Opinions Needed On My Sales Page

28 replies
Hi all,

If you could cast a quick glance and give me your opinions on my sales page. First time I'm selling something on my site so not quite sure is my sales page any good?

Any info, feedback, critic, etc., more than welcomed.

Link to the sales page > http://bit.ly/rrguide2fm
#needed #opinions #page #sales
Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Needs a more compelling headline (or two.)

    What's your traffic source--who's coming to this page?

    We have a Copywriting subforum right here, and you may get better feedback posting in there.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415595].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
      Originally Posted by Jason Kanigan View Post

      Needs a more compelling headline (or two.)

      What's your traffic source--who's coming to this page?

      We have a Copywriting subforum right here, and you may get better feedback posting in there.
      More compelling headline? Could you maybe give me an example?

      My traffic source is my own blog which receives more than 200,000 users per month, Facebook (group 14K users, page 25K users) and twitter (14K users).

      And I'll try to posting to the copy writing subofrum as well, thank you for the info.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415599].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Duplicate threads not permitted - but moved this one to the copywrite section
    Signature

    Saving one dog will not change the world - but forever changes the world of one dog.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415605].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Michael Meaney
    It's a nice looking page, clean and easy to read.

    Kudos.

    "ROY ROVERS' ~ GUIDE TO FM" is your headline, but it doesn't tell me anything, it doesn't make me feel anything.

    What's the guide going to do for ME?

    How is it gonna improve my game? Is it gonna make my friends jealous of my new skills?

    Is it the secret weapon that's going to leave them in shock & awe wondering how I'm managing to kick their arses day after day? Are they going to start BEGGING me for tips?

    Is it gonna give me bragging rights?

    How will I feel when AFTER I've consumed your ebook? How will it change the way I play?

    Make it seductive. Gimme a reason to read the next line.

    Also, your buy button doesn't look like a buy button.

    There's a lot more you could do with this page, and I'm sure others will help you out.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415606].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Steve B
    I took a quick look.


    First thing I felt was some confusion about what the site was for. "Guide to FM" suggested to me it was about helping people find FM radio stations.


    After reading through the content I saw that I was wrong. Granted, I'm not a gamer ... so if FM is well understood and you do extremely targeted marketing, the lack of understanding gaming jargon may not be as big a deal as I'm making it. Just realize that most people won't stick around as long as I did hunting to find what a web site was all about.



    Second thing I noticed was no real "stop them in their tracks" headline. Jason already posted about this. Using your ebook title as the main headline is not usually the way to go unless your book is recognizable, popular and well known.


    Third, I didn't see anything really compelling about your offer, especially in your copywriting. Why should I buy an ebook from someone I've never heard of? What's in it for me? I don't want to see what I might learn from the book - I'd rather see how it is going to solve my problems and turn me into a gaming hero.


    Fourth, there is no "call to action" other than the words "buy now" on your buy button. This is easily fixed.



    Finally, I'll mention something about your overall approach. Hitting cold traffic with a sales page asking for money is not always the best approach. I don't know if you've already got subscribers on an email list or what you've done to warm your traffic in advance of trying to sell your ebook. But if you plan to buy traffic and merely send them to your ebook offer, your conversions will probably be low.


    I would suggest looking at the lead generation systems and sales funnel for successful ebooks and see if your system is something similar.


    Also, the fact that your donating all money generated to unknown charities is not explained very well. Are you really not making any money from this project? Why are you doing that? What are these charities? It leaves me wondering and questioning your real intent. It needs to be better explained.


    Don't take my criticisms personally, I'm just trying to help you understand how I as a visitor to your site feel.



    Good luck with this project,


    Steve
    Signature

    Steve Browne, online business strategies, tips, guidance, and resources
    SteveBrowneDirect

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415609].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author JohnVianny
    Why don't you do lead generation?

    I mean give some tips in exchange of their mail. So you can better "educate" you prospects, not hoping only they buy through brutal selling, once they landed in your web page.

    Secondly: testimonials are good if you can put their facebook profile in hyperlink on their name (ask them obviously), and the testimonial without the face with the black avatar is not good at all, better remove it or put his face (all the others have it).
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415613].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    The reason you were asked about the traffic source(s) is so that we'd have an idea of whether your visitors were primed before arriving at the page.

