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First Copywriting Ad!

by writeasrain
22 replies
Just looking for comments on my first copywriting ad.
Appreciate your comments. Thank you. I would love
knowing what scale this might end up on in a 1-10.
1 being really really good and 10 being really really
needing help.

WORM CASTINGS - GARDEN GOLD [HEADLINE]

FRESH VEGETABLES WITHOUT CHEMICALS [SUBHEADING]
Sound Good to You? That's Right. No Chemicals. Pure and Organic. 100%.
Healthy Fruits and Vegetables for You and Your Family

JUICY TOMATOES AND LEAFY GREENS [SUBHEADING]
Beautiful, Firm, Red Tomatoes. Crispy, Leafy Romaine and Butter Lettuce.
Vitamin-Nutrient Rich Greens, Collards, Kale, Beets and Cabbage.

BLACK GOLD BOUNTIFUL HARVEST [SUBHEADING]
There is No Secret to Such Goodness. You Can Do It. Black Gold or Worm
Castings. A Cupful Per Seedling. And You are on Your Way.

REDWORM DIET OF VEGGIE SCRAPS AND HORSIE MANURE [SUBHEADING]
Castings You Purchase are 100% Organic and Worms Thrive on a Diet of Veggie
Scraps and Horse Manure. Redworms Produce a Fresh, Earthy-Smelling, Nutritious
Plant Food that You Just Cannot Purchase in Any Store. I Guarantee It!
5 gal. bucket of castings is $30.

PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN 5 GAL BUCKETS.
HOME DEPOT HAS 5 GAL BUCKETS FOR $3

Castings can be picked up 7 days a week - TEXT for times.
Must have a couple of days notice as I work a regular job, too.
TESTIMONIALS:

"If you are in need of great quality worm castings or looking to start a
worm compost bin of your own, then John is your guy! He is extremely
knowledgeable, thoughtful and dedicated to doing what he does.

I have been getting castings and worms from John for a little over a year
now and I would not think to go anywhere other than Redwoms Rock!

The castings are always rich and clean smelling. I use the castings mainly
to build a living soil from scratch but they are excellent for making microbe
tea as well. I consider John an exemplary humanitarian, public servant and
steward of this planet we all share. Send John a text, you will be glad you did!"

-Matt V. from San Marcos

______________________

Excellent product! I love what these castings do for my plants.
In addition, I get an education on keeping my worms healthy and happy.
John is friendly and generous with his knowledge. Thanks again!

Terrie P. --- Escondido

__________________

Redworms Rock is located in San Marcos. I have been raising redworms
since 2012. My name is John - reply to this ad for more info and directions
#copywriting
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    Hey John,

    I see where you're going with this, and I love the idea of organic gardening. (do you deliver to NH? )

    I do have a small suggestion to start with...

    The first thing I would recommend (right off the bat) would be to make your headline a bit more benefit driven.

    The best headlines should either offer a benefit right away... or, touch on a solution to a problem the audience wants solved.


    Now, a lot of this depends on where your ad is going to be seen. If it's going to be placed in an "organic gardening" magazine, then many people might already know what worm castings are... and what they're good for.

    In which case you just need to focus on how yours are better (healthier?... less expensive?... locally produced?... or whatever makes you better than the other guy)


    But, it's still a good idea to make your headline stand out. Instead of just saying what you have... consider telling people what it does for them.


    Most peoples lives are full of daily clutter. (Between their home life... work life... 1,000 advertisers trying to jockey for attention) And can you guess which distraction is the least important to people?

    That's right... your advertisement!

    Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking "Gee, I hope a bunch of people try to sell me something today." And as a society we've learned to naturally tune out most advertisements.

    This clutter is the number one enemy of your ad. So your headline needs to get their attention, fast.



    "WORM CASTINGS - GARDEN GOLD" might grab the attention of a few people who are specifically looking for worm castings

    But a benefit driven idea would be more like "GROW THE MOST BOUNTIFUL GARDEN, AND THE HEALTHIEST VEGETABLES YOU'VE EVER TASTED - WITH THIS ALL NATURAL, ORGANIC FERTILIZER "

    Then tell them about the worm castings, and how it's all organic, with no GMO's or chemicals, and what it will do for their bountiful garden harvest. Giving them the biggest, healthiest, most flavorful tomatoes they've ever bitten into.




