Need Your Expert Help With LP

24 replies
Hi there - Thanks for lending a hand!

This was a particularly tough page for me...

Target is super busy women, mid-thirties. She's tried every diet program out there and is frustrated because she keeps gaining the weight back. She wants to feel happy and healthy and she's generally skeptical of weight loss programs. She wants to lose 30-40 lbs.

The Upstream FB Ad is : Lose Weight For Good

CTA leads to 2 Part Sign Up Page (1. "How much weight do you want to lose?" 2. Email)

Please take a look at the wireframe - sorry no images (all app screenshots) or hero screen video (a woman who is 33 and lost 100 pounds in 9 months with the program and is still thin 3 years later - all in the video):

http://goo.gl/VZAjaN

I would love your brutally honest opinions, please...

Many, many thanks!
Athena
#direct response #expert #landing page analysis #landing page copywriting #landing page expert
  • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
    Originally Posted by Athena CS View Post

    Hi there - Thanks for lending a hand!

    This was a particularly tough page for me...

    Target is super busy women, mid-thirties. She's tried every diet program out there and is frustrated because she keeps gaining the weight back. She wants to feel happy and healthy and she's generally skeptical of weight loss programs. She wants to lose 30-40 lbs.

    The Upstream FB Ad is : Lose Weight For Good

    CTA leads to 2 Part Sign Up Page (1. "How much weight do you want to lose?" 2. Email)

    Please take a look at the wireframe - sorry no images (all app screenshots) or hero screen video (a woman who is 33 and lost 100 pounds in 9 months with the program and is still thin 3 years later - all in the video):

    http://goo.gl/VZAjaN

    I would love your brutally honest opinions, please...

    Many, many thanks!
    Athena
    I'm confused, I'll point out a couple of things but I don't understand your process...

    Your target is super busy women and you are finding them at Facebook, and doing CTA ads LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD. So, this superbusy lady on her Facebook does click on that (doubtful)..then
    she is taken to a form which asks her how much weight she wants to lose and you ask for her email address. OR is she taken to this page you are showing us?

    I think your Page 3, the STEPS page, would make a better landing page than the mistake filled one you have now. BUT, again, I'm not sure of the process, perhaps some useful advice could follow if you help us (or just me) understand

    The selling process.

    It looks like: SuperBusy Lady on Facebook, being fed scores of diet ads by Facebook, she sees yours, hits the link

    Goes to???? Then she is shown _______??

    The idea, a coach on the phone, support, step by step is a proven money maker, it is how the Big Girls (moneywise) make some serious dough. But, I am unable to make sense out of what you are doing.

    But, it could be me.

    GordonJ
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  • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
    Hi Gordon!

    Thanks for your reply.

    The funnel is managed by the client im working with (its not my business). I tried to explain the steps (unsuccessfully - sorry!) so you know where the landing page stands in the line.

    1. FB ad headline is "Lose Weight For Good"
    2. super busy lady clicks (we hope) and is taken to the (long form) landing page I posted here: http://goo.gl/VZAjaN
    3. If then she is convinced by the page at some point, any of the CTAs on the page will take her to
    4: A 2 Part Sign up page: Question 1: How Much weight do you want to lose"-----answer--- then she is prompted to put in her email.

    Is that clearer?

    Thanks for your help and I look forward to your reply.
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  • Hi Athena,

    As you know the diet game is shall we say saturated in fat. Layers upon layers of products, systems, programs etc…

    Great that you've "niched" your target audience to "busy women." Rather than trying to reach everyone. Often this gets no one.

    The Headline on your landing page MUST give a "hint" of your unique mechanism (why busy people can keep the fat off).

    If not, it's too bland and much the same as most weight loss Ads - many may feel it's just another of the thousands of diets that never work.

    You need a conceptual "reason why" your plan does get great results.

    Maybe delve deeper into your word "anti - diet".

    A few more suggestions...

    Scientific reason, the polar opposite to what people are thinking, a startling statement, an emotional phrase… even a quirky line.

    (Off the cuff completely made up reason - "Astonishingly, this only works for busy women because of the "new" way you'll brush your hair").

    Done well the "reason" will resonate with your audience making them want to know more.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
      Hi Steve!