    If you're linking direct from your blog, you've probably already sold many of them on the purchase, in which case your "sales" page need be little more than a recap and a buy button. If the traffic is cold, you'll need much more compelling copy.

    It's hard to advise without seeing the other links in the sales chain.
    Signature
    Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. (Author unknown)

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415617].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Michael Meaney
      Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

      The reason you were asked about the traffic source(s) is so that we'd have an idea of whether your visitors were primed before arriving at the page.
      Looks like it's the first thing his visitors see on the homepage, and he's got a sticky sidebar banner that isn't revealed until the visitors do some scrolling. Maybe the Adsense block is more valuable atm than the banner.

      Tbh don't ya think this is the kind of site most of us would love to work with because we could do a hell of a lot with it, so much potential here.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415620].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
        Originally Posted by Michael Meaney View Post

        Looks like it's the first thing his visitors see on the homepage, and he's got a sticky sidebar banner that isn't revealed until the visitors do some scrolling. Maybe the Adsense block is more valuable atm than the banner.
        From what I can make out through the haze behind the cookie pop-up, there's at least one image link on the blog's home page. I don't know to what extent he presells the guide in his posts. Or, for that matter, on his FB page.
        Signature
        Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. (Author unknown)

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415627].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Michael Meaney
          Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

          From what I can make out through the haze behind the cookie pop-up, there's at least one image link on the blog's home page. I don't know to what extent he presells the guide in his posts. Or, for that matter, on his FB page.
          Weird, I'm not experiencing any of that... using Safari.
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415631].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
    This is all amazing info you guys, I truly much appreciate it! I'm a writer and not a sales man, that's the problem, but with your input so far I think I could make a better converting sales page.

    So the page made £550 in 4 days, but I guess this is all because people in this niche know who I am. I've got a quite large following, but I'm in this blogging scheme since 2009, and been player of the game for 24 years now.

    Headline, headline... You are all right when you say the headline is no good, people who know me know I'm going to throw some useful info their way, but as you said the rest who don't know my knowledge on the matter have no use from this headline. It needs to be juicier.

    Will have to brainstorm on this, maybe something in the lines of; "The Ultimate Guide To Football Manager", or maybe "Step-by-step guide that will make you the best Football Manager ever", or "The Groundbreaking FM guide that will teach you step-by-step how to be the best manager that ever lived" > maybe a bit over the top?

    Secondly, should I make the first paragraph reflect to the advantages of the guide, like; "With this Football Manager guide you are going to learn how to play the game as it should be played.

    You will learn some of the unknown tips and tricks that have never been revealed anywhere ever.

    You will enjoy the game like never before after you finish reading this guide, guaranteed!" < something like this.

    And should I remove the two opening blocks with "What will you learn in this guide" and "For who this guide is meant to", if I add that opening paragraph.

    Should I mention facts about me? Time I spent playing the game, that I work as a beta tester, that I was a researcher for the game, etc.?

    Also, I do agree on the charity part that it is not very well explained. I should mention that 2/3 of the money raised will go to these charities, and else will go into running of the site. But it is not true that these charities are not well known, they appear at the start screen of the game, for 30 years now. So, everybody who plays the game knows everything about these charities.

    When you say that my Call To Action Button is no good? What do you mean by that? Should it be an image? Or...what should I do regarding this?

    Another thing, blank face testimonial will be deal with and I will also ask the reviewers for their permission to link to their Facebook profiles.

    One thing I'd like to ask as well, do I offer them a free preview of the guide? Like 20 pages for free? Will this have an effect on the sales or not, is there a case study on this?

    And about advertising on my blog, I've added that image on the homepage and a sidebar banner. What else are good practices that you maybe could advise me?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415685].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Michael Meaney
      Originally Posted by mocniyoda View Post

      So the page made £550 in 4 days, but I guess this is all because people in this niche know who I am. I've got a quite large following, but I'm in this blogging scheme since 2009, and been player of the game for 24 years now.
      On the surface that sounds pretty good... considering the existing copy.

      But if I were you I'd hire a professional copywriter because it sounds like you're losing a crap-ton of sales right now.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415721].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
        Originally Posted by Michael Meaney View Post

        On the surface that sounds pretty good... considering the existing copy.

