Critique My New Copy/Design

by Devan Koshal 8 replies
I've spent the last few weeks working on this.

If you have time it would be awesome to get some feedback.

The product is an indian head massage dvd.

http://massage-guru.co.uk/

Thanks
#copywriting #copy or design #critique
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  • Profile picture of the author Bill Jeffels
    Hey Devan,

    Your prospect is a massage therapist... or someone that will be giving a massage... correct?

    Right of the start you go into the benefits of the the massage and how it manipulates energy and how great a Indian Massage is... but don't forget about your prospect.

    Why are they at your site? What are the benefits of being able to give a Indian Massage... more money for your prospect... more time off work because of a more value customer.

    Now, I'm not saying don't talk about the Indian Massage... because you should.

    I'm saying is that you only have a certain period of time to keep your prospects attention... so remember your customer wants to know what's in it for them, giving the massage... then go into the benefits of recieving the massage.

    All the best.

    Bill Jeffels

    P.S. I did like your price comparison $3997 workshop or $47 DVD... good one.
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan View Post

      Wasn't it Dan Kennedy who talked about something like that for Nightingale Conant seminar tapes?

      Brilliant strategy
      Yes, Dan Kennedy teaches this tactic in his book, "The Ultimate Sales Letter" in a section called "Beat The Price Bugaboo". He calls it the apples to oranges comparison.

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Originally Posted by Devan Koshal View Post

    I've spent the last few weeks working on this.

    If you have time it would be awesome to get some feedback.

    The product is an indian head massage dvd.

    http://massage-guru.co.uk/

    Thanks
    Devan,

    The headline needs improvement. The benefit, "Healing Power" is too non-specific, and the phrase "From The Comfort of Your Own Home" isn't needed at all.

    What specifically does an Indian Head Massage heal? Put that in your headline.

    For example, if the Massage heals severe headaches, a headline something like this would be better ...

    "Who Elses Wants to Rid Themselves of Crushing Headache Pain Using The Indian Head Massage?"

    The "Who Else Wants" headline still works very well in non-IM niches.

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    I'm not the official massage therapy sales copy expert of the forum although I do target health care professionals in one of my niches, so that being said I will say that your positioning is completely off IF you are targeting professional massage therapists.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan View Post

    I do like the reason you added for the bonus and the more believable takeaway it adds.
    I agree. Don't think I've seen that overprint "reason why" used before.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dainis
    I agree, it is too yellow, in my opinion. Also the title graphic does not need to be a graphic. It looks better the further I scroll. Build in additional colors. Get the look to be as relaxing as the massage. Definitely look at "positioning." What if I am not a "budding" massage therapist? What if I am a pro at several other styles? Am I in your prospect pool?

    Nail your target market to the wall...with some work, you'll do well with this. Don't sell me on the benefits of massage if I'm already a massage therapist, you know?

    Sell what you want to sell to the person you want to sell it to.

    Best,
    Dainis
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