      Thanks very much for your reply!

      Great point and yea, - I think this is why this was particularly tough for me. This audience has "seen and heard it all" already. Super skeptical.

      I've written at least 50 titles...and I'm not pumped by any of them. Any advice on how I can creatively test titles independently (their marketing team is focused elsewhere at the moment)....?

      Do you think the rest of the page feels bland?

      Thanks heaps
      a
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  • I've got a slight "technical" problem - the link only worked once for the landing page - I can't see it again.

    This is down to me...

    My trusted old Olivetti with the elastic bands and wires attached to the phone lines isn't connecting well to the interweb today.

    But let me try and answer your questions.

    With a strong "reason why" you'll automatically enhance the rest of the copy (but do "review it" and make sure it isn't too "samesy" like the multitudes of other Ads).

    As far as "testing" goes you could run a few titles past a group of friends or colleagues or persuade your marketing department to get back on track and test for you.

    If you are super brave you could test them here. And you can get some fabulous advice.

    Do remember you might you also get "comments" that may be a little too harsh and at times very unfair.

    And we don't want you in floods of tears after all your hard work(I know, I know, thats unlikely happen to - after all you're writing for the "toughest" market there is - but with a bit of notice we can get some kleenex).

    Or storming off in a "huff"(I'm sure you wouldn't you would just leg it - and who could blame you if you had - how can I put it "comments that don't help but hinder")

    More importantly...

    Lots of people get to see your epic lines (anyone can join the forum - maybe searching for ideas - like "how can I crack the weight loss biz") and you don't want any of your wondrous words going AWOL.

    Only to reappear in the worlds most successful diet Ad raking in millions (written by a one time two bit copywriter who sneaked into the forum grabbed your lines and is now living in a Hollywood mansion with a gold plaque over the door saying "Thanks Athena").

    Be careful.

    It's your chance for fortune, fame and acclaim don't gift your ideas to anyone else.


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Why does she want to feel happy?

    Why does this busy, 33-year old woman want to lose weight?

    Why is she busy?

    Is she married, in a relationship or single?

    Busy because she's got 5 kids and is juggling a job, an ex-husband and a boyfriend is reached differently than busy because she's a spectacular attorney who doesn't have the time to look at the time her clients are so many and vociferous who wishes she had a husband coz Mark is not husband material but she doesn't have the time to replace him and doesn't want to do without a male in her life is reached another way.

    Anti-diet seems like a good idea... but might be too much... Test against such things as the non-diet diet... I'm not your target audience but anti-diet to me means anti-losing weight.

    I, too, can see only 1 thing: looks like it will contain a video.

    The title is not powerful enough and it doesn't narrow down enough. Steve's advice is great.

    Originally Posted by Athena CS View Post

    Hi there - Thanks for lending a hand!

    This was a particularly tough page for me...

    Target is super busy women, mid-thirties. She's tried every diet program out there and is frustrated because she keeps gaining the weight back. She wants to feel happy and healthy and she's generally skeptical of weight loss programs. She wants to lose 30-40 lbs.

    The Upstream FB Ad is : Lose Weight For Good

    CTA leads to 2 Part Sign Up Page (1. "How much weight do you want to lose?" 2. Email)

    Please take a look at the wireframe - sorry no images (all app screenshots) or hero screen video (a woman who is 33 and lost 100 pounds in 9 months with the program and is still thin 3 years later - all in the video):

    http://goo.gl/VZAjaN

    I would love your brutally honest opinions, please...

    Many, many thanks!
    Athena
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  • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
    HOLA!

    Thanks so much for all your comments - truly. Sorry for my delay (im in Spain).

    To your questions:

    Why does she want to feel happy?
    Why does this busy, 33-year old woman want to lose weight?

    She feels like she's missing out on life. If she could just lose some weight (and finally keep it off) she believes she'll be a better mother, wife, partner...gain more confidence, and feel comfortable in her own skin

    her biggest obstacle/pain is, in the words of one user, "I know something needs to change, but motivation and discipline are hard for me"

    Why is she busy?
    Mother of young children and juggling a job and running a household. One notable user described herself as a "road warrior, always on the go"

    Is she married, in a relationship or single?
    Many users are single or in relationships but target is married.

