How would you improve this sales flyer?

24 replies
This is a small direct mail package I wrote for a local house painter, just over 7 years ago.

Note: When I first created it for my client, he wanted a non disclosure agreement, because he didn't want me offering the same piece to any of his competition. So, I offered him a seven year NDA agreement.

That 7 years ran out, last November. So I guess I can share it with you now...


First, let me give you a little background on the piece, just to set the stage...


The year was 2010. It was early Autumn (mid October) up here in NH. And the exterior painting season was starting to wind down.

Now, in case you aren't familiar with the seasonal cycle, of the house painting profession, let me give you a brief overview...

In the summertime, work is abundant. There's always plenty of houses that need painting, and as long as the weather holds out, the work moves fast and furiously.

But, in the winter, there's a lot of unemployed house painters competing for a much smaller piece of the interior painting pie.


To compound the issue, with this particular advertisement, it was 2010. And the economy was still about as shaky as a bowl of jello, in an earthquake. So for most people, hiring someone to paint a room in their house was not a top priority.


So, that was the atmosphere of the situation. Now, on to the mailer...


Here's a basic rundown of the some of the stats...


We only mailed 500 pieces, to one particular postal route, in a single zip code.

The mailer consisted of the main flyer (on standard weight paper)... the 2 sided coupon (printed on card stock)... and a company business card (not pictured here)

It was mailed in a standard envelope with a first class postage stamp

Response rate was just over 8%


Just for the record... I'm convinced we could have gotten a higher response rate, if the envelopes had been addressed differently. But while I was putting the finishing touches on the mailer, my client was busy rubber stamping the envelopes with the address

Postal Customer
Postal Rte #
City, State, Zipcode

Now I get that he didn't have any software to address each envelope with the recipients name, and nobody wants to cramp up their painting hand, by hand addressing 500 envelopes.

But I still think, instead of "Postal Customer" he should have at least addressed them to "Our Neighbors At" or "Our Friends At."

But, by the time I saw it, they were already addressed, with postage stamps affixed. So there we were... it was a done deal.


Now here's the actual piece... For privacy reasons, I'm blurring out any personally identifiable info from the piece. (besides, that part isn't really important for the sake of this post anyway)








Now, overall I think the piece did OK. (under the circumstances) But looking back at it, there's a couple things I might have done differently.


So what do you think my fellow copywriters? How would YOU make this piece better?


And remember, this piece went out years ago, and the numbers are already accounted for. So I have no emotional attachment to it anymore.

If you think it stinks, that's OK (if it's your honest, professional, opinion... Just tell me why you think it stinks) Unlike some people, I'm not a precious little snowflake, who will melt down if you hurt my feelings. And if you don't shower me with flattery, and tell me how great my sales piece is, I will not come back here and call you names.


So, what do you think is good about it? Or what do you think could be better?
#flyer #improve #sales
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  • Instead of listing possible damage to be fixed, I'd play on prospects' embarrassment when guests see those settling cracks, or water damage, or whatever.

    I might even lead with that fear. I'd definitely replace "the beauty of your home" with "impressing guests with the beauty of your home" and/or how that beauty lets prospects relax after a long day's work in a nicely painted room, and lets them take pride in the workmanship and care they have for their home (proven by hiring expert painters).

    I think the copy about how tough it is to do it yourself is great targeting. The people who need painting done are definitely thinking about how much of a pain it's going to be. I'd maybe speak to the major objection right after that. "Rates lower than you expected." (They're resigned to doing it themselves because they think it'll be expensive to pay a pro.) Other objections I'd consider addressing: the inconvenience of having painters over, how long it'll take, who's moving the furniture, etc.

    Add testimonials. Yelp, Angie's List, HomeAdvisor, and BBB ratings. More before & after photos, showing a variety of rooms (so prospects thinking of painting their bathroom will see an example, those thinking of painting the kitchen will see an example, etc.).

    And I'd hire a graphic designer.
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      All good points, Benjamin,

      Originally Posted by Benjamin Farthing View Post

      I'd maybe speak to the major objection right after that. "Rates lower than you expected." (They're resigned to doing it themselves because they think it'll be expensive to pay a pro.) Other objections I'd consider addressing: the inconvenience of having painters over, how long it'll take, who's moving the furniture, etc.
      Yes, addressing the concern about the "inconvenience of having painters in the house," would have indeed been a good selling point.

      Although the part about "Rates lower than you expected"... I'm not sure about that one.

