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Princess Balestra REVIEWS Brawny Guys Twenny 5

by Princess Balestra
9 replies
So, yeah, ima backa the cinema.

I gaht snuck-in-cocktails, protooberant reviews, plus also a zucchini.

Anywan figure this scenario gaht ZILCHOW to do with copy, please leave now.


See, bcs why we all go the movies anyways?

'Rijernly, MOVIES said movin' pictures.

RN, movies MOVE hearts, minds, souls ... an' mebbe 'xotic real estate optschwaahns or defo guys to STALK ...

An' much much more.

Bcs how else you gonna be TERRORIZED thanya sit through anythin' Stephen King wrote?

Or mebbe you wanna flounce out on ADVENTURE AGAINST THE ODDS?

Plenny movies here gonna makeya feel like a HERO.

(Evin if'n yr wife jus' leftcha, you consoomed by debt, an' you cursin' yrself for nevah learnin' how to make with a frickin' lasso.)

Wanna feel LOVED so all yr imperfectschwaahns melt away inta a kinda SOOP, 'pon which you can mebbe surf or jus' float or whatevah?

Seems RomCom is now a profiterbyool genre.

Sad an' Funny an' Hopeful nevah fails.

*sob*

See, bcs what movies gotta do with copy anyways?

Aw, bcs you wanna FEEL sumthin' good 'bout yr life, yanno.

Whethah you seekin' sun or denyin' shadows.

We are universally wishin' to be so.

You an' I.

More kisses, fewah STRANGLAHS AT DEADA NIGHT, kinda thing

That work for evrywan?

K, so, where you gonna get this?

Gotta be real spussifick here.

Movies gaht cinemas in evry city on the plannit, bcs they KNOW you wanna FEEL STUFF ' bout alla the STORIES.

Turns out copywritahs are stuck with DUMB ADS seekin' responses from PREOCCUPIED ASSHOLES c/o advertizin' oases where only the desprit & delooded coalesce by necessary accident.

So, hey -- be cinematic in all you write.

Offah high value seats for a transformative experience.

Then roll out the show.

You gotta move yr audience to cry, scream, laugh ... or whatevah feels right jus' now.

Confirm yr BIG SCREEN ADS delivah, despite the too-pliable-to-be-crunchy nachos an' the dahgs ain't always fully haht.

Uh huum ... which reminds Moi ...

Brawny Guys Twenny 5 was naht zackly a cocksure movie presentation.

Limp narrative, insuffuciently glissnin' vizyools.

So I I left aftah like 15 minutes once I'd downed muh snuck-in-cocktails an' bit the tip offa muh zucchini like a petulant child.

Main thing is, next time you writin' copy for anywan (an' their audience), mebbe think more CINEMATICALLY 'bout the next offah you screen out to your ampitheater of intrest.

Plus also, anywan gaht recipes for zucchini don't mean I gotta marinade, chop equil, naht incinerate, fry forevah, or mix with othah high-stress culinary techniques GUARANTEED to invoke misery, then mebbe comment freely.


[Additional OT text removed by moderator]
#applause #balestra #brawny #cinema #copy #cta levers #guys #princess #reviews #story #twenny
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    I agree, when you're a copywriter who writes a story to sell a product, the story should be like a good movie with the plot, good guy (product), bad guy (problem), etc.

    People remember good stories...just like good movies.
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    • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post


      People remember good stories...just like good movies.
      Tellya, we dun good since we evolved from outta fish or monkeys without bein' too stressed 'bout the caaahsmetic ishoos.

      "I simply cain't go on!"

      "You like a moron or nuthin'?"

      "The hell I done?"

      "You wanna LIST?"
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    It's worth mentioning...

    That Ridley Scott started his esteemed career as a copywriter.



    Steve


    P.S. You can name your favourite movie that he directed - providing it's "Blade Runner" (The 1982 version).
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    • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      It's worth mentioning...

      That Ridley Scott started his esteemed career as a copywriter.

      Steve

      P.S. You can name your favourite movie that he directed - providing it's "Blade Runner" (The 1982 version).
      For sure, the guy riddled with all kindsa shit before he wrote Alien.

      "From outta their very narrative shall we grow the grisly & previously incomparitive."

      These are deep an' dark journeys, visceral & questionin'.

      Real great movies.

      Course'n, soon as the guy DIES, we gonna see all kindsa merch glorifyin' the Ridley lejind.

      For alla hoomanity!

      "Heeeey! How's your kid? She dowin' OK? Last I heard, she was scared half to shit 'bout midnight prowlers an' stuff."

