Critique My Copy | What am I missing?

12 replies
Thanks for checking out my thread.
I recently wrote a DR copy for a "cat furniture protector" and drove traffic to it by google ads.
I got under 1% conversion rate.
I wanted to get some opinions as to whats the problem with my copy? Why are people reading it but not buying?
Here's parts of the copy (the actual copy is a bit longer but I've included all the sections here):
What To Do If Your Cat Is Ruining Your Furniture And You Don't Want To Declaw?
Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture

If you own a cat and your cat has started scratching your furniture you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem.

But, first you have to understand why your cat does what he does.

It feels good to him!

Cats are hardwired to scratch and claw, scratching the furniture is a reward for them. That's why...

"Training" your cat not to do it will never work!

It's just a waste of your time, the reward far outweighs any sort of punishment for your cat. So he will keep doing it.

So, what should you do?

It's simple. You need to remove the reward.

How can you do that?

Well, you can't...

But the amazing solution you're gonna learn about today will do that for you.

And it will do it immediately.

The moment you use it is the moment your scratch worries are gone!

Other than that...

This solution works 100% of the time. In fact...

It's Guaranteed to Work!

(extended text removed by mod to provide sample copy without promotion of specific product.)
Our 50% off sale is ending sooner than we expected because we're running out of stock!

If you don't order yours right now. Not only you're going to have to wait for our new batch to be produced but also you're going to end up paying more.
#copy #critique #missing
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    My opinion - it's overdone, a bit too fast/pushy and some facts are not quite right.

    Cats scratch to remove the dead layer of cells that appear on their claws - to mark their territory, etc.

    The moment I read your explanation of 'it feels good to him' I knew you didn't understand the behavior and what causes it. You lost me right there.

    What your copy says in the end is 'buy this, use it and your cat will stop scratching'. But that's not true and anyone who has a cat that has not had it's toes amputated...knows that.

    There is so much to work with - the kindness aspect of NOT declawing cats appeals to animal lovers.... link that in with use of the product....cats can be trained to use an acceptable scratch post or old chair with the help of the product you are selling.

    Make your copy a story about cats and the owners who love them...and you'll sell products.
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    • Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      My opinion - it's overdone, a bit too fast/pushy and some facts are not quite right.

      Cats scratch to remove the dead layer of cells that appear on their claws - to mark their territory, etc.

      The moment I read your explanation of 'it feels good to him' I knew you didn't understand the behavior and what causes it. You lost me right there.

      What your copy says in the end is 'buy this, use it and your cat will stop scratching'. But that's not true and anyone who has a cat that has not had it's toes amputated...knows that.

      There is so much to work with - the kindness aspect of NOT declawing cats appeals to animal lovers.... link that in with use of the product....cats can be trained to use an acceptable scratch post or old chair with the help of the product you are selling.

      Make your copy a story about cats and the owners who love them...and you'll sell products.
      Thanks for the advice. That makes so much sense.
      I initially wanted to write a story to provoke the emotions of kindness related to not declawing. But I just couldn't make it sound authentic.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    to provoke the emotions of kindness
    You don't want to use the ad to crusade.


    A lighter touch would be to find a way to make cat owners feel good about themselves for choosing not to declaw. It's a fine line but a big difference that can create a positive interest in the product.

    One method that might help is to outline your ad by have a list or outline of points to cover. Expand on those by writing about them....you will end up with much more text than you need but you have text you can use buried in those sentences and paragraphs.

    I can write content easily starting with a blank page. Copywriting is much harder - I have to 'attack' it from a different angle or the blank page...is intimidating.
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.

    My mind still thinks I'm 25.
    My body thinks my mind is an idiot.
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    • Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      You don't want to use the ad to crusade.


      A lighter touch would be to find a way to make cat owners feel good about themselves for choosing not to declaw. It's a fine line but a big difference that can create a positive interest in the product.

      One method that might help is to outline your ad by have a list or outline of points to cover. Expand on those by writing about them....you will end up with much more text than you need but you have text you can use buried in those sentences and paragraphs.

      I can write content easily starting with a blank page. Copywriting is much harder - I have to 'attack' it from a different angle or the blank page...is intimidating.
      got it. thanks I'll do that.
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    I don't know what your google ad says to drive people to your sales page? So I can't address the prospect qualifying part of your ad.

    But from a strictly sales point of view, your opening ...

    Originally Posted by thefinnishcopywriter View Post

    What To Do If Your Cat Is Ruining Your Furniture And You Don't Want To Declaw?
    Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture

    If you own a cat and your cat has started scratching your furniture you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem.
    could work if you're trying to sell to people who are "Problem Aware" .

    - They have a problem.

    - They are looking for a solution.

    - Now they want to know if you have the solution, and why they should buy yours over someone elses.


    But then you immediately switch directions and continue your copy with

    Originally Posted by thefinnishcopywriter View Post

    But, first you have to understand why your cat does what he does.
    Well no, I don't.

    I don't need you telling me I have to understand why cats scratch.

