Advice

8 years ago

To quote Simon Cowell, "It's dreadful".

Never, never, never (Did I say "never"?) start out a pitch with an implied apology. It positions you as subservient and needy.

"slightly better"? Nobody wants that... they want a dramatic increase.

"just"? - false modesty. Business owners don't want to work with shy, retiring people... they want go-getters who can do great things for them.

Dial it up, man. Promise 'em something big. Exude confidence.

Alex

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oia2015

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

To quote Simon Cowell, "It's dreadful".

Never, never, never (Did I say "never"?) start out a pitch with an implied apology. It positions you as subservient and needy.

"slightly better"? Nobody wants that... they want a dramatic increase.

"just"? - false modesty. Business owners don't want to work with shy, retiring people... they want go-getters who can do great things for them.

Dial it up, man. Promise 'em something big. Exude confidence.

Alex

Originally Posted by neshaword

If you can appreciate an honest opinion, with no hard feelings, of course. I really think you need to hire one of my colleague copywriters. This will improve your chances of achieving what you want. Iâ€™m not saying that Iâ€™m one of them, but I saw the work of guys who can sell ice to Eskimos with their writings. Considering the length of your email, this shouldnâ€™t be an expensive investment for you. Good luck! N

Why you guys think I came here in the first place? I'm no copywriter so always good to get some feedback no matter how brutal it is haha. Will take your advice on board and be a little more aggressive in my approach.

Will look into getting an SEO copywriter, how much would it be for an email of this length?

Thanks
1 reply

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shawnlebrun

8 years ago

Originally Posted by oia2015

Why you guys think I came here in the first place? I'm no copywriter so always good to get some feedback no matter how brutal it is haha. Will take your advice on board and be a little more aggressive in my approach.

Will look into getting an SEO copywriter, how much would it be for an email of this length?

You don't need an SEO copywriter... you need a copywriter who
knows how to get you what you want.

Like Alex said, promise them something big and show them
you can do what you say.

I haven't used this email in, oh, 7 years or so.

But when I sent this email out, I got 2 to 3 replies
out of every 10 emails I sent.

I took out some of the sentences, because they're some
of my "secret sauce" I use when writing emails that I don't
want to put here.

But take a look at it and see how it promises them something,
shows confidence, and proves I know what I'm doing.

Again, this was written over 7 years ago.... maybe more.

But it got the job done, within 2 to 3 weeks I had to turn
people away for copy jobs.

I just wanted to show you how simple to make it,
but to also weave in proof, credibility, confidence,
and a great offer....

---------------------------------------

Subject: your Clickbank Ebook....

Hi ------

I just noticed your ebook in the Clickbank marketplace.

Like yourself... I have an ebook business on Clickbank.

Actually... I used to.

I recently sold it to one of my competitors on clickbank,
for $ --------.

But for the 5 years before I sold the business, that one
website did over $2.2 million dollars ebook sales.

I took a snapshot of one of my clickbank accounts, just
to prove it:

LINK TO SCREENSHOT OF PROOF

These days, I focus on helping fellow Clickbank business
owners sell more of their books.

I'd like to help you sell more of yours as well.

The thing is, I've been studying your site....

THEIR WEBSITE

I can see, immediately, a few things you can
change that will immediately help you raise
conversions, sales, and profits of your ebook.

So, here's what I want to do for you.

On my site, I'm offering a free copy consultation worth
$499.

There's no charge and no obligation... and I can usually
get your critique done in 48 hours or less.

------------------------------------------------------
Several paragraphs of content removed
------------------------------------------------------

So go ahead, fill out the critique or if you want faster
results, pick up the phone and give me a call.

Shawn LeBrun

------------------------------------------------------

OP.... see how I proved I could help, and
I also gave them a risk free, no brainer offer.

But most of all, think of what they want most
and then position yourself to be able to provide that.

Again, a good copywriter will know how to structure
your email and will also know what needs to be
in there, for it to get noticed and responded to.

Hope this helped!

Shawn

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neshaword

8 years ago

If you can appreciate an honest opinion, with no hard feelings, of course. I really think you need to hire one of my colleague copywriters. This will improve your chances of achieving what you want. Iâ€™m not saying that Iâ€™m one of them, but I saw the work of guys who can sell ice to Eskimos with their writings. Considering the length of your email, this shouldnâ€™t be an expensive investment for you. Good luck! N

[ 1 ] Thanks

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RickDuris

8 years ago

Let me first say I appreciate your desire and ambition. However...

