Squeeze Page - Short Copy Or Long Copy?

Headline and subhead are too wordy for me right off the bat. Also the copy above the fold reads as a little too cookie cutter and super 'nice', if that makes sense. Like a kid wrote it. And you're asking questions, which could potentially lose them before they get down to the rest if they answer no. Not saying questions are bad, just test which works better..questions or statement variations.

Below that, when you introduce yourself, you say dude right off the bat. That could be a turn off to some people, the oddest folks get ticked being called terms like man, or dude, or other slang.

Personally I'd test it long form like it is, and then sharpen up the above the fold copy, and do a test of just the box of info you've got above the fold, deleting this line-->Then your just going to love this FREE 5 Day e-Course The Concept Is Simple:

And putting a plain optin box field there. Just my thoughts.

Good luck!

C

bad color choice..

I've always had better results with short, narrow and too the point. Targeting the make money online is to broad, the more narrow the higher conversion. At least that is whats worked best for me.

As a general rule, a squeeze page should be short and it should be within the non-scrollable area of a web-browser (pardon the way I said that. I mean to say that when the visitor sees the page, he/she does not need to scroll down. You have to squeeze you content within the area. If the visitor has to scroll, don't make it too much scrolling.)

You may want to check out this website (link below)
How To Build Squeeze Page Series

I like the headline. Interesting approach. Definitely worth testing.

Some other thoughts...
Bullets are weak. These are reading like features rather than benefits. I would revise to increase curiosity and get the reader to imagine having the product.

The opt-in box needs to sell the click. Pull up your bonus offer in the P.S. and put here. Reiterate your top benefit.

Can the "Guru Bashing". If you want to use this an angle then you need to frame your whole pitch around it. Now it just makes you look trite. Plus your not sure if "disgust and frustration" is the dominant emotion of the reader.

"Why Are You Giving this Away for Free"
Tighten up this entire section. The reason why is coming off as if you want me to sign-up so that you can spam me. The 4th paragraph is muddled and will actually "unsell" the reader. You may want to consider eliminating this section all-together.

You may salvage it by coming up with a compelling reason that is focused on the reader's problem.

Hope this helps!

It would be fine for a landing page. A squeeze page fits on the screen. I would place your form at the top. Leave the one at the bottom most people are lazy if they make it that far down your page, they won't want to back scroll up.

Make your bullets spicier here is one you can use for free
How To Get On The 1st Page Of Google 80% Of The Time With Out Spending A dime!

See how catchy that is? then spice it up a little further " this unique strategy will... ___ fill in the blank.

I think what matters is whether the sales copy on your squeeze page is to-the-point & believable by your target audience.

They must be able to skim through your copy in no time.

It does not make much of a difference whether your squeeze page copy is short or long, what matters is whether it's interesting to the reader.

Firstly, your squeeze page sounds desperate when you write "STOP! No Credit Card Needed! I Will Show You Everything For FREE!". I strictly feel only those who are really desperate will look through your page. It doesn't interest the layman. Now count the number of people who would be really desperate. Very few, not many.

I'll tell you, your copy didn't draw me inside your page. Why?

You must tell me what you're offering at a first glance.

And why? What are the benefits?

It must not take me minutes to look in for what you're offering to me as your potential customer.

I'll be very straightforward. I certainly appreciate you.

I think the whole copy is jumbled up. The headline didn't attract me in a matter of seconds.

A squeeze page copy has to be really smart and exciting in attracting leads.

I also feel, asking questions the way you've mentioned in the bullets really requires an improvement.

I appreciate you've put so much effort for writing the squeeze page.

However, your squeeze page copy must be "crisp". You must accurately draw attention to the main points of your page. You're writing too much whereas visitors don't have the time to read through everything you've to say.

You're here to get leads and not make a sale. You're using so much persuasion that it seems like you're trying to sell them something. You're not making them feel interested, excited and eager to know what you're offering as a free course. It makes the whole copy sound desperate and make it look like it's some type of a scam.

How are you building trust from your squeeze page? Building trust is essential with your customers. Overall you require a complete re-work on the copy. If you need any assistance, feel free to PM me. I'll do whatever I can.

At the end of reading the squeeze page copy, a customer realizes the importance of putting in their name and email address within your squeeze page. That's exactly why most people put their name and email address within an opt-in box. However, I found your page has gone way off the mark.

Your hard work is definitely appreciable though.

Thanks guys for your advice.

I think it could defiantly do with a lot of improvement, I think the opted in form should be above the fold, maybe try adding a video and some stronger bullet points so it all fits above the fold.

I agree maybe the call to action could be a bit stronger. The aim of the newsletter is to introduce people to internet marketing and free traffic generating methods before going later on into more complicated and paid methods.

What kind of headline do you think I should go with that would appeal to this audience?

Thank you for all your advice so far, constructive criticism appreciated.

Was thinking maybe to change the headline and sub head and bullets to something a bit more like this, and then add the opted in form above the fold anyone think this would be an improvident?



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Hi Ben.

Good ideas but you really do need some editing and proofreading help. I agree with all the suggestions to get it down to one "above the fold" screen.

My ideas here are to suggest concepts, not to provide final copy. If you like these ideas, they'll need to be put into your own words.

"No money down" usually means that you'll have to pay later. If your offer is a free newsletter subscription, then you shouldn't use "no money down."

The first word is "STOP!" OK, I'll stop reading your page!

The main idea is "I want to share some free information with you that could change your life." You need to mention something about all that before you say "If you're reaching for your wallet, stop! You won't need your credit card today to learn how to make money."

I would put "how you can..." and its checkmark list at the top. Then, "I used this exact system to fire my boss at age 22. Now it's your turn, no matter what your age, to get your share of Internet cash and never need a boss again!"

Now you can say "In just five days, you'll learn how to do these four steps:" and then your flowchart.
If you put the flowchart as two boxes in a line, then two more boxes in a line, you'd have room to move the opt-in area "above the fold."

The dotted line around you makes it look like you're a coupon. If I print out that coupon and take it to the local pub can I get a free beer?

Chris

Im no copywriter so take my response for what it is worth but I stopped reading after the first headline and sub headline. Nowhere near interesting.

Also, WAY to much information at first glance which is a major turn off.

As for why you are giving it free, Do you think I am a moron? especially after reading the first header section.


Chris

Short or long copy? As always, there's only one answer. Test both, and see which performs best.

The whole thing is very complicated, and I personally think your lead magnet is poor.

The bullets suggest that I can start my own work from home business, which contradict the fact that you will give me everything for free. Anyone who thinks they can start a proper business online for free are doomed to success - how are you going to pay for hosting and the autoresponder?

BTW the free services are free for a reason.

I would suggest you think about the type of people you want on your list and then think about what they want? At the moment you're after people with no credit card, so good luck monetizing that list!