Can you give your honest opinion about my copy?

10 replies
Hey everyone, and thank you for checking my thread.
I've been a sales trainer for quite a lot of time and now I decided to try to sell my services online as well.
I'm much more experienced in selling face to face or using the phone. But I believe the same techniques apply in both scenarios.
I want to sell my services of making someone a sales copy.


This will be on an explaining video:
*********
Did you ever ask yourself: How come only 5% of the salesmen / advertisers close most of the deals?
What do they do to make so many deals come to life?
What am I doing WRONG That make so many deals slip between my fingers?
Can you imagine how different your life will be if you'd close only 1% more of your prospects?
Most salesmen forget: "People make their decisions emotionally and then justify it with logic" and they are making the mistake of explaining the features of their products instead of making their clients realize how much the NEED it! How BAD their life is without it and how AMAZING their life will be once they get it!
I guarantee you will ABSOLUTELY LOVE my service.
What you will learn from your new sales script will help you your ENTIRE LIFE.
Order my service now, and we'll brainstorm, plan and TOGETHER: Build you the PERFECT sales pitch.
Whether you're a salesman, a sales manager, a business owner or an advertiser, I guarantee you will make more sales. Remember: Businesses rise and fall because of the words they choose. I will help you choose the perfect ones.
*********

This is the written content:

Who is my service good for?
- Bloggers
- Salesmen
- Sales Managers
- Business owners
- Advertisers

What's in it for you:
A sales copy that:
- Creates a huge NEED
- Creates a great sense of URGENCY
- Put you OUT OF THE CROWD - Smash your competitors
- Make your clients question their beliefs
- Make your client TRUST you
- Help you understand WHAT YOUR CLIENT ACTUALLY WANT
- Make the client SELL to HIMSELF

100% Money Back Guarantee! I have full belief in my service.

BONUS: Free education package for anyone who is ordering my service:
- How to solve any objection?
- How to find out which objection is real, and which one isn't? (I need to think about it)
- How to never give a discount to a client who's saying "It's too expensive"
- How to solve most of your clients' objections BEFORE they even pop up?
- How to create real urgency, not the "This deal expires in 2 days" nonsense!


So, what do you guys think? What would you change / add / remove and why?

Thanks in advance! Cheers!
#copy #give #honest #opinion
  • Profile picture of the author Ben Lim
    I am in no position to give you my opinion, but I can tell you about the place where I'm trying to get my OWN copy reviewed by bunch of copywriters. Search Cult of Copy Colosseum on Facebook. Just to make it clear, it's one run by Colin Theriot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tomer Baleli
      Thank you friend.
      I'll check it out!
      May I ask why you're not in a position to give me your opinion?
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  • Profile picture of the author duck foogle
    Are you the 95% of salesmen that can't close.

    Do you cross you fingers before the deal happens?

    Are you letting easy sells slip trough your fingers?

    Would you give your kidney for just 1% more engagement, more conversions and sells?

    Here's the secret we forget when we get lost in the grind, the routine and the details:

    People act based on gut, then they sell themselves on that action.

    If you sold them, they will repeat the advantages, the benefits you told them to themselves until they are happy with their purchase.

    If you didn't, even stamping FREE!!! on your forehead will seem suspicious.

    That's a salesman, they make you need and let you convince yourself you want it.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg.

    If you love this, the rest of my method will blow your mind.

    And after you scrape your mind from the wall, your life will be changed.

    Sales is the crucial skill of the 21st century. You are either buying or selling.

    From salesmen and sales manager to CEOs - you are either selling the world on your reality, or buying their excuses of why you/your product/your company isn't good enough.

    Stop buying, Click the button and start selling.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tomer Baleli
      Hey brother, thanks!
      I'll definitely use some of your sentences.
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  • Profile picture of the author newbieleoling
    I think your copy is too sales pitch. Share some stories will be good. Especially your own story.

    Use story to link you and them. Like what difficult when you just start out then all the problem like finance, stress from boss and etc. This part will create rapport with your customer.

