Sales Have Dipped - Please Critique My Sales Letter | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

14 years ago

I charge for full critiques, but I think you're eliciting fear
in your headline by using the words "traffic courts" and
implying that a court appearance will be necessary, which
is discouraging and likely to encourage "head in the sand"
behavior.

I would try my hardest if I were writing this letter, to avoid
bringing up the notion that you'll have to appear in court
and convince a judge to dismiss your ticket.

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damondallah

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

I charge for full critiques, but I think you're eliciting fear
in your headline by using the words "traffic courts" and
implying that a court appearance will be necessary, which
is discouraging and likely to encourage "head in the sand"
behavior.

I would try my hardest if I were writing this letter, to avoid
bringing up the notion that you'll have to appear in court
and convince a judge to dismiss your ticket.

Thanks for the insight.

I had a gut feeling that i should not have put the words "traffic court" in the headline. You're probably right. Maybe the headline is scaring people away.

But for the life of me, I can't figure out how anyone expects to beat a speeding ticket without actually going to court? That's why I opted to leave it in the headline. I figured it was obvious you have to go to court.

You also mentioned that you would try very hard not to bring up the notion of appearing in court to fight a speeding ticket. If only it were that easy. It's damn near impossible. At one point or another it has to be said.

The way I see it, even if I managed to steer clear of letting it be known that you have to actually go to court, I feel like refunds would go through the roof once they finally read the product and see that they DO have to go to court.

Maybe i'll try to reword certain parts of the letter to "hint" that they have to go to court instead of flat out telling them.

I mean, I dont want to be misleading in my copy. I would rather not get the sale then get a sale only for it to be refunded.

Thanks again Loren. Your advice was well taken.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

- Damon Dallah

Thanks
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Loren Woirhaye

14 years ago

Originally Posted by damondallah

You also mentioned that you would try very hard not to bring up the notion of appearing in court to fight a speeding ticket. If only it were that easy. It's damn near impossible. At one point or another it has to be said.

...

I mean, I dont want to be misleading in my copy. I would rather not get the sale then get a sale only for it to be refunded.

Well, I know this will make some folks bristle ethically, but
no book about how to do something contains a bunch of
warnings on the back for stupid, incapable and lazy people.

I own hundreds of how-to books, and many of them show
how to do things that for most people would be challenging
and many are concerned with mastery skills that take the
average practitioner years to become proficient in.

Few of the books mention how challenging it is to
implement what the book teaches.

The selling of the thing and what the thing is are different.
Make a good product that tells the straight story, sure,
but if you want to sell stuff you've got to make using the
thing you are selling appear, in the prospect's mind, to be
easy and painless.

You won't be causing any real damage to the buyer who buys
your product, sees it involves work he doesn't want to
do, and gets a refund. You SHOULD be getting refund
requests on your products - if you don't you aren't selling
hard enough. Read Joe Sugarman if you don't agree.

Remember, easy and painless sells. Hard and painful
does not.

Thanks

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travlinguy

14 years ago

Okay, first the headline. I agree that you need to leave any reference to the courtroom out. Why not just have this:

"How to Beat a Speeding Ticket Using a Little Known but Highly Effective Technique"

followed by:
It's Completely Legal and Works Even if You're 100% Guilty!

Then this:
In this special report, you'll see 7 DUMB mistakes you should avoid plus I expose my killer strategy to beating speeding tickets. Enter your details below and I'll send it to you immediately.

Maybe I'm missing something here but if you're giving away the killer strategy to beating speeding tickets in the free report, then what's the sales page for?

Here's my immediate thought about that. I visit your page and read up until you describe the 7 DUMB misatkes and decied I'll get the special report and I'll pass on any paid offer. In fact, I don't want to read another word of your sales copy until I get the freebie.

So... what's your strategy?

Thanks
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damondallah

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill

Change it back.

Wise words. I know, that is the obvious solution, but I was just hoping on some feedback on this particular version.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Okay, first the headline. I agree that you need to leave any reference to the courtroom out. Why not just have this:

"How to Beat a Speeding Ticket Using a Little Known but Highly Effective Technique"

followed by:
It's Completely Legal and Works Even if You're 100% Guilty!

Then this:
In this special report, you'll see 7 DUMB mistakes you should avoid plus I expose my killer strategy to beating speeding tickets. Enter your details below and I'll send it to you immediately.

