Critique First Copy Draft Please, Suggestions for Draft #2, expert or not.

It appears you are using CSS, and some basic HTML, set margins or use a border, then check it in all 3 major browsers, IE, FIREFOX AND CHROME. Then check on mobile.

You have selected a difficult market to make money in, people who can't afford even your very low cost report, so, any back ends (which is where the real money is in IM) is going to be hard to get.

GIVE them money in your headline.

Again, depending on where the traffic comes from and what it is searching for. But something more dollar slanted.

You can put an extra $100.00 to $200.00 in your pocket instantly. Here's how:

Your extra money comes from SAVING money on the things you currently buy. Like groceries. You may be paying too much. Same for other goods and services.

You can save money, and have enough to make it through your month.

Now, you may get their attention. Now tell your story, in a few brief paragraphs, tell how you were able to put SAVINGS from shopping into your wallet. BRIEFLY. It is about them, not you.

Then go into some SPECIFIC examples, like maybe comparing items, like they do at ALDI'S, a very successful strategy for them, show how some products are way over priced because of packaging.

Use dollars, show how they can save 5 bux by buying at Walmart, or other savings centers. Show how having a menu, a budget, how shopping, couponing, etc. can work.

How it worked for you, and others.

Use a few of those 200 tips, give them a couple of the best ones, give them a taste of what you have to offer.

Keep the graphics to a minimum, some stores used to fill up shopping carts (many still do) and compare them, filled with the exact same products and the AMOUNT OF DOLLARS saved.

See, your target NEEDS those extra dollars, assure him/her they are there, and your tips will help them locate that hidden money.

Now, you have a couple things to build off of. The page number references, and some of the bullet points are not bad. Could work them in.

Remember this: HOW THEY GOT THERE, Source of traffic determines what you say.

Once there, GET THEIR ATTENTION immediately, be serious about money, they are.

Tell them the big reason you have for them, putting money into their pocket, instantly. Which happens when they save on what they buy routinely, eh?

Then give them a couple great tips up front, so they see HOW this works. You don't need the hype you have on the end of your current effort, forget that double back guarantee.

So, yea, it needs a lot of work, but, if you insist on trying to serve this TARGET market, you have to think it through, and determine if what you have couldn't be adjusted toward a more "middle class" family, your current target runs out of money before the month is out.

So THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM, give them a solution, getting money to last by saving money on what they spend.

Good luck.

GordonJ