What is letter is better or about mistakes

7 replies
What is letter is better?

Letter 1
Dear (customername Sir / Madame)
Thank you for using Our Product.
With your permission, I would like to add your name and link your website to the list "Goodly examples using Our Product". It`s help convince our future clients that they can benefit from working with DetailedReview extension.
You will receive certain benefits (more than just +1 in karma) too. What are the other benefits?
Obviously (clearly), you get more interest to your site, it is traffic. And the ranking your site increase too. But you will get more.
Now the confidence it is important for customers. Often, they are looking for more information about the online store. Link to your store on our site it is a real proof of your customer care. Because you improve your online store for customers, helping them. This will be an additional argument for your customers and they share their opinion about you with friends and followers. It really works in modern world.
Can I am will hope to get (will be have) your permission? It will be a good continuation of our cooperation (или partnership).
(как вариант Hope I am will to get (will be have) your permission, and it will be a good continuation of our cooperation (или partnership).)

Working with clients like you makes my business a great joy. Thank you for your time.
Best regards

CEO


Letter 2
Hello %name%,

You are currently using the Our Product extension for %store url% store and hopefully it adds a value to your business. We are about to release new major version of the extension and plan to commit a lot of effort both in the development and popularization of the product. As part of the the product development strategy we are offering the key clients to be mentioned on the homepage of the extension in the "Applied Solutions" section. Actually no action is needed from your side except simple "OK" in reply to this email - we will handle the rest and validate the result with you.
Why you should bother at all?
You will receive additional citation for the search engines and some amount of additional traffic. That will not likely make any drastic difference but it's free so why not?
You will be among the first customers who will receive a newly released version of the extension.
Having not only demo but also real use cases to be shown will increase customer's confidence in our product and will give an example of "success story" which ultimately lead to the additional customization requests which in order means new great features to be added to the extension (you know that the extension upgrade packages for the major xxxxxx release are free, right?).
Growing What is letter is better direction (with your help here) will lead to the allocation of the additional resources from our side and thus we will invest even more in the our customer care and support program.
Please spend a couple of minutes to drop us a line. Even if you are not willing to grant permission it will be useful to hear the feedback.

Best regards
CEO

I think it`s letter has some mistakes. What you think about?
#letter #mistakes
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    The first one has numerous mistakes for sure.
    However, it focuses more on the client instead of yourself.
    I would fix the first one so it's the one and only improved version.
    Signature

    Cheers, Laurence. Read my Warriors for Hire ad.
    Writer/Editor/Proofreader. Place orders.

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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Gramm
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      The first one has numerous mistakes for sure.
      However, it focuses more on the client instead of yourself.
      I would fix the first one so it's the one and only improved version.
      I agree. Thank you for your answer.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    They both have the same problems:

    1) Helluva lotta grammatical mistakes. Sounds like a non-English speaker.
    2) WAAAYYYYY too much fluff. For example, you write...

    "You will receive certain benefits (more than just +1 in karma) too. What are the other benefits? Obviously (clearly), you get more interest to your site, it is traffic."

    Too much throat clearing. You can replace EVERY damn word of that with. "You'll Get More Traffic."

    My vote, between the two is: your yet unwritten third version. Rewrite it without the grammar errors and fluff and repost.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Gramm
    Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

    They both have the same problems:

    1) Helluva lotta grammatical mistakes. Sounds like a non-English speaker.
    2) WAAAYYYYY too much fluff. For example, you write...

    "You will receive certain benefits (more than just +1 in karma) too. What are the other benefits? Obviously (clearly), you get more interest to your site, it is traffic."

    Too much throat clearing. You can replace EVERY damn word of that with. "You'll Get More Traffic."

    My vote, between the two is: your yet unwritten third version. Rewrite it without the grammar errors and fluff and repost.
    1) Yes you are right.It`s problem for me. I learn English.
    2) I agree. These decor are not needed in many texts. The people have a many other important things, so their brains do not spend attention.

    Thank you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Gramm
    Letter 3
    Dear ( Sir / Madame)
    Thank you for using Our Product.

    With your permission, I would like to add link your website to the list “Goodly examples using Our Product” on our site.
    And you will be have benefits:
    - additional traffic;.
    - increase ranking and the position on SERP for your e-store;
    - improve trust for you e-store;
    - real proof that you to take care of your customers.
    It`s remind: you have the lifetime free upgrade for Our Product. You can use more new features.
    I hope will to get your permission. It will be a good continuation of our partnership.
    Working with clients like you makes my business a great joy.

    Thank you for your time.
    Best regards
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Alex Gramm View Post

      "Goodly examples using Our Product"
      You're heading in the right direction, Alex.

      I've highlighted this phrase as it sounds like Victorian-era English. How about "Client Showcase" instead?
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Gramm
        Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

        You're heading in the right direction, Alex.

        I've highlighted this phrase as it sounds like Victorian-era English. How about "Client Showcase" instead?
        I agree "Client Showcase" is better. Thank you Andrew.
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