Help With Landing Page?

Wow...I thought this was really good. If it were me, I'd at least test it against his current one. Nice job!

Thank you to everyone who has participated in this thread. I appreciate the time you took to try and help me!

To Sam Kane:
Thank you for offering your opinion about the masthead graphic and your suggested headlines. The masthead graphic is the one we're using for the main site, and Dave is very happy with it. The main site, the book, and the online membership area - all together as a whole - emphasize the importance of a team effort with members of a sales team working together toward a common goal, so it has some application to the overall emphasis. But I do understand your point. Your suggested headlines don't really resonate with me, but I have the "advantage" of knowing the whole system. They just don't fit the overall tenor of the complete offering. But again, I appreciate the effort to help me.

To Alex Cohen:
You're right - I didn't come here looking for "yes men." I also didn't come here looking for "no men." You offered one piece of advice which may be helpful - get the benefits higher in the copy - and I'll take that to heart. Other than that, it doesn't really help anyone to just say, in effect, "there's no hope for you."

To Mark Andrews:
I appreciate your encouragement. Of course, I hope that the vast majority of people who read the sales letter respond as you did! Your recommendation (and I believe Erin, Paul, and Jason made similar suggestions) to move some of the testimonials higher and spread them out more is helpful - I'll be trying that with my original version (I may also try Paul's suggestion to move the testimonials lower). You're right - we're purposefully trying to avoid an approach which we consider manipulative because that would be the antithesis of what is taught in the book and the membership area. It makes no sense to use manipulation to get people to subscribe to a membership area in which they are taught that manipulation is the wrong way to approach the sales profession.

To Mr. Subtle:
Thanks so much for going to the trouble of working something up as an alternative. I personally don't like the Sales graphic behind Dave's picture (although I might like it better if the "S" were not a dollar sign and the letters weren't made up of currency - not sure - my first reaction was that it screams "unprofessional"), but I do like the layout very much. That may be because I'm used to seeing that type of approach to sales letters on the web, or it may be because I just like it in general. I've PM'd you with an additional question.

To Colette:
Thanks too for your comments. Benefits? If I were to state up front what Dave earns in annual commissions, I think the benefits would be obvious. But he doesn't want me to tell anyone what he earns because he doesn't want his current clients to know. When he told me how much he does earn, I was stunned. The benefits as we see them are what we've stated in the initial paragraphs which introduce Dave - repeat sales to the same clients over a long term, an ever-increasing income, a constant stream of referrals. But I assume that you think these are either not going to be seen as benefits by the readers or that those benefits are not compelling enough or that they are not stated aggressively enough. Is that the case, or do you think there is something else?

To Suzanne:
Thanks for the suggestion to test (also made by Jason, Paul, and at least implied by Justin). I hope to do just that.

To Paul:
You've definitely made me think. I've been coming at this from the perspective of someone who knows what the book is about - obviously, I've read it. It was originally written with the intent of being sold on Amazon (and as I said in the original post, it is being sold on Amazon. So I, of course, think it has value. But I can understand why someone new to the page might not think it has value, especially since we're giving it away for free. We've tried to address that in a couple of ways. First, with the testimonials about the book which are from some pretty "heavy hitters" - the former Executive Vice President of Cisco Systems, one of the producers of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Return of the Jedi, the owner of the San Jose Sharks, etc. Second, with the section about why we're giving it away for free, in which I think we took a pretty high road - we didn't use the common approach of saying we've made all the money we need and now we just want to share with the world. Instead, we tried to be honest about our motivation. But obviously, it didn't work for you. Is there no way to show the value of the book? Or is it a lost cause since we're giving it away for free? Would it help to make the identity of the people who gave us testimonials more prominent? I'll need to give some thought to how to demonstrate the value of the newsletter. Shame on me - the value to me has been that it allows us to talk to people about the membership opportunity, but I see now that there needs to be more to appeal to the average reader. Thanks too for the suggestion of testing Mr. Subtle's layout against the original layout, then tweaking the copy to do further testing. I hope to do just that.

