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Please comments on my review page.

by kelvintang
5 replies
Hi, I just finish my review page.
Can any warrior tell me how to improve my review page to make it better. Is the copy too long? Too boaring? Please let me know and i will improve it.
my website is www.selfesteemworkbook.com

Thanks.

kelvin
#comments #give #page #review
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    The Headline is weak and there are a lot of grammar errors...that's as far as I got. I'd recommend having it redone by a professional English speaking writer.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    You really don't have a headline at all, it's more of a title and a weak one at that. The copy is loaded with grammatical and punctuation errors. Even if it weren't it really doesn't tell the reader much about the program. It almost reads like a poorly spun article. As already suggested, you should strongly consider getting a professional to write it. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Moolah_Copywriting
    Yep, don't publish this until you've had a native English speaker give it a once through.

    Plus consider simplifying the presentation. It is extremely graphic heavy and the overuse of yellow-highlighting makes this page difficult to read. People looking for reviews are expecting more descriptive TEXT than fancy graphics.

    Stan
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  • Profile picture of the author Shoaib
    I agree with mostly everyone on here about the headline being weak and dull/erroneous copy.

    HOWEVER, I don't think you should put your IM aspirations on hold because of it. The longer you sit on it, the more time you're losing when you could be learning to actually run a website and a business.

    My recommendation would be to go live with it and see what happens, test/tweak/test/tweak.

    If you're going after free traffic then what have you got to lose? I would not pay to bring traffic to that page though, unless you've got some cash to spend.

    Edit: Also a good idea to have some of the standard pages such as contact, about, and privacy policy.
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