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[Copy critique] Give me your expert opinion

by George Katsoudas
14 replies
I have enough feedback for now. Thanks!
#copy #critique #expert #give #opinion
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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    OK Number One

    The headline is very weak.

    'Build profitable wp sites faster'

    So What?

    How much faster?

    Why is faster better?

    You need something to punch them in the guts.

    Maybe

    Build a brand new installation of word press into a money making website in 17 minutes for less than $xyz
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    Making Calls To Sell Something? What are you actually saying?
    Is there any room for improvement? Want to find out?

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  • Profile picture of the author drmani
    Hey George

    It looks nice - and sounds quite an interesting product. And yes, your description is easy to understand.

    Just thought up some copy you might like for the headline and lead...

    .

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    All success,
    Dr.Mani
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  • Profile picture of the author Ellaa
    I Like For The Headline To Start Out..
    Sort of Like...
    Need A Fast Profitable Wordpress Site In Minutes
    Get Fast Profitable Wordpress Websites In Minutes
    Or Try ( ) In Record Breaking Speed
    Wow George, This Sounds Great,
    I Would Like To Try It,
    Because I Have A lot of Interests
    And Want To Put Them On Blogs.
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Looks solid to me George.

    I love the layout.

    As for the copy, I'd say, you hit on all key pointers. Just re-read and get clearer and clearer on your copy, and you'll either keep as is, or make some tweaks here and there. Looks good on my end.
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    Ryan Biddulph helps you to be a successful blogger with his courses, manuals and blog at Blogging From Paradise
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  • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
    I have enough feedback for now. Thanks!
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    10X Your WordPress Site's Traffic and Profits
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    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by George Katsoudas View Post

      Thanks for all the feedback, folks - I appreciate it!

      Sorry for the late reply. I have been working hard on the "sales letter" which I have now turned into a "sales site":

      Draft 2

      I'm trying to keep the hype low, and the trust and transparency high - while still "selling."

      I'd appreciate your comments.

      Thanks!

      George
      NONE of your headlines provide the answer. Do they?

      AAARGH, HOW DO I DO ALL THIS?

      NAME OF PRODUCT is the do it all for you answer. One solution that does it all for you is Name of product again.

      Your current draft 2 headlines don't answer your own question, then use a subhead to tell them the 1 2 3 simplicity of it all.

      GordonJ
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      • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
        Originally Posted by GordonJ View Post

        NONE of your headlines provide the answer. Do they?

        AAARGH, HOW DO I DO ALL THIS?

        NAME OF PRODUCT is the do it all for you answer. One solution that does it all for you is Name of product again.

        Your current draft 2 headlines don't answer your own question, then use a subhead to tell them the 1 2 3 simplicity of it all.

        GordonJ
        Thanks for the reply.

        Can you please clarify?

        I think the headline(s), as well as the bullet points with the green check-marks address all these.

        What do you think would be a headline that does answer all these objections (in a brief and succinct manner)? It doesn't have to be a perfect headline - I just want to understand your point.

        Thanks again.
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        • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
          Originally Posted by George Katsoudas View Post

          Thanks for the reply.

          Can you please clarify?

          I think the headline(s), as well as the bullet points with the green check-marks address all these.

          What do you think would be a headline that does answer all these objections (in a brief and succinct manner)? It doesn't have to be a perfect headline - I just want to understand your point.

          Thanks again.
          You seem to want validation. Why not use what you have, pick one, and test it out? How much more input/feedback do you want/need?

          The PROBLEM as you state it is: CONFUSION, and your target market is either noobs whom know nothing, or beginners with a smattering of knowledge, HOW do these people, your target market find THIS site?

          Once there, they might 'GET' your graphic depicting confusion/complication, maybe.

          IF they want an answer to the AAARggg question, HOW?

          Then you tell them HOW. You think you already do, and so I wonder what your point is now, why aren't you testing? You believe your copy does what you think it does and so far, our "expert" opinions haven't convinced you otherwise.

          So just do what you want, eh?

          IF you really have a one piece of software or whatever that solves this problem of not knowing HOW, cut to the chase and tell your targeted reader HOW.

          GordonJ
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  • Profile picture of the author PPV Guru
    I would try to identify 1, no more than 3, typical problems that your prospects would have within the first 2 paragraphs (the headline too). You need to make sure that the people who land on your page know that they're in the right place immediately before you start explaining "what this product is" stuff.

    You need to hook them with the conflict and the intended resolution early. Also, in your first draft, I would eliminate all of the links. You don't want them to have the option to click anywhere. If you give them the option, they will take it, which means that they may not read your sales pitch.

    Is this a swipe file that you picked up or something?
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    • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
      Originally Posted by PPV Guru View Post

      I would try to identify 1, no more than 3, typical problems that your prospects would have within the first 2 paragraphs (the headline too). You need to make sure that the people who land on your page know that they're in the right place immediately before you start explaining "what this product is" stuff.

      You need to hook them with the conflict and the intended resolution early. Also, in your first draft, I would eliminate all of the links. You don't want them to have the option to click anywhere. If you give them the option, they will take it, which means that they may not read your sales pitch.

      Is this a swipe file that you picked up or something?
      Thanks for the answer!

      Let's focus on draft 2 for now, please.

      I have already identified the problems. See the image with the people at the top of the "draft 2 page".

      As far as the links go (in both drafts) they aren't links that take them to Facebook so they can waste time. They point to parts of the sales process itself.

      Thanks again.

      George
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  • Profile picture of the author SEOptimization@1
    Who is your target market - small companies, BIG companies or an individual consultants?

    Website presentation can be better.

    Steve
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    PARKER2010.COM
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    • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
      Originally Posted by SEOptimization@1 View Post

      Who is your target market - small companies, BIG companies or an individual consultants?

      Website presentation can be better.

      Steve
      1) Mainly one-man shows who want to build a website

      2) Small companies who want to build a website

      How can I make the presentation better?

      Thanks!

      George
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    • Dump the confusing image/questions in the header and move the bullet points above the fold.
    • Change Try [PRODUCT NAME] for 7 Days, for $1 to a checkout form or subscription form (above the fold).
    • Split test removing all those links in the header.
    • Split test all your example headline text.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Katsoudas
    Thanks for the answers, folks!

    The product won't be ready for at least a couple of months, so I can't start split testing yet.

    But I do see there are some problems with the sales process.

    I'll get back to the drawing board and come back when I have something more solid to present (I think the USP and hook need a lot of work, and I already have some ideas).

    Thanks!

    George
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