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by WD Mino
18 replies
Bump.

Hi Everyone,

well I wrote my first sales letter rewrote it rewrote it again rewrote it again and rewrote it again. now thanks to suggestions and a bit of studying I rewrote it yet again.

Can someone please tell me if it is any good yet?

Thank You
-WD
#guys
  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Thank You.
    -WD
    Signature

    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Terrible. It's a mess. Lousy headline/lousy design. And a glaring grammatical error in the head - "Your" should be "You're" - short for "You are". That hackneyed "secret of success the Gurus don't want you to know" has been around the track so many times the wheels are falling off. And the "honestly" bit just raises red flags - sounds like a used car salesman's pitch - "Trust me"...."Honestly". And ditto for the "Stop!"

      Just tell 'em what you have...tell 'em what it does...tell 'em why their miserable lives will be so much better if they have one too...tell 'em the price...tell 'em where and how to get it. The rest is just window dressing.

      Take two headache tablets and call me in the morning.

      "Stop! Your About To Discover The Secret Of Success The "Gurus" Don't Want You To Know. Honestly This Works!"
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Hi ,

    Ok so I changed a lot of it again. this time the headline gives me a 114.29 emv rating.

    Do You Want To Actually Succeed Online?

    Thanks for being honest with me I tried to make it more simpler.
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Hi Guys,

    Thanks for the help.

    I redid it again.

    man I gotta say this is one of the toughest things I have ever done. I can't wait to have a copywriter on staff.:p

    -WD
    Signature

    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author Sam Mlambo
    Just my ideas for your sub headline:

    "Finally Training You Can Use to Succeed in the Trenches
    Simply Apply... Add Traffic... And Launch Your Product To Success"

    - Sam
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    • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
      Hi Sam,

      Thank you I applied it.

      -WD
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      "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author degcommunications
    Not bad. Have you tested it at all? Do you have any info on it's possible results.
    Signature

    If your content with low quality crap that does nothing but make you and your products look bad, then ignore this. If your looking for exclusive, high quality content that establishes a long term relationship with your visitors, then go here to get started http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...s-say-all.html

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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Tested it like a split test you mean?

    No I have not done a split test I am still trying to get it right.
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    HEHEHEHEH,
    I am autistic that is the problem I am canadian born and bred though so my native language is english.
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author BizzyUK
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
      Pardon???

      That is not in my sales page??????

      -WD

      Edit**** I see what yoiur saying that is not my site that is the marketing institute. LOL

      my site is in my signature.
      -WD

      Originally Posted by BizzyUK View Post

      Hello WD.

      It's coming along; you are nearly there.

      You will, however, need to sort this out a.s.a.p.:

      "In addition to the EMV score, You will find out which emotion inside your customer's your headline most impacts:"

      Did you mean this?

      In addition to the EMV score, you will find out which emotion inside your customer's headline most impacts...

      It just needs this little nip and tuck to save the patient .

      Cheers,
      Mickey Devans (Re-imagine Solutions, UK).
      Signature

      "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    I had to bump it I redid the entire thing now can I please get some feedback is it any good yet? I was unimpressed with the way it was. I am really trying to nail it and who better to ask then my fellow warriors here.

    Is it good now?
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    Just to clarify - -Memberprods-Main-Signup- - this is the page we're talking about, right?

    "Discover the most influential way to skyrocket your income!"

    Not sure influential is the right word to use here. Doesn't make much sense to me... Why would I want an influential way to boost my income, as opposed to an effective way to boost my income?

    I think there's a bit of conflict with your header graphic and headline too - by "Member Prods" - I'm assuming prods is short for products... So I'm thinking this is a resale rights dealio... But then your headline is about training, which isn't really the same thing.

    So, headline complex is a little confusing and needs sorted... When it is, then you can worry about the rest of the letter.

    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author WD Mino
    Ok Changed things again. Thanks for the advice Colmo membership sites are the quickest way to skyrocket your income and build influence so it does fit but I made a change to it

    I think it is good now
    -WD
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    "As a man thinks in his heart so is he-Proverbs 23:7"

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