Does my copy make you want to buy? - Best review wins the product!

Marlene, at first glance this looks like thousands of other Clickbank-style pages. "Slick" but in my book "too slick". First line I read and reject is "Listen to what this girl from Denmark has to say". Why? Why should I? What's in it for me? You follow that with a headline that just leaves me cold. At that stage you've lost me. I'll read no further.
And what is this "climb the fence" BS? I don't get it at all. And "Instant Guru System" sounds cheesy and unbelievable.

It's already been mentioned but I'll say it again. Your page looks like millions of others out there. But you have more serious issues than that. It's the premise you're trying to float.

First, 'self proclaimed guru' isn't a distinction to flaunt. If I tell the world I'm a guru at something (self-proclaimed) no one cares. If others decide I'm a guru, well, that's when the label becomes valuable.

Then you say:






A couple of points here. You describe your idea of having a list and making your fans crazy about you. Then you ask if your readers know how to go about becoming a guru. You make it sound like it's as easy as filling in some form or something. It will be clear to anyone around IM for even a short time that this offer is silly.

In other words, you've got major credibility issues. It's going to boil down to this: If you're claiming to show people how to become a guru, you'd better be on yourself, and you're not.

You might get a few newbies to bite on this but anyone who has been around for more than a couple of months will back away. If I were you I'd start looking for a more reasonable and realistic approach. Good luck.

First of all...

Well done for getting this far and having a go! Nobody gets it right first time, and most people give up well before getting a product made.

I agree with the others. I look at your site and want to leave. The pre-head offers no value to the visitor. The site is too flash - I can't trust it.


I think you should market your product differently. Convincing newbies that they can become gurus instantly with a system in a matter of months is ridiculous. (Sorry, but that is what your salespage is screaming at me)

I would try marketing your product something like this "The Guru Mindset" "Get into the minds of the IM gurus." or something like this. For credibility you really need to be a Guru, but you are not. The next best thing is to score an interview with a Guru and have it as part of your product.

All the best with what you are doing

Cheers

I respect your oppinions, but I think you forget, I did not produce this copy for you - but for the newbies....

I do have several Top Marketers promoting this, and non of them has told me to change anything....

Imagine comming to this page after your "other" trusted guru promoted it to you, and you where a newbie... now what would such a person do... I know it is difficult to get into the mind of someone else (but that is what copy writers do right).

Maybe the titel for this post should have been: Would a newbie buy this product?

I think you all have great input, but I also think you see the page from a diffrent perspective....

I would love some feedback on, would newbies buy this?

Great point about: The guru mindset - Nicholas... you are now in the top position to win a copy, if you are interested :-)

I will, chose a winner Monday at 2am EST (8 am Danmark time)

Marleena,

Asking for a critique takes courage. Good for you for doing so.

It's not easy to hear that what you're doing isn't working well.

But please remember, a copy critique is not meant to make you
feel good about what you have - it's meant to make you MONEY.

You're resisting the advice you're being given at your own peril.

I wish you good luck,

Brian

Your mistake is overestimating the "newbieness" of newbies. You're forgetting a lot of these people who critique are quite probably far more knowledgeable about your target customer than you are.

Making a fictional "Imaginary Friend" up who'll agree with every choice is not knowing your customer.

"Newbies" are new to IM, not to life. And most probably not to Internet pitches.

Certainly not to spelling: "Mony" Making Blueprint? Gurus can spell. (I've heard).

Many of the images don't load for me. No doubt because I'm not using the browser all newbies use, without exception.

From "lListen To What This Girl From Denmark Has To Say" onward, all I can think of is "why?" and "so what?"

While the fence idea is okay, it takes a bit of explaining. Outsider and insider -- what I call inner circle status -- is a clearer concept.

What sinks the offer is "It turns out that this invisible fence is made out of fear, lack of confidence and a mindset that keeps you in a herd mentality. " Most newbies have more confidence than smarts or information.

It's what keeps them from accepting advice while implying they know something about customers they (in all likelyhood) don't actually have yet. My suggestion is not to discount the advice here with the incantation "but it's for newbies."

