Sales letter layout and formatting

I didn't take the time to read the copy...yet, at least...since you seemed primarily concerned with the layout.

Ignore your preconceptions over what does and doesn't "look like an ad" for a moment. What else do you notice about the sales copy those other guys did when you compare it to yours?

One big thing you SHOULD notice is that visually, the whole presentation of their sites are far more reader friendly. The columns are narrower, the fonts are pleasing to the eye, there is contrast in all the right places, the headline is easy to read and placed in a spot that immediately grabs one's attention, etc.

Your independentcomputerconsultant.com page falls short on almost all those fronts. It doesn't look "more conservative." It looks...busy, and difficult to read. The italics of the headline create a constipated feel. The width of the headline makes it impossible to digest in a single glance, meaning the reader has to contribute more work before he gets sucked into the message. The width of the column of text is much wider, too...so even if it ISN'T a lot more text than the pro sites, it gives the appearance of being more...which will turn off readers.

On my first quick glance at the page, I'm bombarded with a half dozen colors, three or four fonts, highlighting, and a huge BUSINESSWEEK logo. Now to me, THAT screams "I'm an ad...turn away." You want that editorial feel, and you rob yourself of that chance before the reader gets even one word in.

I can't say for sure whether your copy itself is or isn't turning people off. But I'd bet a lot more than you'd think are clicking away before they even give it a chance. The "ad looking copy" you don't trust works. It's been tested...it's proven.

Think over what each of your visual elements is doing...and use only those that you are SURE are going to help you get your message read. Till you know on your own, trust the process.

Readability is king. Don't get fancy until you get
some basic issues covered:

The rule of thumb I go by in general is 10-13 words per
line. Harvey Segal (I think) mentioned keeping line
length to 65 characters or less.

Books, unless they are printed otherwise to save paper,
tend to follow the 10-13 rule. That's because it's easier
on the eye.

So, to make your pages more readable, limit your width
to the 700-800 px range and use 20-30 px of padding
in your margins. If you use 12 pt. type then you'll have
pretty decent readability. 12 pt. isn't the same with
all fonts - with some it's big and with other it isn't.

A lot of marketers prefer sans-serif fonts like arial and
verdana. Both are highly readable. I often use
Courier and Courier new in addition to those two.
I use Georgia in PDFs but it doesn't always look
good in HTML.

It's not the definitive source on the topic but
Drew Eric Whitman's excellent book "Cashvertising"
summarizes a lot of research about what works
best in typography for advertising response, both
online and offline. I cover some of the same stuff
in the report I give away on the copywriting site
in my sig, "50 ways To Start Making More Money" -
as a free giveaway book I didn't bust my butt to
make it comprehensive, but it doesn't suck either.

Another thing directly related to readability is that once you've got a fairly complete draft of your letter, go through it and isolate lines within paragraphs that will make interesting paragraph titles. Even with short sentences and paragraphs people will still skim the text unless you give them a reason to read more.

I recently wrote some fairly long copy using a story of how a guy was lazy and without direction in life and was always getting himself into mischief. At one point he was arrested. The paragraph title for where I began to talk about that was Trouble With The Law. You can almost be certain that people skimming will stop there and see what that's about. I also included a small image of a police car to further pique the reader's curiosity.

I was pitching a self-improvement info product and was illustrating someone who'd had his share of problems with motivation and other personal matters. The guy tried everything to change but turned his life around when he found the product. At that point in the text in my paragraph header read, A Light Bulb Moment, and alongside that I placed a pic of a light bulb.

It's not enough to just write great copy because if you don't learn to set it off with lots of compelling reasons to for the prospect to keep reading very few will. When you really want the reader to see something you might go beyond a simple paragraph headline and set it off in a small box.

Of course, bullet points set inside larger tables are also important in showcasing features and benefits of your product as well. And writers absolutely have to get good at this stuff because if you turn your work over to a Web designer to format you never know what you're going to get (unless he really understands the sales process). And you can be sure that the ones that do understand it don't come cheap.

Eric,

Since you posted up my page as an example, I feel compelled to respond

First of all... depending on what you're selling... being spotted as an ad isn't a bad thing.

I'm selling copywriting services. People looking for that are business owners. They know they're not gonna get me to do it for free.

And on an aside... you say it immediately screams "ad"... yet you still contacted me through the site, right? That should tell you whether it's working or not

Like I said in my response to you via email... you have a great product... it looks fantastic.

Whether there's definitely a market there or not I couldn't say for sure without doing some massive research... but my gut feeling tells me it could do well.

But your layout is hard to read... your text is hard to read... and you don't really have any of the elements that makes good copy... well, good copy.

If you write copy, your job is to "suck in" your readers. Remember the formula - AIDA - Attention, Interest, Desire, Action.

The first step is to get them hooked. If the problem is dire enough and you have a strong enough headline you should be able to do that pretty easily whether they think it's an ad or not.

And if they know it's an ad and instantly stop reading... so what? You are, after all, selling something. Cheapskates need not apply

I know that some ads get increased readership and conversions based on flying "under the radar"... but generally IMHO in publications where the reader is reading... not actively seeking a solution to their problem.

Get what I"m saying?

-Dan

Just a word of caution.

Don't try to nail the correct look, layout, and feel right out of the gate. Many people create a salesletter, publish it and make a judgement call on if it worked our not - WITHOUT TESTING! (yep, I'm shouting).

It takes consistent testing to find the winning layout and message. From the beginning you should consider a particular style to be a starting point. "Modeling" success is the right idea - but publishing your salesletter is just the beginning.

How Do You Test,
Get familiar with Google Website Optimizer which is free and a pretty powerful split-testing tool.

Stan