seek your approval. There are many famous examples of companies making customers qualify to them before purchasing their product. They could be "Partner Websites" and they must apply to see if they qualify.

        If you can get them into the frame that they are the ones looking for your approval it's a great position to be.

        OK, but you're comparing SEO, a fairly nebulous, often technological methodology...

        ...with clothes. Something most people understand.

        I've worked with reputable SEOs. And regardless, my preaching has remained the same - write for people and not search engines. Search engines don't have wallets and "ready-to-buy" mentalities.

        If you are REALLY getting into the head of your prospect, you're using their language and your site will be more relevant as a result. That said, a good SEO will help optimize the site so that it's more prominent.

        But between the black hat and white hat and "overlaying sites" stuff, a lot of business owners have no idea which way is up. THAT is why I asked if the business owner gets it. It's been my experience that a sizeable chunk does NOT get it. They're focused on what they DO know, which is why they even consider outsourcing.

        Note that none of what I said indicated this is an unprofitable niche or that I have zero experience with it.
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      • Profile picture of the author DABK
        A few distinctions: if lots of people are getting SEO bombardments it may mean that it's a profitable niche; it may also mean that a lot of SEO sellers think it's a profitable niche even though it is not.

        A niche's profitability rating doesn't automatically transfer to the marketer.

        Regardless of any of the above, if you want to capture and hold the attention of the people you're trying to sell to, it's best if you speak in terms they understand and about things they care about.

        Yes, you could eventually get through to everyone who was born with enough grey cells about SEO. But that's akin to pissing against the wind.

        I could talk to my clients about good backlinks, bad backlinks, SAPE, blak hat SEO, white hat SEO, or the All Knowing, All Powerful Purple SEO Hat or I can tell them I will get pages to be found in Google often enough that they'll get at least x number of phone calls from people interested in buying.

        In my area, business owners have a good grasp of what's a good lead, how much it's worth to them and how many they can handle. They have a poor grasp of hat colors and such.

        In other words:

        If I say, I will create x number of backlinks from quality web pages on sites Google trusts and it will cost you $797 and bring in 20 leads a month, I might as well be speaking in Aramaic.

        Whereas, if I say, I will get your site to be found by buyers of your site so many times that you'll get at least 20 calls a week (which you said would be 5 sales) for $x, they understand what I say and can determine if they want to proceed.


        Originally Posted by dgaunn4114 View Post

        I think if a lot of people are getting SEO bombardments it means it's a profitable niche. How many people sell make money online ebooks, and how many of them are much different from any other? Yet people still sell them because they make money doing so (and people still buy them because some of them have value).

        That being said, I see your point about sticking out in some way, and the guarantee is one way to do it. I'd bet most SEOers are sending some boring postcard with headline "Ace SEO, for all your SEO needs." very boring, branding type bs with no call to action. But $100 if he's wrong and can't get your website on page 1?! I'd bet no one in his market is doing that.

        Several companies have separated themselves with their guarantee. LL Bean for example has a lifetime replacement guarantee. If the stuff you buy from them ever fails you can exchange it for a new one with almost no questions asked. Pretty ridiculous, and I'd bet that me even mentioning this fact will cause at least one of you to go search their website for stuff (Disclaimer: I have no business relationship or otherwise with LL Bean).

        Selling the phone calls is interesting too, but there are tons of people also trying to sell leads to companies too. To me it really isn't so much what you are doing and whether it itself is rare, but the way you initially frame it. When does time hanging out with someone you are attracted to become a date? When does some thing become an experience? A date and hanging out sound different and therefore are different even though they could accurately describe the same experience (generally to two different people).

        Using framing here you could experiment with making them seek your approval. There are many famous examples of companies making customers qualify to them before purchasing their product. They could be "Partner Websites" and they must apply to see if they qualify.

