2 replies
So, hey -- I jus' purchased sum noo shoes maxin' out on a DINKIEST EVAH ticket.

They look cool, they feel sweet, an' ima happy steppin' out in' em.

Kinda chance tho, how I got my purty feets in 'em.

Cos I was meanderin' out in town, slummin' around on stoopid kinda PRINCESS STUFF ... an' then I eyeballed the f*ckers, BLAMMO shop window.

Yeah, so ... my kinda style ... erected aloft on a tastefully scenic plinth ... totally in the absence of BARGAIN! or YOU CHEAP SHIT! or HARLOT WASTAH!

So ima thinkin' ...

WHAT BETTER EXCUSE

FOR A SARTORIALLY EXQUISITE AIRHEAD

TO SKIP DINNAH?

Thing is, we ain't always lucky enough to happen on these kinda max MWAH MWAH MWAH yummostuffs.

Shoes I got rn ... cozza momentary swankycraft twixt MOI & sum random store ... FFS prolly a whole buncha these babies're stackin' out in sum draaahpship webstore sumplace alongside WE ALSO SHIP TO FRICKIN' GREENLAND nipple clamps.

See, cos I look at my sweetie feeties, an' I take in how friends been real positive 'bout my looks cozza their perfect-for-Moi VIBE, an' I would wanna wish for the planet to kiss on my story.

DITZ BEGUILED BY RANDOM STORE!

Yeah, OK -- so what about the internet's globally suffocatin' ANDROIDTASTIC sensory ZEROHOLE romps sweet offa tab an' phone?

From outta whose delish panorama we gotta want for stuff we can't actschwlly touch rn? Or even LICK mebbe coupla secs from rn? Yet still WANT?

That's why stoopid promo asshole HORDES gonna get hot withya 'bout the LEATHER an' the HEELS (we still talkin' my shoes here btw), slottin' their copy into an xxx chars text box designed to LURE U ASS IN on a PROMISE got no actshwl promise about it cos they makin' mincemeat outta l'il ol Moi chillin' out with my legs in the air an' loadin' up way mleh with lame stuff like "perfect for anyone aged 13-90!!!"

So when I said to the guy in the store, "these gonna break my ankles when I fall down in the gutter, slashed?" he was real professional enough to ansa, "price is $950, and to be honest, as long as you can pay, we have no concern at all whether you depart from our store HAPPY ... or whether you subsequently wish to shoot yourself in the tits."

Anyways, such are my heels rn.

I am srsly GLORY MAGNET LEADERBOARD KUDOS GAL & idc.
#copywriting #dinkiness (specific) #dinky #dinkyness (general) #heels #noo #srsly pointy leatherwear #virtual tangibility
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    I'm guessing you're wearing these shoes while you typed your post?

    Feet all propped up on your gold engraved desk?

    And did you shoot yourself in the tits yet?

    But you know as a copywriter, images of you wearing these shoes conjured up some mental images of what they would do for you...even if you couldn't afford dinner...because 'm sure you were probably thinking a guy would see you sash saying (is that a word) down the street and offer to buy you lunch.

    Now you need a Maserati to go along with the shoes.

    Seriously though, you have you're own unique way of writing...I enjoy it though.
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    • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      I'm guessing you're wearing these shoes while you typed your post?

      Feet all propped up on your gold engraved desk?
      Hey -- I may be a confirmed Yoga Goddess, but that sounds like a contortion too far to Moi.

      For sure I can touch my toes, but I don't wanna write no scintillatin' prose at the same time -- speshly if'n I need a pee.

      As for sashayin', gotta tellya it is the easiest way to end up with your panties round your ankles in the mall.

      Gotta figure that is why they invented the pant suit.

      "Now you can look stylish while you mix it with the guys -- with no fear of losing your undergarments as pelvic wiggling colludes with gravity."

      Seriously tho, biggest problem with heavy dooty sashyin' is electrocyootin' yourself on your own tights -- or blindin' a random dog with a spontaneous lightnin' bolt of pure static.

      Prolly as a Princess I should write up a kinda style guide for etiquette aficionados that covers these kindsa dilemmas.

      Here are mebbe sum chapters ...

      "How to Beat the Heat in a Wetsuit."

      "Deportment & Balance Tips for Gals Packin' Insanely Huge Squidos Up Top."

      "First Crush. First Date. But WHICH BRA?"

      "If It Plugs Into The Wall, Prolly It a POWER TOOL"

      "Why The Snortin' Spaghetti Up Your Nose Trick Won't Wash With Granma"
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      Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff together.

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