critique my website headline?

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Hi guys, would you be able to help me refine my headline a bit? I think it's okay, but could be better.

The only way people will find this site is through my email signature through cold emailing or by them googling my business name. Most of this traffic will be pre-qualified and either marketing managers or business owners.

The headline is below:

"SPECIALIZED WRITERS, PERSONALIZED CONTENT SERVICE FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESSES"
#critique #headline #website
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    Originally Posted by Matthew North View Post

    "SPECIALIZED WRITERS, PERSONALIZED CONTENT SERVICE FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESSES"
    My first thought is that if most of your traffic is pre-qualified, why mention "for small and medium-sized businesses"? They already know what kind of business they are.

    What they won't know is how your "personalized content" is going to make them more profits. That's what your headline needs to focus on.
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    • Profile picture of the author Matthew North
      Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

      My first thought is that if most of your traffic is pre-qualified, why mention "for small and medium-sized businesses"? They already know what kind of business they are.

      What they won't know is how your "personalized content" is going to make them more profits. That's what your headline needs to focus on.
      Thanks, I'll remove the small to medium-sized businesses part.

      The reason why I used "personalized service" is because that is an important reason for why people buy from me. Many of my existing clients have been dissatisfied with the service they received from other marketing agencies due to not feeling they understood their needs or goals so they made a switch to me.

      Cheers
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      • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
        Originally Posted by Matthew North View Post

        The reason why I used "personalized service" is because that is an important reason for why people buy from me. Many of my existing clients have been dissatisfied with the service they received from other marketing agencies due to not feeling they understood their needs or goals so they made a switch to me.
        There are two facets to personalized service, which your headline doesn't make clear - at least to my reading. There's the personal service you offer to your clients, and there's the personalized content that you provide to your clients' prospects. In other words, it's not some generic industry content, but tailored to the clients' specific business.

        While these points can be elaborated on in the body of the text, or during a conversation, your headline's job is to pick out the one clear and major benefit of your service that's most likely to get potential clients to read any further.
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        • Profile picture of the author Matthew North
          Originally Posted by atmosbob View Post

          What country are you in. I assume the USA but you use UK spellings.

          "SPECIALIST WRITERS: BESPOKE CONTENT FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESS"
          I am in New Zealand but thank you.

          Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

          While these points can be elaborated on in the body of the text, or during a conversation, your headline's job is to pick out the one clear and major benefit of your service that's most likely to get potential clients to read any further.
          Thanks for this. I need to do some more thinking about this I think. I will come back and post my findings.
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  • Profile picture of the author atmosbob
    What country are you in. I assume the USA but you use UK spellings.

    "SPECIALIST WRITERS: BESPOKE CONTENT FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESS"
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  • Hellor Matthew,


    Originally Posted by Matthew North View Post

    Hi guys, would you be able to help me refine my headline a bit? I think it's okay, but could be better.

    The only way people will find this site is through my email signature through cold emailing or by them googling my business name. Most of this traffic will be pre-qualified and either marketing managers or business owners.

    The headline is below:

    "SPECIALIZED WRITERS, PERSONALIZED CONTENT SERVICE FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESSES"
    "Your Content! Written How You Want It! When You Want It!"

    Chinchilla
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    SEO Content Marketing Writer
    Online Writing Portfolio
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  • Always you must want for the audience you got to see real quick you got sumthin' gowin' can help 'em.

    An' like Franko says, if'n you already amassed an audience, you don't gotta remind 'em too much 'bout what they dowin' lissnin' to your ass.

    They askin'
    WHAT NOW?


    (I wrote that out all BIG an' RED bcs unless this ain't #1 question in their minds, you sumhow managed to attract a mathematically impahsible numbah of random people!)


    Your immediate prahblem ain't necessarily the woids, it is figurin' where you at with the people you engagin' with.

    Fix up where you at with the smoochie, likely hugs gonna follow.

    My view rn is how we gettin' real frickin' ponderous 'bout all the stages necessary for stuff when BreakThrough Advertisin' got more than enough for Moi.

    We speak a whole bunch here on the copywritin' forum 'bout the capacity of gooroos to inspire horizons or prompt vomit.

    An' always what we come back to is the essential firepowah gowin' on for anythin' you do.

    So, for example, how much of the $zillion dollahs you spent in an arena multitaskin' THE ROBBINS SPIEL with tryin' to fight past the bayin' hordes for SUMPLACE QUIET TO NOT PEE ON NOWAN actshwlly made it furthah than the nightmare aftahnoon?

    I jus' been sent a pdf the size of a planet fulla stuff 'bout STORY an' BRAND.

    *gooro alert!*

    10,000 woids over 80+ pages fulla frickin' garbage, tellya.

    I had to call the guys to ask WHAT ACTSCHWLLY YOU SELLIN' an' WHO FRICKIN' CARES'?

