[Critique My Weight Loss Copy] Fat Burning Soup Recipes

by link8
5 replies
Just updated my page http://fatburningsouprecipes.com/ what do you guys think? Should i move the testimonials further down the copy? or place is okay?

Thanks in advance!
#burning #copy #critique #fat #loss #recipes #soup #weight
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  • Profile picture of the author DennisDemori
    Yes - move the 1st group of testimonials further down.

    Also, move the media mentions to the bottom of the 1st section.

    The headline needs work. Needs to be more specific.

    This type of question "Who else wants to lose up to 17 Pounds in 14 Days?" is very common in this niche.

    And the claim that you've helped people lose over 1 Million pounds isn't believable. I would tone it down.

    Dennis Demori
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    You're wasting your time If you're not split testing and looking at your own data.
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    Hi
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  • Profile picture of the author ScottBeckstead
    Very nice copy. I don't really see a sense of urgency, which would be wise to incorporate. but all in all, a very solid job.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    I'd definitely move the first testimonial down.

    And I would invest in a good copy editor. There are more than a few typos or misspellings, some on words that a professional dietician should get right.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zack Zeller
    Awesome job taking action to write and get this up online. Most don't get that far!

    1. The headline is incredibly important and yours needs work.
    Personally, I'd use your testimonial as your headline:

    "British English Teacher Melts Away 55 Pounds In 90 Days Using This Weird Nutrition Cheat...

    ... She eats all the carbs she wants, doesn't have to eat a leaf of kale, and doesn't even exercise!"

    3. Your lead isn't interesting.

    You do a lot of talking about your product BUT you don't build any interest. Seems like something that would interest you as a dietitian but vague and boilerplate to someone overweight HUNGRY to get lean.

    The best way to do it is to define their problem and agitate it. You can tell a story of one of your clients. Really dig into the struggles they had before. How they would JUST eat a "healthy low carb meal" but STILL feel hungry and unsatisfied until they cave and eat 2 whole pints of Ben and Jerries! One chocolate brownie and one chocolate mousse (because chocolate is AMAZING). So, the next day they spend an hour at the gym on the treadmill.

    They STILL look fat. Now they feel even MORE tired and hungry. LIFE FOR THEM SUCKS!

    Good thing you have their solution =)

    3. Benefit bullets can be stronger.
    Build that desire!

    Completely satisfying is a feature. Like automatic windows on a car... people want to be completely satisfied so that they don't have to ALWAYS think about food when they're stuck at work at 10 am because their breakfast was crud.

    They don't want to eat dinner and spend the rest of the night wrestling with the craving monster whether they should sit still, get popcorn, or eat a whole box of Oreos.

    Dig deep =)

    4. I'd add the pictures up higher. That'll REALLY sell.

    5. You totally bury the lead! All they have to do is give you $1 for access. Put that in the headline!!!! Your copy doesn't have to be that good if you're selling for $1!

    6. Don't pull any punches on the CTA. Paint a picture with your words.

    NO ONE is buying because you're making soup from thermogenic ingredients. They're buying because they're in DEEP psychological pain from constantly failing to lose fat. From being ignored by dudes. From having trouble bending down to tie their shoes because their bellies are in the way. From having the doctor tell them "you're going to die if you keep living like this.

    If you hold back here YOU'RE basically killing them. That's not cool.

    That's a ton of stuff, but it's chock-full of value.

    Keep Killing It!

    -ZZ
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