        But if I were you I'd hire a professional copywriter because it sounds like you're losing a crap-ton of sales right now.
        I've Googled "hire a professional copywrighter" but got only Google ads from the search. Could you direct me in the way where I can find good copywrighters?

        And I guess you are right, there have been only 60 sales from 1,700 visits But I know this eBook could sell hell of a lot more than this.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415735].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Yodes; the header seems to have a grammar error.

    THE GROUNDBREAKING STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO BECOMING (insert "A") FOOTBALL MANAGER EXPERT

    Ryan
    Signature
    Ryan Biddulph, Blogger, Author, World Traveling Digital Nomad
    If you want to become a full time blogger you can buy my eBook here
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415730].message }}
  • {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415740].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Copylifemike
    Here's a headline for you...

    How you can become a football manager NO experience needed

    Rookie or Pro? Simple steps to become an expert football manager

    The secrets other football managers don't share, but will make you so pro they will be envious

    The secret to winning more games and making other coaches feel like ROOKIES

    Play around with them.

    When you write headlines, you should be listing between 10-30 headlines. Then decide which one you want to test.

    BTW - To me, the copy seems a bit short and not so compelling or targeted.

    I get a very small idea that you're targeting rookies and amateurs alike.

    How aware is your audience? This will determine how long your copy should be and how convincing you need to become.

    It's too short. There's no real story that engages me or gives me a real emotional connection to the benefits. What exactly are the benefits?

    What does this guide feature? What are within the table of contents? This copy doesn't share any information that I'd expect if I purchased it.

    It doesn't get me excited. Everything is too much of a mystery telling me that I could either end up wasting my money or it could help, but I'm not willing to take that chance just yet.

    Depending on how aware your market audience is, ultimately determines if this is a hard sell (longer copy) or a short sell (shorter copy).

    SHARE your experience within the body from your past 24 years and how you came to learn some of the areas you teach. SHARE at least the sections or contents that will be learned in this PDF. And then break down the BENEFITS of each section (not features).

    The reader cares about one thing. WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME??

    Every line you write that you think sounds convincing - dig deeper.. Repeat this question...

    So what?

    This book will deliver XYZ to make you more of a likable leader to your team... OK... SO WHAT?

    Why would that matter? What would that do for me? How will that help me win more games?

    You get the point....

    Drive me and guide me with emotions and touch my pain points, my frustrations to help me see your solution to that.

    As it is, I'm walking in there blind not knowing what to expect.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11415756].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
    Firstly, thank you all for your input on my issue.

    I have made adjustments you mentioned here and now my sale page looks like this > > http://bit.ly/rrguide2fm

    Again, would love to hear you thoughts and feedback on it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416023].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Copylifemike
      The only adjustment I noticed was the "A" in the title...

      I won't even call it a headline.

      In fact maybe it would be a better sub headline after an actual attention grabbing one.

      I will just say this as this is the second last be link sales page critique I've seen within the last week....

      Copywriting is not just smashing thugs together. It's a system and you either oil it well or it's going to come out rusty and break.

      It's not an over night process.

      In fact a single short copy sales letter can sometimes take a few days after revisions and editing to come out perfect and make sales happen.

      This over night adjustment based on a couple of feedback is just rushed work.

      Writing is almost more powerful than speaking.

      Actually in my opinion writing is more powerful.

      Why? Because you have focused and concisely places words on paper. Which means it's purposeful.

      This rushing through adjustments tells me one thing. You don't honor your business enough and value the service you're providing to really help others.

      You just want more sales versus what it has accomplished as is.

      You want to quickly race to the finish line.

      Do you realize this is why 90% of businesses fall short on their homepage and about me page of their website?

      Those are the two most visited pages and most memorable.

      Yet, if they don't get those pages right - they've lost at least 50% of what could've been converted.

      A single email sales letter can have a 400% ROI if written with proper copy.

      Do you understand the power behind that?

      This is YOUR sales letter.

      A single representation that puts your service in the flashing lights saying IM THE RIGHT FIT FOR YOUR PAIN AND NEEDS.

      Why are you rushing through this overnight editing stuff and throwing it up there?

      Nothing was changed from what I see.

