Propellor Head Produces Sales Video - Please Critique!

8 replies
Hi,

I am a web developer and marketeer, but I am not a copywriter.

However, I have had a go at producing a sales letter/video.

Can you experts have a quick look and give me an opinion on it?

The video/letter is at Write And Rewrite Articles Fast

thanks
Tony
#critique #head #produces #propellor #sales #video
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    I didn't read through all of the sales letter but did look at eh video
    and I don't think the video helps your sales letter at all. The video
    has in too much "flashiness" and not enough message.

    This type of video may work better on YouTube to advertise
    your website rather than above your sales letter.

    Plus the headline ...

    "Watch This Video To See How You Can Knockout Your Competition!"


    says nothing. This headline could be applied to a ANY product and therefore
    applies to NO product at all. It's just not specific enough.

    On the positive side, the page looks clean and is easy to read.

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author ryanmberg
      Hey Tony,

      I'm not a video expert, but agree with Ray that it doesn't offer much substance. A short personal message from you explaining the key benefits might work better... maybe even some screen cam shots of the software in action.

      The headline and sub-heads are all really vague. If anything I'd grab the headlines from your video and put them into the page copy.... they are much more descriptive. I had only a vague idea what the page was about from scanning the headline and sub-heads on the page. But the headlines in the video gave me a good general idea of the benefits.

      Even though you're just offering a $4.95 trial I think you need to do a lot more selling. You need to throw in some...

      * Benefit packed bullet points
      * Testimonials (don't have any? give access away to some people in exchange for feedback)
      * Your story/background. Why should I trust you?
      * How the software works/unique features

      Hope that helps!

      Ryan
      Signature

      Don't even think about hiring a direct response copywriter until you read this: http://www.highresponsecopy.com/

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      • Profile picture of the author lenlatimer
        Hi,
        I agree with Ray too. I tested one using similar techniques but found that when you A/B it against a person talkin, the person talking usually wins. Now I'm far from great at demos but if you look at my wso below, you'll see one where I had music and camtasia twirls which melted into a personal demo.

        Good graphics - how did you do the sparklers?

        Good luck.
        Signature

        Len Latimer
        Copy-In-A-Box, an amazing Word Add-in Tool that adds Dazzle & Personality to your copy. My WSO

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        • Profile picture of the author tony1kenobi
          Originally Posted by lenlatimer View Post

          Hi,
          I agree with Ray too. I tested one using similar techniques but found that when you A/B it against a person talkin, the person talking usually wins. Now I'm far from great at demos but if you look at my wso below, you'll see one where I had music and camtasia twirls which melted into a personal demo.

          Good graphics - how did you do the sparklers?

          Good luck.
          your demo looks good, and your voice is good....

          I'll take that approach now that I've sorted out my sound problem

          I use Slide Effect - Create Amazing Presentations | Slide Effect for the demo, its cheap and easy to use

          I notice your WSO is long and has tons of detail - I am thinking that a long sales letter is the way to go?

          your product is interesting - it saves time for copywriting -

          mine is similar in that saves time for article writers....

          cheers
          Tony
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      • Profile picture of the author tony1kenobi
        I'm not a video expert, but agree with Ray that it doesn't offer much substance. A short personal message from you explaining the key benefits might work better... maybe even some screen cam shots of the software in action.
        I agree, I did not use my voice as I had too much feedback from the mic, but I've solved that problem now so will make another vid with my voice (which I am told is good).

        A question: Should I show the product or not - if I do would it kill the curiosity factor?

        The headline and sub-heads are all really vague. If anything I'd grab the headlines from your video and put them into the page copy.... they are much more descriptive. I had only a vague idea what the page was about from scanning the headline and sub-heads on the page. But the headlines in the video gave me a good general idea of the benefits.
        cool, that sounds like a plan...

        Even though you're just offering a $4.95 trial I think you need to do a lot more selling. You need to throw in some...

        * Benefit packed bullet points
        * Testimonials (don't have any? give access away to some people in exchange for feedback)
        * Your story/background. Why should I trust you?
        * How the software works/unique features

        Hope that helps!

        Ryan[/QUOTE]

        it does help,

        I have some good testimonials so will use them.

        cheers
        Tony
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        • Profile picture of the author ryanmberg
          Originally Posted by tony1kenobi View Post

          A question: Should I show the product or not - if I do would it kill the curiosity factor?
          You're right that you want to build curiosity at the beginning of the letter. So I wouldn't put a a long, step-by-step screen cam of the software there. You might throw in a few short clips in a snappy video to illustrate how quick and easy it is to use.... but not a full blown tour.

          Then you could have a lengthier, more in depth screen cam later. Or just use screen shots. You want to build trust that it will do what you say. I think a lot of people expect at least screen shots from software type products now. Most sites have them. I know I'd be more skeptical without some sort of tour of the software.

          Ryan
          Signature

          Don't even think about hiring a direct response copywriter until you read this: http://www.highresponsecopy.com/

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          • Profile picture of the author dejanlesi
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            • Profile picture of the author tony1kenobi
              Originally Posted by dejanlesi View Post

              I dont have much experience with video advertising but i must say that from a buyers point of view it did not persuade me to buy.. Be more direct to the point like the first poster said. Sell Your product.. Just my 2 cents
              thanks, I have got a lot from the few comments so far,

              the product is good, it's a question of getting people to realise this!

              cheers
              Tony
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    • Profile picture of the author tony1kenobi
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      I didn't read through all of the sales letter but did look at eh video
      and I don't think the video helps your sales letter at all. The video
      has in too much "flashiness" and not enough message.

      This type of video may work better on YouTube to advertise
      your website rather than above your sales letter.
      good points:
      - I am not sure what is best video/copy, so I put both in!
      - I put the video on youtube and am getting a few visits a day, so your point is accurate

      Plus the headline ...

      "Watch This Video To See How You Can Knockout Your Competition!"


      says nothing. This headline could be applied to a ANY product and therefore
      applies to NO product at all. It's just not specific enough.
      yep, easy to spot once you say it......


      On the positive side, the page looks clean and is easy to read.

      -Ray Edwards
      thanks, I tend towards simplicity where possible :-)
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