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Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad

by Charlotte Jay
6 replies
Hi Warriors!
I'm currently promoting a biz opp with some small classified ads. The problem is I have a great catchy line which is getting views, but then the body kind of falls flat and I'm not getting responses. I'm wondering if anybody would like to volunteer their time and give me some pointers on where I'm going wrong? Ok, here is the ad:

Scams, Scams, everywhere there's Scams...

Looking for a home based opportunity and feel like you are in a whirlwind of scams? I know what that is like ... I found a company with a solution. Let me show you what I mean - just send me an email requesting more information.

Thanks guys!
#biz #critique #opp #seeking
  • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
    Originally Posted by TeamDIS View Post

    Scams, Scams, everywhere there's Scams...

    Looking for a home based opportunity and feel like you are in a whirlwind of scams? I know what that is like ... I found a company with a solution. Let me show you what I mean - just send me an email requesting more information.

    Thanks guys!
    Benefits, Benefits, everywhere there's Benefits...

    Looking for a home based opportunity that's going to give you freedom of both time and money? I've found the solution. Click the link below to learn more.

    Fill your three lines with benefits and you'll see a lot more response than from this ad. Think about what's important to who will be buying your biz opp. Focus on that.
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  • Profile picture of the author jaggyjay
    Chris is right on point. And to that I'll add that you need to strengthen your Call to Action (what you instruct your readers to do). Right now you have "just send me an email requesting more information". Be more direct and specific. Use something like "Email me right now [at wherever] with the subject line 'Send more Info' ".
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    • Profile picture of the author TimCastleman
      How about an honest claim backed up with proof?

      Last month I made $1,564 part time and I am willing to show you my W2 to prove it. Get more information at Welcome to ILIVEINMYMOMSBASEMENT.COM or call xxx-xxx-xxxx

      or

      No hype - just hope. One of the thousands of people laid off in (whatever city or state you live in)? Find more out about a job you can never be fired from. www.yougettheidea.com


      Look people aren't going to call you to learn more - get them to go to website that way you have complete control of what they see everytime and you can collect their email address for follow up phone calls.

      That will be $497 I'll PM you my paypal address.
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  • Profile picture of the author bertuseng
    You are warning them against scams, but where is your proof that your opp is not a scam. Try and make it a little bit more believable.
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  • Profile picture of the author Charlotte Jay
    Great! This is really useful information. Thanks to all!
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    • Profile picture of the author SmartEntrepreneur
      First...Don't think about the color blue...

      Second...close your eyes for 10 seconds...

      Yep, all you thought of was Blue.

      That is what your ad does. It immediately associates your ad with EXACTLY what you told them not to think about.

      Offer something free, with your call to action.

      Free videos are huge right now!

      Hope this helps...
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