Critique (be brutal it's how we learn)

by koncorps 11 replies
interview-blog. com

I spent my time on this but I know it could be better, looking for people to point out my mistakes,

Don't hold back I'll consider everything you say.
#copywriting #brutal #critique #learn
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  • Profile picture of the author eaglechick
    Hi congrats

    Tried to get access to it but it says: the url is not working.

    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author koncorps
    Err, I had to separate the URL says I'm not old enough to post.
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  • Profile picture of the author green1
    Well, I'll be brief 'cause I'd have to rewrite the whole thing...

    Your sales page should whet their appetite so they'll want to read your free report. Your's is selling mostly steak and little sizzle. The free report should then HINT at the valuable information contained in your full report. Your free report gives too much information and most of it is pretty basic. After reading it, I'd probably decide that if your full report contains such common sense information, I don't really need it.

    Having them download your free report and then go back to your site is a bad idea. Better to have an active link within your free report that goes to your order landing page.

    I got a laugh out of the following:
    "What do your interviewers REALLY want from you?
    ... what's even worse is that the interviewers themselves can't answer this question."

    Huh? They don't know what they want from a potential employee?!
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    • Profile picture of the author koncorps
      Originally Posted by green1 View Post

      Well, I'll be brief 'cause I'd have to rewrite the whole thing...

      Your sales page should whet their appetite so they'll want to read your free report. Your's is selling mostly steak and little sizzle. The free report should then HINT at the valuable information contained in your full report. Your free report gives too much information and most of it is pretty basic. After reading it, I'd probably decide that if your full report contains such common sense information, I don't really need it.

      Having them download your free report and then go back to your site is a bad idea. Better to have an active link within your free report that goes to your order landing page.

      I got a laugh out of the following:
      "What do your interviewers REALLY want from you?
      ... what's even worse is that the interviewers themselves can't answer this question."

      Huh? They don't know what they want from a potential employee?!
      All right, I'll re-do the report to be more 'advanced' and hand out less tips.

      And you mean to have a direct link to my check out? 'This is just the tip of the iceberg, find out what the rest looks like by clicking here' kinda thing?

      And then it's just the clickbank checkout or to my vendors landing page?

      After reading a stick you guys have here (my bad I only read 1 before) I noticed there were a bunch of points to consider, which is probably what I should focus on for now.

      Thanks for the advice on the report though.

      Please and thank you.
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  • For the design I don't like the centered text headers. Perhaps try left aligned and then positioning with css.
    Perhaps use the word "Job" in your header. Without looking a bit, what you have is not quite clear. Interviewer should be Employer or some such thing giving that this is for interviewing for a job.

    Your yellow warning box looks a bit out of place and takes up room. Plus anyone looking for a job is usually serious.
    You want important information "above the fold".
    I would try moving my top menu under the header image, at least left aligned.
    A couple of images on the first page would add some life to it I believe.
    I would get rid of the big text where it says "by clicking on the report image!"
    Perhaps under the image say "Click here to download".
    I would do some inner linking once you have some content in your blog.
    I would use a mouse over Hover effect on the links. The link at the bottom doesn't look like one so people may miss this. Perhaps put an arrow there or some such thing.
    Did I mention the centered text?
    I would include some resources for job seekers. Monster.com etc..

    The best of luck to you.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      What's the PRIMARY purpose of this page? Sales or list-building? (And don't tell me "Both"!) What do you want your visitors to do when they get to this page?

      Because it's really not clear. And nobody's going to stick around to do you the favor of figuring it out.

      If you want them to buy the book - then sell the book. Quit waffling on. Get to the point. What will they learn if they buy the book and read it? What information/insight/ secrets/ techniques/tips are they going to receive for their $47 or whatever? (I didn't read that far)

      If list-building is your goal then, again, cut to the chase. You only need a squeeze page.

      And don't send them away to read something and come back. They won't.

      If you want to make this a lead-generation page that leads to sales, then it's a squeeze page, followed by a "thank you for downloading here's more interesting information for you and a killer offer" page.

      Figuring out the purpose of this page is the first step. Then you can tackle the mountain of stuff that isn't here (credibility, proof, offer, value, close, etc)
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      • Profile picture of the author green1
        "If list-building is your goal then, again, cut to the chase. You only need a squeeze page."

        Yeah, you're absolutely right. The free report approach is suitable for gathering leads and building a list, NOT for direct sales. And now he tells us he expects them to go to ANOTHER sales landing page after this one... whew! Sorry, koncorps, but I think you need to reconsider your entire marketing approach. Too many hoops for your prospect to jump through.

        "And then it's just the clickbank checkout or to my vendors landing page?"

        Well, you need to be able to monitor the traffic from your squeeze page to the landing page so you can judge the effectiveness of each one and overcome any flaws in them.
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        • Profile picture of the author koncorps
          Originally Posted by green1 View Post

          "If list-building is your goal then, again, cut to the chase. You only need a squeeze page."