The implication you understand newbies without selling many is the kind of swaggering braggadocio newbies mistake for the secret behind guru status. The Gary Halberts of the world can pull it off for one simple reason: If You Can Do It, It Ain't Braggin'

Another western bon mot more apropos to your situation would be: All Hat and No Cattle. And sorry to say, your fictional imaginary friends might not have B.S. detectors, but real people learning about a field do. And you're pushing the red line.

Marleena...
I published a physical book in the mid 90s. At the time I was hanging out with a New York Times best selling author. He told me that the book was good. And based on nearly 20 years as an author, publisher and marketer he told me how to make it an excellent book. I didn't listen.

The book did okay but every last thing this guy told me to do was completely accurate. And I spent a lot of my own money marketing this book only to find that the stuff the guy told me to change was hindering sales. Not only that, but certain book distributors weren't willing to carry the title because it was missing the parts that the experienced author warned me about going in.

I've looked back many times on that experience and the lessons it provided. Those lessons cost me a lot of money out of pocket and a lot of lost sales. But at least I learned something. That is, accept good advice from someone who's been there.

You say you can't change the title or product now. Okay, if you want success change it after the marketplace rejects it. You also say you have some 'top marketers' that are going to promote this launch in a couple of months. I can't imagine anyone other than someone brand new to Internet Marketing betting one cent on this project, let alone top marketers.

You've received a lot of good advice here. Now the smart thing to do is to follow it.

I really like the 2 last post here!
This is what Im talking about... I was just making sure everybody was seing this form the right perspective....

And no, they are not fiction marketers... I happend to be in a couple of coaching goups and also got some promotion bonuses, from joining these clubs.... I also happend to be from the same hometown as one of them, so we relate on that :-)

Im sorry you think me a liar, when you dont even know me John_S....

That being said... some of the other posts, where made on their perspective... "It did not make me want to read on...." I was just making sure, that people would view the sales page in the right frame....

I will also seriously think about my headlines and try to fit in the idea of: The guru mindset!

Thank you all, so far :-)

PS. Any mispellings will be removed soon... I have an old teacher go through the product as we speak... Im from Denmark and I know I have a few problems here... It's being taken care of :-)

Hmmm, Im starting to think this is not the right place for feedback....

But ok, communication is difficult... Maybe its me who dont understand... I really do want your help.....

The problem with the product titel is.... I mention it in alle the 17 videos... It will require me to make a completely new product if I change it!

That is why I cant change the name....

What I can do, is try to change the copy....

Please, dont turn this into a mud fight, I really would like constructive tips insted.

I do like your humor though, Metroncity :-D

Why would I want to be a guru?

There's no specifics on your page.

Get a photo of yourself on it.

I don't know what I'm getting, what it's going to do or why I should buy from you.

Make more of the guarantee.

Thank You Andrew...

I will :-)

Liar ...no. Overly defensive and refusal to accept the implications of what I wrote ...quite possibly.

The fiction is the newbie customer you're supposing to speak for. Not the marketers.

However, you do bring up a good point which I neglected to mention. Now that you mention it, there is no mention of who these marketers are and what they've accomplished. As a matter of fact there is no detail of what each reveals.

What the reader takes away is you're concerned about revealing them for some reason. The variety of motives they attribute to you for doing so all bode ill for sales.

I sense a certain insecurity in your attempts to shove words into my mouth, then become defensive about a charge I didn't make. So, you've got a way to go to get even the swaggering braggadocio down.

I hear Angie's doing seminars on "attitude is all gurus need." Now there's a world class case of self esteem poisoning to learn from. Attitude and a thin skin are not a recipe for success -- but it is what you're broadcasting.

Turn down the setting on your reality distortion field -- it's interfering with your reception.

There's a picture of Business Suit Dude, waving like a game show host: "Here's where blob figures climb over the shipping crate wall, except the ones we keep locked up back in red-light jail! Maybe next season they'll get to put down their briefcases, change into shorts and shout at the wall!"

Then a headline that says listen to what this girl says. Who's that girl?

