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Website revamp services page needs some tough love critique

by Roboc
4 replies
Hi guys.

I've made a sales page offering website rebuilding services for small to medium local businesses that have outdated websites.

I cold email CEO's of local businesses that really need a new website and link to this page. So they are the people who will be reading it.

Here is the page

Any critique and feedback is highly appreciated.
#critique #love #page #revamp #services #tough #website
  • Profile picture of the author Enfusia
    You're not making them any sort of a big promise upfront. People want to know what's in it for them.

    You have a confusing copy that makes people stop. When reading causes you to stop, you might not restart.
    One such sentence is: You already know everyone has the internet in their pockets now

    That may make sense to you, but it doesn't make sense to most people until they read the next sentence.
    Signature
    Free eBook =>
    The Secret To Success In Any Business
    Yes, Any Business!
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  • Profile picture of the author RefuseToLose
    I think your approach is right, but you need to hit them where it hurts.

    Stick them with the pain points of having an outdated website, how much business they will lose because their websites can't keep up. Tell them what they will be losing out on.

    Fear is a great tool in this sales approach.

    Second thing is you need some proof. After you've told them the world is ending, you need to show them the way to salvation and you need to back that up. The best way to do that is with some before and after portfolio shots. These people need to SEE what you can do for them. Words aren't enough and if you want to go the extra mile and guarantee a higher close rate, personalize each business email with a quick mock up of what their site could look like after you're done.
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    Satan ate out your heart in exchange for effect.

    This is equally a criticism ... & an offer.

    Nowan wants bringin' no frickin' place actschwlly.

    Epicenter (vb) Moi (n) center stage (pano-frickin-rama-rn) -- & YOU GOT ME!

    So ... what isya offer gonna transform me outta sumplace real clear fixed I already got, you FRICKIN' SMARTASS?

    Are You Being Equally Kind And Cruel, O Princess?

    tbh, I got no idea.

    I would wanna endeavor always to prod both ways, Y&N as suits .. or blossoms disputes -- also swooshyin' out on all sublime midcurrents as are chance's suberbest ever Beyondismo kinda side bet.

    Get Lost!

    Hey -- you started it.
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    You need a big fat benefit or a big fat pain point.

    'If one of your staff worked as hard as your website does....you'd fire their a**'

    or something along those lines.
    Signature

    Making Calls To Sell Something? What are you actually saying?
    Is there any room for improvement? Want to find out?

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