          Yeah, you're absolutely right. The free report approach is suitable for gathering leads and building a list, NOT for direct sales. And now he tells us he expects them to go to ANOTHER sales landing page after this one... whew! Sorry, koncorps, but I think you need to reconsider your entire marketing approach. Too many hoops for your prospect to jump through.

          "And then it's just the clickbank checkout or to my vendors landing page?"

          Well, you need to be able to monitor the traffic from your squeeze page to the landing page so you can judge the effectiveness of each one and overcome any flaws in them.
          Don't be sorry what you said was logical and made sense. I'm thinking of adding in the free report as a bonus, because the name sounds wicked sick and I'm thinking of something along the lines of.

          'The 10 Sins of Interviewing' a bonus report focusing on the not-so-common sense that most people overlook!

          Something like that, what do you think?

          I'll set up a squeeze page after I re-write this landing page.
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  • Profile picture of the author koncorps
    Hey guy's, I'd like to thank everyone for their great advice and support, sometimes things that look all right to me are completely wrong in the face of others and I haven't received faulty advice yet.

    You can keep commenting on my current page and I'll update your all with my revised version later tonight. I'm currently writing out headlines and underneath is my list of 16 (down from 25 idea's started getting repetitive).

    If you guys would be so kind as to help me pick out the best one or *even* suggest small alterations.

    I'd also like to take this oppurtunity to apologize for coming in like an arrogant jackass. After reading some more posts on the forum I realize that I'm a little **** compared to 90% of the writers on here.

    If you would only be so kind as to mentor me in the ways of copy-writing I would be only more then happy to accept

    I'll post you all an update soon feel free to pick out your favorites and tell me which headlines won't sell.

    Question: Do I want a long headline or relatively short?
    1. Exposed: How you can walk out of your job interview with success
    2. Revealed: Are you interested in job interview success, getting the job you’ve always wanted couldn’t be any easier
    3. 80% of people fear Job Interiews – Overcome your fear and get hired!
    4. Are you tired of countless job interviews with no success? Let me revolutionize your interviews with this proven method
    5. Who said acing the job interview had to be hard? Allow me to show you the most powerful techniques available today
    6. Revealed: Proven job interview secrets which will undoubtably help you land the job
    7. Accelerate your job search, instant success is closer then ever with these proven interview techniques
    8. You’ll be blown away with these simple yet highly effective methods for dominating any job interview
    9. Have your interviewers BEGGING you to take the job with these merciless and proven methods
    10. Land your dream job with these fool proof job interview techniques
    11. Instant job interview success is yours for the taking with these revolutionary job interview techniques
    12. Revealed: The quickest way to job interview success backed up and proven with revolutionary job interview techniques
    13. Learn how you can come out of any job interview with instant success following these simple yet highly effective job interview methods
    14. Job interview success is closer than ever, get the information you need to dominate the interview and be remembered long after you leave
    15. Revealed: How thousands have all ready obtained instant job interview success following these proven methods
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  • Profile picture of the author koncorps
    interview-blog. com
    Review just the first page, gotta get the second one formatted.
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  • Profile picture of the author SamKane
    The headline needs more work.
    How about something more dramatic like --
    ARE YOU MAKING THESE MISTAKES DURING JOB INTERVIEWS?

    4 STEPS THAT GUARANTEE YOU'LL ACE YOUR NEXT
    JOB INTERVIEW...

    HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF JOB INTERVIEWS
    AND INSTANTLY GET HIRED....THEY'LL BEG YOU TO WORK FOR THEM!

    JOB INTERVIEW SECRETS:
    HOW TO INFLUENCE YOUR INTERVIEWER INTO HIRING YOU.. Simply by using this ten-second miracle!

    THE SECRET QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOUR INTERVIEWER THAT
    WILL PRACTICALLY FORCE HIM TO BELIEVE HE NEEDS TO HIRE YOU
    RIGHT AWAY.

    HOW TO EASILY CONTROL A JOB INTERVIEW BY SIMPLY
    ASKING THIS ONE QUESTION....

    HOW TO IMPRESS ANYONE DURING A JOB INTERVIEW:
    NEWLY UPDATED 2009 RECESSION VERSION


    There is also much wrong with the sales letter itself.
    One of the main things you can add would be a credible personality.

    Make the letter from a former Hiring Manager with 10 years experience (or something similar, you don't have to lie, just find someone or describe your experience in this field)
    and show the reader why they should believe that this manuscript really works.

    Sam Kane





    Originally Posted by koncorps View Post

    interview-blog. com

    I spent my time on this but I know it could be better, looking for people to point out my mistakes,

    Don't hold back I'll consider everything you say.
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