It just goes downhill from there. The buy now button shows that you jump down from up above the wall, back to where you were, in order to buy.

An audio CD, in a DVD case, for 10 pages of information? Really?

This needs a total rewrite from scratch. There's so much that doesn't work here that it's not really fixable. Actually, I don't think any amount of improved copywriting can overcome the weakness of the offer.

The headline claims that the system will "get attention," "get raving fans" and lead to "loads of money." Where's the proof? One person said something nice about the product. Where's the evidence that you have positive reviews of your work and expertise? How many fans? How much money?

You ask what I think, and then tell me? And that answer contradicts my needing to buy the answer from you?

Next, you imply that the reader has ADD and can't tell a good product from a bad one... except yours, of course.

You claim that you have the unique solution, but don't give any evidence of the uniqueness. The answers are something "you found" and include an uncredited Tony Robbins term. A term that includes "never-ending," even though your offer is for a "this is all you need" guide.

You then have some numbers from the Bureau of Randomly Made Up Statistics, source of 84.7% of online facts.

The solution is a "toolbox," videos and reports, and a "platform," "boot camp," and "nutshell." I don't see any connection between those terms and a CD, or is it a DVD, or is it an e-book, with some information you "found."

The copy above and below the product pictures is all about a new mindset. But the bullet points beside the product pictures is all about a how-to guide. Which is it? As Saturday Night Live said, "It's a dessert topping and a floor wax!"

Then there's some meandering stream-of-consciousness stuff about the price, some meandering commentary about how this is a link to Clickbank, some meandering P.S.'s saying buy now for no additional reason, and some meandering disclaimers that should have been grouped together into a single Disclaimers page. To wrap things up, we can see that we're paying twice as much as we should because the person who sent us to the page gets a 50% commission. What an inspiration!

Then there are lots of mistakes in English, such as commas in the wrong place and "a step-by-step manor," which would be a big house that lacks elevators.

Compare that to Copywriter - Bob Bly - Copywriting Services. Is there any reason to think that Bob Bly might be able to help me succeed at business more than some girl from Denmark? Is there anything there that might meet the conversation already in my mind about how to expand my business? Any reason that this English lady Patricia Fripp, Professional Speaker, Speech Coach could help me be a better public speaker? Any reason that this guy Marketing Secrets - John's Bio might be able to teach me about online advertising?

If I want to boost my self-esteem, why wouldn't I go here Nightingale Conant: World Leader in Success, Personal Development and Motivation. or here The Napoleon Hill Foundation or here TonyRobbins.com - Life On Your Terms | AnthonyRobbins.com or here Nathaniel Branden: News and Events rather than order from some "girl from Denmark?"

Any reason to think that your audience might be smart enough to realize that "self-proclaiming" does not actually make someone a guru?

If every review of your sales letter from one of the Internet's most respected and most popular online marketing hangouts is negative... is that because we're all big bad meanies who won't give a nice Danish girl a chance? Or is because we'd really rather not see someone go out on the runway with a square-wheeled tricycle to compete with the 747's of the business?

Chris

P.S. I'm not at all claiming to be one of the 747's of the business. Only to be good enough at airplane identification to recognize something about your vehicle: it isn't the kind of thing that gurus really use to reach their adoring crowds of fans.

I am not trying to be cruel here – I am trying to make you think, so please allow yourself time to calm down and reflect before posting a scathing response. I am not expecting you to agree with everything I am saying, but bear in mind that I took the time to analyse your work, think about it and try to help you. I did not take the additional time to polish and soften my remarks

The header image
Those shadowy figures and the fencing put me in mind of a prison and its inmates. They don’t bring to mind “Gurus”. Then the man in the suit is – well – a man, Marlene is a girl. So what is he doing on her header? As for the subhead – are all the Gurus in prison then? Why are people who want attention and raving fans hiding behind a tall wooden fence? And why would I want to join them?

Climbing the fence is out of place here. It may be a great idea, but until it is explained it is meaningless. If it is meaningless it has no place in your header.