    Other than the headline, we could make your offer and call to action a bit stronger. But start with the headline. Because if no one pays attention to the headline... then the rest of the ad doesn't really matter anyway.

    Good luck with your venture (adventure?)

    All the best,
    SAR

    Originally Posted by writeasrain View Post

    Just looking for comments on my first copywriting ad.
    Appreciate your comments. Thank you.

    WORM CASTINGS - GARDEN GOLD [HEADLINE]

    FRESH VEGETABLES WITHOUT CHEMICALS [SUBHEADING]
    Sound Goood to You? That's Right. No Chemicals. Pure and Organic. 100%.

    JUICY TOMATOES AND LEAFY GREENS [SUBHEADING]
    Beautiful, Firm, Red Tomatoes. Crispy, Leafy Romaine and Butter Lettuce.

    BLACK GOLD BOUNTIFUL HARVEST [SUBHEADING]
    There is No Secret to Such Goodness. You Can Do It. Black Gold or Worm
    Castings. A Cupful Per Seedling. And You are on Your Way.

    REDWORM DIET OF VEGGIE SCRAPS AND HORSIE MANURE [SUBHEADING]
    Castings You Purchase are 100% Organic and Worms Thrive on a Diet of Veggie
    Scraps and Horse Manure. Redworms Produce a Fresh, Earthy-Smelling, Nutritious
    Plant Food that You Just Cannot Purchase in Any Store. I Guarantee It!
    5 gal. bucket of castings is $30.

    PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN 5 GAL BUCKETS.
    HOME DEPOT HAS 5 GAL BUCKETS FOR $3

    Castings can be picked up 7 days a week - TEXT for times.
    Must have a couple of days notice as I work a regular job, too.
    TESTIMONIALS:

    "If you are in need of great quality worm castings or looking to start a
    worm compost bin of your own, then John is your guy! He is extremely
    knowledgeable, thoughtful and dedicated to doing what he does.

    I have been getting castings and worms from John for a little over a year
    now and I would not think to go anywhere other than Redwoms Rock!

    The castings are always rich and clean smelling. I use the castings mainly
    to build a living soil from scratch but they are excellent for making microbe
    tea as well. I consider John an exemplary humanitarian, public servant and
    steward of this planet we all share. Send John a text, you will be glad you did!"

    -Matt V. from San Marcos

    ______________________

    Excellent product! I love what these castings do for my plants.
    In addition, I get an education on keeping my worms healthy and happy.
    John is friendly and generous with his knowledge. Thanks again!

    Terrie P. --- Escondido

    __________________

    Redworms Rock is located in San Marcos. I have been raising redworms
    since 2012. My name is John - reply to this ad for more info and directions
    Signature
    "It all boils down to psychology, and numbers"
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Thank you for your suggestions. I am very glad to hear from you regarding my ad. I will play with the headline. I am primarily running on Craigslist and there is an extreme character limit. I can change the words but have to keep the character limit to a minimum, I relate to the benefit idea and yes, I know the headline is key. Hope the overall format was ok.

      I am looking at subheadings because I know many people scan, so I am trying to appropriate the "dual readership path" if you know about that; where you should be able to get a fair idea of the product being sold by just "skimming" the headline and subheadings.

      Thanks so much for your review and ideas.
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      • Profile picture of the author helisell
        Originally Posted by writeasrain View Post

        Thank you for your suggestions. I am very glad to hear from you regarding my ad. I will play with the headline. I am primarily running on Craigslist and there is an extreme character limit. I can change the words but have to keep the character limit to a minimum, I relate to the benefit idea and yes, I know the headline is key. Hope the overall format was ok.

        I am looking at subheadings because I know many people scan, so I am trying to appropriate the "dual readership path" if you know about that; where you should be able to get a fair idea of the product being sold by just "skimming" the headline and subheadings.

        Thanks so much for your review and ideas.
        You may be labouring under a misapprehension regarding 'Scan Readers' 'Dual Readership Path'

        I'm pretty sure nobody has any 'actual' evidence of this supposed bit of 'science'.

        Concentrate on getting the basics right [headlines] and stop trying too hard to cover all the supposed 'science'.

        Use a great headline

        Then some 'from the heart' words that are informative and conversational.
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        • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
          I got your response and I thank you. I agree with you 100% about getting a good headline but, like I said in my previous reply, there is a character limit on Craigslist. However, I will definitely "play" with the headline[s] as I re-post the ad.

