3rd Critique: New Fitness Boot Camp Sales Letter

4 replies
I am really working hard to become a successful copy writer. I thank you all for providing constructive criticism in my pursuit to one day reach your level of skill within the profession.

This is my 3rd ever sales letter!

Please review and critique my newly revised fitness boot camp letter.
#3rd #boot #camp #critique #fitness #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author neshaword
    I apologize, but I don't see it here. Where I can find it? Thx.
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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    I'm not going to read this one.

    Because of the notes you've been given, one of the most important is research. Right after that is the headline (which I glanced at - way too long). So in the last 24 hours you've done a deep dive into understanding the pain of your market and managed to generate a unique appeal?
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Plenty Of Women Are Watching The Summer Pass By Without Having Fulfilled Their January 1st Body Image Goals...This Is Very Frustrating But Can Be Fixed...A 9 Week Fitness Boot Camp That Specializes In Weight Loss and Natural Body Restructuring That Makes You Feel Healthier And Sexier Is Coming To Your City July 27th!




    See that title of yours? I read Plenty of women watch the summer passby and thought you lost them. You're talking general things, you're talking things that are no more, you're not hooking, you're not providing anything


    Get the body you've always wanted before summer's over
    says the same thing as your version... but better; because it speaks to something their' thinking about. (Assuming you're reaching women who made a resolution in January and didn't keep it but still want it.)


    Having to balance kid's schedules, your work life, and household responsibilities can become so overwhelming that you simply do not have the energy to discipline yourself to get into shape.



    Why don't you just get to the point?
    Too busy to go to the gym regularly? to cook healthy meals you can lose weight eating?


    Generally, your problem is not writing, your problem is understanding that the writing must speak to whatever pain/desire consumes a group of people, that you have to understand why it consumes them and that you have to offer them a solution. In a language they understand.


    Not a woman myself, but I've seen a few try to lose weight and even among these few, there were differences as to the why and how.



    Ask yourself this: why would the women you want to sell this thing to want to lose weight?


    There are women who want to lose weight because Agenlina Jolie is thin. Women who want to lose weight because doc's said they must or else. Women who want to lose weight because they want to look better than the bitch of X, who's getting on their last nerve at work. Women who want to lose weight because their hubby's eye's displeased with the added fat. Women who want to lose weight because they found an old photo and they don't look like that anymore. Women who feel old because they are fat. There are women who don't want to lose weight because they think they're perfect no matter what. There are women who don't want to lose weight because hubby likes them that way (and at least one hubby who divorced his wife because she's lost 100lbs and was sexy no more).



    But, why not ask some women you want to sell this thing to why they'd love to get the results you propose?


    You need to understand your audience!



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