To Jag:
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it. I did try to talk about the readers' potential problems (in asking the initial questions), but obviously it didn't resonate with you. Can you give me an example of what you're suggesting? What might be a problem a typical salesperson might be facing? As I said in my original post, this is not my expertise at all, but I believe I can get better (although it may take me a long, long time!!!!), so I'd appreciate an example of what you're saying. If you're willing, of course.

To Erin:
Thanks for the encouragement. At least it seems that we were able to accomplish one thing, at least for you - we established Dave's credibility. But I guess that doesn't mean people are persuaded to give us their email address, right?

To Jason:
I understand your perspective and agree with it in general. I want the maximum response possible. But to me, that doesn't necessarily mean the most downloads of the book possible. The end game is subscriptions to the membership area. Two scenarios: 1) 1,000 people come to landing page A. 400 people sign up for the newsletter and download the book. Of those 400, 50 subscribe to the membership area; 2) 1,000 people come to landing page B. 200 people sign up for the newsletter and download the book. Of those 200, 100 subscribe to the membership area. Which is the better outcome? If we use a landing page that is more aggressive (or focused on the response of signing up for the newsletter), but in the process, create a list which is not interested in the message of the book (that manipulation is not an effective approach to sales), will it result in less subscriptions to the membership area? If instead we use a landing page that is more low key (or focused on the response of getting the right people to sign up for the newsletter - people who will be more interested in the message of the book), will it result in more subscriptions to the membership area? That's the nebulous idea that my instinct is hovering around, if I can put it that way. I'm not trying to claim necessarily that the sales letter I wrote is the way to get the right people to sign up. As I implied in the original post, this is an area in which I feel very inadequate - that's why I came looking for help, as you said. And I do appreciate your willingness to offer help - very much.

To Justin:
Thanks for your comments. You're right (as others have suggested as well) - testing is the only real way to determine what will be most successful.

Again, I want to thank everyone for your comments and suggestions. As I said earlier, I am listening as intently as I can. And I definitely will come back and share the results of the testing we do. It won't be in the next few days - I'm very busy in my day job right now (it's a business which does a lot of its business during the holiday season and it can be overwhelming during November and December). So if I don't come back with results right away, it doesn't mean I'll never come back!

Thanks again,

Frank

Hi Paul. Thanks for the suggestions. I will try and add more detail about the book (and as I said, about the newsletter as well).

But I'm not sure I understand - 12 out of the 18 total testimonials are about the book.

Frank

Huh? The second set of testimonials is all about the book. And the book is just the bait for the opt-in. A very good bait - seeing as though it's on Amazon for $9.95 - and that should be emphasised. We're talking squeeze page here - not a sales letter. And he's not just baiting the line with a book offer -

Malcolm - I also don't understand this. The testimonials are about Dave as a salesman and about his book. But what we're ultimately selling is membership in an online learning environment. I don't think any of the current testimonials will do anything to sell that, so why use them in a follow-up sales page?

Thanks,
Frank

Nope. What you have is more of a sales page/landing page/sales letter - with an opt-in.

A squeeze page is a different animal altogether - its main function is to get viewers to "opt-in" to your mailing list. Then you can use a sales page/letter on them. Have a look at what Frank Kern does with his. He's a master at it. And he has something like 800k email addresses on his lists. "The money is in the list". http://www.masscontrolsite.com/desire.php

Teaching Sells is headed by Brian Clark of Copyblogger. Google both principals and you get very different results.

Sorry if you thought I was dissing your plan. That was not my intention. I tried to give the constructive criticism you requested. I wasn't making any kind of value judgement about you, Dave, or his book/membership.

Collette - just a quick note to let you know that I didn't think you were dissing anything at all. I appreciate your feedback. I was only saying that Teaching Sells was the source of my thinking on the approach.

Thanks,
Frank