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need critique on sales page for urban musicians

by Wage Mills
8 replies
This is my first sales page.

Music Blog Start
http://musicblogstart.com

Looking for something short but effective.
#critique #musicians #page #sales #urban
  • Profile picture of the author nixwebo
    Well, my first impression is that the page is really dark. I know that many music sites will have a dark look and feel, but not often will you find a successful sales page that is not very light in color. I don't know if this is some ninja trick in the human psyche or what, but it does hold true.

    I would try to integrate some images into your sales page as well. It helps break up your content and makes the page easy on the eyes.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Merriman
    What you have is not really a sales letter. I hope you don't take this badly, but simply critiquing it isn't going to help. It needs to be completely rewritten.

    The same is true with the layout -- it needs a complete revamping.

    My suggestion: Hire a copywriter, or invest in a copywriting course if you would like to do it yourself. If you have some money to invest, I suggest hiring.

    If you don't want to pay any money at all, why not read free material, such as the material at copyblogger.com, and look at the sales letters for the top 10 products at ClickBank.

    The basic layout for the sales letter goes something like this:

    Headline (exciting and will grab their attention)
    Dear friend,
    Big promise
    Story of you finding a solution to a problem
    Educating them about the problem (which they have too)
    Offering them a solution (which is your product)
    Details of your product
    Benefits of your product (in bullet format)
    Risk Reversal (money back guarantee)
    Call to action (click here, fill out your info, buy now.)
    Signature
    Signature

    Be unique.

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  • Profile picture of the author Karomesis
    Hi Wage, I kinda have to agree with what David said about a complete rewrite. It looks like a very basic pitch, it's not horrible, but it's not as conversational as you want it for your audience. I'm not saying you should have those tired headlines that everyone and their mom uses..."IN JUST 5 SECONDS I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO COMPLETELY DECIMATE YOUR URBAN MUSIC COMPETITORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But I think with a little more breakup in the text and some emphasis on your bullets it would be far better than what you have now.
    Signature

    Coming soon....FULL SCALE AUTOMATION.
    "Set it...Forget it" site building and SEO software.

    any ? please hit me up anytime karomesis12@gmail.com

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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Does you information product really meet the specific needs of artists, labels, managers, producers, djs, promoters, designers, publicists, and music fans--at the same time?

      Can you offer some clue as to how it would do that on the webpage?

      - Rick Duris
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Page is too dark, but that's just the beginning. I agree with what some others have said here. It's not really a sales page, the whole thing needs to be redone. It talks about having your own site but doesn't say why until long after the person would have hit the back button. My advice would be to sit down and write out all the features of your product and then ask yourself what emotional benefit that feature is going to give the musician. Then rewrite the page talking about features. That's option #1.

    The other is to hire a professional, save yourself the trouble and get something up that you know is going to convert.
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Music and band sites are often some of the most
    cutting-edge in terms of design and technology...

    Take a look at some of your "competition":

    The Music Biz Academy Blog
    The Music Biz Academy: The Music Business for the Promotion Minded

    Digital Agency - Sneak Attack Media
    SNEAK ATTACK MEDIA

    TAXI - Independent A/R Company
    TAXI: record deals, publishing deal, film TV placement, recording your music, songwriting

    Tunecore - Digital Distribution Service
    Tunecore: Digital Music Distribution

    Broadjam - Indie Music Community
    Indie Music, Music Licensing, Free Music Promotion, Download Free Music - Streaming Music | Broadjam

    Now, none of these are DIRECTLY competitive
    with what it seems like you're trying to sell...

    ...a How-To guide on setting up a blog or website
    for your band...

    But ALL of them are vying for your prospect's
    attention in the marketplace...

    And ALL of them do a much better job of appealing
    to their core wants and needs.

    Best,

    Brian
    Signature
    Brian McLeod
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    My God - that's "The World's Most Boring-Looking Site". In this niche too. That is not going to attract anyone. Terrible colours/terrible design/dead-as-a-Dodo copy. And not one graphic/one photo. No sound. No video. And you're trying to attract musos, DJs and producers? Not like this you won't. Why would anyone take you up on this when they can start a much better blog at MySpace or facebook - just for starters?
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      How to "Start a music blog"? Who's looking for this?

      A quick search on your keyword phrase(s) delivered up "not enough search volume".

      That duck isn't just dead: it's roasted, stuffed, served with the head on, and surrounded by fruit.

      Plus, as RickDuris mentioned - your target market is the entire universe of everybody who is, was, or has ever contemplated being in, the music biz.

      That's a mighty tall order for a single product.

      Not to mention, as BrianMcLeod pointed out, your competition is bigger, better, and kicks some serious azz in the design, content, and credibility departments.

      Not to say you can't find yourself a piece of that pie. But it 'ain't gonna be with a one-size-fits-all-there-is-no-market-here-product.

      Seriously, take this as a learning experience. And then go make a product that lots of people are (a) searching for, and (b) willing to pay for.

      Remember, Product Creation Rule #1: Research 1st. Product 2nd.

      Saves you a lot of time and heartbreak.

      Find a niche within this market. One with buyers.
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