Save, save, save your money. Save, save, save your time.

Sending an email like that actually backfires on you.

Unsolicited SEO emails only prove that to the webmaster that you're hungry and desperate. And probably to be avoided.

I get at least 3 emails like these every day:

----

From: Josh

Message Body:

Name : Josh

Message : Hi, my name is Josh and I am a digital marketing expert who has been helping site owners rank their sites for over 12 years. I have seen many changes in the digital marketing world during these 12 years. I still see a lot of the same mistakes being made by companies when trying to outrank their competition, most of these mistakes can be solved easily before resulting in a penalty from Google.

My team and I are currently offering a free consultation where I will be able to help you see what can be done on your site to increase your traffic as well improving sales. I offer this info and my experience to give you a chance to "try me before you buy me." I'm always looking to help those who really need it and am interested in forming a long-term relationship.

If you are or have been thinking of ranking your site higher on the web I would be happy to have a call with you to answer any questions that you may have and also show you what we can do for you.

Just let me know when you are available and the best number to reach you on and I will be happy to call you.

Thanks,

Josh

If you are not interested in our help or are not looking for any help with your site just let me know by replying with remove in the subject line and we will not contact you again.

----

From: Drew

Message Body:

Name : Drew

Message : I am a web design expert. My team and I create visually appealing, easy to manage websites that are responsive on mobile devices. If you have been or are interested in looking at options to help your site stand out from the crowd I would be happy to speak with you and give you some ideas and tips that will help your site.

I will go an extra mile to make sure my clients are happy and satisfied. I have been doing this for a long time and am interested in building long term relationships where I can provide real value to my clients.

Let me know if you are interested in speaking about how my team and I can help your site. I will come ready with some ideas and research on your site and will be more than happy to answer any questions that you may have.

Thanks,

Drew

If you are not interested just let me know and I will remove you from my list. Thanks.

----

From: Alice Thomas

Message Body:

Name : Alice Thomas

Message : Hi, We wanted to get in touch with you to increase traffic on your website. Please reply to this email so we can send you free audit report of your website. Thank you

----

From: Aaron

Message Body:

Name : Aaron Anderson
Message : Hi there!

My name is Aaron and I own and operate a digital marketing agency. My team and I help our clients generate more sales with their sites by taking advantage of the most recent changes in Google algorithm.

I wanted to reach out to you to see if you were interested in seeing what my team and I can do to help you beat your competitors. If so, I would gladly look at your competitors with you over the phone and share some of our findings.

This free competitor analysis that we are offering is sure to give you a full understanding of what is working in today's digital marketing world and let you see what my team and I can do to increase the traffic and sales to your site.

Even if we do not end up working together in the end, I will still be happy to answer all your questions and provide this valuable information with you.

What would be the best time to talk?

I am looking forward to speaking with you soon.

Thanks,

Aaron

If you are not interested in seeing how my team and I can help you outrank your competitors then just let me know by replying with the word remove and I will take you off my list.

----

Message Body:

Name : Garett
Message : Hello, I wanted to reach out and ask if there is anything that you would like to change about your site. I am a web developer that can do just about anything you can imagine.

I would like to have a conversation with you about some additions and improvements that I could make to your site. Please let me know if this is something you're interested in. If it is, just let me know the best number to reach you on and I'll reach out right away.

Thank you!

Garett - Web Developer

----

Are you starting to get the picture? My website is deluged with requests of all kinds.

Do you think I'm going to spend my day filtering these?

No.

So what should you do?

Space prohibits me from being comprehensive, but what I can say is do something DIFFERENT. That breaks out and away from the noise of the market.

Let me give you a simple idea:

Build a simple training program for webmasters on SEO given Google's new algorithm. Have them opt-in to get it.

Send a simple invitation to webmasters inviting them to optin and attend.

Once you have their email, build additional value. And keep building it over time.

At some point, a certain percentage (usually more than you can handle) will raise their hand and say "please help me, I trust you."

Make sense?

Again, this is only one idea if you're partial to email.

I've done this for other SEO firms including the major one's you would know. It works.

There are more.

- Rick

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shawnlebrun

8 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Let me first say I appreciate your desire and ambition. However...

Save, save, save your money. Save, save, save your time.

Sending an email like that actually backfires on you.