    Their lead guy redirected me to the section wherein the word AWESOME was deployed a zillion life-drainin' ways in ordah to maximize audience experience of THE HERO'S STORY --

    at which point I said f*ck off, I MORTAL.

    Mebbe when this Covidoidal distancin' of all hoomanity's sweetest kissups is ovah, we can resoom makin' out sans alla the junk.

    Anyways, gettin' back to the OP's rijinyool query, we gotta figure on stuff always gonna be troo.

    1) Hoomans ain't changed much in 400,000 years. Soon as this changes, we gonna be called Homo Sumthin' Othah Than Sapiens -- an' diffrent rules will apply.

    2) What intrests, saves, enhances, destroys (etc) Homo Whatevah, fish, boids, them weirdsy undahsea polyps an' stuff, kinda shifts focus from time to time so you gotta keep on it.

    All I know is, flux is especially pernickety.

    You want sparks, you gotta treat evrythin' jus' right.

    Not evrythin' incendiary delivahs warmth to hearths, an' not evry hearth glows eternal like a beacon.

    But whenevah you settin' light to anythin' with a headline firepowah flash, this gotta be where you gowin' otherwise you jus' burn out on trash.





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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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    • Profile picture of the author Matthew North
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Always you must want for the audience you got to see real quick you got sumthin' gowin' can help 'em.

      An' like Franko says, if'n you already amassed an audience, you don't gotta remind 'em too much 'bout what they dowin' lissnin' to your ass.
      That was both hysterical and insightful to read, thank you.

      And your recommendations were very useful. I appreciate it. I will go back to the basics and not make it as incendiary, as well as reconsider what people need to see from a headline. This is my first time writing one so I'm a bit stuck, but I will keep going with it.

      Oh, and before I forget something.. your WHAT NOW just clicked with me. It's in caps and huge font because of the theme I'm using, not because I actually want it to look like that. I'll need to change it. And yes I also changed the copy to something entirely different that doesn't suck balls.
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  • Profile picture of the author Matthew North
    I have another question about headlines.. I've seen counter-intuitive or contrarian headlines used in media such as journalism, and I wondered if the same principle could be applied to b2b marketing. My thoughts are that they could some alienate people, but could also make the offer stand out and get people's attention. I know nothing about copywriting, but I'd imagine they'd be effective in media that where people are shouting out the same benefits over and over again.. such as the case with online marketing services.. or possibly in print like the back of a newspaper or directory?

    What is the forum's opinion?
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    I have no idea what I'm doing.

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    • Profile picture of the author Monetize
      Originally Posted by Matthew North View Post

      I have another question about headlines.. I've seen counter-intuitive or contrarian headlines used in media such as journalism, and I wondered if the same principle could be applied to b2b marketing. My thoughts are that they could some alienate people, but could also make the offer stand out and get people's attention. I know nothing about copywriting, but I'd imagine they'd be effective in media that where people are shouting out the same benefits over and over again.. such as the case with online marketing services.. or possibly in print like the back of a newspaper or directory?

      What is the forum's opinion?

      Please stop saying you know nothing about copywriting
      and read a book to learn about it like everybody else.

      I normally charge for this but I'll give you a couple of
      freebies.

      CUSTOM CONTENT TO INCREASE YOUR INCOME

      or

      INCREASE YOUR INCOME WITH CUSTOM CONTENT

      or

      OUR CUSTOM CONTENT WILL INCREASE YOUR INCOME

      or

      INCREASE YOUR INCOME WITH OUR CUSTOM CONTENT
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  • Profile picture of the author Jamell
    I need you to send me a link to your site so that I can see exactly what you are talking about .I don't know if you are talking about your site title or a headline .
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Content That Makes People More Likely To Do Business With You


    Subtitle: Tired of content that looks like everybody else's content? Of content that doesn't show people that you're different?
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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    @ Matthew North

    Yes, I read your post.

    I was responding to your original post and the
    fact that your signature says you have no idea
    what you are doing, and your comment above
    that you know nothing about copywriting.

    Copywriters that I know of learned their methods
    by reading books, copying other people's ads, or
    through trial and error. In other words, they are
    mostly self-taught.

    If you are interested I could list some titles.

    Let me know.
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    Originally Posted by Matthew North View Post

    Hi guys, would you be able to help me refine my headline a bit? I think it's okay, but could be better.

    The only way people will find this site is through my email signature through cold emailing or by them googling my business name. Most of this traffic will be pre-qualified and either marketing managers or business owners.

    The headline is below:

    "SPECIALIZED WRITERS, PERSONALIZED CONTENT SERVICE FOR SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESSES"

    Well, Mathew, I have no idea what your marketing funnel looks like, so generic advice is all I can offer you right now. But I'll throw in my 2 cents...

    You say people will find your site mainly through your email signature, in a cold email?