          I am just getting started. This is my FIRST ad that I really have consciously focused on copywriting principles and I hope I am on the right track.

          I also hear what you are saying about the "dual readership path"
          and whether it works much, I don't know. All I do know is that
          many people DO skim through ads and if you can go through the
          subheads and get a good comprehension of what is being offered,
          that can help a lot.

          And, it's not so much science as it is part of what I have learned from Copyblogger, the Dual Readership Path, and I am willing to try different approaches.

          I definitely also want to incorporate more of a "conversational" and "personal" tone.

          You have been very helpful and I thank you, immensely. I will always be very open to your helpful comments. Gracias.
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Hi SARubin
      I was at work earlier when I replied from my phone, so I thought I would go at it, again, more extensively and thankfully.
      Very appreciative of your comments and suggestions. I am running this ad on Craigslist [with lots of pix] and headline has to be short and to the point. [character limitation] I am also targeting in the farm section and MOST people are simply typing in search to find what i offer, specifically. I have no problem getting people but I hear what you are saying and I may try to use a few different words in the headline. I am not shipping at this time but I hope to do so, soon. IF I can become a great copywriter, I'm
      also sure to ship your way.

      As I have been doing worms now going on 6 years, I have the knack for what I do, now I'm trying to up the ante, so to speak, to try and begin to bring an increased cash flow. As we are on S.S., I'm finding the need to
      do this out of outright necessity. Firstly, my primary and final objective here is to become a great copywriter. But, this does not mean I will abandon my beloved worms.

      As I count myself a fairly decent writer, now I just want to perfect the copywriting skills not only to sell my worms and castings, but I'm thinking
      it may help with the water softener company that I work for.

      I also would say that organic gardeners and people of the soil, like myself,
      aren't necessarily overly concerned about being perfect at attracting
      others of our same ilk, BUT since I'm taking this copywriting path, I guess
      that may have to change.

      This is my very FIRST attempt at a real ad where I have focused on the copywriting and content marketing rules and ideas, so I hope I'm doing ok.
      Thank you, again, so much, for helping me with comments, this way I will learn to perfect what I hope will EVETUALLY become my new at-home lucrative career.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
    Congratulations writeasrain (love your forum name!), because you've taken the most important step - getting started.

    And, as has rightly been mentioned by SA Rubin, folks are initially more interested in what a product will DO for them, rather than what it is.

    So, if your headline has a character limit, then your first sub headline would be a good choice, because it has a good mix of what it will do for the reader plus a bit of curiosity to make them want read the rest of the ad.

    Always remember, the headline is the 'ad for the ad' and simply needs to get the reader hooked sufficiently to read the text of the ad.

    That's the point where you can expand on the product and say what it is. But what it DOES for them comes first.

    Having sub headlines is a good idea, because it caters for the majority of folks, who are 'skimmers' by providing stepping stones through the text.

    Then, when their interest is piqued by a particular sub headline, they will stop skimming and read the bits that interest them.

    Truth to tell, we are all skimmers to a greater or lesser degree, which is why bullet points are so hightly effective in sales copy.

    You also need it easy for the prospect to buy. So rather than put the onus on them to text you for your business hours, your call to action should be a link to your website with full details of your location and business hours.

    Also, you should think about having a 'buy' button on your site (use PayPal), because the very best time to get your prospects to make a commitment to go ahead is right there and then.

    Tell them that there is only so much product available and by buying in advance of collection they will guarantee supply.

    It's exactly the same marketing technique as the 'click and collect' you'll see on large corporate web sites.

    And, if you want to make even more sales, think about offering a delivery service (within a certain radius) for an extra charge. Most folks are happy to pay for convenience.

    Your ad should be a greased chute, right from the eye-catching headline all the way down to the call to action.

    Good luck with your marketing: you've made a great start.

    Paul Hooper-Kelly
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Paul,
      I appreciate your great response. I am going to reply to you in length later this evening. Gotta focus on my wife's cooking a great early dinner, right now. I am appreciating what you say very much and I will get back to you.

      I will say that I am a very 'at home, pick up your castings/redworms' kind of guy, so no buy button needed. My main focus is on getting started on copywriting and making sure I'm getting it 'write!'

      Looking forward to responding, later this evening. Thank you, sir!
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Hi, again, Paul,
      It sounds like from what you are saying, I'm kinda on th' right track. I don't have a lot of space on Craigslist ads for a lengthy headline, so even more important that I use a headline that attracts.