First line - Listen To What This Girl From Denmark Has To Say!
Who is this girl from Denmark, and why would I care about what she has to say? What is so special about Denmark – and how is it relevant to becoming an instant Guru? What is in it for me? What is the benefit to me?

Header
AT best this heading is generic – a bit like saying “buy this toothpaste – it will clean your teeth”, you are not offering anything special in this heading. There needs to be a good reason to read the rest of the letter – and it is not here.

• “self proclaimed Guru” – why self proclaimed? I don’t want to hear about a self proclaimed guru – I want to hear from a real one!.
• “get attention on the web” a meaningless phrase, how will it benefit me? What do you mean by attention? Who from?
• “raving fans” – what like maniacs? Will they camp out on my doorstep? Will I need a bodyguard? What are raving fans and how will they benefit me?
• “loads of money” How much is loads? And When will it arrive in my bank?

Sub headers
The only benefit I am seeing here is that it will only take a couple of months – the other things are features and I am not sure why they will benefit me. In addition it is quite confusing, are you aiming at know nothing newbies or people who have done a bit of research and identified the skills they need?

• “It Is All About Being The Guru”, you can’t have it both ways either “guru” is just a buzz word or it is important. If it is just a buzz word then why is it central to your product? If it is important then why is it important? What is the benefit of being a guru?,
• “Having A Huge List” a huge list of what? Why is it important? What is the benefit? Why should I care?
• “Making Your Fans Crazy About you!” Why is it important? What is the benefit? Am I trying to become a guru or a pop star?

A Few remarks about the headings
When a reader lands on your page you need to make an immediate impression, make them want to read more – give them a good reason to read more. The immediate pop-up will turn a lot of people off straight away, then the headline just doesn’t draw them in – so they will simply close that window and move on.

From: the other side of the fence
What fence? Are you trying to change my mind about something? You haven’t explained about the fence yet – so we don’t understand what is on the other side of it.

You then start to identify the wants and desires of your prospect – but very briefly, you don’t paint a picture of what they want – and what your product will help them achieve.

You then ramble a bit about what mistakes they have made and why they won’t succeed. You don’t develop or explain any of this, and I have no idea where you are going.

Now why is that
I can see what you are trying to do here – tell us about your research and why you created this product. But again this isn’t developed. Tell us about your research, who you researched, how you researched, the notebooks you filled, the conversations you had, the months you spent investigating

The answers I found were shocking
So you’ve told us about the piles of research you did – now impress us with your answers! What didn’t these gurus need? What didn’t they have in common? What did they need? What did they have in common? Show us some of your results – make this research real, share the insights you gained.

The good news is
This is where you should be telling us what your system will do for us. But you don’t this explanation is missing.
The “Imagine sitting” paragraph does not belong here – it should be used much earlier and developed a lot more.

The instant guru system
This is where you are telling us how you are going to teach us – whatever it is you are going to teach us. But again you don’t. There are generic descriptions of modules that could be just about anything. And in large important type.

What is actually in these modules?, how and why will it benefit me? And why is there a testimonial inserted randomly there?

I was scared to death
There are a couple of nuggets here – but they don’t belong here! This is a rambling mish mash of bits that belong elsewhere, that still don’t tell me much of anything.

What about the price
I’m not interested in what clickbank does. You copy is supposed to let me get to know you – and you should have supplied proof of the quality and passion you put into your work. Why should I take your advice that it is a steal – I don’t know you.

Yes Marlene
Your offer still doesn’t tell me what your product actually is, or does, or how it will help me or why I would want it. In addition it is hardly an offer! I don’t even know what I am getting.

P.S.
What is the point of these PS points? They don’t tell me anything and they don’t convey any urgency.

My remarks about the body copy
There is no structure and no flow to this copy. There are a number of important questions to answer such as:
• What will this product do for me?
• How will it do it?
• Why are you qualified to write this?
• How can I believe you?
• What actually is this product?
• How quickly will it work?
• How much money can I make?

I’m sorry to tell you, but this sales page is not salvageable, it doesn’t tell me anything of substance. I can’t even recommend any improvements, you need a real copywriter to start from scratch.