    Two contenders for the headline:
    The Unusually Easy Way To Get Skinny Without Willpower
    The Easy Way Busy People Lose Weight For Good Without Willpower

    The page is back up.

    Look forward to your comments.
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      If she truly believes that she's going to be a better mother, etc., you need to speak to that.

      You want to lose weight, be skinnier because that gives you more energy. With more energy, you can do more for yourself / more with your kids than watch some TV.

      With this diet of yours, besides the fact that it gets them to lose weight, it does it in a way that not only does not take a lot of time but, actually, adds time (how?) to their days.

      Having watched a few such women go on diets, lose weight, then go back to old patterns, I can tell you a lot of the diets out there require either special preparation, special ingredients, or have one or more component that has to be consumed 5 or 7 times a day.

      They lost weight, but gave it up because getting the right food at the right time took too much effort/time.

      The biggest part? They had to get the diet food ready and get the regular food ready for their children... Twice the work, practically, to feed the family.


      Originally Posted by Athena CS View Post

      HOLA!

      Thanks so much for all your comments - truly. Sorry for my delay (im in Spain).

      To your questions:

      Why does she want to feel happy?
      Why does this busy, 33-year old woman want to lose weight?

      She feels like she's missing out on life. If she could just lose some weight (and finally keep it off) she believes she'll be a better mother, wife, partner...gain more confidence, and feel comfortable in her own skin

      her biggest obstacle/pain is, in the words of one user, "I know something needs to change, but motivation and discipline are hard for me"

      Why is she busy?
      Mother of young children and juggling a job and running a household. One notable user described herself as a "road warrior, always on the go"

      Is she married, in a relationship or single?
      Many users are single or in relationships but target is married.

      Two contenders for the headline:
      The Unusually Easy Way To Get Skinny Without Willpower
      The Easy Way Busy People Lose Weight For Good Without Willpower

      The page is back up.

      Look forward to your comments.
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  • They are ALL admiral reasons.

    Now I could be wrong...

    Aren't we telling her what she already knows? (isn't she constantly - as in virtually every moment of the day - thinking about her weight).

    But she needs to understand there IS a "no willpower needed" diet plan that'll get lasting results for her.

    I would concentrate on proving there is and yours does work.

    Because if she believes it - she'll buy it.


    Steve


    P.S. Your two contenders for the headline - with my thoughts in brackets

    The Unusually Easy Way (why/how is it unusual and easy?) To Get Skinny (how much skinnier?) Without Willpower (why isn't willpower needed?)

    The Easy Way (how/why is it easy?) Busy People (is there a specific reason why this works for busy people?) Lose Weight (how much weight?) For Good (how?) Without Willpower (why no willpower?)


    Here's the thing - look very, very closely at the "product", the "inventors", the "research" the "ingredients", the way it's "manufactured", even the "place" where its made and the "results" it's achieved and often some very good answers jump out at you.

    You mentioned you're in Spain - is the company in Spain? - could there be some kind of secret "Mediterranean Magic" that makes the diet work?
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    • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
      Excellent questions and you're absolutely right. If we go with either of those headlines, it seems I will have to change the concept of the page to make sure I answer all those questions, yes?

      As it stands now, it's structured more to lay out how the program works (step by step), address common objections (gleaned through interviews), and why it's different than the others.

      The company is stateside (in NYC, where I'm from) but I am in Spain. I've been working with them a few months now and they are launching a new campaign for this program. I will say that the Mediterranean diet is definitely a departure from my daily deli runs in new york.

      What makes the "diet" work is a psychological behavioral change technique (CBT) that the founders (Dr.s) applied to weight loss. They built an app that makes it easy for people to make smarter decisions without calorie counting etc and they attached nutrition experts ("coaches") and social support ( you're matched with a Group) on call. Added daily articles, activities and challenges to "simulate" behavioral change therapy (the CBT) and voila....but it's been really challenging simplifying that, distilling a USP, and making it easy to understand.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    It seems to me you are reaching for every possible "point" you can think of and I'm not convinced that's the way to go.

    Does a "super busy woman" base her confidence in a room on her weight?