      Even though competition was fierce, he was trying to stay away from competing on price. (I always try to steer people away from competing on price, whenever possible) Which is why we targeted a postal route with mostly $200,000 homes, and above (which, even to this day, is a fairly affluent price range in his neck of the woods)

      And I did include a soundbite about "rates are reasonable and estimates are free"

      Originally Posted by Benjamin Farthing View Post

      Add testimonials. Yelp, Angie's List, HomeAdvisor, and BBB ratings.
      As far as testimonials... He didn't have any online reviews to speak of. But part of his sales presentation (during the estimates) was to show a number of hand written "thank you" notes from past customers

      Originally Posted by Benjamin Farthing View Post

      More before & after photos, showing a variety of rooms (so prospects thinking of painting their bathroom will see an example, those thinking of painting the kitchen will see an example, etc.).
      Yes definitely. Looking back on it, having a second page of before and after pictures, was one of the things I should have included.
      It would have cost a bit more to print, but it could have still fit in the envelope with the same first class stamp

      Originally Posted by Benjamin Farthing View Post

      And I'd hire a graphic designer.
      Yes, I am definitely NOT a designer by nature (and I will never claim to be one) But he was running a small company, and after paying for printing, postage, and me... it wasn't in the budget to hire a designer. So I offered to lay it out the best I could, in an easy to read format.


      And even though I would do some things differently, next time around. Overall, he was happy with the results. (Mostly because it did help keep his workers busy through the winter)

      All the best,
      SAR
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Two things...

    1 Hasn't gone to proven buyers.
    [Ask me who they are]

    2 Isn't for women who are the part of the buying group.

    Here's a women oriented flyer...



    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Ah yes Ewen,

      Of course you are correct.

      I have learned many thing about target audiences over the last decade. Things that I was less experienced at 7 years ago.

      And even though I would do things differently today...

      An 8% + response, during a time when many people were concerned about just keeping their homes out of foreclosure (not the color of their walls), means that this bland little flyer still must have struck a note with some people.

      I guess it goes to show... we just never know what's going to work, until we try it.

      All the best,
      SAR
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      • Profile picture of the author eccj
        Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

        Ah yes Ewen,

        Of course you are correct.

        I have learned many thing about target audiences over the last decade. Things that I was less experienced at 7 years ago.

        And even though I would do things differently today...

        An 8% + response, during a time when many people were concerned about just keeping their homes out of foreclosure (not the color of their walls), means that this bland little flyer still must have struck a note with some people.

        I guess it goes to show... we just never know what's going to work, until we try it.

        All the best,
        SAR
        My question is..... why are you not out getting house painters all over the country to mail your letter?
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        • Profile picture of the author SARubin
          Originally Posted by eccj View Post

          My question is..... why are you not out getting house painters all over the country to mail your letter?
          That is a damn good question, eccj.

          And I wish I had a damn good answer for you... But alas, I do not.

          I guess I just didn't think of it until this very moment. (Hey... how did you know what I was about to think, before I even thought it? )


          But in all seriousness. It wasn't mine to share until a few months ago. (7 year NDA)

          Also, I'm not sure how well it would perform outside of a small New England town?


          I have a theory about why it may have done as well as it did (strictly a theory, mind you. Based on many years of talking with people, and observing their demeanor)...

          Outside of the major cities... A lot of people in the smaller NH towns, don't respond very well to fancy advertisements. They don't like to be taken for fools (I guess nobody really does), and they're naturally skeptical of strangers with slick sales pitches.

          Even many people in expensive homes like to hold onto some of their old time New Hampshire values. And slick sales messages usually don't stand a chance at getting through the skepticism of many people.

          So when this piece showed up, and it looked like it came from a local, sincere (small town) painter, I think that alone may have contributed to many of the recipients letting down their guards. Which is why I also believe that the way the envelopes were address, probably lowered the open rate (and the response rate)

          Again, this is strictly a theory. And it may be worth testing this relatively unassuming style of sales flyer, in a larger demographic?


          I'm currently in the middle of a couple projects. But I'll give it some thought, and maybe I'll try your suggestion.
          (Unless someone else steals it from this thread, and tests it before I get a chance to. In which case I hope they come back here and let us know how it worked)

          All the best,
          SAR
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      • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
        Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

        An 8% + response, during a time when many people were concerned about just keeping their homes out of foreclosure (not the color of their walls), means that this bland little flyer still must have struck a note with some people.
        I find when there is economic downturn or other threats that create fear in the population they tend to spend more at home and cut back on some of the other discretionary purchases.

