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Need some feedback on my copy

by Roboc
15 replies
It's for SEO services for small businesses in a certain location.

I wrote this copy with the goal of getting an initial contact from the visitor.

I'm sure it can be improved because I'm far from the best copywriter.

Here is the copy

Any feedback is appreciated.

Note: I can't add testimonials to the copy because it's a new company.
#copy #feedback
  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    The layout is bad. Your copy is pushed way down by two totally irrelevant images.

    How are people finding this site? Who are they? Who is reading it is an important part of knowing what should be written.
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    • Profile picture of the author Roboc
      Thanks for the feedback. Small business owners in the location of Dromana are reading this copy. The page is found from small business owners search for SEO services in that location
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      • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
        If you are sponsoring the keyword "seo services" then you should be leading with a strong headline and bulleted benefits that show why they should use you and not another seo firm.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    It's decent writing, you need to get to it a little quicker without all the scrolling.
    Signature
    * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Why are you selling SEO to people who need to be taught what SEO is?
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    • Profile picture of the author Roboc
      A few reasons that's there. 1 for the on page SEO its self, more content and keyword density. 2. to build some sort of confidence that we know SEO. 3. People who need to be taught what SEO are usually the ones that pay for someone else to do it for them. You think it shouldn't be there?
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      • Profile picture of the author DABK
        How did you come to the conclusion that the ones who need to be taught what SEO is are the ones that are going to pay for it? I mean, I'm sure some do, but it seems only logical that there are business owners who know what SEO is but don't have the time/patience to do it so they'd gladly pay someone... and they'd be easier to work with, assuming you know your stuff and are open about what you're doing.

        Consider this vs What SEO is:

        I did not know what SEO was, just that it gets my website found by my clients on Google. I knew I needed to get it done and hired Roboc. His SEO is amazing: Before I hired him, I used to get 2 or 3 calls a month from my website, now I'm getting 37, and about half of them hire me. The cost to get a client, after I factor in what I pay Roboc, is 27% lower from SEO than from any other marketing I do.

        Signed, John Doe, President, Apex HVAC and Remodeling, Inc.

        I am saying, you can achieve what you want better.

        I am saying, you need to test your assumptions.

        And that you lost me at the What's SEO section. I am a business owner, not your target audience, but I wouldn't hire you because of that section. That section, to me, means: I am after people who cannot tell if I do a good job or not.

        Originally Posted by Roboc View Post

        A few reasons that's there. 1 for the on page SEO its self, more content and keyword density. 2. to build some sort of confidence that we know SEO. 3. People who need to be taught what SEO are usually the ones that pay for someone else to do it for them. You think it shouldn't be there?
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        • Profile picture of the author Roboc
          Thanks, I'll take that into consideration. I would replace it with a testimonial but its a new company. Might replace it with a what 'makes us different' section
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          • Profile picture of the author DABK
            On your homepage:

            Our SEO Services Will Grow Your Business

            It only takes you seconds to see how.
            Get your free SEO Audit.

            You're starting with 'our' and they're interested not in 'our.'

            Start with Grow Your Business.

            One instance of our, I, we won't sink your ship, but a few of them will.

            For me, there's a step missing between "I only takes you seconds to see how" and "Get your free SEO audit."

            I would specify how the audit gets them closer to grow their business... Yes, I think you should give them a 'because' for every action you ask them to take, even when to you it's obvious why they should take it.

            I put a url in and asked for an audit. You're sending it to them through the contact form on their site... The message that says that should be bigger. And, if you ask me, you should warn them, in big letters, before they click to get their report. By the way, I would give them an option to add another email address.

            Have you considered that the email address on the site is monitored by the person who, among other things, is selling them their piss-poor SEO?
            Originally Posted by Roboc View Post

            Thanks, I'll take that into consideration. I would replace it with a testimonial but its a new company. Might replace it with a what 'makes us different' section
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            • Profile picture of the author Roboc
              Again thanks for the great feedback.