    "fear, guilt, unhappy" doesn't fit my image of a super busy woman

    This is a woman who needs an "on the go" diet that doesn't take a lot time to follow, that she can easily stick to on busy days....a diet that is simple enough that she doesn't have to carry food lists with her or spend hours on her computer trying to figure it out.

    For this woman (to me) - diet isn't the biggest thing in her day. She's busy, happy in her life, confident....but would like to be thinner and healthier.

    "Join 45 million others".... 'on this journey'"....means what? An approximation of how many people want to lose weight or a claim that 45 MILLION people are on THIS particular diet?

    I would approach it from a more positive point of view. Not from "unhappy with yourself and your life" - but with "you have a great life and maintaining a healthy weight would make it even better".

    Then I would focus on (if you can on this particular diet plan) the ease of staying on the diet - the simplicity of the diet, etc. If it's not simple and easy....maybe super busy women are not the best target market?
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    • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
      Hi Kay!

      Thanks for the input! It's really helpful. To your points:

      It seems to me you are reaching for every possible "point" you can think of and I'm not convinced that's the way to go.

      Can You tell me more about what you mean by this? do you think the page is too long or that the headline and sub is too dense?

      Does a "super busy woman" base her confidence in a room on her weight?
      The target is looking for - above all - a sense of confidence. She believes that losing weight will accomplish this. Our happiest users report this is the biggest underlying benefit to losing weight with the product. Many times over we heard while on the program - and when deciding about the program - "I finally feel/want to feel more confident" but I suppose you're saying that the title makes it seem dependent on her weight and not a clear outcome of using the product? Is that right?


      "fear, guilt, unhappy" doesn't fit my image of a super busy woman

      The video - and many of our users - share your view - outwardly. But they also say that "losing weight comes with a lot of shame (the woman in the video says this exactly). Is it too risky to put that right up there, do you think?

      This is a woman who needs an "on the go" diet that doesn't take a lot time to follow, that she can easily stick to on busy days....a diet that is simple enough that she doesn't have to carry food lists with her or spend hours on her computer trying to figure it out.

      Spot on! Does the page not do enough to convey the program is easy? What was your impression?

      For this woman (to me) - diet isn't the biggest thing in her day. She's busy, happy in her life, confident....but would like to be thinner and healthier.

      True. Our users say this exact thing - again, on the outside. but as steve mentioned above, we suspect that many more than will admit (because some of them have) that they actually think about it all the time - when they go to social functions and they know how many calories are in each glass of wine, when they are out with their kids and they cant keep up with them, when they are in the supermarket and they know what they should buy but buy instead...etc..... I suppose, if it's so casual, why even go looking for a solution, right? What do you think?

      "Join 45 million others".... 'on this journey'"....means what? An approximation of how many people want to lose weight or a claim that 45 MILLION people are on THIS particular diet?
      A claim. The product has been used by 45 million people. Do you have suggestions for how I can make this clearer?

      I would approach it from a more positive point of view. Not from "unhappy with yourself and your life" - but with "you have a great life and maintaining a healthy weight would make it even better".


      Do you get a sense that the whole page is coming from a negative place. or is the first screen setting this up and coloring the rest of the experience?

      Then I would focus on (if you can on this particular diet plan) the ease of staying on the diet - the simplicity of the diet, etc. If it's not simple and easy....maybe super busy women are not the best target market?

      The product is simple and easy (I used it for 2 months before I signed up to work with them). Do you think the rest of the page could do a better job of making that clear?

      Thanks for your help. Great insights.
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  • This might be a helpful "hint."

    But for goodness sake double check the accuracy of the science behind this.

    When you make any psychological change - you are re - wiring the neurones in the brain.

    A common saying amongst neuroscientists is "What wires together fires together"

    Now…

    Can you imagine how many - "fire off all your excess weight permanently using a proven 3 minute psychological change - best news it really is so easy to do" - type headlines you can create.

    Have fun.


    Steve


    P.S. Another angle - CBT is often used to treat (either or all) stress, anxiety and depression - busy people may be "stressed" and eat the wrong foods at the wrong times which can increase their weight - they may not even realise they're doing this. Or it's become a habit.