    I own 2 cats. I know they scratch. (They also shed, eat my plants, and hack up furballs) but the only thing I need in the first few sentences is you introducing a solution to my problem.

    Once you have my interest, then you can tell me a story about why I should buy yours.


    If I was completely unaware of why cats scratch, because I just got my first cat ever, then I might want to know why they do what they do.

    But then I probably wouldn't be coming to your sales page for that. I'd be visiting some cat lovers blog or forum, or asking my veterinarian.


    So first think about who you're targeting with your ads. This will help you decide which type of opening lede might work best.

    And once you figure that out you should flow from the opening into the copy. Instead of breaking the flow by changing directions without warning.
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    • Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

      I don't know what your google ad says to drive people to your sales page? So I can't address the prospect qualifying part of your ad.

      But from a strictly sales point of view, your opening ...

      could work if you're trying to sell to people who are "Problem Aware" .

      - They have a problem.

      - They are looking for a solution.

      - Now they want to know if you have the solution, and why they should buy yours over someone elses.
      The first two sentences are what they see on google. The prospect searches "stop cats from scratching furniture" and sees the ad.
      So yeah you are spot on, they are problem aware and they are looking for a solution.

      Originally Posted by SARubin View Post


      Well no, I don't.

      I don't need you telling me I have to understand why cats scratch.

      I own 2 cats. I know they scratch. (They also shed, eat my plants, and hack up furballs) but the only thing I need in the first few sentences is you introducing a solution to my problem.

      Once you have my interest, then you can tell me a story about why I should buy yours.
      So you're saying I should introduce the product right off the bat and then explain why it's the best solution available?
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      • Profile picture of the author SARubin
        Originally Posted by thefinnishcopywriter View Post

        The first two sentences are what they see on google. The prospect searches "stop cats from scratching furniture" and sees the ad.
        So yeah you are spot on, they are problem aware and they are looking for a solution.

        So you're saying I should introduce the product right off the bat and then explain why it's the best solution available?
        Ah, that makes more sense.

        So they're coming into your page "problem aware, looking for a solution".


        In this case I would think about what Kay said... Make your copy a story about cats and the owners who love them.

        Of course it always comes down to testing and measuring your own results with your own market. So you should take whatever I say with a grain of kitty litter.

        Especially since I don't know anything about your product, your market, or the competition...


        But the first thing I would try is connecting with a couple strong emotions right away. Maybe "LOVE" for their pet and "FRUSTRATION" for their ruined furniture.

        Your google ad...

        "What To Do If Your Cat Is Ruining Your Furniture And You Don't Want To Declaw?
        Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture "

        could maybe flow into something like...

        If you own a cat and your cat has started scratching your furniture you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem.

        It's called the (insert name here) and it will immediately put an end to the frustration of watching little mittens tear your furniture to shreds.

        Of course you love your cat and you don't want to declaw your preciuos pet, because we both know how cruel it is to leave any animal defenseless.

        But at the same time, little kitty is sharpening her claws on your furniture and it needs to stop NOW!

        We feel your frustration. That's why we created...


        Something like that might be a direction worth pursuing

        Again, I don't know you, your product or your market. So whatever I say here is just spitballing ideas with you. Take it for what it's worth...
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        • Originally Posted by SARubin View Post

          Ah, that makes more sense.

          So they're coming into your page "problem aware, looking for a solution".


          In this case I would think about what Kay said... Make your copy a story about cats and the owners who love them.

          Of course it always comes down to testing and measuring your own results with your own market. So you should take whatever I say with a grain of kitty litter.

          Especially since I don't know anything about your product, your market, or the competition...


          But the first thing I would try is connecting with a couple strong emotions right away. Maybe "LOVE" for their pet and "FRUSTRATION" for their ruined furniture.

          Your google ad...

          "What To Do If Your Cat Is Ruining Your Furniture And You Don't Want To Declaw?
          Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture "

          could maybe flow into something like...

          If you own a cat and your cat has started scratching your furniture you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem.

          It's called the (insert name here) and it will immediately put an end to the frustration of watching little mittens tear your furniture to shreds.

          Of course you love your cat and you don't want to declaw your preciuos pet, because we both know how cruel it is to leave any animal defenseless.

          But at the same time, little kitty is sharpening her claws on your furniture, and it needs to stop NOW!

          We feel your frustration. That's why we created...


          Something like that might be a direction worth pursuing

          Again, I don't know you, your product or your market. So whatever I say here is just spitballing ideas with you. Take it for what it's worth...
          Got it. Thank you so much for the advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    Without seeing the landing page you're running people to...

    it can be hard to give a full assessment.

    Do you have social proof?

    Do you have a big name behind you that recommends this or invented this? Etc.

    Do you show the product in action?

    Testimonials?

    Is this new?

    What is your guarantee?

    What is your offer?

    I did a couple of quick checks and see this is a highly competitive area.

    I would hope your product is either new or your offer is overwhelmingly great.