Unsolicited SEO emails only prove that to the webmaster that you're hungry and desperate. And probably to be avoided.

I get at least 3 emails like these every day:

----

From: Josh

Message Body:

Name : Josh

Message : Hi, my name is Josh and I am a digital marketing expert who has been helping site owners rank their sites for over 12 years. I have seen many changes in the digital marketing world during these 12 years. I still see a lot of the same mistakes being made by companies when trying to outrank their competition, most of these mistakes can be solved easily before resulting in a penalty from Google.

My team and I are currently offering a free consultation where I will be able to help you see what can be done on your site to increase your traffic as well improving sales. I offer this info and my experience to give you a chance to "try me before you buy me." I'm always looking to help those who really need it and am interested in forming a long-term relationship.

If you are or have been thinking of ranking your site higher on the web I would be happy to have a call with you to answer any questions that you may have and also show you what we can do for you.

Just let me know when you are available and the best number to reach you on and I will be happy to call you.

Thanks,

Josh

If you are not interested in our help or are not looking for any help with your site just let me know by replying with remove in the subject line and we will not contact you again.

----

From: Drew

Message Body:

Name : Drew

Message : I am a web design expert. My team and I create visually appealing, easy to manage websites that are responsive on mobile devices. If you have been or are interested in looking at options to help your site stand out from the crowd I would be happy to speak with you and give you some ideas and tips that will help your site.

I will go an extra mile to make sure my clients are happy and satisfied. I have been doing this for a long time and am interested in building long term relationships where I can provide real value to my clients.

Let me know if you are interested in speaking about how my team and I can help your site. I will come ready with some ideas and research on your site and will be more than happy to answer any questions that you may have.

Thanks,

Drew

If you are not interested just let me know and I will remove you from my list. Thanks.

----

From: Alice Thomas

Message Body:

Name : Alice Thomas

Message : Hi, We wanted to get in touch with you to increase traffic on your website. Please reply to this email so we can send you free audit report of your website. Thank you

----

From: Aaron

Message Body:

Name : Aaron Anderson
Message : Hi there!

My name is Aaron and I own and operate a digital marketing agency. My team and I help our clients generate more sales with their sites by taking advantage of the most recent changes in Google algorithm.

I wanted to reach out to you to see if you were interested in seeing what my team and I can do to help you beat your competitors. If so, I would gladly look at your competitors with you over the phone and share some of our findings.

This free competitor analysis that we are offering is sure to give you a full understanding of what is working in today's digital marketing world and let you see what my team and I can do to increase the traffic and sales to your site.

Even if we do not end up working together in the end, I will still be happy to answer all your questions and provide this valuable information with you.

What would be the best time to talk?

I am looking forward to speaking with you soon.

Thanks,

Aaron

If you are not interested in seeing how my team and I can help you outrank your competitors then just let me know by replying with the word remove and I will take you off my list.

----

Message Body:

Name : Garett
Message : Hello, I wanted to reach out and ask if there is anything that you would like to change about your site. I am a web developer that can do just about anything you can imagine.

I would like to have a conversation with you about some additions and improvements that I could make to your site. Please let me know if this is something you're interested in. If it is, just let me know the best number to reach you on and I'll reach out right away.

Thank you!

Garett - Web Developer

----

Are you starting to get the picture? My website is deluged with requests of all kinds.

Do you think I'm going to spend my day filtering these?

No.

So what should you do?

Space prohibits me from being comprehensive, but what I can say do something DIFFERENT. That breaks out and away from the noise of the market.

Let me give you a simple idea:

Build a simple training program for webmasters on SEO given Google's new algorithm. Have them opt-in to get it.

Send a simple invitation to webmasters inviting them to optin and attend.

Once you have their email, build additional value. And keep building it over time.

At some point, a certain percentage (usually more than you can handle) will raise their hand and say "please help me, I trust you."

Make sense?

Again, this is only one idea if you're partial to email.

I've done this for other SEO firms including the major one's you would know. It works.

There are more.

- Rick

To further what Rick said... the approach I took 7 years ago, I'd NEVER
try today.

Can you imagine how much more busy and crowded peoples' inboxes are
today, versus 7 years ago.

In today's world, people will scan their email for, maybe a half second each
subject line... scanning to see what's important, or from someone they know.

Chance are, they'll never see you or care to open anything from you. They don't
know you.