        The advantage here is they are at home more and have cut back on some other expenditure.

        When they are home more they notice the issues that come to bug them particularly if they are pointed out to them like the bullet list on the back of the coupon.

        The constraint in spending creates some increase in savings and then the urge to indulge starts to weigh on the mind of the person who has been in purgatory.

        A logical well placed offer that improves someone's home and lifestyle when they have been spending more time at home and saving money is more likely to elicit a higher response specially when other advertisers are reducing their expenditure, at least that's what I found from my experience.

        The material can easily be reworked and repurposed to change the reasons why someone would use the offer to match today's environment.

        Improve Resale value of home to home sellers.

        Improve equity to recent buyers.

        With the "bullets" on the main flyer you could add more to the benefit of each and the reason why each was important.

        I think it could easily be modified and used very successfully by many trades.

        It would be easy to test different headlines along the lines of "Are your walls looking heavy and tired?" "Flaky faded colors getting you down?" Are your walls beyond redemption?" . .and so on.

        If you could use it with different painters with different customer demographics you'd get some good data as to what worked in different areas and that would be something many businesses would pay for.

        Sure you can do more with graphic design but resist the need to use stock photos or make too polished unless you are targeting lifestyles of the rich and famous. Honest transformations intrigue viewers and get them imagining what their place could look like.

        If you can nudge their imagination more you will build the desire as well as getting the renovation and repair customer.

        Best regards,

        Ozi
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        • Profile picture of the author SARubin
          Originally Posted by colmodwyer View Post

          Adding a guarantee might've helped lift response.
          Yes, Colm,

          Not adding a guarantee was a rookie mistake. I can only imagine how many more people might have called, if that one detail had been included.

          Originally Posted by yukon View Post

          No offense but I think OPs example looks bland.

          If I'm a potential customer opening my mail, show me something vibrant on glossy stock that stands out from the junk.

          People will associate the quality of the mailer with the quality of the service provider. Why hire mediocre (example) when I can hire the competition with wonderful visuals at the same price?
          Hi Yukon,

          Haven't seen you posting much lately (perhaps I'm just out of the loop?) Anyway, glad to see you back.

          As far as this flyer being too bland... In bigger cities I would agree. But I've noticed in many small New England towns (depending on the market) bland often works better, than flashy and glossy?

          Maybe it's just because bland seems unpretentious, and small townish. Making it seem more honest, and less salesy?

          That would definitely be something worth testing. (from city to city)


          Originally Posted by Oziboomer View Post

          I find when there is economic downturn or other threats that create fear in the population they tend to spend more at home and cut back on some of the other discretionary purchases.

          The advantage here is they are at home more and have cut back on some other expenditure.

          When they are home more they notice the issues that come to bug them particularly if they are pointed out to them like the bullet list on the back of the coupon.

          The constraint in spending creates some increase in savings and then the urge to indulge starts to weigh on the mind of the person who has been in purgatory.

          A logical well placed offer that improves someone's home and lifestyle when they have been spending more time at home and saving money is more likely to elicit a higher response specially when other advertisers are reducing their expenditure, at least that's what I found from my experience.
          Excellent insight Ozi,

          I've spent the last few days going back and forth, trying to figure out how this flyer (that violates a number of rules I've come to learn over the years) could have done as well as it did.

          I've bounced a couple theories around in my head...

          And the best theory I came up with, was that it looked like it was done by an honest, local painter... Who was just trying to make a living. And not a big, expensive painting company (who might not care about each customer as much as the little guy would)

          I figured being small town NH, that might have struck a cord?

          Combine that with the fact that he was a local guy. And even if the recipients didn't know who he was, chances are they knew someone (like a friend, or neighbor)... who knew who he was?


          But you may have added a whole new dimension to why it worked...

          After sitting around in their homes for a couple years, noticing the faded and peeling paint, this flyer may have simply shown up in the right place... at the right time.

          And since none of the competition was spending money on advertising, it may have had a singularly captive audience when it showed up in the mail box.


          All the best,
          SAR
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Still not hearing who are the proven buyers beyond women.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Still not hearing who are the proven buyers beyond women.

      Best,
      Ewen
      I was waiting for you to come back and tell us
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

        I was waiting for you to come back and tell us
        People don't value something until they have to work for it...
        so I'd like to see some effort in coming up with their own answers.