      As the ads tend to rotate, I am only on top a short time in CL, so I have to rely on people using the CL search feature, which most people do when looking for a product that may not be right there in their face.

      As for my forum handle, I work for Rainsoft, a water softener company, doing surveys in some of my local Home Depots. My next or 2nd CW ad will be for a water softener. I will
      have to do a lot more research before I get into that one, so it may take awhile, but hopefully sooner than later.

      As for what my castings will DO for people. I'm probably reaching a targeted market that many of which are already somewhat or even quite familiar with what I am doing. Though, I do try to make it clear for those who are new. I just don't want to be to 'wordy' about it. EB White & Strunk!! So, as I go along, I will have to find those specific words that cut right to the chase, which is what quality CW is all about, as well, correct?

      Right, since I have the character limit, I should be utilizing the first subhead to be enticing the seeker into going further into reading the ad.

      As for a BUY NOW button. I don't need that as all of my customers will text me, I then provide directions to my house as they must come to my home to pick up the castings or worms. No way around that. Later on, I may get into shipping but right now just local pick up.

      I don't really want to create any urgency or scarcity at this time. As I am working, I am more than happy to get the few sales I do. BUT, I grok what you say and in the future WHEN I get more proficient at my CWing, and more people start responding to my great ad CWriting skills, THEN I will think about BUY NOW buttons and urgency and shipping.

      Concluding, I would love knowing what you think overall of my FIRST effort. I know it's a beginning and I have no fears of rejection or failure or the word NO, as such things only encourage me to move forward and try to improve.

      I am very thankful you replied and offered your professional help. It is dearly sought after by me from everyone in here who might help me to become a successful CWriter.

      Just you're saying that I have made a "great start" is like getting an A in my book.
      I like that!

      Thank you, Paul, very much!

      John Vance [writeasrain]
      San Marcos, Ca
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Are you speaking to those that know very little about worm castings?

    Quite a bit?

    A whole lot?

    That's your starting point.

    Deciding which group you are talking to
    then follows where that audience is
    and you have a better chance of nailing
    your message that is relevant to that group.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Ewen,
      Thank you for your great reply. As I am running on Craigslist, I am reaching out to both, people that are quite familiar and/or know what castings are and maybe just planning to try them for the first time.
      My ad tries to provide basic education or information about what castings are and how they can benefit someone including a result of healthy vegetables and fruits.
      Thank you for your suggestions. I will focus on getting better with each future ad I write.
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  • Profile picture of the author sailingdom
    go anywhere other than Redwoms Rock...spelling is crucial and the marketing is directed at people who know where to go and how much. Broaden the direction and don't tell people you have another job! This is your only passion/job as far as they're concerned.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnVianny
    very good, 3

    Remember: the BEST Copywriting is not the better one written but the one which is BETTER DIRECTED TO YOUR TARGET.

    Which means, what you have written in the beginning "sounds good to you?" but you can do definately better.

    I mean something that is more appealing, more directed to the inner desires og the customers.

    What are the needs BEHIND what they wants? i mean the real emotional needs? being free from chemical industries? eat better?

    What are the obstacles they face to satisfy their needs?

    Make your copy more emotional and specific.
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  • Profile picture of the author snehil kamal
    Looks great, but as a reader I would appreciate some images with the content
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  • Profile picture of the author ExploreNetwork
    Looks solid! I might work on the headline a little bit. Make it a little more inviting
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      Thank you. I am limited in characters for a headline
      as it is on Craigslist, so i'm thinking on different
      subheadlines in future.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    Originally Posted by writeasrain View Post

    Ewen,
    Thank you for your great reply. As I am running on Craigslist, I am reaching out to both, people that are quite familiar and/or know what castings are and maybe just planning to try them for the first time.
    My ad tries to provide basic education or information about what castings are and how they can benefit someone including a result of healthy vegetables and fruits.
    Thank you for your suggestions. I will focus on getting better with each future ad I write.
    Before they see your ad, all they see IS the headline on CL, correct?

    Even if they do a search, all they get back is a list of headlines, correct?

    Which means your headline has to sell the click.

    You may really need two ads. One to target those in the know and one for the newbie to using worm castings.

    For the gardner/farmer looking for worm castings already, your headline can promise benefits like local, organic, etc.

