Need Opinions On My Sales Page

18 years ago

Given the amount of free information you certainly have picked a tough product to sell.

The headline is weak ...because the offer is weak ...because the product is weak. I think the copy is okay in communicating how irrelevant the product is.

"In Only 5 Minutes Your Child Could Be Starting Their Science Fair Project"

This headline doesn't pass the copywriter's "so what" test. Nobody cares about starting -- they care about the result.

Your market is probably going to be 1) Parents with a project due in 48 hours or less. 2) Ambitious parents who want their kid to get an "A"

Your offer addresses no benefit likely customers want. A parent doesn't want to spend three hours reading about science experiments, when the actual project takes 30 minutes.

You want something like...

"In Only 5 Minutes Your Child Could Be Finishing a Science Fair Project Guaranteed to earn an A"

And you show them grade appropriate projects. Projects with a lot of "wow factor." Projects which have "Sure A" written all over them.

Projects specifically designed to make the lemon juice batteries and moss growing experiments other kids found for free online look pathetic.

With instructions done in comic book form, tested and proven on classes of children so there is ZERO Parent Participation required. Parents want to buy an ebook they can hand to their kid and have confidence the kid can follow it on their own.

This product reminds me of the procrastinating, uninspired student project where it's clear it was whipped up at the last minute. It looks like it was developed in a parent and kid free vacuum.

Thanks
1 reply

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Doug Nicholson 18 years ago

Thank you John for your unbiased opinions. This is my first sales page so I know it could use improvement. I do know that a lot of free information is available online for just about any topic you can imagine. But if its not a simple step by step format, then younger kids will be lost. Thats what my product is.

When you say the market for this product is only parents looking for a last minute project for their kid or something to get them a guaranteed A, what do you base that on? Have you done surveys on this topic? Do you have a science fair site where you got feedback from kids and parents over the years on this subject?

I've had a science fair site up for three years now and that is not what I have heard from kids and parents. Most people would love for their kids to do as well as possible in most things they do and some people do wait until the last minute to find a science fair project to do. But a lot of kids and parents alike just don't understand the whole process of doing a science fair project and something that explains it in simple terms is what they want. That is what my ebook does.
- Thanks
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John_S

18 years ago

Sounds like you know everything there is to know. I'm not getting paid to debate ...I'm not getting paid at all.

I'll let your results debate with you for a while and see how that goes. Then maybe you'll discover people say one thing, but do something quite different when money is on the line.

Thanks

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shokosugi

18 years ago

it looks really generic and just like every other affiliate page i've seen. make it more professional looking. and yes it's a very tough product to sell.

Thanks
1 reply

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Doug Nicholson 18 years ago

Thank you very much John for taking the time to look at my page and comment on it. I'm completely new to writing sales letters and hope to learn more from this forum and all of you here with experience and just plain testing things.

And thank you Shokosugi for the comments. Yes the letter does look generic at this point for sure and I hope to change that as I learn more. And I know its a tough product to sell for sure. I have sold individual and packages of up to 4 projects on my science fair site for a smaler price.
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- 1 reply
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- Collette 18 years ago
  
  Sci -
  "Generic" is a tough sell in any market, regardless of what you're selling.
  
  You're going to have to be a lot more specific about EXACTLY who your target market is, and WHY they would pay for your product - when there's so much free info available.
  
  Right now, what you're offering definitely doesn't pass the "Who Cares" test. I suggest doing some lurking on parenting or home schooling forums...
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Doug Nicholson 18 years ago
  
  Thank you Collette for the reply,
  
  I have a content site on science fair projects that I started a little over 3 years ago. I also have a content site on home schooling. And I have spent many hours in forums replying to questions from kids and parents about science projects. And of course in that period of time I have gotten a lot of feedback and questions from the science projects site as well.
  
  I put together some small ebooks of projects on my science projects site and started selling those last january. Mainly 3 project/ebook for a small price. This ebook is all those projects put together in one plus a few added. So I have experience selling the projects...they do sell...there is a demand for them. No real sales page for the smaller ebooks just a brief summary of what they contain.
  
  I know who the target market is and what they want and why they want it, but for sure I have not conveyed that yet in the sales letter. I will take your suggestions and keep working it. I have gotten one testimonial so far on the book and it was very positive.
  