      "Yeah, I know. It is a phase, an' it is a neighborhood problem, an' it is life, an' it is hell, an' it is a bummer -- but since we slapped that Ridley TM Cthulhoid death mask on her ****in' chops, me an' Bob ain't heard NUTHIN' ..."
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    I read this a little bit ago in an email. An old Dear Ann Landers Post. I changed a couple of words to post it:

    "Dear Ann: I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a Copywriter. The other was put to death in the electric chair for first-degree murder. My mother died from insanity when I was three. My two sisters are prostitutes, and my father sells crack to handicapped elementary school students. Recently, I met a girl who was just released from a reformatory where she served time for killing her puppy with a ball-peen hammer, and I want to marry her. My problem is, should I tell her about my brother who is a Copywriter? Signed, Anonymous"
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    • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
      Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

      I read this a little bit ago in an email. An old Dear Ann Landers Post. I changed a couple of words to post it:

      "Dear Ann: I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a Copywriter. The other was put to death in the electric chair for first-degree murder. My mother died from insanity when I was three. My two sisters are prostitutes, and my father sells crack to handicapped elementary school students. Recently, I met a girl who was just released from a reformatory where she served time for killing her puppy with a ball-peen hammer, and I want to marry her. My problem is, should I tell her about my brother who is a Copywriter? Signed, Anonymous"
      Thx for askin', Ann, Ann proxy, plus also anywan with simlr ishoos.

      I am yr Princess, I am yr ansa -- an' rest asshoored, I will offah comfort, succor, an' zero schwango in equal measure.

      If'n it helps, I quit offrin' personalized astro charts way back bcs I cunt do the math.

      Which means I sensually makin' stuff up, sans archetypes.

      So ... we wan to wan on this, babe?

      I cain't bring no puppies back, an' perpetyool reform seems to Moi like a glory steada a sin, but I would wanna figure Anonymous disrespects who you truly ARE.

      Less'n, course, you a 'trinsickly bedevilled A-hole Soopreme.

      Hey, but like I always say (in my role as exotic counswellah to the Caaahsmaas), my vestibyool is forevah open to the authentic, the enthoosiastic, an' likely also the colossal.

      This make Moi immersed-degree foddah for evrywan's Agony Ain't needs?

      tbh, I dunno.

      Plus also, I naht a prostitoot.

      Like the very best airplane pilouts, I gaht pinpoint control ovah muh flaps.
      Signature

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      • Profile picture of the author max5ty
        Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

        Thx for askin', Ann, Ann proxy, plus also anywan with simlr ishoos.

        I am yr Princess, I am yr ansa -- an' rest asshoored, I will offah comfort, succor, an' zero schwango in equal measure.

        If'n it helps, I quit offrin' personalized astro charts way back bcs I cunt do the math.

        Which means I sensually makin' stuff up, sans archetypes.

        So ... we wan to wan on this, babe?

        I cain't bring no puppies back, an' perpetyool reform seems to Moi like a glory steada a sin, but I would wanna figure Anonymous disrespects who you truly ARE.

        Less'n, course, you a 'trinsickly bedevilled A-hole Soopreme.

        Hey, but like I always say (in my role as exotic counswellah to the Caaahsmaas), my vestibyool is forevah open to the authentic, the enthoosiastic, an' likely also the colossal.

        This make Moi immersed-degree foddah for evrywan's Agony Ain't needs?

        tbh, I dunno.

        Plus also, I naht a prostitoot.

        Like the very best airplane pilouts, I gaht pinpoint control ovah muh flaps.
        I'm waiting for an AI that claims to be able to talk to those on the 'other side'

        I predict it's coming soon...
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        • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
          Originally Posted by max5ty View Post

          I'm waiting for an AI that claims to be able to talk to those on the 'other side'

          I predict it's coming soon...
          Always sides before shades of sides.

          Like we could cut the livin' dead to the quick an' still have 'em mumblin' all stoopid.

          "Ann? You an acronym, an indefinite artickyool made flesh, or jus' waitin' to be eatin'?"

          In all subsequent ANN DRAMAS, you would wish for her always to escape.

          Into the clouds.

          Into the crowds.

          Into husself.

          *click*

          TV, yeah .. mebbe a movie ...

          tbh the vacuum butween specters an' pecs can kinda suck most anywan in.

          Hence alla the promo for Brawny Guys Twenny 6.

          I bullieve it is called PALE SHAFT, an' it is like about evil moonlight from outta the sky animates dead guys beyond the basic stuffs you seen in most zaaahmbie movies.

          Yanno, the light strikes 'em, an' they are up an' ready an' deadly.

          Jus' gotta hope summa the guys from Twenny 5 don't feacher.

          You cain't easily play a hot, thrustin' corpse aftah you bombed in' jus' yr frickin' undahweah.

          Such are the roolz of eternal ravagement.
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    Uh huh -- seems 6 jus' dropped.

    Kinda like an asteroid killin' an infant.

    Sumtimes, you turn round too fast, youwaint gaht no cloo the dangers you pose.

    Same goes for gals with squidos.

    *tsch*

    Whatevah yr personal develperment program, the planit will always monstrosity on out monstrositiah than thou.

    I heard the stoodio plans 3,368 movies before 2030.

    So eithah Pumpsy Pete gaht a jahb for semi-life, or mebbe back ishoos.

    (Naht heard nuthin' recent 'bout The Girth Brothers' man-on-man bitch spat, butchya gotta figure nooz outlets are primed for the laytest.)

    Anyways ...

    does our movie landscape mirrah our times ...

    or do screens aloft prompt our wildest myjournayshwaahns?
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