        If you can get them into the frame that they are the ones looking for your approval it's a great position to be.
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  • Profile picture of the author Whitney Segura
    I would give the companies an honest, but well informed & serious pitch on how my services will speak for itself, and how I could guarantee that 30-60 minutes of his time, could alter his business drastically over the next 1-5 years. He has nothing to lose, only everything to gain. I would include a line about an earnings disclaimer, terms of service, etc. and talk a little about how, the client must pass your screening & requirements, to even become a candidate to work for. Because, your standards are just that high!

    It always works, trust me!
    Signature
    Whitney Segura - "Things will come to those who wait, but only things left behind by those who hustle."

    Learn how to make money selling online with Amazon and FBA, at my companies blog: Amazon Seller Help Blog - brought to you by: FeedtheBeastAlways.com
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by Whitney Segura View Post

      I would give the companies an honest, but well informed & serious pitch on how my services will speak for itself, and how I could guarantee that 30-60 minutes of his time, could alter his business drastically over the next 1-5 years. He has nothing to lose, only everything to gain. I would include a line about an earnings disclaimer, terms of service, etc. and talk a little about how, the client must pass your screening & requirements, to even become a candidate to work for. Because, your standards are just that high!

      It always works, trust me!
      You raise some interesting points worth thinking about, thanks for taking the time to share your ideas and thoughts.
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  • Profile picture of the author splitTest
    Originally Posted by zoro View Post

    I currently seo rank local biz niche websites for the express purpose of renting them out to a local business in a particular city.

    I'm want to reach out to them either by email or snail mail.

    I am no copywriter and would appreciate your thoughts on my short sales pitch below, and any suggestions you may have:

    ....................

    YOUR BUSINESS WEBSITE ON PAGE 1 OF GOOGLE WITHIN 48 HOURS... GUARANTEED !

    No Expensive Advertising Required... Just Your Website On Page One.

    "What if This Could Help You Generate More Customers & Sales For Your Business...Today?"

    Dear Mr Biz Owner,

    Hi, my name is Zoro.

    My company specializes in ranking local business websites on page one in Google.com. If this is something that interests you, then I can guarantee to have your website on page one within 48 hrs, for selected search keywords as matched to your business and industry.

    Yes, it's a bold claim, but its true.

    "What if your brand was showcased on the first page of Google, do you think you would find more customers and make more sales?"

    This offer is only available to 1 local business in Dallas. If I don't hear from you within next 7 days, this offer will be directed to one of your competitors.

    Want to find out more? I can be reach at .......
    I agree with whoever said above that you gotta make it clear why they want to get on google's front page. Dig up some stats on how it relates to leads, the more specific to their industry, the better.
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  • Profile picture of the author dgaunn4114
    To be clear, I do not mean to imply that your initial postcard should include super complicated jargon. I agree that it should be written for a lay person. But you can still educate them in a way they will understand. i.e. "75% (or some number) of people google a business to look at their website/find a review before buying." And some data on how the top three spots are valuable etc. I'd test this vs. just a get first on google loud guarantee. Perhaps there are some niches where this is more valuable or where business owners are more aware of the basics of why SEO is valuable? i.e. offering SEO to a tech repair company vs. an antiquer, or like a idk, thing old people/non-internet users use.

    Still, since it's been brought up, I do think there is a time and place where jargony answers can be useful. If they ask you, for example, what could get them kicked off of google and you can give a very detailed answer about google's rules and tendencies complete with citing sections of the google terms of service, it demonstrates that you are someone they can trust, someone with authority and someone who has been doing this for a long time, without saying it directly. What I'm saying is having them NOT completely understand this may be more useful than having them understand it. Because it makes you the expert in their eyes. They know they need you.

    It's like people going to a big box store and getting tech advice and maybe they sell you some doodad that's way more expensive than you need it, but because you only kind of understand what they are talking about, and don't want to look stupid, you might play along and buy it.

    Anyways, my recommendation is to test a ridiculous loud guarantee ($100 says I can rank your site) vs. a more educational piece, modeled on advertorials with a sort of click-baity title (Something like: 3 Reasons why ranking your business on google can save it.)

    If you decide to do one of these things it'd be great to see a draft here so we can improve it and then see how it converts.
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  • Profile picture of the author kindsvater
    First, personally, I'm beyond tired of all the SEO / webmaster spam.