I can recommend these three:

View Profile: Paul Hancox
View Profile: Paul McQuillan
View Profile: Ross Bowring

I figured I would throw my 2 cents in since I am soooo a newbie. Not just yesterday but still less than 2 years and from what I saw opening the site, I was not convinced either and I had a feeling of "here goes yet another sales pitch" I didn't feel compelled to proceed. Also, the drop email box was a little annoying.

Maryleena these guys are right spot on, you should listen to them
your headline isn't compelling to read, if you haven't caught my attention with your headline, I'm gone
make your headline more specific, what does loads of money mean ? $100, $1,324 ?
self proclaimed guru that gets attention ? what does it mean specificly ? it can mean anything from attention whore to some self proclaimed enlightend guy that scams people out of their money by telling them he will speak with God for them

you see, you keep saying "but it's for newbies" but you don't even consider the fact that "newbies" might not understand or worse MISINTERPRET what you mean there
since "newbies" are newbies they don't know what you mean with the "guru" thing

so you're problem isn't that it's written for newbies, it's probably the opposite
but you asked for criticism here, yet you can't seem to accept most of it...
these people know what they're talking about...
if you just want to not change anything and everyone say "yeah it's great" you should'v just asked for that...

First, my opinion. It SUCKS. I couldn't make it past the headline and I really, really tried.

That being said. It is just my OPINION and you won't know anything until you take it out there and give it a try.

So my "critique" is to LEAVE IT ALONE.

You have things lined up for your launch, you are following the guru "launch" advice by having other people promote your product.

You have put a lot of time and effort into this project.

NOW, go to it. OH, before you do, make sure you copy and paste all this advice into a document you can refer to in a few months, because you're going to need it. Again, MY opinion. Please prove me (us?) wrong and use what you have and at the very least you will have a baseline to which you can do some comparisons and testing with.

After (or IF) you make some sales, after you get this product into people's hands, then you will have CUSTOMER feedback, and not just experienced "opinion", and you will then be able to decide if you have to go back to Square One and start over, or you may be able to tweak, or salvage some of it, or leave it alone and come back here and rub our noses in your success.

Honestly, I wish you much luck, my opinion is you are going to need it. Do you have a Plan B, or an alternative test? Can you offer your product in increments at a membership site?

But for now, JUST DO IT, and see what happens. OK?

OR, do some split testing with some of the many excellent suggestions you've rec'd here...there are some good "testing" experts here who may be able to direct you.

gjabiz

PS. It SUCKS isn't exactly "constructive" criticism, unless you hear it from the members in your band...those people who's experience you may trust or accept and understand what you are trying to do.

I think it's 'OK' in a sense that you may get a few sales, yet the click rate of actual buyers will be low.......

Hi Maryleena,

Couple of points:

1. The term "Instant Guru System" is attractive, but may not be believable to some.

Why? You are promising that someone can become a guru instantly. For any marketers
worth their salt - even at newbie level - a lot of them will know that this takes time and
effort.

While your program may accelerate their progress, to say that you will instantly
become a guru is hardly credible.

Furthermore, you show no proof of how this is possible. Your copy lacks the details
as well as the specific benefits that the prospect will look for.

Without proof...and without details....it's very hard to convince.


2. You wrote that you are a "self-proclaimed guru"? Please don't.

You want others to be tooting your horn. It's infinitely much more
credible for others to praise you than you praising yourself.

Since you are teaching others on how to be a guru, you can't possibly be
a self proclaimed one right? Others need to give you that status.


3. You want to relate to your readers. That's a good thing. You can say
that you were once like them. An ordinary folk. But you have became a
guru because you did these and these (insert proof, testimonial etc).

And it's possible for ordinary folks to enjoy the same success as you.
For the underdog which you once were - to triumph.

Jag

You guys are the best!

All this good advice... I took a good long walk in the weekend and realised that, I AM SO TOTAL FAR OFF.... I have been working really hard, got trap in my own mind... (does having sick kids count too?)

I need a different approach here....

One of my problems with the product is... Im trying to do 2 things: Provide all the basic knowledge to marketing and try to change the "students" mindset, so they take action and aim to (not just make a quick buck), get a seroius marketers mindset...

