How would you improve this sales flyer?

This is a small direct mail package I wrote for a local house painter, just over 7 years ago.

Note: When I first created it for my client, he wanted a non disclosure agreement, because he didn't want me offering the same piece to any of his competition. So, I offered him a seven year NDA agreement.

That 7 years ran out, last November. So I guess I can share it with you now...


First, let me give you a little background on the piece, just to set the stage...


The year was 2010. It was early Autumn (mid October) up here in NH. And the exterior painting season was starting to wind down.

Now, in case you aren't familiar with the seasonal cycle, of the house painting profession, let me give you a brief overview...

In the summertime, work is abundant. There's always plenty of houses that need painting, and as long as the weather holds out, the work moves fast and furiously.

But, in the winter, there's a lot of unemployed house painters competing for a much smaller piece of the interior painting pie.


To compound the issue, with this particular advertisement, it was 2010. And the economy was still about as shaky as a bowl of jello, in an earthquake. So for most people, hiring someone to paint a room in their house was not a top priority.


So, that was the atmosphere of the situation. Now, on to the mailer...


Here's a basic rundown of the some of the stats...


We only mailed 500 pieces, to one particular postal route, in a single zip code.

The mailer consisted of the main flyer (on standard weight paper)... the 2 sided coupon (printed on card stock)... and a company business card (not pictured here)

It was mailed in a standard envelope with a first class postage stamp

Response rate was just over 8%


Just for the record... I'm convinced we could have gotten a higher response rate, if the envelopes had been addressed differently. But while I was putting the finishing touches on the mailer, my client was busy rubber stamping the envelopes with the address

Postal Customer
Postal Rte #
City, State, Zipcode

Now I get that he didn't have any software to address each envelope with the recipients name, and nobody wants to cramp up their painting hand, by hand addressing 500 envelopes.

But I still think, instead of "Postal Customer" he should have at least addressed them to "Our Neighbors At" or "Our Friends At."

But, by the time I saw it, they were already addressed, with postage stamps affixed. So there we were... it was a done deal.


Now here's the actual piece... For privacy reasons, I'm blurring out any personally identifiable info from the piece. (besides, that part isn't really important for the sake of this post anyway)






Now, overall I think the piece did OK. (under the circumstances) But looking back at it, there's a couple things I might have done differently.


So what do you think my fellow copywriters? How would YOU make this piece better?


And remember, this piece went out years ago, and the numbers are already accounted for. So I have no emotional attachment to it anymore.

If you think it stinks, that's OK (if it's your honest, professional, opinion... Just tell me why you think it stinks) Unlike some people, I'm not a precious little snowflake, who will melt down if you hurt my feelings. And if you don't shower me with flattery, and tell me how great my sales piece is, I will not come back here and call you names.


So, what do you think is good about it? Or what do you think could be better?