    Or "stress" could affect their metabolism causing weight problems. Think of all the possibilities. Use the best one or test a few using...

    An "intrigue" headline pointing out the dilemma * - making the video with the full explanation and solution a "must watch".

    * The dilemma being "no wonder willpower doesn't help you lose weight - here's why…"
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    If the target is super busy women - it HAS to be easy and simple to follow.

    When I think if a busy mother or a career woman with a family and a tight schedule, I don't think of lack of confidence, unhappy, fear, guilt....I think of "no time for yourself".

    A diet for a busy woman has to be easy to follow - can't take a lot of time each day - must be flexible to include changing schedules and eating out or irregular mealtimes.

    The product is simple and easy (I used it for 2 months before I signed up to work with them).
    What did YOU like about it? How did it fit into your lifestyle and schedule? What were the special challenges of dieting with your personal schedule?

    I've known many women who were lacking confidence, were unhappy and guilty about their weight....but they were not super busy people with "big lives". Losing weight was a big focus - and they bought every new diet plan that came out. ...that tells you something right there.

    For the woman that is your target market - an 'intelligent' approach of "easy - fits with a busy lifestyle - can eat with your family - adaptable - healthy" would be a draw.

    I think for your target market "shame" doesn't work. This is a woman who is happy and fulfilled with her life - BUT it could be better. She'd feel better and look better if she lost 20 lbs but has a limited amount of time to spend thinking about herself each day.

    When I think of diets that target people who are shamed, unhappy, craving, insecure and lacking in confidence...I think of someone sitting at home with little to do but eat and focus on themselves.

    A super busy woman has other things to do - losing weight would be great but only if she can fit it in with her career and family activities. An "on the go" - "easy lifestyle" diet would be a "positive" thing in her life but she doesn't necessarily need to "cure" herself. I hope that makes sense.
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    • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
      This is absolutely great and articulated the main problem the team had perfectly!

      The people we interviewed (for the video and first versions of the page) were much more overweight and probably had less to do and had more of those guilty feelings... The second set was the happier, confident woman who's super busy and - you're absolutely right about what appeals to her re the program. I think I ended up intertwining the 2 and it's the latter that we want - and should - to single out.

      Very much appreciate your insight and I'm going to go back and rework the language. Many thanks!
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  • Addin' to the quality feedback you got so far, here are sum observations on the wordin' I see over at the Hero page.

    1) The headline is (actually) weird.

    Lose Weight For Good
    With The ONLY "Anti-Diet" Plan
    Specifically Tailored For Busy People Like YOU

    is simpler -- but 'anti-diet plan' is kinda weird also.

    So mebbe

    Too Busy To Diet?
    Now You Can Slim-as-U-Go...

    2) That is sum long goodbye.

    You gotta get the kiss smack on the goodbye.

    Kiss goodbye to cravings, emotional eating, and all the fear and guilt making it so hard to be the real YOU.

    Get slim, get happy, get confident -- in only 16 weeks.

    3) 45 million others? I would want sum proofa that plz.

    4) YES! Whose lifestyle are we changin' here?

    Kinda sounds like the lifestyle change happens by proxy.

    5) A 365-day guarantee on a 4 month project?

    See the Guarantee post over on the main IM forum.

    I figure the big problem with the Busy Gal deal always gonna be fixin' up sum Treat substitute.

    We are mebbe burnin' off the calories bein' super busy, but we got no time to cook healthy stuff, an' we are so tempted by any cake or chocolate mooshie we can stuff in our faces, so whatever you save with the diet gotta also deal with our (prolly now super habitual) sugar, dough, fat, sweetie, head offa a frickin' cat if necessary kinda bloodlust.
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    • Profile picture of the author HandsomeGenius
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post


      Kiss goodbye to cravings, emotional eating, and all the fear and guilt making it so hard to be the real YOU.
      That's a big improvement. But I think it's still too much stuff going one in one sentence.

      My suggestion would be:

      Cravings? Emotional eating? The fear and guilt making it so hard to be the real you?

      Kiss it all goodbye!
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Athena, please appreciate, I am in the weight loss market. Been in it for 10 years.

