What Do You Guys Think?

Hi,

Love to - but I'm sorry to say neither of your links are working.

Paul

It's a pretty decent start. But it can be improved:

The prehead adds nothing, you could use it to either qualify the reader or to expand on the headline.

Similarly, your subhead isn't great, it seems out of place with the rest of the page. Why would anyone find what you're writing disturbing or offensive? Use it to back up your headline.

You've explained what CPA is but not why I should buy YOUR product. Who are you? Why should I trust you?

Give specifics in your copy, explain exactly what's in your product that sets it apart from everything else.

I'd get rid of your square graphic, it's just a repeat of your header image. Instead use a photo of yourself.

The testimonial's weak, see if the guy will give you an exact, believable, figure you can use.

Your bullets could be stronger and the second set appears to be repeating much of the first.

Hope this helps.

links works for me...

Anyway, you should strip some of the text and replace it with the video which explains it in few steps, then iclude some pictures with some examples and outcome, and sprinkle the text with some heavy words calling on action

Nemanja

Structurally it's a job well done, and if there was no competition, you'd probably get business.

But I'm afraid, overall it's kinda weak. There's no hook or premise or reason why... there's no story or personality... the headline is not memorable, let alone compelling enough to capture their imagination.

I'm not suggesting you scream from the top of your lungs, I'm saying give the letter some life.

You may want go ahead and throw some traffic at it and see what happens. Hopefully you'll get lucky. Best of success with your efforts.

Good luck,

- Rick Duris

PS: I agree with the person who said video is in order also.

Sigh...here we go again with the ubiquitous red Ferrari and floating cash banner. You know what that signals to people? SCAM. The page reads like a paint-by-numbers salespage - just like a million others out there.

And this line is straight out laughable - "Reader discretion is advised."

It's getting brutal in here - but it's all great stuff.

The big takeaway is that you cannot work a template and get a winning salesletter. If your audience was brand spanking new to Internet Marketing then this letter would work. If it was 2003, this letter would be crushing it. But...

Your market is so mature that it's (almost) dead. Hear me on this. The Internet Marketing audience has been there, done that, and sold the t-shirt to their list.

You need to be truly original to stand out. Graphics won't do it. More insider, shocking, and revealing, secrets won't cut it. Man - You've gotta bring the thunder and it's gotta sing like (the old pre-bobby) Whitney Houston ! If you can't make your product an absolute game changer in the IM category - then you should save yourself the hassle.

I mentioned this another post - but Ryan Deiss is killing it right now with the Gmail thing. It's making the guru circuit because it is really new. It's just eye-opening stuff. This is the bar you've got to shoot for.

Right now you're being held back by the quick salesletter in a box BS. Stop it. Take a step back and make your product truly remarkable. If this seems like a hassle then find another (virgin) niche.

Stan

wow thanks for all your insight guys i love all you copywriters

Hey there,

I'm going to be brutally blunt. The truth is your sales letter is pretty weak - I'll give you my ten cents but for what it's worth I highly recommend you hire someone to critique it and then make the required changes.

First off your graphics are just screaming SCAM at me. My advice is to either get rid of them altogether, or hire someone to get rid of the car. It's just not relevant and in my experience people will click the back button quicker than you could even imagine.

Get rid of the pre-header and the excessive white space around it. You could use that space to lead into your headline, or move the headline up and then expand on it with a sub-header - your call.

You also need to decide on your ideal customer. In this case, the majority of people likely to be visiting your website will already know what CPA is, and be interested on purchasing a product to learn more or expand on their skills. Therefore you need to stop explaining WHAT CPA is and explain how your product can benefit them.

I might be sounding pretty picky, but I just don't think - in fact I'd put money on it - your copy will convert very well at all. Your headline needs to be more targeted. You've done well by including an actual figure. Specifications make your sales letter much more credible, but the comment "without selling a thing" would totally confuse me. You've obviouslly tried to create some form of curiosity and well done for trying, but I think the end result could do with some tweaking. How about trying this as a headline...

"CPA Super-Affiliate Finally Lifts The Lid On The Elusive Strategy That Banked $3473.23 Last Month And Helped Me Pay Off All My Credit Card Debts... Seriously, If You've Ever Dreamed Of Making A Realistic Income Online You CANNOT Afford To Miss This!"

Basically at the moment your sales letter is all features. You've not really stressed any of the benefits of purchasing your course, or even WHY I should buy it. Remember, features are what your product does whereas benefits are what it does for your customers. If you write down all the features of your product, you should quickly be able to see the benefits of those features. Sell them!

Again this and all the stuff you see above is just opinion. If you really want to harness the power behind cash-generating copy then I recommend you hire a copywriter to either critique your copy or completely re-write it. Because in truth it needs work, dude.

What really matters here is results. At the end of the day the only way you'll find out what really works is by hiring someone with proven results and then TESTING different things to see what works best. Good luck with that...

Hope this helps,

Connor