I hope it is doable, but maybe I need to split it into two seperate products?

Oh, well back to the drawing board....

Please forgive me if I have come out as stubborn... (the good side to this it has brought me this far... hop it will get me trough this step too)

Hi Maryleena,

I think the system you already have - is very possible to sell - as long as it is presented properly.

The graphics need to change, and the sales copy!

But, the product and the product name are good to go - with the right copywriter.

Don't give up hope!

I'm a relatively new to internet marketing and also on my way to becoming a professional copywriter, so I'll give you my few perspectives...


Also just to let you know this is my first post so take it as a grain of salt.

- The optin for free material: Good job. Increase your conversions. That said the coding is a bit off because it didn't open that well on my page. Ddin't make me want to get it. You need to give me very specific value and reason to sign my name to the point of ridiculous. What's something a newbie would kill for to learn for free? That's waht you need to offer. also a 5 day free course gets someone used to receiving emails. Make sure it's killer content though or you lose them.

- The "girl from Denmark" I didn't even notice it. I actually had to hunt for it. The top sentence needs to be a sort of pre heat to the "MASSIVE HEALDINE"(and mayeba catching colour that doesn't take away from the headline", almost like a whisper that goes "psst...you are in for the greatest news ever" Do a little browsing. You see some great examples of this on all sorts of copy.

- The relating thing is right on, but that can't be done in a sentence. That's like saying "hey I'm a guy from Canada" and expecting you to listen...but if I told you about the crazy story about how I got into internet marketing and how overwhelmed i felt and felt lost and was about to give up when suddenly it all came together...

Well now you've got a connection. You connected to my emotional experience, have me hoooked and believing that you might know more than me because you said what going on in my head. Now you've got to convince me why I should buy your product...

Some of that material is actually later in your copy. Bring that to the start after introducing yourself. make yourself seem like you are reluctant to share the information.

Also, If you really want to get good at copy, look at each sentence and ask, does this make me want to read on? What's my emotional response when I read this sentence? That's the key.

You might want to add more mid level sudden headlines like "The answers I found were shocking!" and so forth. Most people barely read the full copy. It's those and the bullet points that get people's real attention.

Next

Tell me: what makes you better than everyone else out there? What makes you unique and better than everyone else? This is important or I'm not going to care. You need to be different and in an unexpected way or you've lost me (purple cow -Seth Godin)


You need to create "benefit" bullet points and LOTS (make a list of like 30 min) of them.

Basically you state a benefit without revealing what it is that you will teach them...makes them want to buy your product to learn more. This is key. I should be able to read the headline and still have no clue as to what;s even remotely in the course.

IE.
-4 step by step videos

versus

- Discover the 4 fastest ways to create enormous amounts of traffic that the gurus never tell you

You are telling me how many pages there are but not what I'm going to get in the pages. (pg 6) ...this makes it more believeable and shows that you know your material.

Again look at some basic copy from other sites. You'll notice some don't even mention the amount of materials you get until the very end and after hitting you with endless bulllets on "what you are going to get/learn"


ps - this is free advice and one day will start charging once I get a better reputation but I'm new so you get to have ubber craapy advice from the uinseasoned: one of the tricks to motivate is to play the "Us versus them...us versus "the man" game. Works like a charm. Put more of that in your writing.
There's a lot more I could add but that's all I can give you now unless I start charging you my paypal is account is....

jjks

My point is to help. Frankly though you really need to revise a lot of stuff. That said, for first time copy, this is actually really good! You have no idea how bad some people are and think they wirte good copy(Including me and you did a terrific job of making your site look half decent.

Your price point honestly is a little high ubt that's my opinion. Unless you make that Sales copy sizzle in which case you could even raise the price



Little more.

the end is no good.

Looks like begging.

PS - You need to use your post script (ps) like last minute bullet points or extra calls to action using things like urgency..

Ie "This price is going to go up once i have a certain number purchases" Why? Because after I get enough purchases clickbank will allow me to raise the prices( or whatever your reason may be), which after all of the hours and hours of tireless research make this kquite frankly the...

well I could go on...

