please provide feedback to my landing page

by arttse
11 replies
Appreciate constructive feedback only.

Happy to pay a copywriter up to $40 to replace with a more effective landing page.

link: www.passiveincomeonline.org
#feedback #landing #page #provide
  • Profile picture of the author askloz
    you might be able to get a few words changed.

    btw, take a look at some of the other landing pages here, then see how theirs differs from yours... then start making those changes.
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  • Profile picture of the author johnlagoudakis
    A couple of quick tips:

    Text needs to be larger size

    Have the video on the page instead of a link to it (if possible)
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  • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
    This reads a lot like a first pass--I see a bunch of errors that, with a careful reading, you probably would have caught and fixed.

    If you only have $40 to spend, perhaps you should purchase a couple of copywriting training books and learn some tricks of the trade so you can do the page yourself?
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  • Profile picture of the author redfc
    your first two paragraph sounds like making a general statement about passive income rather than talking to me when I'm reading it.

    Be specific, when you talk about passive income, is it online passive income or offline. The school of thought by Robert Kiyosaki are mostly offline passive income. In your case, I guess its about affiliate.

    What I suggest - find one landing page in your niche with a nice landing page that you like reading, then copy and modified from there. Try search in clickbank for your niche.

    Any hope you might top up a little bit more in your investment? I recommend desperatebuyersonly.com by Alexi Dowes its worth the investment.
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    • Profile picture of the author bigchezmktg
      Does your target audience know what "passive income" is, or are you assuming they do?

      I said this on a different thread, but think about what the single, greatest thing you hope your customer will accomplish by buying your product, and write about that.

      What could they do with the extra money they get from selling a product they don't even have to create? More vacations? Actually BUYING what's on everyone's Christmas list this year? A gift for the wife in a special teal-colored box (read: Tiffany's) for no reason?

      Get excited, man! You're talking about showing people how to survive the recession without having to create their own product to do it! I felt no passion from your letter.

      I even missed the link for the video because it's just text. Embed it by using something like AudioAcrobat. They're super cheap and easy to use. (tell em I sent you!)

      Bottom line, your copy is very sterile and almost painful. Get your hands dirty, look up funner and more interesting words to describe what you're doing, and for God's sake man, enjoy the process!
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      • Profile picture of the author arttse
        Thanks for all the feedback.

        Time to overhaul the landing page.
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  • Profile picture of the author vertical100
    Hoping you took advice and you're able to use it.

    I have just created a new opt-in page (which I would also appreciate feedback on)

    Accelerator For Success!

    Happy New Year!!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jim Gillum
    vertical100....
    starts nice.......but....when you start the video it jumps to a page with an insurance ad....not good.......
    A squeeze page is supposed to capture subscribers or optins.....

    I am guessing you are an affiliate and have no control over the page.....
    The speaker needs some IM coaching.....don't care who he worked for....only care about what he is going to do for me.....
    his pitch did not convince me to go to the next video....
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  • Profile picture of the author Karomesis
    From a purely aesthetic point of view, I would argue their is far too much white space, it leaves me feeling cold for some reason.

    Maybe making the opt in box smaller like I've seen Ewen do on some of his squeeze pages.

    like this one The Easiest Money You'll Ever Make!
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    • Profile picture of the author Linkbuilder123
      Originally Posted by Karomesis View Post

      From a purely aesthetic point of view, I would argue their is far too much white space, it leaves me feeling cold for some reason.

      Maybe making the opt in box smaller like I've seen Ewen do on some of his squeeze pages.

      like this one The Easiest Money You'll Ever Make!
      I can compleatly agree with this statement...I didnt even know I felt that "cold" feeling until it was pointed out..great eye
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  • Profile picture of the author Linkbuilder123
    I thought it was decent...However i am no expert...I did get tempted to click, but I help back... I think you have a great start but I do admit, there is somthing more needed...I hope this helps...
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