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GUYS... I Need A Brutal Critique/Harsh Feedback On My Product's Page, PLEASE!...

by Jamie Iaconis
7 replies
Hi guys,

I need all of your comments and suggestions, no matter
how brutal/harsh... actually I would prefer it...

Also, on the length, bit shorter, bit shorter, ___________.

Anything... anything that sticks out to you and could be improved!

(Almost forgot the URL, GEEZ)
Learn How To Install PHP Scripts

Thanks In Advance,
Jamie
#critique #feedback #page #product
  • Profile picture of the author Eric Engel
    You've demonstrated that you realize people don't really understand what it is that they're doing. After all...probably most of the people who don't know how to install a PHP script, don't really know why they need them.

    So the beginning of your letter starts out on the right foot...but it's just not quite right for your audience.

    I think the better approach would be to tell people you're introducing them to "WEB 2.0". A lot of people keep hearing it, but still don't have any idea what it is. I think using that kind of language would appeal to a lot more newbs.

    Hope this helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author Gary Hicks
      Hi Jamie

      I think this is pretty good generally, though something seems to be missing. Here's a few things that strike me about your letter:
      1. I think the spiral bound ecover makes the book look like it's a freebie and the images are a bit non-descript. I would go with a softback style book and a re-design.
      2. Try to agitate the reader's problem more - give them more of a reason to think they need your product - even better - can't do without your product . They are going to suffer without it etc.
      3. I can't see any contact info on your site. You need to reassure people you are legit.

      Hope this makes sense and helps.

      Gary Hicks
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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    I'm not really that tech savvy so I don't know if this can be done but a demonstration within your site would help I reckon, or at least a link to live working site as opposed to screen shots.

    The way I see it you're selling on a plain Jane HTML website yourself (or at least it looks no different to the rest) so it takes away from you credibility a bit. Would be good to reinforce that I think.

    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
    To be completely honest, the folksy-ness of "ya" kind of turns me off. I know that you're trying to sound conversational, and maybe it's just me, but I think it is always best to stick to proper words. "You" isn't a super formal word that needs to be broken down into a foksified version of itself. Again, that might just be me.

    Other than that, you do a pretty good job. I see a couple of typos and smaller errors ("you, an hour and my guide" is actually three things not one ) but it looks like you have a good handle on your product and why it is beneficial to others.
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    • Profile picture of the author buckapple
      Hello,
      I looked at your site. I'm in the beginning stages of copy so I'll leave that for the pros other than to me it didn't flow too well, I was into it about a 1/4 th of the way before I could tell what you were selling.

      I'll will tell you this, if you're selling script for a kick ass website, then I would have a kick ass website to sell it from. What I mean by this is the title for instance , it's not centered, I would have the yellow part in the middle not on the side.

      I would make the book bigger and change the angle to so it's leaning into your copy.

      What I mean about the copy flowing you have big red letters saying "I Knew he was right" The first thing I asked was, right about what? I know you eluded to it but I would be more specific...

      Anyway like I said, I'm not a real copywriter, I was looking at it as a customer and that's what I noticed.

      I will congratulate for what you have so far, because I know you can read about how to write copy all day long, it's not until you actually start writing your copy that you see how far you need to go...

      Good Luck,
      Gary
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      • Profile picture of the author Jamie Iaconis
        Hi guys... thanks for the responses so far...

        I am updating my page with
        what has been said so far.

        Anyone else?
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        • Profile picture of the author ic7
          I usually like the "conversation with a friend" idea, but in this case it's too vague. Where I start catching on to your pitch is when you mention Facebook, Technorati, etc. How about try something like this, early on the page:

          "What if your site looked like Facebook? What if your site looked like Technorati? Do you think you'd get more traffic? Do you think you'd get more sales?"

          Also, maybe get a stronger screenshot of a customized template. And then place that screenshot near the beginning of the pitch. (The screenshots you have are good, but not amazing.)

          Paul
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