      I know crap about football and yet you don't have a single sentence that gives me any emotion to even want to know crap about football.

      Including myself you had at least 3 people mention the headline yet the only thing you add to it or change was the "A"??

      Come on.

      Not trying to be harsh, but as a newly found love for copywriting and as a upcoming business owner for copywriting - that ticks me off.

      Why? Because I understand the mindset of it, the preparation of it, the time, hardwork and effort of it.

      It is a craft just like any other specialized skill set.

      Care about it more and you will see the results come easier.

      When people click your link, you need to remember something...

      You are taking their time from them. They are willing to trade their time with you.

      Sloppy copy or copy that is written fast without any real aim towards the reader just disrespects their time and is a waste.

      And you're current copy isn't horrible. There's a few adjustments and additions that can really turn it around night and day.

      But you're not taking in what's suggested and your rushing to slam it up there again.

      Empathy. Focus on that feeling.

      How it feels to be a rookie or an amateur always making mistakes or not knowing enough to turn games around in their favor.

      Give me the damn emotion!

      I don't care about the features of how to...

      I care about the results!

      What exactly is this going to do for me??

      What exactly am I going to become after reading this and implementing what's taught?

      How will I feel after?

      You're cheating yourself if you don't put in the work and care in craftin this correctly.

      No advice will help you unless you take the proper mindset and learn how to see the elements of proper copy.

      Here's an idea for you -

      [HEADLINE] - To those who won't settle for less than being better than the top coach

      Qualifying - Headline talks to only those who take action and are serious.

      Or if you want to be more dramatic -

      [HEADLINE] - STOP and imagine being better than the top coach on the field

      [Sub-head] Are you tired of looking like a mediocre coach that doesn't lead their team to victory as much as you'd like?

      Triggers a possible frustration or pain problem.

      [Body] Well I'm here to tell you I once felt the same exact way

      The last 24 years of my coaching career has been quite the journey.

      I once started out just like you...

      New, didn't have a clue how to lead a team, challenging to learn the rules of the game,

      I often felt embarrassed.

      In fact, other coaches would sometimes laugh at me or talk behind my back.

      Starts to develop the story, further peak the interest, engage the reader...

      BUILD, BUILD, BUILD. Can you see where this could lead the reader? Can you see how this will start to provoke emotions?

      Hope this helps direct you in a better direction.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416042].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
        Originally Posted by Copylifemike View Post

        The only adjustment I noticed was the "A" in the title...

        I won't even call it a headline.

        In fact maybe it would be a better sub headline after an actual attention grabbing one.

        I will just say this as this is the second last be link sales page critique I've seen within the last week....

        Copywriting is not just smashing thugs together. It's a system and you either oil it well or it's going to come out rusty and break.

        It's not an over night process.

        In fact a single short copy sales letter can sometimes take a few days after revisions and editing to come out perfect and make sales happen.

        This over night adjustment based on a couple of feedback is just rushed work.

        Writing is almost more powerful than speaking.

        Actually in my opinion writing is more powerful.

        Why? Because you have focused and concisely places words on paper. Which means it's purposeful.

        This rushing through adjustments tells me one thing. You don't honor your business enough and value the service you're providing to really help others.

        You just want more sales versus what it has accomplished as is.

        You want to quickly race to the finish line.

        Do you realize this is why 90% of businesses fall short on their homepage and about me page of their website?

        Those are the two most visited pages and most memorable.

        Yet, if they don't get those pages right - they've lost at least 50% of what could've been converted.

        A single email sales letter can have a 400% ROI if written with proper copy.

        Do you understand the power behind that?

        This is YOUR sales letter.

        A single representation that puts your service in the flashing lights saying IM THE RIGHT FIT FOR YOUR PAIN AND NEEDS.

        Why are you rushing through this overnight editing stuff and throwing it up there?

        Nothing was changed from what I see.

        I know crap about football and yet you don't have a single sentence that gives me any emotion to even want to know crap about football.

        Including myself you had at least 3 people mention the headline yet the only thing you add to it or change was the "A"??

        Come on.

        Not trying to be harsh, but as a newly found love for copywriting and as a upcoming business owner for copywriting - that ticks me off.

        Why? Because I understand the mindset of it, the preparation of it, the time, hardwork and effort of it.