    Then let's start with that...


    Just for a moment, I'd like you to forget about creating a clever, catch-all headline.

    Instead let's spend just a few seconds on the flow of your email campaign...


    What's the tone and message of your cold email? (the one people read just before clicking your link, and landing on your page)

    Is it a warm and friendly introduction?

    Is it a message of future gloom and doom if they don't take action on your offer?

    Is it a straight forward business proposal or sales pitch?

    Some other tone?


    Keep in mind, your email (hopefully) just gave people a narrative, and a reason to visit your page - The beginning of a journey, if you will.

    Your email is pre-qualifying your prospects. But it's also pre-qualifying you as someone they want to engage with.


    I'd say Princess called it (in her way out, and oh so lovable style)...

    When I click on your link, what's next?

    What am I expecting to find after clicking over to your page?

    What emotional seed did you plant with your email?


    If your email is a warm and friendly invitation, your headline could be more of an uplifting "welcome to the world of better content".

    If your email is a message of impending doom, your headline could be a promise of hope.

    If your email is a hyped-up fluff piece (and for some strange reason people still clicked the link) then go crazy, and build a headline that talks about "The Amazing 2000 Year Old Writing Secret That Makes Your Content Captivate Every Person Who Ever Reads It".


    Note: If you want to be taken seriously, I'd avoid that last one



    The point is this...


    On your email marketing highway - Your headline is not a good place to put a speed bump.

    It's better to continue the natural flow of emotion, tone and message from your email, to your sales page.


    Every client I've ever worked with, who started out with a choppy transition, always saw a boost in response after we fixed this one little "flaw of flow".


    It shouldn't be too difficult to come up with a few testable headlines that maintain the flow of your message. Especially since you're the one creating the emails that are pre-suading people to engage with you.

    Of course even a great headline won't get you much traction if the rest of your copy is weak.

    But if your email resonated with people, and got them to take action, then that's where their mind is currently at when they land on your page.

    And there's nothing wrong with a good headline that meets people where their mind is already at.


    Anyway, that's my 0.0000021 Bitcoins worth of generic advice (currently 2 cents worth)

    Good luck with your promotion...

    All the best,
    SAR
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    • Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

      I'd say Princess called it (in her way out, and oh so lovable style)...

      When I click on your link, what's next?

      What am I expecting to find after clicking over to your page?

      What emotional seed did you plant with your email?
      Thing always 'bout cold is how there ain't nuthin' next.

      It is a vacuumspace in your readah's head you can fill with the desire to scream Floopitypippitypops Off! if'n you naht careful.

      Howevah, any hint of apology begs the question ... why you showin' in my inbox you so LAME?

      Ansa is ... cold don't gotta be random.

      Else'n we gotta kiss evrywan we meet in ordah to rock out sweet in a romantic areah.

      Tellya, I love my store guy, an' the weirsdy charactahs go in the place lookin' for frozen pizzas an' shampoo ...

      but I ain't kissin' nonea 'em.

      Anyways, we all movin' forwards.

      Even the disused corpses in alla the zaaahmbie movies rot on into the fyootyoore.

      Only problem is: no volition.

      Plus also: odor.

      Bonus feachah: rats.

      So what is gonna step people on, keep 'em movin', pure & troo, toward the next mystery?

      Beacons. Waypoints. Treasures.

      Keep evrywan movin' along where they wanna go.

      Aw, see -- now ima up outta my seat boogyin'.

      The fyooture is rot or haloes.

      So ... how you steppin' out?

      I would want that always in any copy.
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      Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    Matt,

    You really need to change your sig. You have to change it to I HAVE AN IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.
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    Keep Pushing And Never Give Up
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  • Profile picture of the author samanthac
    Hey, to be smart about this, you need to do some background check and see how your customers are searching on Google. They might be searching for "Specialized Article Writers" or "Topic Writers." I am merely giving examples, but you would have to use a Google Keyword Volume search to figure out the best headline for your site!
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  • Profile picture of the author abbe77
    Your target is "marketing managers or business owners". Find what they are looking for. I think they mostly be intrested to increase sales, how to do effective marketing, most-cost effective solutions. Time shortage is also an issue for managers and owners. Time management techniques, how to do more in less time, how to prioritise daily tasks, how to balance life between job, family and exercise etc.
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  • Profile picture of the author hannahcostales
    I would suggest elaborating more on what your personalized content service can do for your market. Is it going to help them add more profits to their bottom line and help them generate more sales? Is it going to help them get more exposure for their business as they market those content on other platforms? Is it designed to help them build relationships with their market? Are they going to save time by outsourcing their content to you and if so, what is that going to do for them?

    You really just want to show them how it benefits them.

    Otherwise, it's going to fall on deaf ears.
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  • Profile picture of the author jhon sina
    if your target is marketing then your tagline is perfect.
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