    Then next part you found this technique or skills that improve your by xxx% and you earn $xxxx within x days/months/years

    As you already written in your sales pitch. Emotion sell, logic don't sell. Story is the easiest way to create emotion.

    Hope this help
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    • Profile picture of the author Tomer Baleli
      "Use story to link you and them. Like what difficult when you just start out then all the problem like finance, stress from boss and etc. This part will create rapport with your customer. "

      Good idea!

      "Then next part you found this technique or skills that improve your by xxx% and you earn $xxxx within x days/months/years "

      Less practical. They all work in different fields and make different amounts of salaries. When I helped brokers, they managed to make thousands of dollars each week more. But when I help someone that is selling furniture or something, the impact is obviously smaller

      Thanks for your comment!
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    OP:""People make their decisions emotionally and then justify it with logic"

    Business owners who make decisions based on emotions are called Bankrupt-Michael Hiles

    What kind of sales? If you can sell a car how are you going to sell pantyhose? You could take the fact that cars have curves in all the right places...What's the formula. look at what the solution solves and hammer the pain points.

    Tired of eating tunafish while your co worker eats steak?
    Sick of sales contests that leave you jobless?
    Tired of commuting 3 hrs only to watch your sales jump to a whopping zero...again?

    So was I, until I found this, which solved this, allowing me to this and the best part, it will do the same for you.
    how do you know? What formula can you pinpoint that is going to increase their conversions?

    Give them the tip to put it in the customer's hands? Legit, but all I want to know is how the hell to turn my 3 sales a week into 30 (if I was wondering). Sales jobs are brutal and when you do well,you are rewarded, but when you don't you are in jeopardy.

    Examine other products and services, compare and write accordingly. You have to hit them painfully with something like this.They know the angles and gimmicks. Help them sell more. Better. as Loudmac says

    -WD
    Signature

    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"
    Coming Soon http://graphicsdon.com

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    • Profile picture of the author Tomer Baleli
      Business owners who make decisions based on emotions are called Bankrupt-Michael Hiles

      Nice quote. I totally agree!
      However, we're talking about the end client, not the business owner.

      You have a good point about increasing their pain though. Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author 1Bryan
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Tomer Baleli
      Thank you for taking your time and commenting on my thread.
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  • Profile picture of the author elmo033057
    Tomer,

    I think you're putting the cart before the horse.

    You will have to get your English syntax down much better if you are going to sell yourself as a copywriter.

    Example: "I want to sell my services of making someone a sales copy."

    Shouldn't it be: "I want to write sales copy for client's products or services."?

    It would appear that you are in the advanced level of learning English, you just need to tweak some of your phrases. (If I am wrong about your English, I apologize. Sometimes people come on here that have English as their second language, and make little mistakes like the one I just pointed out. I've tried to learn to speak fluent Spanish myself, and it is not easy getting all of the phrases and conjugations. I finally gave up.)

    Anyway, I think you would benefit from working with a mentor for awhile. There are some great people on this forum that will help you, but if you can find a mentor, it would really help you out.

    Second, you need to build a reference library and learn as much as you can about the craft of copywriting. Here are my recommendations:

    Get these on Amazon:

    Copywriter's Handbook - Bob Bly
    How to Write an Advertisement - Schwartz
    The Boron Letters - Halbert
    Secrets of a Freelance Writer - Bly
    The Ultimate Sales Letter - Kennedy

    You can also get FREE eBooks that are excellent online:

    Make Your Words Sell - Ken Evoy
    Maximum Money in Minimum Time - Gary Halbert
    How to Become a Copywriting Stud - Gage
    The Conversion Marketer's Guide to Landing Page Copywriting - Joanna Wiebe
    T.J. Rohleder's 50 Free Ebooks

    That should be plenty to get you started.

    No matter what, keep at it and learn as much as you can. This is the type of business where you never stop learning.

    As one of my teachers used to say, "A little learnin' is a dangerous thing."

    God Bless,

    Elmo
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