    But having said all that...and with all the other great comments you've received...I'll just comment on the copy that you've submitted:

    Your copy has what I refer to as a lot of speed bumps.

    Your headline is not something that would compel me to drop everything and read further.

    You say: "Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture"...later in the copy you say: "Training" your cat not to do it will never work!" Ok, that just confused everyone...

    You start out by saying: "If you own a cat..." Yes, most people reading this do own a cat or they wouldn't continue reading. You've repeated yourself and are slowing down the reader..

    Then you say: "you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem."

    That sentence is wreckless.

    Better to say something like: Here's a quick solution.

    Then you say: "It's simple. You need to remove the reward.

    How can you do that?

    Well, you can't..."


    That is a mind stopper that confuses and frustrates readers. Your reader is now confused and is probably starting to click away if they haven't already.

    You go on to say the 50% sale is ending soon...after all the other confusing stuff, this isn't a big worry.

    You end by saying: "If you don't order yours right now. Not only you're going to have to wait for our new batch to be produced but also you're going to end up paying more."

    From what I read, you haven't even started to put the customer in a thought process that this product is even that good...that important...that helpful...that they would even care.

    So, I would suggest your copy needs a lot of work.

    At least you're trying and that's how we all learn.

    Just a couple quick thoughts.
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    • Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      Without seeing the landing page you're running people to...

      it can be hard to give a full assessment.

      Do you have social proof?

      Do you have a big name behind you that recommends this or invented this? Etc.

      Do you show the product in action?

      Testimonials?

      Is this new?
      The answer to all of that is no. It is new in the sense that its not found in stores but I'm not the only person selling it.
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      What is your guarantee?
      I offer a lifetime 100% money back guarantee/
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      What is your offer?
      It's basically just buy this for $x while its on sale.



      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      I did a couple of quick checks and see this is a highly competitive area.

      I would hope your product is either new or your offer is overwhelmingly great.

      But having said all that...and with all the other great comments you've received...I'll just comment on the copy that you've submitted:

      Your copy has what I refer to as a lot of speed bumps.

      Your headline is not something that would compel me to drop everything and read further.

      You say: "Here's How You Can Instantly Train Your Cat To Stop Scratching Your Furniture"...later in the copy you say: "Training" your cat not to do it will never work!" Ok, that just confused everyone...

      You start out by saying: "If you own a cat..." Yes, most people reading this do own a cat or they wouldn't continue reading. You've repeated yourself and are slowing down the reader..

      Then you say: "you need to know about this simple solution that can easily and quickly fix your problem."

      That sentence is wreckless.

      Better to say something like: Here's a quick solution.

      Then you say: "It's simple. You need to remove the reward.

      How can you do that?

      Well, you can't..."


      That is a mind stopper that confuses and frustrates readers. Your reader is now confused and is probably starting to click away if they haven't already.

      You go on to say the 50% sale is ending soon...after all the other confusing stuff, this isn't a big worry.

      You end by saying: "If you don't order yours right now. Not only you're going to have to wait for our new batch to be produced but also you're going to end up paying more."

      From what I read, you haven't even started to put the customer in a thought process that this product is even that good...that important...that helpful...that they would even care.

      So, I would suggest your copy needs a lot of work.

      At least you're trying and that's how we all learn.

      Just a couple quick thoughts.
      Thanks for the great advice.
      The actual copy is a bit longer, I had to make it short for the forum.
      But thinking about the first advice you gave me (about either being new or having a great offer), I'm starting to think thats a bigger problem than the copy.
      I'm not trying to force this thing to work but at the same time I want to learn my lesson and understand why it didn't work out before moving on.
      I would love to have a pro look at the landing page. Can I send you a private message with the link to the landing page?
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      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by thefinnishcopywriter View Post

        The answer to all of that is no. It is new in the sense that its not found in stores but I'm not the only person selling it.

        I offer a lifetime 100% money back guarantee/

        It's basically just buy this for while its on sale.




        Thanks for the great advice.
        The actual copy is a bit longer, I had to make it short for the forum.
        But thinking about the first advice you gave me (about either being new or having a great offer), I'm starting to think thats a bigger problem than the copy.
        I'm not trying to force this thing to work but at the same time I want to learn my lesson and understand why it didn't work out before moving on.
        I would love to have a pro look at the landing page. Can I send you a private message with the link to the landing page?
        You can send me a private link if that's allowed.
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  • tbh I lost your cat at HE.

    gal cats can scratch out also -- so don't dump 'em outta yr markit.

    When your cat scratches your very existence into oblivion, likely you gotta SIT UP.

    Eithah you play along, or evrythin' you value is TOAST.

    tbh if furnityoore mattahs, buy a DOG.

    Diffrent kinda vibe, I guess.

    "Yeah, so these guys raided my home at 3am and KnackHund took 'em out good. Now all I gotta do is fix the BLOOD on the SOFA."

    We should wish to fix up always, an' deploy the 'pproriate slooshins with aplomb.

    But evah we try to sell cats to dog people

    when the dog people won't nevah love cats.

    Hund vice versa.
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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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