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Experts please critique - Landing page

by Christianwins
14 replies
Hello,

Thank you in advance, feel free to let loose with all constructive criticism or things I did well with (for future pages). This is my first official squeeze or landing page. I am helping someone with it and have tested it with facebook ads. So far with 195 clicks there is 24 opt ins (little over 8%).

I think a page like this should be able to get a better % and would like to know what you warriors think.

Appreciate it.

Link is in signature.
#critique #experts #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author Christianwins
    Post didn't have signature. This one should.
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  • Profile picture of the author Easy Cash
    Maybe adjusting the layout might help a bit - it seems a bit irregular

    What about the photos - it looks a bit un exciting - would be better if it was an 'action' shot - how about a backflip??!

    How about optin boxes at the top of the page - on my screen they are below the fold
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  • Profile picture of the author Christianwins
    Followed suggestion of changing the picture to an action one. Also moved up the Opt in box so now it is visible when you arrive.

    You said it looks a little irregular, I know it's not a cookie cutter landing page with square boxes and bullet points, how would you change the layout?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
      Hey Christian,

      Concerning the layout... you want to bring those borders in by running your body text about 700 pixels down the center of the page... and pad the sides at about 20px.

      Right now you've got a small amount of text stretched across a full page. You want to tighten all that text up so it's easy on the eyes.

      Here's an example from one of mine: Sell More With The Copywriter's Edge

      That sample is a minimalist approach, but for your market you might want to test different background colors outside of the text box, etc. (Keep the body text black on white.)

      Look at similar sites in your niche and get a feel for what the well converting sites are doing.

      As for the copy...

      You've got a couple of nice power words in there, but it lacks a genuine promise of value.

      As your prospect, I need to know...

      What is it you have for me that I can't live without?

      In what form will I receive these "secrets"? (video, audio, ebook, smoke signals, what?)

      How will it be delivered? (Instant download, or will you be asking for more info plus S&H on the next page?)

      Why should I believe you?

      Why should I trust and admire you enough to want to learn from you?

      Don't assume people know these things just because you do. Our brains arrive at landing pages guarded with practical questions... until you answer them, your prospect cannot relax enough to get excited.

      This simple offer is your chance to create an enthusiastic new fan (think long term value here), but the copy you have now screams "I'm after your money!"

      Don't think of this as "just a squeeze page"... this will be the first impression many of these visitors have of you (Tom Stark).

      Shouting an empty promise, with nothing to back it up (and no mention of benefits), then threatening to charge for it... is probably not going to win you any new fans.

      Ask yourself... honestly...

      Would you see this page and take action?

      Would you be genuinely excited about receiving this "guide"?

      Would you leave this page desperate to learn more about Tom Stark and all the amazing things he can teach you?

      Take a step back, Christian, and ask yourself what the prospect REALLY wants from you.

      What are they praying they'll find when they hit this page?

      What enticed them to click on your link in the first place? (Is your AdWords promise carrying over to the landing page, for instance.)

      If you have a good relationship with your list, survey them to find out exactly what they want. If you do that, the copy practically writes itself.

      But if you haven't had the opportunity to dig deep into the desire of this market, then you're probably going on what you think they want, what you would want or what your friends think they want.

      I don't assume those things are wrong. But you've got to get these strangers to relive the excitement you had when you first discovered the information you're about to let them in on.

      Tell them what incredible good fortune they've had in finding this website. Make them want to call their friends and say: "Dude, you have to go to this website!" ... or pray that their competition never does.

      None of this is difficult, Christian... you've just got to take the time to go through the simple steps that put you in the mind of your prospect.

      Do that and you'll kick ass. I have no doubt.

      Best,

      Kevin
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Stellar post, Kev.

    Glad to see you here, brother.

    B
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    Brian McLeod
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  • Profile picture of the author poorblogger
    I'm not an expert for landing page but I've tried to make best comment.
    From my experience there's a lot of thing you must do

    1. "How A 16 Year Old Kid Learned The Secrets The Pros Use To Holeshot The Gate " -- Your words is very hard to understand for non English speaker ( me also).. If you want to sell to international, then use simple words. I don't know the meaning of ' to holeshot the gate' .. What's your point?? Maybe nature English speaker will understand but not me. Why don't change it easy title like ' The Secrets Revealed ' How A 16 Year Old Kid Become Pros in ..... '. That's just an example. You can get other's hype statement.
    2. What's product you give?? Give some explaination before try to convince people to subscribe their email..
    3. The picture of motorcross rider not very attractive. In your landing page you mention 16 year old kid.. Where is the kid picture??? You must give some evidence. It doesn't matter whether you use the real person or cheat. It is a must to give confident for your readers.
    4. Testimonial. Is it trend for landing page to have testimonial for your product. Try to get testimonial from people who in your topic. The 16 year old testimonial is a must..
    5. I don't like the idea of P.S and so on. If you want to give bonus than show the product ( cover) before email subscribing.


    I think that's all my comment. I'm sorry if this comment hurt you. I think you can make better than this..


    p/s:- I hope you understand what I've explain. My grammar is very poor..
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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    My guess is this would do fantastic with a video squeeze page. Don't give everything away, just one video (secret). Then use the rest of the secrets to build a relationship with them over time using an autoresponder. Sequence should be:
    1) FREE VIDEO
    2) Free report of video revealing something about yourself that helps them bond with you. Perhaps a story of how you figured it out.
    3) Some testimonials (Mail Bag) type emails next.
    4) Give them a huge piece of the puzzle next in video or report.
    5) Hit them up for sale.

    From a design standpoint check out this link: Squeeze Page Conversion Secrets by Eric Graham, The Conversion Doctor

    Eric has tested almost everything to do with squeeze pages. I use his tips and went from 15% to 90%.

    Good luck!
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    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Kev - Props, dude!

      NOTE to critique requesters: See what happens when you ask nicely? That's a 4-figure critique right there. For free.

      Think about it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Christianwins
    There is tons here, great responses...thank you for them. After I finish implementing this posts suggestions and do some split testing I will post the results to show how much it has improved.
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    I'm not sure about the rest of your page, but geez your headline started out so great then...you just killed it

    You desperately need to change this part:

    --For Free
    ...Even for beginners"
    Best of Luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Ashley Wright
    You need to make your headline... erm how do I say it look like a headline make the font bigger to make it stand out more
    The red writing on your green opt in page is very distracting and off putting a simple thing such as changing that could increase your opt in rate even more.

    What I do on a sales page that probably most people do is scroll down to see if anything stands out, and personally nothing does on here,

    You have the structure it just will need a few tweaks so I look forward to seeing what you come out with
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  • Profile picture of the author Dainis
    Kevin WOW, everyone else too...this squeeze page will really shape up nicely. My beef is with the headline itself:

    How A 16 Year Old Kid Learned The Secrets The Pros Use To Holeshot The Gate And Attack Turns To Dominate Your Race...

    The "Your Race" part reads as "off" for me. In this sentence, it would be "His" Race, not "Your." It needs to shift to something more like this:

    How A 16 Year Old Kid Discovered The Simple Pro Secrets
    That You Can Learn Right Now To Holeshot The Gate, Attack Turns,
    And Totally Dominate Your Race...
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    Profitable Virtual and Physical Business Integration
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  • Profile picture of the author geekology
    Various fonts are not consistent across the page. I'm not sure if you have done that knowingly but to me it doesn't look good. Also, the whole copy looks bit bland perhaps putting some borders and having some mre colors could help you.
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