Sales page review

Hi Eric,

The Business Week quote is nowhere near strong enough to use as a headline.

You claim to be a 'Top Computer Consultant' but then give no more info. Who are you? Where have you worked? Why should I put my career in your hands?

The English isn't good in it, there's lots of little errors that put me off thoroughly reading through it. And your sentences are too long.

The site design's poor, at the least you want less padding and to break the copy up a bit more and definitely replace the 'Buy Now' button. Possibly a bit more sparing use of the yellow highlight too.

- Lose the top Businessweek headline. It could work as a prehead but it needs to sell the headline. Right now it's a distraction
- The headline needs a grammar check - and a pulse. What about that Top Computer Consultant? What's his story? What's shocking about his experience? Can that be worked into the headline to give it some oomph?

Overall the letter uses what I call "Fishbowl Copy". As the reader, it feels as if you are observing the writer school a student. I don't feel as if I'm let into the copy. This is happening because you are trying to be logical and factual, when you need to go straight for the emotional chokehold. (You probably are trying not to be salesy - aren't you?)

Start over from the perspective of you trying to convince your best friend to quit his job and become a contractor. Assume your friend has 2 kids and a mortgage so you can dial up the emotional intensity. This should help you connect with the reader at an emotional level

Stan

I think with a few adjustments you'll have a nice little sales page here. A couple of things. Why not broaden the appeal to general consulting instead of just to computer consultants? You're looking at pretty much the same activity as far as marketing and promotion, dealing with clients, etc.

Use your own computer experience as an anchor while showing your readers that they can use the 'principles' you're teaching for more than just computers. Just a thought that could open your market some.

One other thing. I didn't read through the whole page so I'm not sure if you mention how much material you're offering. I clicked on the 'buy' button, which needs to be centered, BTW, and see that you're only asking $9.99.

That could be a problem. People will expect to have to pay more for this info so don't disappoint them. Yes, having a price that's too low can hurt sales. Good luck!

Hey Eric,

Here are a few things which i believe are missing in your copy :

- First, looks like a salesletter

It might sound weird, and counter intuitive, but I would suggest to go make it scream "I am a salesletter". As soon as you get on the site, you have the feeling, "okay, she wants to sell me something." I think there's too much bold, too much yellow, too much flashy stuff. Flashy stuff does bring the attention, but it also screams "Buy me Buy me" which will tire people.

- Second, There is no Story

As I understood, you are a consultant yourself. You have to tell that story, since it will provide both proof and get the person engaged in the story

- Third, No scarcity

There are so many ways you could put in a bit of scarcity in your copy to get them to buy. You could put a PHP script which will increase the price 25 cents or a dollar to get people to buy.

- Try an Intrigue type headline instead of a generic of a benefit one. Or a customer testimonial.

Your headline is mostly a very bold claim. I would tend to think "bull****" and look away. Get them to read the next line, instead of showering them with benefit.

By the way I like Ross' comments : there must be a flow.

- Use your testimonials a bit better

There's a clear separation between your copy and your testimonial. So people won't read them.

That would already be a very good start.

Hope this helps,
Alex

Out of curiosity, what % of conversion are you looking for?

Dear Eric,

I reviewed your sales letter and you have some really good pieces it just needs polishing.

Jobs For Computer Consultants Contractors Freelancers Get Higher Salary Find Computer Consulting Jobs Faster

My thoughts:

1. Lose the red.

2. Lose the bright yellow highlight - only use the light yellow highlight for at the most two of the most important items you don't want them to forget.

3. Needs to look more pro with a better business style template

4. Button centered for payment is key

5. Who are you? This needs to be answered.

6. Price is too low for people to feel it is a valuable product, try $17.00.

7. Needs a what's in it for me, pre-head, headline and sub-headline, see mine.

8. Needs testimonials in boxes so they look like testimonials.

9. Break up the paragraphs so no more than 3 sentences per paragraph if you are going longer than 10 words per sentence.

10. Move the Business Week quote down below your pre-head, headline and lead in. Use it as a "proof statement" in a little blue box.

That is my 10 tips for you.

Here is a sales letter I just finished for some ideas, of how to put your photo, your bio and how to rewrite it. Now please do not copy it, just read what I wrote and then follow the same steps, it will greatly improve your copy.

PC Support Guide - Your Source For The Best Computer Related Information!

Good luck!

Jennie

My guess is visitors are reading the top, scrolling down to
look for the price, clearly stated, not seeing it and deciding
that since you want to hide the price, they aren't interested.

There are a lot of other problems too. The second half of
the letter is underdeveloped.

It's interesting to see how everyone turned away over the testimonials (purple.) Is it because of the grey background you use? It might be harder for those who have older monitors to read that part.

If 90% of the salesletters you are looking at hide the price,
you're not looking in appropriate niches.

Hiding the price pisses people off.

Credibility is the name of the game. Concealing the price
just says you're ashamed of it and are trying to fool your
visitors into engagement.

Of course there are some cases where the tactic works,
as in porn site funnels, but if you want to be perceived
as legit, I wouldn't recommend it.

From a salesmanship point of view weak, unskilled salespeople
avoid talking about price in a forthright manner. When it's
time for your prospect to know the price, you make it
clear. This tends to engender respect for the way you
do business and says you are not ashamed of your price.

Hiding the price says you are trying to pull a fast one.