        It is a craft just like any other specialized skill set.

        Care about it more and you will see the results come easier.

        When people click your link, you need to remember something...

        You are taking their time from them. They are willing to trade their time with you.

        Sloppy copy or copy that is written fast without any real aim towards the reader just disrespects their time and is a waste.

        And you're current copy isn't horrible. There's a few adjustments and additions that can really turn it around night and day.

        But you're not taking in what's suggested and your rushing to slam it up there again.

        Empathy. Focus on that feeling.

        How it feels to be a rookie or an amateur always making mistakes or not knowing enough to turn games around in their favor.

        Give me the damn emotion!

        I don't care about the features of how to...

        I care about the results!

        What exactly is this going to do for me??

        What exactly am I going to become after reading this and implementing what's taught?

        How will I feel after?

        You're cheating yourself if you don't put in the work and care in craftin this correctly.

        No advice will help you unless you take the proper mindset and learn how to see the elements of proper copy.
        The "A" is not the only adjustment I made, definitely not. I really took all the suggestions here and brainstormed about them.

        And this page is not about football as you think, it's about Football Manager (management simulation game), and this is really a small market of people I'm reaching and really specific one.

        There's probably only 1 million people who even play the game and I guess that only 10% of that people actually would buy something outside of the game. And the main problems that these potential buyers have is either with setting up their tactics, youth development or transfers (if we don't count technical issue, which this guide is not about).

        And what this guide is going to give to you after you read is the knowledge to fix these things, and to take your game to the next level. I don't know how to bring in the emotion to this.

        And it's not really an online game that you play against your mates, it's more of a single player game.

        Is this truly so wrong and unappealing to potential buyers;

        "What this 'Guide to FM' is going to do for you is to teach you from the ground up how to quickly and easily become a Football Manager expert.

        You will become a master of making your tactics and will never again download one from the internet, in fact, you will be the one that's going to share your tactics to the community.

        Your mates are going to start BEGGING you for tips on how you've managed to make your tactics work so well!

        You will learn how to set up your coaching staff and your training to get the most out of your players.

        And also, you'll learn how to develop your promising youngsters labelled as wonderkids to become elite players, every single one of them!

        After you've consumed the information from this eBook, you will feel like a genuine expert of the game, as you will know so much about every aspect of it, be it tactics, youth development, transfers, lower league management, or something else.

        It will completely change the understanding and the way you play the game, GUARANTEED!"
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416071].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Copylifemike
          Go to Michael Meanys first response to you..

          He's giving you the formula to creating emotion by his questions to you..

          This is the same page I read the first time.

          Nothing different.

          It doesn't matter if someone is playing alone or with others, what's the emotions they get by engaging in such a simulation?

          Why do they even play it to begin with?

          What is attractive about this type of game?

          1 million people play but yet you don't know what emotions come from it?

          Think or relate this to your own experience.

          How does this game make you feel?

          How often did you felt frustrated or hate losing or not getting an understanding of something?

          When did you feel excitement or confidence in your skills building up?

          Sell them the feeling of the results!!

          That's what we are telling you.

          Look at car ads and you'll see.. they sell the buyer a feeling.

          Sports car - sells fast and popular and sexy.

          Luxury cars sell comfort and prestige and feeling of importance.

          Sell the feeling of the results from your guide.

          Make the reader step in to the role of being a pro and having no more frustrations.

          Allow them to feel how easy the game gets when they have better strategy and less mistakes.
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416095].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    Well mocniyoda ,

    I think your new copy looks much more enthusiastic than what you had up there a couple days ago. And that's a good thing (although just for the record, I'm not a huge fan of what I call "bright shiny object" copy)

    But it doesn't really matter if I think it's hypey. Because I'm not your target audience (in fact, two days ago I didn't even know what the football manager game was)

    And the truth is... I've seen some ugly copy get good response rates (when it's delivered to the right audience, at the right time)

    So my big question for you is...

    Have your conversion rates gone up since you've added the new copy?

    If they have, then it's great. If they haven't (after a given number of people see it), then it could be time to re-evaluate what your market might be looking for, and put it into words that express their desires.

    It's all about testing and tweaking.

    To quote David Ogilvy... "Never stop testing, and your advertising will never stop improving."