The smartest thing I've EVER done over the years is ZIG when everyone else
was ZAGGING.

I 100% agree with Rick... these days email works best when you start and
build your email relationship from scratch.

Run some paid ads, offering up a free report that helps your prospect.

Then ask for the next step AFTER you've given value.

Or, do what I started doing after cold email was working less and less.

Send a physical piece of mail.

I know the more crowded email inboxes are becoming, physical mailboxes
are becoming less and less... so it's easier to get seen.

Heck, I've Fed Ex'd packages to big supplement companies I wanted
to work for.

Step one with any marketing... it doesn't matter what you say, you gotta
be seen/read first.

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RickDuris

8 years ago

Originally Posted by shawnlebrun

To further what Rick said... the approach I took 7 years ago, I'd NEVER
try today.

Can you imagine how much more busy and crowded peoples' inboxes are
today, versus 7 years ago.

In today's world, people will scan their email for, maybe a half second each
subject line... scanning to see what's important, or from someone they know.

Chance are, they'll never see you or care to open anything from you. They don't
know you.

The smartest thing I've EVER done over the years is ZIG when everyone else
was ZAGGING.

I 100% agree with Rick... these days email works best when you start and
build your email relationship from scratch.

Run some paid ads, offering up a free report that helps your prospect.

Then ask for the next step AFTER you've given value.

Or, do what I started doing after cold email was working less and less.

Send a physical piece of mail.

I know the more crowded email inboxes are becoming, physical mailboxes
are becoming less and less... so it's easier to get seen.

Heck, I've Fed Ex'd packages to big supplement companies I wanted
to work for.

Step one with any marketing... it doesn't matter what you say, you gotta
be seen/read first.

Thanks Shawn. Great advice as well.

One more thing. You know how I can tell if a SEO service provider who sends "one shot emails" is a poser?

1. They all send their emails from a Gmail account.

2. The last names of the senders sound like first names e.g. "Gerald Thomas" and "Josh Williams".

3. They don't have a website where I can see their work. Where I can analyze their work.

These tells cause me to label them as scammers.

Something to think about.

P.S. They're kinda like copywriters hired by WF management to write atrocious articles in the copywriting forum to boost perceived activity.

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ewenmack

8 years ago

Here's one I wrote for a friend who does seo work.

This is for a plain white postcard with hand addressed and hand attached stamp
so it gets a higher chance to be read than in email.

Swap out his result for your best result.

And swap out his type of business for your best client type...
example Attorney.

If you haven't got money results from clients, ask for them.

If that's too hard, work out the number of bookings
they get, the number of conversions into paid clients
and the average worth a client is to him.

You end up with revenue you generated.

That means something to your prospects,
not where you placed his website on Google
or how many hits his website had.

Based on large number of test results, first approaches to prospects,
3 to 4 paragraphs max is the ideal length to get read.

Not only that it forces you, as the writer, to make every word count
and take multi steps, instead of spewing out a long list of dubious benefits.

Below is the notes I gave him as well as
what goes on the postcard..

Best,
Ewen

Thanks
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oia2015

8 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

Here's one I wrote for a friend who does seo work.

This is for a plain white postcard with hand addressed and hand attached stamp
so it gets a higher chance to be read than in email.

Swap out his result for your best result.

And swap out his type of business for your best client type...
example Attorney.

If you haven't got money results from clients, ask for them.

If that's too hard, work out the number of bookings
they get, the number of conversions into paid clients
and the average worth a client is to him.

You end up with revenue you generated.

That means something to your prospects,
not where you placed his website on Google
or how many hits his website had.

Based on large number of test results, first approaches to prospects,
3 to 4 paragraphs max is the ideal length to get read.

Not only that it forces you, as the writer, to make every word count
and take multi steps, instead of spewing out a long list of dubious benefits.

Below is the notes I gave him as well as
what goes on the postcard..

Best,
Ewen

Hey guys thanks so much for all the advice, I'm a little overwhelmed by the support and I really appreciate it.

I am going to take the steps above and will come back to you with my results. Means a lot!

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Alex Cohen

8 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

.
On this section, it's been infested by non ad writers
which has been well documented.

That's not the final straw that has me
walking away.

It's been members who I've helped privately in the past and
thanked me, have now publicly shown a lack of respect to me
by their actions.

Play nicely folks.

Best,
Ewen

You back?

Alex

Thanks

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