    For the newbie, your headline can do more via curiosity, kind of a play on promising 'insider's secret ingredient'.

    Once you have the click, you can use different approaches for different audiences.

    For those who already know and accept the benefits of worm castings, you can focus on why they should get their castings from you.

    For the newbies, you can offer more education that the experienced folks would skim over before making your case for buying from you.

    One side note. Rather than sending people to Home Depot to buy a bucket, why not stock them yourself and sell them at a small profit to cover your time in acquiring them? Make it as easy as possible. Give people their own choice of bringing their own or getting one from you. If your margins allow, you could give them a discount equal to the price of the bucket when they come back for a second round.
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  • Profile picture of the author saucefire
    10. This was confusing. Couldn't tell if you were putting together multiple ads in a row or what?
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    "Develop your eccentricities while you are young. That way, when you get old, people won't think you're going gaga." - David Ogilvy

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  • Profile picture of the author Diligent Works
    Great copy OP!

    Just a couple of observations I would like to share:

    - It seems your target reader is the down-to-earth (pardon the pun) type of folk with a real passion for gardening. I don't know much about gardening, but I know it takes lots of time and patience. This means there is a potential for some interesting experiences that you can share to build rapport with the reader.

    Perhaps you can enhance your copy by sharing some personal story about growing vegetables and how your product has improved your harvest.


    - Having caps in every word in the text seems to come across as salesy IMO. If you want to speak to your reader like a friend, I would advise that you lose the caps.


    Hope that helps!


    Originally Posted by writeasrain View Post

    Just looking for comments on my first copywriting ad.
    Appreciate your comments. Thank you. I would love
    knowing what scale this might end up on in a 1-10.
    1 being really really good and 10 being really really
    needing help.

    WORM CASTINGS - GARDEN GOLD [HEADLINE]

    FRESH VEGETABLES WITHOUT CHEMICALS [SUBHEADING]
    Sound Good to You? That's Right. No Chemicals. Pure and Organic. 100%.
    Healthy Fruits and Vegetables for You and Your Family

    JUICY TOMATOES AND LEAFY GREENS [SUBHEADING]
    Beautiful, Firm, Red Tomatoes. Crispy, Leafy Romaine and Butter Lettuce.
    Vitamin-Nutrient Rich Greens, Collards, Kale, Beets and Cabbage.

    BLACK GOLD BOUNTIFUL HARVEST [SUBHEADING]
    There is No Secret to Such Goodness. You Can Do It. Black Gold or Worm
    Castings. A Cupful Per Seedling. And You are on Your Way.

    REDWORM DIET OF VEGGIE SCRAPS AND HORSIE MANURE [SUBHEADING]
    Castings You Purchase are 100% Organic and Worms Thrive on a Diet of Veggie
    Scraps and Horse Manure. Redworms Produce a Fresh, Earthy-Smelling, Nutritious
    Plant Food that You Just Cannot Purchase in Any Store. I Guarantee It!
    5 gal. bucket of castings is $30.

    PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN 5 GAL BUCKETS.
    HOME DEPOT HAS 5 GAL BUCKETS FOR $3

    Castings can be picked up 7 days a week - TEXT for times.
    Must have a couple of days notice as I work a regular job, too.
    TESTIMONIALS:

    "If you are in need of great quality worm castings or looking to start a
    worm compost bin of your own, then John is your guy! He is extremely
    knowledgeable, thoughtful and dedicated to doing what he does.

    I have been getting castings and worms from John for a little over a year
    now and I would not think to go anywhere other than Redwoms Rock!

    The castings are always rich and clean smelling. I use the castings mainly
    to build a living soil from scratch but they are excellent for making microbe
    tea as well. I consider John an exemplary humanitarian, public servant and
    steward of this planet we all share. Send John a text, you will be glad you did!"

    -Matt V. from San Marcos

    ______________________

    Excellent product! I love what these castings do for my plants.
    In addition, I get an education on keeping my worms healthy and happy.
    John is friendly and generous with his knowledge. Thanks again!

    Terrie P. --- Escondido

    __________________

    Redworms Rock is located in San Marcos. I have been raising redworms
    since 2012. My name is John - reply to this ad for more info and directions
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    • Profile picture of the author writeasrain
      I value your opinion very much. Thanks. Definitely will look at losing the CAPS and maybe insert more storyesque approach.
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