    Given what you've presented, your client simply does not know the market. In addition, they do not understand marketing enough to compete in this market.

    That sounds arrogant and insulting, I know. But let me tell you why.

    There are so many big and small "tells" in your mockup, I can not list.

    For instance, you mention confidence in the headline.

    That's not what women are looking for when they want to lose weight. That's not the primary emotional driver.

    Second, 16 weeks? Are you kidding me?

    Third, the promises are simply too broad and vague. Everybody says those things.

    In addition, in a crowded market like weight loss, the page lacks some sort of "mechanism" to deliver the results. There's no differentiation. Give us a clue how it actually does it.

    Now true, you can take what I say and ignore me.

    Do that and here's what will happen: The page won't convert. The client will blow all their money.

    And you'll move on.

    The better plan is to roll up your collective sleeves and put some muscle into the research. Get laser focused on your target market.

    You can do it.

    Please don't beat me up if I sound insulting. I am only trying to help you head off a cluster.
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    • Profile picture of the author Athena CS
      Hi Rick!

      First, thank you very much for your insight. The team (and I) want to get it right and we're all convinced that research is where to start.

      The better plan is to roll up your collective sleeves and put some muscle into the research. Get laser focused on your target market.

      Can you offer some suggestions for where you would start?

      Many thanks,
      a
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by Athena CS View Post

        Hi Rick!

        First, thank you very much for your insight. The team (and I) want to get it right and we're all convinced that research is where to start.

        The better plan is to roll up your collective sleeves and put some muscle into the research. Get laser focused on your target market.

        Can you offer some suggestions for where you would start?

        Many thanks,
        a
        If it were me, I 'd start building a list. Start promoting competitor products. Then survey.

        Or if you have some funds to advertise a landing page with a free optin and again, start building a list and promoting.

        You're looking for real people with real problems to solve.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jennie Heckel
    Hi Athena.

    I looked this over too... Sadly Rick Duris is right.

    You have to put yourself in the shoes of your perfect customer.

    The perfect customer who is...

    1. The woman who doesn't want her husband to see her with the lights on naked!

    2. The woman who is so ticked at her girlfriends who are thinner than she is... she won't go out to lunch with them anymore...

    3. The woman who avoids looking in the mirror because she hates seeing her muffin top!

    4. The woman who has stopped going places socially as she hasn't anything to wear that makes her look good anymore...

    5. The woman who would do almost ANYTHING to lose the weight she hates...

    6. The woman who is silently suffering, and is searching for help, but she wants real help that isn't a crappy weight loss wonder that is just filled with sleazy sales copy that just gets her hopes up and in the end sadly leaves her body even fatter and her wallet thinner!

    7. The woman who wants to please her husband/significant other who asks "why can't you lose weight?"

    8. The woman whose Mother/Sisters all are thin and she's not so she avoids contact with them because all they can talk about is losing weight and that just depresses her.

    9. The woman who looks at her closet and all she sees is "ugly fat clothes"!

    10. The woman who wishes there was a fairy god mother who could turn back the clock and in the twinkle of her wand make her slim, beautiful and desirable again.

    Think on those 10 things... write out how your product would help solve those problems.

    Stay away from hyped up claims and just speak from the heart... woman to woman... how you can help her with all of these problems... from disappointment from her husband, Mom, sisters, friends, (even coworkers that don't want to be around her...) .

    This goes so much deeper... Imagine your own self being 50 to 100 pounds overweight and how you would feel about yourself.

    Then it's a lot easier to see and feel the emotional pain.

    Once you do then this will write itself and the writing won't be a struggle at all.

    Good luck with this

    Jennie Heckel
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  • Profile picture of the author Jennie Heckel
    Hi Athena,

    You need to dig deeper, all you have is surface reasons...

    The app you described goes deeper that's why it works.

    Who does this work the best for... and why does it work so well?

    How does it work....what makes this so good for a woman who is challenged in so many areas of her life?

    Does she really feel there is enough time for her in her day, why or why not?

    Does she feel she deserves to take this time away for herself from her loved ones, husband, focusing on her career?

    What does it trigger any emotion inside a woman? (selfishness, greed, guilt?)

    Why does it work better than anything else they've probably tried?