        Best,
        Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author eccj
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Still not hearing who are the proven buyers beyond women.

      Best,
      Ewen
      Men?

      People who don't own brick homes?

      Age of home corresponding to the time that paint lasts?
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    OK, I'll play along.

    Who are the proven buyers beyond women?


    I'll guess that the proven buyers beyond women... are men!

    And I'm only guessing that after women, it would be men, because I don't believe the family pet can pick up the phone and call for an estimate.



    Kidding aside, I would say anyone who's recently been shopping for home decor (drapes, furniture, etc.) could be a good candidate. Because they are obviously in the mood to redecorate their homes.

    I'll also guess anyone who's just purchased the home, and may want to make it their own, with new paint colors.

    Or anyone who may be trying to sell their home, and wants to pretty the place up, for the sale?


    So, there's a couple guesses.

    Although, when we're doing an EDDM to a single (local) postal route, it could be kinda tough to know how many homeowners will fit into any of these particular buying criteria.


    But, that said, I'm always willing to learn different ideas, from someone who has different knowledge than my own.
    So, who else do you think might be a good candidate for an interior house painter? ...


    All the best,
    SAR
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

      Although, when we're doing an EDDM to a single (local) postal route, it could be kinda tough to know how many homeowners will fit into any of these particular buying criteria.
      Exactly.

      Mail to the highest earning homeowners in the target zip code(s) using EDDM. With a good offer and good copy at the right time of year, it should do well.

      Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    I'd start with the headline. It's useful, and conveys a benefit, but it's not very specific, nor is it very urgent.

    Instead of the current headline, I might have used something like:

    Is outdated or peeling paint holding down you home's value?

    One of the first things people notice when viewing your home is dated colors and cracked or peeling paint. If you are selling your home, it could cost you thousands.

    You could spend tedious hours preparing your home's surfaces for fresh paint, doing the painting and the often messy cleanup - and still end up with a result that looks like you did it yourself.

    Or you could take advantage of this offer to have fresh paint expertly applied before the snow flies. It's nearing the end of the outdoor season, and I want to keep my people working as long as possible, so I'm making you a special offer...

    [Here's where I would insert the before/after photos and the list of repairs.]
    I really like the coupon, especially the copy on the back

    Now I can go back up and read what the others had to say...
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Ah yes, John

      The headline was one of the first things I saw, when I pulled the file off my shelf last week.

      It's definitely one of the things I would write differently, next time around.

      That, and the fact that I wrote "what can I do for you" (singular) near the top , but referred to "home town Painters"and "we" (plural) elsewhere in the piece.
      Simple mistake, that probably bothers me, more than anyone else who reads it. But it bugs me none the less.

      All the best,
      SAR
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Mastercard and Amex say new home buyers
    spend more on painting and other home improvements
    than other homeowners in the first 6 months.

    This has been proven right on a personal level.

    Two of my friends have spent money on home improvements right after
    they bought.

    One 60k.

    He would have spent more if the money hadn't run out.

    It was spent between 6 contractors, most of it in the first 4 months of moving.

    The other friend had the inside painted then work done on the wooden flooring.

    You can buy lists of new homeowners who have recently moved.

    Best,
    Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    Adding a guarantee might've helped lift response.

    The "10% discount" seems a bit basic, too. Perhaps there was a chance to get creative and come up with something more attention-grabbing...

    Cheers,
    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    No offense but I think OPs example looks bland.

    If I'm a potential customer opening my mail, show me something vibrant on glossy stock that stands out from the junk.

    People will associate the quality of the mailer with the quality of the service provider. Why hire mediocre (example) when I can hire the competition with wonderful visuals at the same price?

    My advice is use the fact that painting is messy and a lot of work as part of the sales pitch.
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  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Hi SAR,

    Looks fine to me. All seems clear, clean and since you feel you did:

    - solid with it
    - pretty detached

    you have the foundation for tiny energetic fine-tuning.

    Keep up the good work.

    Ryan
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    Ryan Biddulph, Blogger, Author, World Traveling Digital Nomad
    If you want to become a full time blogger you can buy my eBook here
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  • Hey Rubin,

    Although the part about "Rates lower than you expected"... I'm not sure about that one.

    Even though competition was fierce, he was trying to stay away from competing on price. (I always try to steer people away from competing on price, whenever possible) Which is why we targeted a postal route with mostly $200,000 homes, and above (which, even to this day, is a fairly affluent price range in his neck of the woods)
    Agree 100% on steering people away from competing on price.

