Can you critique of my landing page?

7 replies
I am trying to help a friend sell his products and need some unbiased critiques of the landing page.

Learn More About The Aspirin Alternative

#critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Just a few observations for you:

    Make more of your initial quote from the doctor. Let the reader know as soon as possible the product's created by a real doctor. And who is he? Consider introducing him to the reader or having the copy written in his voice (Hi, I'm Dr. Scott Moore and...).

    All your bullets need strengthening to hammer home potential side-effects in standard prescription drugs and to emotionalize the problems your product will solve.

    What are those ingredients? They mean nothing to me.

    Put the testimonials in there own box to help them stand out.

    I'd customize the Joomla favicon.

    Make it easier to order, don't tell the reader to go somewhere else on the page for the buy button.

    Consider beefing up the guarantee by not requiring a customer to send you back the product for a refund.

    Hope this helps.

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author BigV316
      Hey Andrew

      Thanks for the quick response. I have already started applying some of what you posted.

      Thanks again

      I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong-Leo Rosten

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  • Profile picture of the author longdrv4u
    Good advice given by Andrew
    I am a big fan of Video if you could have the Dr make a short video of who he is, why he made the product and tell of the benefits.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jo_Shua
    It does not convey authority. Sure, you mention the Dr. was the creator and he even has his own page with his story... But, who is he? Where is the doctor? Add a picture of him on the site wearing a doctor's coat. (As longdrv4u stated, video is a good idea, too... it will help create authority and trust.)

    You did not build a rapport with the prospect. Sure, they may be looking to buy aspirin alternatives BUT there are others who sell that. What makes you different? You did not connect with the prospect.

    You never conditioned your prospect to price justification. Your bullets could be beefed up. And, it all just looks like some of those illegal medicine schemes that is on the internet nowadays. (Not saying yours is... it just has that same tone AND your market will be leery about buying medicine from those they do not trust.)
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  • Profile picture of the author cerava
    I concur with Joshua and Andrew:

    Your persona lacks authority - or a perception of it. Perhaps you may want to consider adapting the 'tone of voice' to fit a physician's. At the same time, spare your reader the medical lingo. Think of the psychology and thought process of an active aspirin consumer (assuming that this is your market...).

    Perhaps you may want to emphasize more on your product['s story] as opposed to aspirin's side effect. The function of your copy is to sell your product, after all. Educating your consumers is important, but not to the point that your product is given minimal limelight.

    Add more pictures - products and potential users. Words alone do not convey trust. Give them a face. Perhaps an elderly couple? As Andrew pointed out, give the testimonials their own caption. Use graphics for the 'add to cart' option. Emphasize on the 100% money back guarantee or 100% satisfaction guarantee.

    Incorporating longdrv4u's advice, you may want to do a video or an audio testimonial should you prefer to avoid a 100% video presentation.

    Hope this benefits you. :-)

    Best regards,

    Aldric Tinker
    My Copywriting & NLP Website

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  • Profile picture of the author BigV316
    Thanks for all the input. Most of the copy was written by the Doc and the rest I wrote myself. This guy is probably one of the nicest most soft spoken people I know. He knows what he is talking about but I don't really know how to add authority to what he is saying. If you could give me an example I could work with I would really appreciate it.
    As for video and getting the "add to cart" buttons in place, I am working on that. You folks have really been a big help so far and we both thank you for the input.


    I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong-Leo Rosten

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  • Profile picture of the author Mr. Enthusiastic
    I agree with the formatting concerns. There are a dozen ways for my attention to leak off the page.

    "Learn more about..." is a weak title. For someone in pain, do they really want a study session? Or do they just want something like "Pain relief without harsh side effects" - which might be a better title for the page?

    I can go to the home page, list products, do a search, find articles, find testimonials, see that I can't get to distributor information, read a privacy policy, learn about returns (oh, so it might not work and I'll have to return it), or find out who this guy is, see a logo and get hit up for some money. All of that before there's even a headline. Why was I on this page again? Oh yeah, to learn more.

    Then going down the side, there's a guarantee, other products but I guess one of them is this product and it's $40, huh?, login, and a shopping cart. Why was I on this page again?

    At the bottom of the page, I see no comments, a program for churches, payment processing, copyright, and what's a flexcollab? What was I going to do here?

    I think you could rethink how much of this clutter you want to have as ways to leak attention away from the sales letter.

    I'd like to see the whole thing be in the voice of the Doctor. Show me a picture of him and his wife. Have him talk about how as a doctor, he wanted to ease his wife's arthritis pain... but standard aspirin has all these side effects... and for some people's conditions, they can't even use anti-inflammatories.... (At this point there should be some reason why to not just switch to Tylenol.) Then, the good news: the Dr's research led him discovery that certain all-natural, etc., etc., no side effects, etc. After helping his wife he tried it with other patients... testimonials here, interspersed with a discussion of the various painful conditions that can now be treated without side effects... and now it's available to the general public, with a money-back guarantee, for only $x, here's how to order...

    Well, it is safe? Is this FDA approved? Can I get it reimbursed by insurance? Is my information private? What if I need a refund? Exactly how do I use this Internet order thingy? How about that, all the questions are answered down here at the bottom of the page.

    That would be a much stronger sales letter.

    If the Dr. still wants an overall web site, I think it would be much stronger to have it 80% medicine, 20% religion in its own section ("Faith and medicine," maybe?).

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