    Second, you can't guarantee a first page ranking on Google. It's a BS claim.

    Third, unless you prove you're ranking on the 1st page of Google for SEO services you shouldn't be advertising SEO services. Don't see any proof in your ad.

    Sooo, if I were to receive that email at best you'd get a deletion. At worst a spam complaint to your email / host provider.

    .
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      I'm ranking on 1st page for financial services. I don't have the time and don't want to spend the effort to rank for SEO services. Why can't I sell SEO to similar financial service providers in other areas of the world?

      Originally Posted by kindsvater View Post

      First, personally, I'm beyond tired of all the SEO / webmaster spam.

      Second, you can't guarantee a first page ranking on Google. It's a BS claim.

      Third, unless you prove you're ranking on the 1st page of Google for SEO services you shouldn't be advertising SEO services. Don't see any proof in your ad.

      Sooo, if I were to receive that email at best you'd get a deletion. At worst a spam complaint to your email / host provider.

      .
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by kindsvater View Post

      First, personally, I'm beyond tired of all the SEO / webmaster spam.

      Second, you can't guarantee a first page ranking on Google. It's a BS claim.

      Third, unless you prove you're ranking on the 1st page of Google for SEO services you shouldn't be advertising SEO services. Don't see any proof in your ad.

      Sooo, if I were to receive that email at best you'd get a deletion. At worst a spam complaint to your email / host provider.

      .
      I rank my own sites on 1st page, then I overlay the clients site on top of mine. Client site is now on page one of Google until he stops paying me.
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      • Profile picture of the author [RyanMilligan]
        Banned
        Originally Posted by zoro View Post

        I rank my own sites on 1st page, then I overlay the clients site on top of mine. Client site is now on page one of Google until he stops paying me.
        I like the idea. So you can actually rank them on the 1st page?


        Are those keywords profitable for them though?
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        • Profile picture of the author zoro
          Originally Posted by [RyanMilligan] View Post

          I like the idea. So you can actually rank them on the 1st page?


          Are those keywords profitable for them though?
          The keywords are all related to their niche + Geo Local. So for example; "tampa cosmetic dentist".
          So technically I rank my own website first, then I overlay the clients site on top of mine. So when someone clicks on my site they are instantly taken to my clients site.
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  • Profile picture of the author zoro
    Currently my site is ranking for over 50 local keyword serach terms and generating about 700 visitors per month. Just wondering if I should sell the traffic rather than the ranking?
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      99.99999% of people don't care about ranking, only about sales. Traffic is closer to sales, so sell the traffic not the ranking.

      I used to have a site, #1 for some keywords. I got a third of the traffic I thought I'd get, based on other sites where I was ranking as high.

      Originally Posted by zoro View Post

      Currently my site is ranking for over 50 local keyword serach terms and generating about 700 visitors per month. Just wondering if I should sell the traffic rather than the ranking?
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      • Profile picture of the author zoro
        Yeah, I guess your right, more traffic equates to more sales potentially to a local business. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas. (:


        Originally Posted by DABK View Post

        99.99999% of people don't care about ranking, only about sales. Traffic is closer to sales, so sell the traffic not the ranking.

        I used to have a site, #1 for some keywords. I got a third of the traffic I thought I'd get, based on other sites where I was ranking as high.
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      • Profile picture of the author zoro
        Originally Posted by DABK View Post

        99.99999% of people don't care about ranking, only about sales. Traffic is closer to sales, so sell the traffic not the ranking.

        I used to have a site, #1 for some keywords. I got a third of the traffic I thought I'd get, based on other sites where I was ranking as high.
        If a business advertises in mailers, newspapers, or on billboards, dose the seller tell you how many callers you'll get? Off-course not. Same thing applies with website rankings-v-traffic.
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        • Profile picture of the author DABK
          Yes and no.

          They don't tell you how many calls you're going to get but they make you think you'll get a certain number. As in: 80k people subscribe to our paper. A fellow like you advertised in our paper 2 months ago, got 374565 in sales from the ad.

