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It is the main section of my About page for a fraud prevention consultancy website.....

xxxcccrrr, Principal Consultant

For businesses selling online, the best defense against fraud is a robust proactive fraud prevention strategy. A strategy
that repels and voids any criminal attempt to commit cyber crime.

Who better to help you custom design your fraud prevention strategy than a man who spent years circumventing all
types of anti-fraud measures?

Who better to help you protect your business than a once convicted - turned good guy - fraud prevention specialist?

After all, organizations like the US Department for Homeland Security, companies like Microsoft, and
online retailers like NewEgg rely on reformed cyber criminals to help them fight cyber crime. Why shouldn't you?

I'm xxxcccrrr and yes, I'm a former (reformed) fraudster. And after seeing where my choices led me, I decided to change
directions - more precisely in the opposite direction - by dedicating myself to helping merchants protect their businesses
against fraud.

May be your fraud department have been having some issues trying to mitigate some attacks. This is where I can help you
and your team get on top of the problem.

I know how fraudsters think. And how they operate.
Due to my extensive experience I can identify areas of concern in your fraud protection and advise you and your team on
the best way to address those issues.
#page #roast
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    Well, if you get this in front of someone who's already looking for an ex-con, to help them with their security, then your words could resonate with them just fine.

    But as a cold audience reader... my first thought is "I don't think I can trust you with my business" - Here's why...


    I'm reading your words, and it sounds like you're showing a bit too much pride in your past life. Almost like you're bragging about being a convicted, cyber criminal, fraudster.

    And while there's certainly a lot to be said for taking pride in ones work... if you're taking pride in being a fraudster, I'm not sure I'd want you having access to any of my sensitive data.

    I get that you're trying to let people know of your skills and credentials. And yes, I would like someone who understands how criminals think, to be on my side when it comes to stopping criminals.


    But your words are not showing any real remorse for your past. You say you're reformed, but you also sound like you're emphasizing that the fact you were a fraudster is the very reason I should trust you?

    So perhaps just a little more humility would serve you well. Or at least a convincing "reason why" you turned your life around?


    For example: in Ryan Holidays book "Trust Me, I'm Lying - Confessions Of A Media Manipulator" he explains that one of the main reasons he changed directions was the realization he was not just destroying corporate entities, but he was also hurting the regular employees and their families when he brought down a corporation.


    So why did you turn your life around? Is it just because you got caught? Because if that's the only reason you went straight, then I'm not going to trust you with the temptation of millions of dollars worth of my company's sensitive data.



    So yes... tell me about your past life. It not only shows honesty, but those are also credentials that make you an authority in the industry.

    But at the same time... tell me why I should trust you now.


    Anyway, that's my first thought after reading your words. Might be something worth considering?

    All the best,
    SAR


    Originally Posted by xxxcccrrr View Post

    It is the main section of my About page for a fraud prevention consultancy website.....

    xxxcccrrr, Principal Consultant

    For businesses selling online, the best defense against fraud is a robust proactive fraud prevention strategy. A strategy
    that repels and voids any criminal attempt to commit cyber crime.

    Who better to help you custom design your fraud prevention strategy than a man who spent years circumventing all
    types of anti-fraud measures?

    Who better to help you protect your business than a once convicted - turned good guy - fraud prevention specialist?

    After all, organizations like the US Department for Homeland Security, companies like Microsoft, and
    online retailers like NewEgg rely on reformed cyber criminals to help them fight cyber crime. Why shouldn't you?

    I'm xxxcccrrr and yes, I'm a former (reformed) fraudster. And after seeing where my choices led me, I decided to change
    directions - more precisely in the opposite direction - by dedicating myself to helping merchants protect their businesses
    against fraud.

    May be your fraud department have been having some issues trying to mitigate some attacks. This is where I can help you
    and your team get on top of the problem.

    I know how fraudsters think. And how they operate.
    Due to my extensive experience I can identify areas of concern in your fraud protection and advise you and your team on
    the best way to address those issues.
    Signature
    "It all boils down to psychology, and numbers"
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado
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  • Profile picture of the author AlanCarr
    Ya see? Now someone else is telling you that you need a reason why.

    Sheesh.


    APC
    Signature

    This man is living his dream. Are you...?
    www.copywriter-ac.com

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  • Profile picture of the author splitTest
    • Sounds like you have an interesting story to tell, with examples of how fraud happens. Why not use that?
    • Your language can be more conversational. As is, it's a little stiff.
    • Like the other poster said -- you need to make them trust you. For example, who are your other clients? How long have you been in business? Testimonials?
    • You might also want to give examples of common vulnerabilities they might have right now. (I know this is an "About" page & not a letter, but...)
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Go watch "Catch Me If You Can."

    Think about stories that demonstrate your knowledge level and how you can use that knowledge to protect your clients.

    Show don't tell. As it is, your copy is doing too much telling.
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