  Thanks again for the reply.
  Doug
  
  Thanks
  
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UcheO

18 years ago

I would put more work in the design. The website is very bright to the eyes, and I would chose another color if you are going for a solid background with the copy being white.

Thanks
1 reply

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Doug Nicholson 18 years ago

Thanks UcheO,

I had not really noticed how bright the page was. Maybe my monitor settings. I will look at toning it down some.

Doug
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Sandra ER

18 years ago

Hi Doug,

Just a suggestion - but if you read the first three posts on this thread again - Your 2 and Johns - You may see that for the reader, John's writing tells you something about him while I don't feel like yours does (despite the frequent I & My - I know how hard it is to write personally without using them). There are some really good suggestions in John's post. Especially the 'So What?' test. The other test of course is WIFM.

I would pass on your offer for three reasons
1. You did not grab my attention (and as we all know you do not have long to do that in the net)
2. Who are you and why should I trust you? (it's not expensive but as previously stated, plenty of free stuff on the net)
3. I would be bored before I read all of your sales letter - No fun, colour or any real information to draw me in (click away)

If you go back to the drawing board again and do a little solo brainstorming (collette's suggestions, the visual suggestions and John's) you will be able to make your letter a bit more exciting - and as suggested in this thread that will include a little work on the visual as well.

Good Luck with it.

Sandra

Thanks
1 reply

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Doug Nicholson 18 years ago

Thank you Sandra,

This is the kind of feedback I was looking for here...what is wrong and why. I am going to change the headline and sub headline because I know that needs to get the reader's attention and deliver the main benefit they will get from the product. And right now it does not do that.

I will work on the look of the page to make it more appealing and on the content to make it more interesting.

Who am I and the trust issue...yes I need to tell them more why I am qualified to write science projects and testimonials will help with the trust thing too. Not exactly sure what you mean by all the "free stuff" available. Free science projects online? There are lots of those out there if you have time to look them up( I even have some on my science projects site).

But how easy are they to do? What kinds of equipment and supplies would you have to come up with to do a lot them? Do they have clear instructions that a first, second, or third, grade child could follow and understand? How many years have they been out there and how many other kids have done the exact same projects? All of my projects I thought of myself, carried them out to make sure they work and can be repeated easily, then put the instructions step by step so they are very easy to understand and follow. And almost all of mine use things you already have in the home...nothing to buy usually. And they are all safe to do.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply. Your suggestions will be very helpful in re-working the page.

Doug
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- 1 reply
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- Sandra ER 18 years ago
  
  Hi Doug,
  
  Check out your words below. You don't need to tell me whether your ebook is better than the freebies, but haven't you just written some copy that may interest people looking for Science projects and considering your offer. All you need to do in the second half of that paragraph (not shown here) is lose the 'mine & I.'
  
  'But how easy are they to do? (Suggestion: What extra equipment do you need to buy to do the experiments?) What kinds of equipment and supplies would you have to come up with to do a lot them? Do they have clear instructions that a first, second, or third, grade child could follow and understand? How many years have they been out there and how many other kids have done the exact same projects?' ...nothing to buy usually. And they are all safe to do.
  
  You have a Science Photo on the cover of your book picture but i am sure that kids (or even their parents) are not going to equate 'the suits' with a science project....Better a mad professor or a wizard. IMO only of course.
  
  Good Luck with your tweaking
  Sandra
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Doug Nicholson 18 years ago
  
  Thanks again Sandra,
  
  You have been very helpful with this page. I think it is looking better all the time. The photo on the ebook cover was not really what I had in mind. I had someone do it for a cheap price from a wso offering here. I had him to re-do it once but there seemed to be a communications problem and he never listened to what I was telling him I wanted. So I figured I would go with it for now...it could look like teachers or judges at a science fair but you are right a better photo kids could identify with would be better.
  
  I will work on the wording of that paragraph you mention.
  
  Doug
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Nick Doyle 18 years ago
  
  Make it 4 pages longer, increase the price to $27.00 and add 3 more free bonuses.
  
  Stressed for time, but that will keep you busy for now ;-)
  
  Thanks
  
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