          Or, We'll display it in our x city and y city pages on the internet. They have a population of 37k and 42k. An insurance guy like you ran is running an ad like the same size the one you're considering in A city, population 67k. He's got 14214 impressions in the last 30 days.


          Originally Posted by zoro View Post

          If a business advertises in mailers, newspapers, or on billboards, dose the seller tell you how many callers you'll get? Off-course not. Same thing applies with website rankings-v-traffic.
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  • Profile picture of the author zoro
    I know I started this thread a few months back and until now I am only getting around to instigating setup of my approach to local niche business.

    I am so very grateful to all of you who have contributed to my thread by way of constructive criticism, ideas, and suggestions.

    Rather than sending out emails, I have now decided it better to send out snail mail or produce a ex-plainer sales video that I could promote through FB advertising.

    I have taken-in many of the your ideas and suggestions and changed my sales pitch along those lines. I will be pleased if you can find time to give me your feedback on same. Here it is below:

    .......................

    $100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!

    Does your company ever buy advertising in newspapers, letter box mailers, or on billboards?
    Does the seller tell you how many callers or sales you’ll likely get? Off-course not, they can’t.
    But what I can assure you is this; people when looking to buy a product or service first search online.

    Some stats: 81% of Shoppers Conduct Research Online Before Buying (source adweek.com)

    Help people find your business by getting on top of the search results.

    I have a website in the health and beauty services category that's on the first page of Google.
    It’s currently ranking for many related keywords. I'm not in the in the health and beauty business.
    I specialise in local online marketing and that site is there to help local businesses like yours get found online. Yes, I’ve done all the SEO already, so you won’t need to.

    Here’s how it works:
    You have a website. I will place your website over my website. You’re site will be on 1st page of Google within 48 hrs of setup. People will see your website, not mine.

    Here’s the deal:
    From just $99 p/m, you can help people find you by having your site on top of the search results.
    I am reaching out to those health and beauty businesses who would like their brand and services promoted online by being seen on Google.

    This offer is only available to selected business per local area, and because my standards are high, I won’t accept just any business or website, we must first connect so as to evaluate whether or not this will be suitable for both parties.
    Please contact me ASAP before this offer is taken up by one of your competitors.
    ...........................
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    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by zoro View Post

      I know I started this thread a few months back and until now I am only getting around to instigating setup of my approach to local niche business.

      I am so very grateful to all of you who have contributed to my thread by way of constructive criticism, ideas, and suggestions.

      Rather than sending out emails, I have now decided it better to send out snail mail or produce a ex-plainer sales video that I could promote through FB advertising.

      I have taken-in many of the your ideas and suggestions and changed my sales pitch along those lines. I will be pleased if you can find time to give me your feedback on same. Here it is below:

      .......................

      $100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!

      Does your company ever buy advertising in newspapers, letter box mailers, or on billboards?
      Does the seller tell you how many callers or sales you'll likely get? Off-course not, they can't.
      But what I can assure you is this; people when looking to buy a product or service first search online.

      Some stats: 81% of Shoppers Conduct Research Online Before Buying (source adweek.com)

      Help people find your business by getting on top of the search results.

      I have a website in the health and beauty services category that's on the first page of Google.
      It's currently ranking for many related keywords. I'm not in the in the health and beauty business.
      I specialise in local online marketing and that site is there to help local businesses like yours get found online. Yes, I've done all the SEO already, so you won't need to.

      Here's how it works:
      You have a website. I will place your website over my website. You're site will be on 1st page of Google within 48 hrs of setup. People will see your website, not mine.

      Here's the deal:
      From just $99 p/m, you can help people find you by having your site on top of the search results.
      I am reaching out to those health and beauty businesses who would like their brand and services promoted online by being seen on Google.

      This offer is only available to selected business per local area, and because my standards are high, I won't accept just any business or website, we must first connect so as to evaluate whether or not this will be suitable for both parties.
      Please contact me ASAP before this offer is taken up by one of your competitors.
      ...........................
      No, it won't work.