    Thinking out loud here:

    Is there way to do both... avoid promising a cheap price AND reassure their objection that it'll be too expensive?

    Maybe by saying the whole industry is cheaper than commonly believed, while not promising that your rates are the lowest?

    I'm getting caught up on this because my gut says a lot of homeowners handle painting on their own, even though it's annoying and time-consuming, because they don't think skill matters, and they think a pro would be too expensive.

    When they see they got a painter's ad in the mail, they go "I need that done, but I'm doing it myself because it's too expensive." So if the flyer can counter that, I think you'd connect with a lot more ready prospects.

    What do you think? Does countering the pricing objection require competing on price? Or is there a way to tell them it'll be cheaper than they think, WITHOUT branding yourself as a discount service?
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    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Well this is definitely a thought provoking question, Benjamin.

      I think some people will always want to do it themselves.

      Maybe because they're frugal, or maybe because they're cheapskates? (Tomayto... Tomahto?)

      And then, some people just enjoy DIY projects. Whether they find it relaxing, or they just like to take pride in doing it themselves?

      Either way, none of these people will likely ever be our primary market.


      Now, this flyer already touched on the idea of painting being tedious, and time consuming.

      So as far as the price objection. Hmmm, let's see...


      I remember a quote I heard a long time ago, about answering price objections. (I think it was Zig Ziglar who said it?)

      The one where he used to tell prospects "If you spend a little more than you think you should, but it gives you everything you want... then we're talking about pennies. But if you spend less than you ought to, and it doesn't perform... then you've lost it all."


      So maybe something along those lines?

      Possibly try to bring the objection out into the open (gently, of course) While also introducing the decoy effect?


      The big idea could be something along the lines of ...

      "Don't hire a discount painter, who will make a mess out of your home. And don't hire an expensive company that will only treat you like a dollar sign.
      We're a competitively priced, local company. Which means we are small enough to care, and experienced enough to offer you a written guarantee on all workmanship"



      Yeah, that would need to be polished up quite a bit. But I think that might be headed in the right direction?

      So, we're not competing on price (per se) but we're also letting them know we're not the most expensive guys in town?


      What do you think?


      Originally Posted by Benjamin Farthing View Post

      Hey Rubin,


      Agree 100% on steering people away from competing on price.

      Thinking out loud here:

      Is there way to do both... avoid promising a cheap price AND reassure their objection that it'll be too expensive?

      Maybe by saying the whole industry is cheaper than commonly believed, while not promising that your rates are the lowest?

      I'm getting caught up on this because my gut says a lot of homeowners handle painting on their own, even though it's annoying and time-consuming, because they don't think skill matters, and they think a pro would be too expensive.

      When they see they got a painter's ad in the mail, they go "I need that done, but I'm doing it myself because it's too expensive." So if the flyer can counter that, I think you'd connect with a lot more ready prospects.

      What do you think? Does countering the pricing objection require competing on price? Or is there a way to tell them it'll be cheaper than they think, WITHOUT branding yourself as a discount service?
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  • Profile picture of the author splitTest
    Given all the competition -- I would play up the testimonials...

    ...play up how convenient, careful & quick it will be (preferably with testimonials &/or a guarantee... & fear) ...

    ...target more precisely (new home owners & women) ...

    ... & put more $$ into the design & printing (which in the minds of your prospects may reflect on how professional the painters will be)...

    But wow -- 8%?? On a regular ol' cold list? That's pretty good!

    I hope you did a follow-up campaign to encourage these new customers to get their neighbors in on the discount...

    P.S. -- I like the "before & after", because they're always eye-catching... But a more arresting headline might make it even stronger...
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

    I remember a quote I heard a long time ago, about answering price objections. (I think it was Zig Ziglar who said it?)

    The one where he used to tell prospects "If you spend a little more than you think you should, but it gives you everything you want... then we're talking about pennies. But if you spend less than you ought to, and it doesn't perform... then you've lost it all."
    How about something like:

    Going the budget DIY route may save you a few dollars when you do this project the first time. But how about when the paint peels, streak or flakes, and you have to do it again? How much is it worth to get the job done right the first time and not have to worry about it again later?
    I also remember something that was attributed to Abe Lincoln. Something to the effect of "this has been a fine ax - it's had three heads and five handles, and it still works well."

    Maybe that will spark an idea.
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