Notice other copy. the post scripts are paragraph of halting reluctance to close the page and leave...

Needs to make me nervous.

You need to look at your copy in four parts.

1. Grab me!
2. Convince me to listen to you and only you.
3. Make me go crazy for it!
4. Make me want to buy it now...pretend that someone is just about to hit that Buy Now button.

This will help you keep organized.

If you pull off these 4 things well guess what , you've got a buyer.

Think of some products you bought online and find there sales page. Swipe it and analyze each part and ask which phase in the copy is this and why? Notice the words, the story, the pictures and testimonials...

You need more testimonials. You are talking about killing gurus and well no one is supporting you? How can you teach me or prove to me what you know is true?

Picture of pay cheque? Looks again at otehr sites. What does it for you?

You need to learn about psychology of influence. Cialidini or Kevin Hogan has some good material on the subject and well...

Scarcity, reciprocity, Authority, Liking, Social Proof, Commitment and consistency...how did you copy do? Did you hit all of these areas?

Anyways, I hope that helps. Keep it up. And remember don't waste too much time on the copy. There's othermore important material to focus on. If you can afford it, hire a good copywriter...or a upstart with talent

It will make all of the difference. It will save you a lot of energy and get you great results fast typically. It's costly though. There are lots of copywriter's here on WF that can help though. Hopefully one day I will be one of more successful copywriter's on this forum in the near future.

If anyone disagrees with my advice, please feel free to leave comments. i'm here to learn to. I just love some of the expert advice you guys offer here. Barely been a member but I'm loving it so far.

I hope you enjoyed this rendition of how to write copy by a newbie 101.



pps - You know a really good trick for having trouble typing out a sales letter? Dragon Speaking Naturally or a recording device and say it out loud. Works great when stuck. Or read other eople's copy out loud. Magic! I swear by it!

Maryleena, I admire your willingness to think about different opinions. It can be a very hard thing to reconsider an opinion, when you've obviously worked very hard to create your product!

You have my sympathy about the sick kids. No kids here, but it seems that everyone in town has come down with the flu at once.

You're right that you need to clarify the purpose of the product. All four of these approaches have been successful for other people:
1. Mostly talk about motivation and attitude, with a few how-to-sell tips.
2. Mostly talk about the facts of business, with a little bit of a pep talk.
3. Just the steps needed for business, the customer is assumed to already be motivated and organized.
4. It's all about how to have a positive attitude, without any specific business information.

I imagine option 2 as your most successful one. For options 3 or 4 you are competing with well-known experts. For option 1 you might help your customers be happier, but wouldn't it be better if you could help them be both rich and happy?

Scientific Advertising is awesome.
Read this one too: Elmer Wheeler - America's Number One Salesman - Salesmanship Training - Table of Contents. It's a fun read and will totally inspire you with new ways to think about sales.

Have you actually made money in Internet sales? If not, I think you might do better to sell something else that is interesting and you already know all about it. After you have proven that you can make $x in y months with IM, you'll be better equipped to tell other people how to do it.

For example, I have visited Seattle so I could tell you about it from my personal experience - including a great little pizza place that is not mentioned in any travel guide, where I ate with a friend. I have never been to Denmark, so if I tried to sell a travel guide there I'd only copy what the other travel guides say.

Thank you, Thank you guys... it is getting really hard to pick a winner!

This great information will not go to waist... I have downloaded a copy to my computer and also the e-book: http://www.scientificadvertising.com...dvertising.pdf

I will start reading it tonight!

I hope this tread won't get lost; there is a lot to learn from it!
To me it has been a huge eye opener! - Maybe others can use it as well?

Love
Marlene

Ps... Pride is not so hard to swallow as defeat! (Hope I learnt that in time)

Marleena,

You might test it as is, I actually like the climbing the fence idea.
Also a picture of yourself or a similar figure who is struggling to make it
to the top instead of just text might be helpful.
Like you said some reviewers do not seem to understand that
this is meant for struggling newbies.
Best of luck to you.