      But, how many tests have you done since your original post, how many websites have you overlaid on yours and got them to first page?

      Now, constructive (or not) criticism, take it or leave it.

      First mistake is this: "pitch to business owners". Common mistake. You are treating them as a group of people, a niche, a market. They all are going to get the same message. Why is this a mistake?

      Because, even though you may have some universal methods, all of them, the owners, feel their business is unique. Don't believer me? Go talk to 1000 of them, and that will be about 10% of the ones I've talked to.

      If you accept this, then the message needs to be TARGETED and written for the one business. So, instead of the general

      health and beauty it could be more like, Dear Auntie Mame's, your business is unique and we appreciate this, we've helped 37 unique beauty shops to reach the first page of Google and it translates into more business for them.

      We can do the same for your Unique shop. Our research shows you live within a few miles of 12,879 women, and 8% of those are likely prospects for you.

      BLAH.

      So, first mistake, treating all businesses the same.

      TWO. All those questions. As soon as anyone starts asking me questions, I know they are trying to sell me something, and as much as I like to buy, I hate to be sold. Trash can. Nothing compelling in the headline, and I don't bet my money (even though it doesn't say that, I don't bet).

      81% a bogus stat which means nothing, where is the data proof they buy?

      problem with SEO, in this instance, no correlation between page one of google and being on a map with 10 other locations. I'll take #10 on map every day over top page of search.

      99 bux a month, doesn't sound like a deal to Aunt Mame, that could be 3-5 jobs she'd have to do. And she really isn't explained what she gets for that 99. Top page one time? Always first page? What does that mean to her?

      Look, you can always TEST it, but since it has been a few months til you got back around to this...why not send some mail out, with what you have written and see what happens, seems as if you have the time to wait and aren't in any big hurry to get this done and tested, are you?

      GordonJ
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      • Profile picture of the author zoro
        Originally Posted by GordonJ View Post

        No, it won't work.

        But, how many tests have you done since your original post, how many websites have you overlaid on yours and got them to first page?

        Now, constructive (or not) criticism, take it or leave it.

        First mistake is this: "pitch to business owners". Common mistake. You are treating them as a group of people, a niche, a market. They all are going to get the same message. Why is this a mistake?

        Look, you can always TEST it, but since it has been a few months til you got back around to this...why not send some mail out, with what you have written and see what happens, seems as if you have the time to wait and aren't in any big hurry to get this done and tested, are you?

        GordonJ
        Thanks for sharing you ideas and providing constructive criticism, its appreciated.

        I do understand that by better targeting and speaking directly to the business type owner, my pitch will better relate to them. The types of businesses I will be targeting are all in the health & beauty niche. There are over 50 types of services within that one niche. If I were to target each service type separately I would need to produce 50 different sales letters videos.
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      As regards the letter.

      You start with $100 says you can rank my company in 48 hours. Then, nothing about that.

      That's a bet. What happens if you lose? How do I, your prospect, get my $100? Why would I believe you won't welch?

      Plus, what Gordon said.

      Plus: you're wordy and confused/confusing.

      Part 1 (headline and subtitle): identify target audience (by name or problem solved or both)

      Part 2: go into details as to problem solved

      Part 3: make them an offer they can't refuse

      Mixed in there, there's part 4: Establish credibility.

      Attention Aurora, Colorado Judo Club Owner

      www.YourSite.com, Eagle Academy of Martial Arts, Rocky's Dojo and Gym have one thing in common: they're at the top of page 1 in Google when you search for Aurora judo lessons and such terms.

      Eagle and Rocky are your competitors. www.YourSite.com is your friend. It's my site. It's ahead of Eagle and Rocky in Google. I can overlay your information on top of it in less than 48 hours. That means that Your Company could be getting the calls that come to me (I got 4 last week from people who wanted to take judo classes themselves; 9 from people who wanted to enroll their child).

      Blah, blah, blah...





      Originally Posted by zoro View Post

      I know I started this thread a few months back and until now I am only getting around to instigating setup of my approach to local niche business.