    Think on those a bit and you will come up with a killer headline and lead in to your copy.

    You may want to talk with women who are your perfect customer and ask them why they would or would not use this product.

    This will help you with coming up with copy that has to be written to cover their objections to using it.

    You need to think about this... Most women are so self-LESS they won't take the time for themselves.

    Also high levels of stress is related to high levels of cortisol in the body which reduces fat burning metabolism to a snails crawl.

    So be sure and highlight the science of why this all works in the headline and lead in.

    That helps to make this something she would not be as skeptical about and worth reading...

    You need to come up with a NEW ANGLE... something they can believe works for THEM just like it did for this woman.

    Write the copy to place them into that mind set. That they COULD be "HER".

    But the time frame is too long, focus more on a believable amount of weight loss per week.

    Something they can see themselves doing and achieving without too much effort or work so like you said it is easy and they can do this and it fits into THEIR HECTIC LIFESTYLE...

    Then... you'll have a winner.

    Jennie Heckel
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    ******* WSO & JV ZOO COPYWRITER -- VLS & SALES LETTERS PROVEN TO CONVERT ******* Get Higher Profits From Launches That SELL! Proven Copywriter with 17 Years of Copywriting Experience. Contact Me Via Skype: seoexpertconsulting Copywriting Website: http://www.VideoScriptCopywriter.com

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  • Athena,

    "Mechanisms" (what makes your "product" uniquely different) has been mentioned by Rick (thread 18) and me (thread 4).

    I did a bit of research and virtually every conceivable "mechanism" has already been used in the weight loss arena.

    It's possible to find a "new" one - but even if you do it could still lead to problems.

    Here's part of a post I wrote a while ago. I've "adapted" it hoping it might help you.

    It's based from the book "Breakthrough Advertising" by Eugene Schwartz.


    What to do when...

    The Market Disbelieves Everything In An Ad (particularly common in "diet ads").

    No matter how genuinely wonderful the "weight loss plan" is and how perfectly the "mechanism" works - very few buy it because most won't even read the Ad.

    They've heard it all before. And have been disappointed and let down time and time again.

    Or they assume they already know what you're about to say, muttering, "It doesn't/won't/can't work, waste of time, might be Ok for others but not me, I'll stick with what I'm doing even though it's more or less useless."

    So (at least initially) if you dare mention the product, it's mechanisms or the benefits you are likely to get tons of sales resistance.

    The answer? - call out to the prospects deepest emotions, their state of mind in essence exactly how they are feeling - do this in a single statement.

    It's called a Dominant Emotion Headline (it's 1000 times more powerful than just "entering the conversation the prospect is having in their head").

    Get this headline right… (to reinforce it I tend to write a prehead and a subhead as well).

    And when prospects see it and strongly identify with it they can’t help but read on.

    Then in your video build up the problem, reveal the benefits of finding the solution, give them the solution, prove it's the best possible answer and entice them with an irresistible offer to buy it.

    Do all this using the other techniques in "Breakthrough Advertising". Including Identification, Gradualization, Intensification, Character Roles, Achievement, Testimonials, Guarantees etc...

    Aim this at your target audience - and the response can be truly amazing.


    Steve
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  • Athena,

    You may not have a copy of "Breakthrough Advertising."

    Every Guru and A lister I trained with over the last 30 years told me it's a legendary and probably the best "how to" copywriting and marketing book ever written. And with the results its helped me get I believe them.

    There are many other great copywriting books but this is in a super league of its own - after you've read it you'll know why.

    When it was republished (it was out of print for years) it was fairly easy to get - (although at one time it became the most stolen book from US libraries).

    And it seems to have become "rare" again (ironic because it really is a "must have" for copywriters).

    I had a quick look today...

    Amazon.com has a few but are very expensive. Amazon uk seems to have one for a lot less money.

    However you get it and whatever you have to spend it's a solid gold investment.

    Because with all the indispensable knowledge - it should repay you 10,000's of times.


    Steve



    P.S. Steve? Yes?

    You can stop the "pitch" for the book now - there's at least an outside chance she'll be looking for a copy…

    And you'll fall sideways off your chair if she says, 'I've had one for years"
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