Maybe I'm missing something here but if you're giving away the killer strategy to beating speeding tickets in the free report, then what's the sales page for?

Here's my immediate thought about that. I visit your page and read up until you describe the 7 DUMB misatkes and decied I'll get the special report and I'll pass on any paid offer. In fact, I don't want to read another word of your sales copy until I get the freebie.

So... what's your strategy?

Well, I don't give everything away in the report. I leave out all the details. Kinda like when you read free reports that tell you to find a product to promote, make a landing page, and send highly targeted visitors to the landing page. Of course it doesn't say HOW to find a product or HOW to create a proper landing page or HOW and WHERE to find targeted visitors.

That's kinda what I did.

Thanks for the advice on the headline. I'm making some changes now as I speak.

Thanks

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Ricci Cox

14 years ago

Don't forget, something like 80% of sales is due to the headline alone - so it is well worth trying some new headlines. How about something like...

"Drivers - Here's the Insider Information the Traffic Police Don't Want You To Have!"

Subheading: 'How to Beat a Speeding Ticket Every Time... Using a Little Known, Legal Loophole in The Law...'

All the best

Thanks
1 reply

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damondallah

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Ricci Cox

Don't forget, something like 80% of sales is due to the headline alone - so it is well worth trying some new headlines. How about something like...

"Drivers - Here's the Insider Information the Traffic Police Don't Want You To Have!"

Subheading: 'How to Beat a Speeding Ticket Every Time... Using a Little Known, Legal Loophole in The Law...'

All the best

Thanks, I'm using everyones advice and rewording my headline. I've taken yours into consideration.

Thanks

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travlinguy

14 years ago

Okay, that's kinda what I thought. The special report is hurting you regardless of what's in it. There are some sales letters (very few in my opinion) where you can have an opt-in offer combined with a sales pitch.

But for the most part, people will almost always opt for the freebie and then make a mental note to come back and get the paid deal if the free stuff makes sense. The problem is, they rarely if ever come back.

You've gone to all the trouble of getting a warm prospect to your page. I think you've got something that people want so sell them the paid book. Just make the copy compelling and get 'er done! There's an old saying that goes, chase two rabbits and lose them both. I think it applies here. Good luck.

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damondallah

14 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Okay, that's kinda what I thought. The special report is hurting you regardless of what's in it. There are some sales letters (very few in my opinion) where you can have an opt-in offer combined with a sales pitch.

But for the most part, people will almost always opt for the freebie and then make a mental note to come back and get the paid deal if the free stuff makes sense. The problem is, they rarely if ever come back.

You've gone to all the trouble of getting a warm prospect to your page. I think you've got something that people want so sell them the paid book. Just make the copy compelling and get 'er done! There's an old saying that goes, chase two rabbits and lose them both. I think it applies here. Good luck.

So, in your professional opinion, how do I get leads if I don't have an opt in.

I mean every marketer will tell you to capture leads by offering something for free so you can continue to sell them later on either with my product or a similar affiliate product.

Do you suggest i just have the report only give the 7 mistakes and leave out my strategy?

Thanks, you've been very helpful.

- Damon

Thanks
1 reply

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travlinguy 14 years ago

Originally Posted by damondallah

So, in your professional opinion, how do I get leads if I don't have an opt in.

You have one page to capture leads or for list building and you have a separate page for sales.
- Thanks
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- damondallah 14 years ago
  
  Thanks Everyone!!
  
  You Guys Were Great - All Of You!
  
  I made some major changes like the headline and subhead by removing the words "traffic court" and went through the entire body and tweaked it a bit.
  
  How to Beat a Speeding Ticket
  
  Hopefully this will work better.
  
  -Damon
  
  Thanks
  
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Raydal

14 years ago

Originally Posted by damondallah

Hi guys,

I made some changes to my sales letter that i thought would increase sales. The complete opposite happened. It didn't go down by much, but still it was supposed to go up.

I suppose that you are split testing this new letter against the old one
because that's the only way to tell that sales have gone down as a
result of the new letter. If sales have simply dropped over time then
you cannot say that the new letter is at fault--even if sales dropped
as soon as you implemented the new letter.

Hope this makes sense. The bottom line is that you have to split-test
to compare results since sales fluctuate over time anyway.

-Ray Edwards

Thanks

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