      I am so very grateful to all of you who have contributed to my thread by way of constructive criticism, ideas, and suggestions.

      Rather than sending out emails, I have now decided it better to send out snail mail or produce a ex-plainer sales video that I could promote through FB advertising.

      I have taken-in many of the your ideas and suggestions and changed my sales pitch along those lines. I will be pleased if you can find time to give me your feedback on same. Here it is below:

      .......................

      $100 Bucks says I can rank your Company on the first page of Google in 48 hours!

      Does your company ever buy advertising in newspapers, letter box mailers, or on billboards?
      Does the seller tell you how many callers or sales you'll likely get? Off-course not, they can't.
      But what I can assure you is this; people when looking to buy a product or service first search online.

      Some stats: 81% of Shoppers Conduct Research Online Before Buying (source adweek.com)

      Help people find your business by getting on top of the search results.

      I have a website in the health and beauty services category that's on the first page of Google.
      It's currently ranking for many related keywords. I'm not in the in the health and beauty business.
      I specialise in local online marketing and that site is there to help local businesses like yours get found online. Yes, I've done all the SEO already, so you won't need to.

      Here's how it works:
      You have a website. I will place your website over my website. You're site will be on 1st page of Google within 48 hrs of setup. People will see your website, not mine.

      Here's the deal:
      From just $99 p/m, you can help people find you by having your site on top of the search results.
      I am reaching out to those health and beauty businesses who would like their brand and services promoted online by being seen on Google.

      This offer is only available to selected business per local area, and because my standards are high, I won't accept just any business or website, we must first connect so as to evaluate whether or not this will be suitable for both parties.
      Please contact me ASAP before this offer is taken up by one of your competitors.
      ...........................
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      • Profile picture of the author zoro
        Originally Posted by DABK View Post

        As regards the letter.

        You start with $100 says you can rank my company in 48 hours. Then, nothing about that.

        That's a bet. What happens if you lose? How do I, your prospect, get my $100? Why would I believe you won't welch?

        Plus, what Gordon said.

        Plus: you're wordy and confused/confusing.

        Part 1 (headline and subtitle): identify target audience (by name or problem solved or both)

        Part 2: go into details as to problem solved

        Part 3: make them an offer they can't refuse

        Mixed in there, there's part 4: Establish credibility.

        Attention Aurora, Colorado Judo Club Owner

        www.YourSite.com, Eagle Academy of Martial Arts, Rocky's Dojo and Gym have one thing in common: they're at the top of page 1 in Google when you search for Aurora judo lessons and such terms.

        Eagle and Rocky are your competitors. www.YourSite.com is your friend. It's my site. It's ahead of Eagle and Rocky in Google. I can overlay your information on top of it in less than 48 hours. That means that Your Company could be getting the calls that come to me (I got 4 last week from people who wanted to take judo classes themselves; 9 from people who wanted to enroll their child).

        Blah, blah, blah...
        Thanks mate, you have generously contributed your expertise to this thread since I stated it, much appreciated.

        Just to be clear, and as you know, I based my second sales letter version on some of the previous warrior suggestions, including yours.

        I will continue tweaking my pitch and soon will start some testing through FB Ads.
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        • Profile picture of the author DABK
          I know you're basing it on what was suggested before. I think it doesn't connect with whoever you're sending it to.

          It needs to
          a - stop them thinking about whatever they're thinking
          b - make them understand what you're offering
          c - make them trust you.

          It doesn't do.

          Really try to get into their heads. How did you choose to send it to them? Why?

          You have to be segment them and speak to each segment about their worries and dreams and reality.

          Originally Posted by zoro View Post

          Thanks mate, you have generously contributed your expertise to this thread since I stated it, much appreciated.

          Just to be clear, and as you know, I based my second sales letter version on some of the previous warrior suggestions, including yours.

          I will continue tweaking my pitch and soon will start some testing through FB Ads.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnBarron
    A couple of things:

    Most local businesses have seen offers like this. You may think your offer is irresistible and it is. The problem is your predecessors scammed businesses. They never delivered.