Yes. I don't know Collete, but she has the respect of some folks I respect. Sounds like a plan there if you can afford her. Regardless I would think about putting out some free content so that I can see you prove some of the 'guru' in you.

I think even though we might not have heard of you, you could jump up there with some kick butt content on a squeeze page or dripped out over a couple of days. That might make some newbies take note.

The guy that does Formula Five for Stomper talked about a lot of the things that I learned in my first year of MBA courses at Syracuse. But he presented them in a compelling way and they were clearly things that most people had not heard of. He didn't need any tricks because he established himself with his audience long before they ever saw a sales letter. Of course, it does not hurt that you have a Stomper introducing you to the World. You have some top marketers promoting you so you will have some credibility there.

If you have a top marketer who is going to promote you, I think that you need to make them look good with a pre-launch video series that tells the newbie something new and interesting that maybe they might not hear elsewhere. Or maybe you are a gifted presenter that hits my ear just right.

I love the idea to get to Collete, but if you are not already a guru, some good absolutely killer content will get you far. Then, I think somebody mentioned (even if you screw up the header, sub head,yada-yada) show me or tell me what you did when you use this system.

There are lots of newbies on the board, and if you pick five of them and let them use the product and see their results and have them report out in audio and video, that would be hot. Then, you can cut down on the slick-ness factor.

At the last StomperNet Conference, Dr. Lisa Ling talked about making a mafia offer to people. Giving them the offer that they cannot refuse by creating such incredible value to them in the product itself (and the accompanying service) that they will just want to have your stuff. But that takes at least a little time for you to build that credibility but not forever. This means, according to Lisa Ling, that you might have to change your delivery and your product, but you will have something that is truly valuable out there. Dr. Ling has lots of free stuff:

http://www.scienceofbusiness.com/eve...boot-camp.aspx

My mentor says that what you are offering should be about at 10X the value of what they are paying. I think that is a good way to think about your product. Again, it greatly reduces your need to be slick.

If you are striking the nerve for newbies, you have verified it in some beta testing, gotten some testimonials and have an unbelievable offer (Mafia Offer), then I would feel good about getting somebody who responded to you in this thread that you can establish some rapport with to write your copy. You may have to strike the balance between what you can afford and what is top notch. But you could get top notch by doing some barter (create some killer content in the copywriter's niche for them to use in exchange for some price offset).

Let me re-calibrate my point.

I would also watch the Core Influence DVD that Frank Kern does. Some will say it is touchy feely phycho-babble and they didn't need it to sell anything. Some say it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I personally liked it and it helped me because could be myself and sell. I don't come off well a slick. I don't think you come off well as slick, either. You appear and sound to me to be pensive and thoughtful. So I would use other methods to connect with people who would love to learn from you.

All of the stuff that Jeff Walker talks about in his free videos implies that you need a mailing list (which hopefully you are building any way), but is extremely powerful in establishing a juggernaut in people's brains before any body even gets to your sales page. I would find his free stuff and watch it. It is very good and may give you some connection ideas.

http://productlaunchformula.com/blog/

http://productlaunchformula.com/

If you are not good in video, start a blog talk radio show so that we can get to know you and like you. I am auditory, and can hear in your voice, if you are somebody I trust. There are others like me. You might reach a whole other segment if you talk to me through the ears. If I clicked an audio link and heard your stuff, your sales page could look like toilet paper and I would still buy from you. I would be thinking, "who the heck is this girl from Denmark...I haven't heard that?"

CT

I am sorry guys I made a mistake in my last post.... It was very early for me in the morning and I think I am comming down with the flu :-(

Anyway, what I ment to say was the winner is still Nicola Lane and it is also her that I am going to work with.... Sorry for this misunderstanding...

And Collette, sorry if you got confused, it seems you would have been a great choise as a copywriter too... I'll keep that in mind! (there might be a next time, hopefully)

Love
Marlene

PS. The time says only 8pm but my bed i calling my name really loud so I have to go.... sleep tight everyone!

Here's some more stiff competition probably with a wicked sales video:
Rich Schefren's Instant Expert