              I've made the changes to the top section and also replaces the 'What is seo' section with a 'what makes us different' section let me know what you think.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eden A
    Okay so about the headline what you need to add and change is
    how to grow your business with seo, what does it means?
    what if I don't know what SEO means what if I'm a newbie
    but still want to grow my business but don't know how?

    You need to address their needs and get their attention.
    Try another headline that even people who don't know
    what SEO means will be interested and want to know more about it.

    Second you need to add a little bit on the company just a
    few words, that you will gain a credibility and then
    about the product and a value, how this is going to help them?

    And put some info on what is SEO.

    Hope that helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author Roboc
      I had a section on what SEO is but removed it because others told me to. It made sense to remove it. People who are searching for ways to grow their business won't be the ones who find that page, it is targeted towards people who already know how to grow their business and know SEO is one of those ways. They already know what SEO is and are looking for an SEO agency.
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Read Dan Kennedy's Ultimate Sales Letter. It will help you.

    If you were looking for a mortgage broker, would you be interested in 1 or 2 below:
    What sets us apart.

    What you get when you work with us.

    Your copy needs work. The image you have, unless it's a well known image in your area, just wastes prime space.

    Have you considered making a little video and putting that in its place?

    Put yourself in their shoes:
    they want to grow their business
    they might be considering SEO
    but...
    what issues with SEO and SEO companies do they have?
    How do you establish trust? (Thus far, you ain't.)

    The video could be about your process: how you select who to work with, how you choose the keywords, what kind of things you consider results, why can they trust that you deliver on what you promise, etc.
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    • Profile picture of the author Roboc
      Thanks. I'll give the book a read. Building trust with past work, testimonials, reviews etc.. is very difficult be done because it's a new business. For the moment I just want the copy to be good enough and not terrible until I have testimonials and more time to devote to it. I think as it stands it's can be improved but is at least good enough.
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  • Profile picture of the author 21stCenturyCopywriting
    Hi,

    I've just finished reading your copy.

    I think you've took the SEO part a bit too seriously. I understand that you're offering a SEO service but your copy seems developed more to appeal to Google than to sell.

    Why?

    I feel it lacks clarity.

    A copy must have two clear elements - who is this for and what are you exactly offering, in terms of benefits, not features. Here, it is a bit fuzzy.

    Are you targeting people who are SEO specialists? People who never used SEO before? The approach leads me to think you want to target "SEO virgins". The language makes me believe you want to target those who used SEO before.

    Can you see the disconnect now?

    Plus, let's assume I'm your customer. I have $500 or $1000 or $2000 or whatever is your price, right now, in my pocket. You meet with me on that beautiful beach, from your photo, to sell me on your services.

    It is a beautiful morning and the air is a bit chilly. You come to me and you start talking about SEO and ranking and Alexa and backlinks. You tell me about Google Panda update and about a few other things. I wonder what Panda's have to do with Google because I don't want to look like an idiot but in practice, I have zero ideas what you're talking about.

    You know what ... I know?

    That I have a store selling furniture online. That's what I do, furniture, good furniture. And I know that fewer and fewer people come to the location and prefer to buy online. However, I don't know what's the deal with conversion or traffic or SEO. I don't know what SERP is or why my H2 tag is so important.

    I ... sell furniture.

    You come to me if you want to get a new couch, a new bed or a new wardrobe. After all, that's why I came here, to this beach to meet with you. That's why I have my pocket filled with $20 and $50 notes, ready to give them all to you, because you promised to deliver me a benefit.

    You've promised to help me rank which means that I'll get more traffic which means that I'll get more prospects which means I'll get more customers.

    And only then I get to what I want - more furniture sold.

    But no, instead, I don't know if this is for me, what do you do and 90% of the fancy terms you use above.

    Now, if I were your customer, do you understand my point?
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