    You've got to overcome that.

    While I realize you swiped this letter from some incredible WSO, you would be wise not to make it look like a generic form letter.

    The folks in offline marketing would probably be able to help you more. Someone there has probably actually tested the letter.

    Good luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by JohnBarron View Post

      A couple of things:

      Most local businesses have seen offers like this. You may think your offer is irresistible and it is. The problem is your predecessors scammed businesses. They never delivered.

      You've got to overcome that.

      While I realize you swiped this letter from some incredible WSO, you would be wise not to make it look like a generic form letter.

      The folks in offline marketing would probably be able to help you more. Someone there has probably actually tested the letter.

      Good luck!
      Thanks John. No, I have Not swiped from any WSO. I put this sales pitch together based on some of the earlier post suggestions.
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    There's one fundamental flaw that nobody has pointed out.

    You are selling as if you want them to buy now.

    They don't buy that way.

    Even though I've taught superstar sales people to do one call phone closing
    and they have closed deals at 10k plus, it's not easy and for you, I'd recommend
    a multi-step strategy.

    The first touch point's purpose is to create a lead.

    From that lead, you qualify if he/she is right for the opportunity.

    If the lead is right, and only then, do you make your offer.

    Rushing in spilling out everything you got to anyone who breathes
    has low value, even to those who would be qualified to buy.

    My point, your overall strategy is flawed.

    This is coming from somebody who has had Puma
    and household brand names as long-term clients.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      There's one fundamental flaw that nobody has pointed out.

      You are selling as if you want them to buy now.

      They don't buy that way.

      Even though I've taught superstar sales people to do one call phone closing
      and they have closed deals at 10k plus, it's not easy and for you, I'd recommend
      a multi-step strategy.

      The first touch point's purpose is to create a lead.

      From that lead, you qualify if he/she is right for the opportunity.

      If the lead is right, and only then, do you make your offer.

      Rushing in spilling out everything you got to anyone who breathes
      has low value, even to those who would be qualified to buy.

      My point, your overall strategy is flawed.

      This is coming from somebody who has had Puma
      and household brand names as long-term clients.

      Best,
      Ewen
      Thanks Ewen. It is my intention to first capture the lead and then call them. I see what you mean, I'm spilling all the beans before I got the lead. Guess I'll need to look at my initial sales script with the view of getting opt-ins.
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  • Profile picture of the author cruze22
    SEO your business site, and demonstrate your capabilities to the fullest extent. Distribute brochures/postcards with the key advantages of a website, interesting statistics, and links to your examples. Everyone wants a website, but not many people are committed to making it happen. That's why Facebook, wordpress, etc are so popular
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  • It's not bad at all.

    It's the right length.

    You focus on the benefits.

    I disagree with the person who said it's too "me-centric," it seems like you're focusing on the client and their needs pretty well.

    I think I could write a better one, but this is basically OK.
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by Andy The Copywriter View Post

      It's not bad at all.

      It's the right length.

      You focus on the benefits.

      I disagree with the person who said it's too "me-centric," it seems like you're focusing on the client and their needs pretty well.

      I think I could write a better one, but this is basically OK.
      Andy, thanks for your feedback, it's appreciated.
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  • Profile picture of the author HandsomeGenius
    I think you are making a mistake by feeling that you have to spell out your entire offer in a single cold email.

    You should instead lead with a teaser - spell out the benefit very clearly but then have them reply to hear more.

    Something like:
    "Hi (name),

    My name is Zoro and I run (website). We're at (position) on Google for (keyword phrase) - there's a lot of steady traffic here.

    I was wondering if you'd like (name of their business) to be featured here?

    It would be a great source of new customers

    Cheers,
    Zoro"

    Getting the prospect to reply is a micro-commitment.

    It's a very small thing to ask - so if there is any hope at all of them buying, they'll do at least that as a minimum. But you're also putting Cialdini's commitment and consistency principle to work. After they've replied, you're in a better space to start spelling out your offer.
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