    All the best,
    SAR

    P.S. One last thought for now... Since your target audience is limited (according to your earlier post) have you given any thought to what you might create as a follow up "back end" offer to sell to your customers, down the road?
    Signature
    "It all boils down to psychology, and numbers"
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416201].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
      Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

      Well mocniyoda ,

      I think your new copy looks much more enthusiastic than what you had up there a couple days ago. And that's a good thing (although just for the record, I'm not a huge fan of what I call "bright shiny object" copy)

      But it doesn't really matter if I think it's hypey. Because I'm not your target audience (in fact, two days ago I didn't even know what the football manager game was)

      And the truth is... I've seen some ugly copy get good response rates (when it's delivered to the right audience, at the right time)

      So my big question for you is...

      Have your conversion rates gone up since you've added the new copy?

      If they have, then it's great. If they haven't (after a given number of people see it), then it could be time to re-evaluate what your market might be looking for, and put it into words that express their desires.

      It's all about testing and tweaking.

      To quote David Ogilvy... "Never stop testing, and your advertising will never stop improving."


      All the best,
      SAR

      P.S. One last thought for now... Since your target audience is limited (according to your earlier post) have you given any thought to what you might create as a follow up "back end" offer to sell to your customers, down the road?
      There's no way of pleasing everyone, so I went with what would please me as an FM player.

      And yes, conversion went up, got 10 sales from 100 visits. But you have to understand that a lot of these people are coming from my blog (99% of them). Some are just interested in what I'm offering as they have been following my work for 10 years now.

      I still haven't started promoting this in a proper way, wanted to see what everyone here had to say and act on the suggestions you've pitched here.

      And for the P.S. part, yes I have future products in mind. The game has been released for nearly 30 years now, and will continue to do so, so every year there will be a need for some kind of guide.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416261].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author SARubin
        Originally Posted by mocniyoda View Post

        There's no way of pleasing everyone, so I went with what would please me as an FM player.

        That's the way to do it. Since you're part of your own target audience, you should know your market better than anyone.


        Originally Posted by mocniyoda View Post

        And yes, conversion went up, got 10 sales from 100 visits.
        That's a good thing


        Originally Posted by mocniyoda View Post

        I still haven't started promoting this in a proper way, wanted to see what everyone here had to say and act on the suggestions you've pitched here.
        Well, 10% conversion rate is pretty good (it may not be great, from your own hot tribe of followers... but it's still good)

        It's certainly high enough to start testing and "promoting this in a proper way."


        .
        Signature
        "It all boils down to psychology, and numbers"
        SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11416275].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author poweredspeaker
    Here there are so many best tips and ideas have given. You can follow any of these to solve your problem Surly these will work.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11422027].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author spartan14
    In my opinion it should be a little more complex wit more images and more long
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11422060].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mocniyoda
    So I hired a copywriter and this is the sales page now > http://bit.ly/rrguide2fm

    Opinions?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11423602].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Copylifemike
      Much improvement.

      Focus less on opinions...

      What have been the results since the change of this page??

      It was definitely the right move for you and if the results have increased from previous, than you have yourself a solid winner.

      I found one typo btw...

      Mid page - after the last testimonial the word "realise" should be realize.

      Other than that the copy looks pretty solid to me.

      Let us know about the results.

      In the end that's what matters more than opinions.

      Mike
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11424142].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author GordonJ
      Originally Posted by mocniyoda View Post

      So I hired a copywriter and this is the sales page now > http://bit.ly/rrguide2fm

      Opinions?
      Yes, a couple of opinions. Are you still testing? I think the second box is the headline, not you. Quickly become a master of Football Manager without decades of experience.

      The questions don't work. Why are they there, OF COURSE they want to become a master, why ask them redundant questions? Instead of before we start, cut all that out and lead with IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES...and who you are. A lot of wasted space in the deck copy.

      You have said, these people know what it is all about, so give them what they came for, quickly. Just don't need the questions in there, do you?

      GordonJ

      Then from there, it looks pretty good. Also, to your spelling error, copylifemike, you need to learn what the English preferences are
      outside of USA. Realise is the preferred spelling in both UK and Oz. But they both are ok.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11424300].message }}
Avatar of Unregistered

Trending Topics